Tony watched Alex work away at a course assignment in the late afternoon sunshine sprawled on the living room floor. It was a mirror to the past for the actor, when his Jon had moved in with him in 1987, he had sat for hours working diligently on his own undergraduate work. Alex, was so like Jon in so many ways, it was as if he hadn't lost his love completely. Even though Alex was adopted, he had bonded into their family unit so easily. The young man had also accepted Gerard as well as his step father without the usual histrionics expected. One thing Tony had not expected to ever find love again. Jon had been a bolt from the blue, like none of his previous flings, like Cupid's arrow through his heart. They had met at an anti-apartheid rally outside the South African embassy. It had been Jon that had kissed him for the first time after a curry. That was Jon all over, yes or no, once he made up his mind he went with things one hundred per cent. The then maths student had confessed he had never been comfortable dating girls, it took falling head over heels for Tony to realize he was gay. His relationship with Gerard had progressed from friendship, to dates and then the realisation of love. The actor often worried about Alex's string of boyfriends had been his way to hold onto Jon, by being just like him. He seemed happier since realising he was bisexual and that dating girls was OK. Tony then wondered on the future, Alex dating, getting serious and starting his own family. Would there be grandchildren? That was a long way off, Alex was only nineteen, he had three years left at Cambridge. His dates so far were as friends rather than passionate flings. He could not help but worry that Alex's hard life had made a leap of faith like love that much harder for a boy who had been hurt and used so badly.

"What's wrong Papa?" Alex asked seeing the pensive look on Tony's face.

"You remind me of Jon so much sometimes. I miss him." Tony took a deep breath. "I talk to Gerard about Jon. You can still talk about your dad to Gerard too. Its not a taboo subject. I talk to Gerard about Michael and Randolph, his past loves. We are both over fifty, we are both comfortable with our pasts. That's part of a relationship blending what has been with what is now to make your future work. Gerard is not jealous. He knows it just is. Like him accepting you. A fact he has never factored in is a partner with a family."

"He's doing OK considering I was such a nightmare last year."

"You were hurt. Everything worked out for the best. I'm just thankful that George found you." Tony smiled "I and Gerard have done stupid things in my time. Its a learning experience. You are aware that there are other avenues. No matter how bad things are, you have friends, that you can talk things through rather than just make rash decisions."

"I... I said I'd never apologize for trying to kill myself. I was not well and I was very good at hiding that fact. I know how to recognize the danger signs. I have a great support network back home. To tell you the truth, Paul has been a great friend and I still see Sylvia a lot. Even Dylan keeps an eye on me." Alex did not tell his papa about talking to Derek Smithers or keeping in touch with his fellow interns at Q Branch.

"I invited Sylvia to the wedding, I don't know if she'll come." It still upset Tony that his own brother had dismissed Alex's achievements and problems as inconsequential. Then again Peter was going through another divorce, and his daughters had sided with Magda, their step mother. His soon to be ex-sister in law had wanted a family of her own. She would have one, just not with Peter. It was something he could relate to, Alex had stated another sibling would be wonderful but Tony was to old for that now, being allowed to adopt Alex had been a wonderful blessing. Not everyone agreed with the open fostering and adoption policy of the more forward thinking councils in London. Tony had dealt with hate-filled prejudice himself. Getting married to Gerard would most likely open another can of worms, it was OK to be gay and and actor, but most remained firmly in the closet. Tony tended never to bring up his private life, but he also never lied or hid the fact he was openly homosexual. How things had changed since he was a young man marching for gay rights in the seventies.

Alex sat up and moved to put on his prosthetics. "Can we go out for a walk? I want to go to the point and look at the yachts."

"Sure, it looks like a lovely evening."

...

"Where are we going again?" Gerard asked as the taxi wound its way north on the mystery tour.

"Macquarrie Park Cemetery. My godfather is buried there."

The two passengers remained silent until they stooped in the large cemetery, exactly where Alex instructed the taxi to go. The lawns were neat and expertly cut, the memorial stones in in neat rows. Alex had not brought any flowers. He was not going to pay his respects. He actually felt like exhuming the bastard and dumping his corpse in the sea to become fish food.

