Bella's POV

"The other night after Nessie went to bed, I stayed up with Charlie and we watched a movie… I can't remember what it was called… I wasn't really paying attention." I told him as he waited patiently across from me. He was calm, it was an amazing feeling to have someone relax around me and not seem worried all of the time about saying or doing the 'right' things.

"But there was this scene in the movie where the main character was standing in the middle of the street and it was like a time freeze for her… but as the camera spanned the area, everything else was moving so quickly. And that… that's what it feels like sometimes here." I tried to explain and he nodded. I could tell that he 'got' it. "It's been almost four months since we've been out of the bunker and everybody has kind of gotten back to what they were doing before… except for me. Even Ness… she's… she's amazingly ready to move on… but… but I'm… stuck…" I swallowed thickly. It was hard for me to admit that I wasn't doing as well as I was trying to. Everything still felt like a roller-coaster for me though, life spinning me around and I couldn't find my stop yet. I didn't quite know where I fit into all of this anymore.

It was quiet for a minute as he thought through my words and I appreciated that he was jumping into a placating phrase. He didn't tell me it would be okay. He didn't tell me that I would find my place.

"Thank you for sharing those thoughts with me Bella… for trusting me with that." He began and I sighed. Sitting here with him like this… just him and I… one on one, I didn't understand how I had taken so long to invite him back into my life. Of all of my friends, Jasper was probably the one person who could relate the most to what I had experienced.

"It's been close to two decades since the last time that I was abused." He said thoughtfully, his eyes darkening at the thought, but overall, his expression still remaining calm. "And while it's not often anymore, there is still the occasional trigger for me that sends me reeling again, back into a tailspin. When that happens, I have a place I like to go to calm down and sit quietly… somewhere that I find serene and where I don't have to see the world moving forward while I am still trying to hold on and steady myself. It's a place where I'm allowed to spin and let out the pain." He continued and I found myself crying softly again before he said something that I hadn't expected.

"Edward has his music. Every night when he drops you off or comes home after spending the day with you and Ness… he goes directly to the piano. He 'disappears' for a while and sorts out his thoughts and emotions… he steadies himself against his own tailspin." He nearly whispered as he told me this and I sat back, thinking about it. "Esme goes to the kitchen to bake cookies or muffins or cakes. Alice shops. Charlie completes and files paperwork. Emmett goes to the gym. And Rosalie breaks things so that she can spend time alone fixing them." I smiled. Picturing my family and friends doing what they needed to do to stay grounded. It made sense, and I was happy that Jasper was able to show me that.

Somehow just being able to relate to someone in some way, despite the differences in our experiences… I felt better. Not fixed or healed… but better able to manage. With Jasper's comforting words and his reminders I felt like I didn't have to stop the rollercoaster yet… I could take my time and work things out properly… but I could also try and live my life in the moment without worrying about not being steady yet.

Thankfully both Alice and Edward had understood why I had asked to talk to Jasper alone as well… both of them fully supporting the idea.

As person by person I began to open up and allow them to support me, I felt my circle growing and the fear that I lived in constantly beginning to dissipate. It was a strange feeling as I felt myself begin to grow… could see the daily changes and struggles that I worked through.

But some days were still downright hard.

Like the first day that Edward and I dropped Nessie off at school.

But just like every challenge that I faced now… I wasn't alone anymore.

"Are you sure you're ready Ness?" I asked again as we got out of Edward's car. He had taken the day off of work to spend it with me, knowing that it would be a difficult transition for me.

"I TOLD YOU I'M FINE!" She nearly yelled at me, her little voice angry as she huffed from in front of us. Edward squeezed my hand gently and I tried not to cry.

"I'm sorry Ness." I apologised, reaching down and grabbing her shoulder gently, stopping her from taking another step into the school. Turning her around I watched as she rolled her eyes at me. I wasn't sure where she had picked that habit up from, but it was something that neither myself, Edward, nor my dad was happy about.

"I'm ready Momma! I just want to go in!" She said, pulling her arm away from me and turning back towards the school. Her green and yellow jacket was brand new, and her green backpack was filled to the brim with everything that she could possibly need. My dad and Edward had even convinced me to let her have her own cell phone so that she could check in with me.

Trying not to cry, I simply started walking again, following her into the school. We had already been here on a class tour, and her teacher Ms. Weber had told us to come on in for her first day. She was going to take Nessie under her wing and watch her to ensure that she was okay and able to adjust alright. Honestly I wasn't overly worried about her academically… I was worried about her socially. She had never had contact with other kids her age and I knew that sometimes kids could be downright mean to each other.

Once I had spoken to Ms. Weber and Nessie was settled at the front of the class, the bell had rung and students began to file in. Waving one last time at my daughter, Edward held my hand and led me out of the school, driving us back to Charlie's… to my home.

For the morning… I was a mess.

Edward kept me busy though.

In the months since we had returned, Nessie and I had shared my old bedroom despite the fact that Charlie had a spare room that he used as an office (really he just stored junk in it). This had been our choice… both of us so used to being together all of the time, that neither of us had wanted our own rooms. Now that she was starting school though, I had a feeling it would only be a matter of time before she would be needing a little bit of space, and so Charlie had cleared out most of his things… moving what he needed between the shed and the cellar. And Edward was helping me to put together a new bed, desk, and dresser for Nessie… giving her, her own small room, whenever she was ready for it.

"Why don't you sit down…? Eat!" Edward watched me as I flitted around the kitchen later in the afternoon. The morning had been good putting together the room, but it really hadn't taken long, and now the distraction had worn off. I was nearly panicking at how long it had been since seeing her.

"I… I… Can't…" I couldn't look at him. I could feel the weight in my chest. Everything felt tight as I worried about my daughter.

He didn't say anything else for a few minutes, and I continued to tidy up, putting away the rest of the dishes from breakfast and lunch.

"Bells," He said again, trying to grab my attention and I turned, surprised to see his cell phone face up on the table with Ness's face taking up nearly the entire screen. In the background I could see the school yard and a bunch of kids.

I'm good Mom. Have fun with Edward.

Read the caption below the photo and I nearly collapsed on the chair across from him, the weight lifting.

"I know it's hard Bella…" Edward didn't try and soothe me or tell me to stop worrying. Instead he reached across the table and took a hold of my hand, squeezing it gently.

For a moment… I picture us. The three of us, a family. For the moment, that's what it felt like we were… just two parents worried about their child on her first day of school… perfectly normal.