Skyfall

Chapter Forty-Three

"You've been very quiet lately." Rebecca noted as they got ready for bed that night. She reached behind her and pulled the zipper down.

"Just been thinking." He said, focusing on taking his pants off instead of looking at her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked softly.

"Nope." He shook his head.

She thought back to a couple of months ago when they had their routine of helping each other out of their clothes at the end of a long day. It was something so intimate and such a small thing but she loved that routine. Now she felt like there was a large chasm forming between them.

She wasn't sure exactly when it started. She just knew it started while they were separated. It was just small things that happened occasionally and made her think that she was drifting away from him very slowly. Their routines were shattered and she found it hard to make new ones. Even though she came up here every weekend and they talked all the time, the level of intimacy they shared was decreased. If she wanted to be honest, she felt him pulling away a little at a time. It was clear to see the differences. Simply comparing the aftermath of Katie's death to Marcus' death was a night and day difference.

He wasn't talking to her. He wasn't checking in with her to see how she was doing. Obviously she didn't expect the focus of all of his attention to be on her. She wasn't that selfish. But he was almost completely ignoring her and retreating into himself. She tried but it was hard to reach him for any talk that was more than small talk. He refused to talk about his own pain with her and that hurt because she thought he knew he could tell her anything. She could even look past that if he was at least talking to anyone about it, but he was just shutting himself off from everyone.

It made her worry about what was going on inside that brain of his and she wasn't sure what to do anymore. His way of coping with Marcus' death wasn't healthy.

"Harvey…" She had been letting him have some space the past few days but he was going to have to talk to her at some point. "Keeping everything bottled up inside isn't healthy and it isn't going to help things."

"I know." He nodded.

"Then why are you keeping me in the dark about your feelings?"

"I didn't realize you were the feelings police." He scoffed.

"I'm not." She sighed. "But you aren't talking to anyone about this. If you don't want to talk to me then at least talk to someone else…maybe your mom?"

"No. I'm not talking to her about this." He immediately responded. "And I really don't need you telling me what I should be doing."

"Are you angry with me because I left the memorial service for a little bit?" It seemed like he shut down even more after that and she wondered if it was because he was mad. She couldn't tell from his demeanor because all day today his voice had been monotone and he had been very reserved, until now.

"Now why would I be mad that my own wife left me right in the middle of my brother's memorial service?" He scoffed.

The tone of his voice let her know that he was upset. She had already changed into her pajamas and sat on the edge of the bed. "So you are mad."

"You're Goddamn right I am. Wouldn't you be mad if the situation was reversed?" He asked.

"It's a distinct possibility." She admitted. "But I would hope that I would let you explain why you left before getting angry."

"Fine." He sighed, sitting on the opposite side of the bed. "Tell me. Why did you leave? What was so much more important than staying and supporting me and my family during my younger brother's memorial service? I'd really like to know the answer to that because I needed you and you left."

"You know, I've been working my butt off trying to support you and the rest of the family so don't try to tell me that I somehow dropped the ball today." She pointed out nicely. It didn't escape her that he called them his family, but she chose not to call attention to that fact.

"You still left the memorial." He pointed out.

"Ok. Yes, I did. I left for a short time because I needed some fresh air. I realize that sounds incredibly selfish and I hated leaving you for even a moment. But I had a good reason."

"What kind of good reason is there for leaving the memorial service?" He yelled.

"I don't know if you remember, but I was trying to tell you something the other night before your mom came in."

"Yeah. I remember that." He nodded.

"Well what I was just about to tell you then, was that I'm pregnant." She moved to look at his face for any type of reaction. But his face didn't give anything away. It was like he had been turned into a stone figure. She wasn't sure what to think about his non-reaction, but she was pretty sure that wasn't a good sign.

"So I left memorial service because I felt some morning sickness coming on and I didn't really want to throw up all over everyone." She thought maybe if she explained more he would say something.

He just kept staring straight ahead. For a moment she wondered if she had broken him.

After a few more minutes, she was getting impatient. "Harvey…are you going to say anything?"

"What do you want me to say?" He asked softly.

"Well…I know what I want you to say, but at this point I would settle for you saying anything." She sighed.

"I am not sure what to say." He admitted.

She went over and sat next to him on the bed, covering his hand with hers. "Look, I realize that this is unexpected. It caught me off-guard too. I wasn't expecting it at all. And I know the timing is horrible…"

"You're goddamn right the timing is horrible!" He yelled, standing up and facing her. "What were you thinking? Are you insane? We have enough on our plate right now without adding a baby into the mix."

"I realize that and I agree to a certain extent but the fact remains that we are having a baby." She pointed out, not liking the fact that he was cursing about this. That was never a good sign.

"I thought we decided not to have kids yet." He sighed. "I thought that we decided to wait a few more months before even trying."

"We did." She explained as she stood up. "But birth control is not always 100% effective."

"Obviously." He sighed. "Did you plan this?"

She scoffed. "No Harvey…I didn't plan this. I was just as shocked as you are when I found out."

"And when did you find out?" He questioned.

"Almost a week ago."

"And you didn't tell me immediately?"

"No." She shook her head. "Because I wanted to tell you in person. I didn't think this was the kind of thing I should spring on you in a text or phone call."

"And you are happy about this?" He pointed out.

"Yeah." She nodded. "And I'm not going to apologize for being happy about carrying your child. I will apologize for it being an inconvenient time for you and having to tell you like this, in the middle of everything that is going on…But I'm not sorry about this baby existing."

"I guess you're finally getting everything you have ever wanted." He sighed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She knew he wasn't going to be in the right frame of mind to be thrilled and super happy about this pregnancy. But she never thought that he would be this hostile towards her.

"This whole situation is working out pretty well for you. You get an instant family with Ethan and Olivia. You get to have the older boy and younger girl that you said you always wanted. And now you get a bonus baby with me." He explained.

She closed her eyes for a moment, trying not to lash out at him the way he was lashing out at her. She couldn't help it when a tear fell from her left eye. "You know, you've said some pretty harsh things to me over the years. But I think that is the most insulting thing you have ever said. I know you are hurting about Marcus and I know you are having trouble dealing with everything but that doesn't give you the right to lash out at me or treat me this way."

She looked at his face and saw that he did at least have the decency to look contrite about what he just said.

"I'm sorry if this baby is an inconvenience to you. I'm sorry if you are mad at me getting pregnant right now because I know that wasn't the plan. But look around, Harvey! None of the things that have happened lately have gone according to plan! We make plans and then they get fucked up and all we can do is deal with it. Still, I'm not going to let you stand there and try to make me feel like crap about it. This was supposed to be a happy moment. Normally when a wife tells her husband that she is pregnant there is celebrating or at least smiles. All you are doing is shitting all over what should be a happy moment sandwiched in between sadness. So if you aren't going to say something nice and be happy about this baby or at least pretend to be happy, then just leave me the hell alone tonight. Get out and go sleep on the couch."

She hated being so harsh to him, but she wasn't going to let him talk to her like that. As much as she understood he was dealing with a lot, it still didn't excuse his behavior and she had expected more from him.

"Fine." He sighed, turning around and leaving the room.

"Fine!" She yelled after him.

As soon as he was gone, she sat back on the bed and started to sob.