Alex had rung Marc Damon again to ask where Anthony Howell was buried. The cemetery parkland was vast, and Alex told the taxi to wait at the end of the row. They would not be long. Like Ian's grave in London, there were no floral tributes. Alex wondered if he was the first to come and visit Anthony Howell's final resting place. The plaque was plain with only name, birth and death dates inscribed.

Alex had brought Gerard to stop any indiscretion on his part. "My birth parents died when I was three months old. I was meant to have been brought up by Ash, my godfather. At that time Ian, my uncle, had fallen out with his older brother, my father. I don't think my mother had any family. To tell you the truth I've never looked into it. So Ash bailed and Ian brought me up, well neglected and abused me. Ash was a bastard even when he bothered to visit, he didn't talk to me. Tried to seduce Jack though. Jack was the housekeeper. I haven't seen her since my accident, even though she practically brought me up." Alex stood silent for a moment. "You had a happy childhood. I didn't. I wasn't a child by any means when Tony adopted me. I was a fucked up head case. I still am. I'm glad you and Tony are good together. He told me to talk about Jon with you, but my real family are a bunch of tossers and the apple does not fall far from the tree. My dad, sorry birth father, was a serial adulterer. He had two lovers I know about and I wonder if he and Ash were more than friends for the guy to have been such a cunt to me." Alex bit his tongue not wanting to talk about death and betrayal as it was all John Rider's fault for sleeping with Julia Rothman in the first place. "Well, Jon Smith was Catholic, I went to mass with him occasionally. I still go with Aunty Sylvia. I'm not religious though, I go for her not me. I think its an end when you die. Heaven, hell, purgatory... its just a way to get you to live a good life here. So, you and papa are going to live happily ever after. Just don't expect me to."

"How am I meant to respond to that, Alex."

"I'm just telling you, not to expect anything except heart ache from me. Thats the low down. I try not to do anything to hurt Papa, but sometimes shit happens. Like Yassen, if he turns up, I will always give him the time of day. Thats just how I am. Yassen was my birth father's best friend. He's the link to my past and yes... he and John Rider were lovers."

Gerard tried to process this, but Alex continued "I told Jon a lot of stuff I didn't tell Tony. About Ian... and the stuff I did for MI6 and about Alexei."

"Alexei?"

"The guy who looked after me in Cuba. He was Russian. He was the first real father figure in my life." Alex smiled remembering the man who told him stories of heroic deeds from the Great Patriotic War and stories about Vladimir, his son.

"I will aways listen, Alex. Do you leave things out to protect Tony?"

"No, I don't want Tony to know that I'm not his perfect boy. I'm not a good person, I've wrought death and destruction. Jon knew the operational details and the stuff I got arrested for. Horror stories... most of which I really don't like thinking about. All in the past, better forgotten."

...

Gerard brushed his teeth and went into his bedroom, where Tony was already resting and reading a biography of Rudolf Nureyev.

"I went with Alex to visit his Godfather's grave this afternoon. I think Alex was using the visit to sound me out. Give me the low down on his relationship with Jon, his dad. I'm interpreting what he told me as the fact he was closer to Jon and our relationship is different, but that he's OK with that, as I'm not Jon."

"Sounds like Alex was being his cryptic best. He seems down though. Do you think I should ask him to transfer to USC or UCLA to be a bit closer to us?"

"No, Tony. He's making his own way, let him make his own mistakes. I get the impression his relationship with Paul Roscoe will keep him on the straight and narrow. Those two young men are going places, I think they do some serious brainstorming together." Gerard got in the bed. "I'm so glad you gave me that ultimatium two years ago?"

"The accept my son or forget it?"

"Thats the one, I also understand your feelings about his uncle, his old housekeeper and that assassin. He also talked about his birth father. I think Alex lives in fear of being like Ian or John Rider." The canadian businessman moved to hold his lover's hand "Luckily Alex has such a great Papa, you have made such a difference to him. Your love shows through in the fact Alex worships the ground you walk on."