Bella's POV

I was a mess… I so badly wanted to feel normal but there were so many reminders… so many memories that at some points I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to not necessarily forget, but to move on like I desperately wanted to. My life had been spent in a small room… taking care of myself and my daughter… nearly going crazy at times, and other times wishing I were dead. It had destroyed the person inside of me, and even though I could see parts of myself slowly returning… it wasn't enough. I didn't know if it ever would be… there was too much damage. And yet sometimes that bunker felt safer than the outside world.

Seeing that café had shocked me. I wasn't sure if Edward simply didn't think about driving past the former ballet studio, where one of my kidnappers had earned my trust before taking me from my family, friends, and life… or if he just assumed I wouldn't remember it, the building completely different now – a café in place of the former school of dance. But it wasn't just seeing the café… it was my own reaction. I had to see inside. The memories were assaulting me the moment he stopped the vehicle, but as I left the warmth and safety of Carlisle's car and it's heavily tinted windows… I also felt naked.

I knew my behaviour was erratic and I knew that the few patrons that were inside the café had looked at me curiously, all of them with recognition in their eyes. I didn't blame them. By the time that we returned to the car, I was a mess. But Edward was as patient as ever as I began my series of questions… as I let off some steam and yelled, cursed, and even cried.

He couldn't provide me with answers. I knew that and I couldn't blame him… I didn't need answers, I just needed the safety to ask the questions and to get the words outside of my own head. And Edward was that safety for me.

We were out for much longer than I expected. I had taken Edward off-guard with my statements… but once I had unleashed some of my thoughts and emotions, and we had both talked and calmed down a little bit, we headed back towards the highway, where Edward pulled into a little diner. This diner was brand new, maybe a year or two old… where it sat, previously occupied by cows and grass. There were no memories to assault me. No harsh words, or unanswered questions… and when he asked if I'd like to try and go in and have a coffee with him, I nodded my head.

Thankfully it was quiet. And although any interaction with the waitress was tense and difficult for me (I avoided all eye contact, and Edward was gracious enough to place our order himself), I actually felt okay. It was nice to be out of Charlie's house… it was nice to do something… normal. Suddenly those pieces that I had previously noticed coming back to my personality, seemed bigger… more obvious. I was still in there somewhere.

Midway through our coffee and slice of pie, Edward pulled out his phone to call Charlie. We had been out for quite a while, and he thought it was a good idea to let him know that we were alright. I agreed with him and when he passed the phone over to me, I talked to Nessie for a minute, assuring her that I was okay and that we would return home soon. She seemed to be in a much better mood, although I could hear the longing in her voice as she asked when I would take her out. I assured her it would be soon, and then I hung up and turned my attention back to Edward.

I had so many questions for him… we had talked about so much and yet I had never had the courage to ask him anything too personal.

I still didn't. But I did find that the longer that we sat and chatted, the more comfortable I became… both with him, and with our surroundings, my eyes still glancing around the room almost constantly to assess our company, but much more relaxed than when we had first sat down.

By the time that we left, I found myself reaching down to take a hold of Edward's hand again as we made our way out to the parking lot. His presence was comforting and I enjoyed the warmth of his large hand in mine. I had been telling him the honest truth when I had revealed that he was the only one that I trusted still.

With his sleeves rolled up though, and the afternoon sun glinting off of his skin, I couldn't help but to notice the scars that littered his arms… one of them longer and obviously deeper than the rest. I didn't ask him about it yet… but I knew that one day I would.

The next morning Nessie woke me up nice and early. It was drizzling rain outside and looked dark and foreboding, but my daughter was begging me to take her out somewhere anyways. Thankfully I knew that almost everyone was at work – Charlie and Edward both in at the station… an early morning accident out on the highway would occupy most of their day, and Esme was downtown at her office. I didn't trust anyone else enough yet to take us out and so Ness was left disappointed, while I secretly let the relief wash through me. I had enjoyed my day out with Edward, but felt I needed time before going out again.

So for the morning, I insisted that we do some reading together. Alice had brought in some workbooks for Nessie and we were all surprised to see that she could easily complete the majority of the grade four work, but I still insisted that she keep practicing anyways. I wanted to ensure that when she did eventually enroll in school, she wasn't behind academically.

Later that night after I had put Renesmee to bed, I took out the cell phone that I still hated using and brought up Esme's number. After chatting for a few minutes, I asked if she would mind taking us into the grocery store the following morning… explaining Nessie's need to get out and explore, and the old recipe cards that I had found in the kitchen. There were some meals that looked fairly simple for me to cook, I just needed the ingredients to do so. I thought that perhaps, this was a good step to take. After to Edward, Esme was the next person that I was working on trusting… I wanted to trust her; I just needed to keep pushing myself.

She readily agreed and I fell asleep that night more at peace than I ever remembered being. The nightmares would still wake me up, and I would still feel terrified about the possibility of ever being held captive again… but I also found that I needed to start letting people in and learning to gradually trust them. Not only that, but I was determined to start learning to trust myself… I knew that I could get out there… I knew that I could get through this… it would take time… but maybe, I would one day find some sort of healing.

Maybe if I kept pushing myself, one day I might be as ready to re-join the world as my daughter was.