Being a father was nothing like Alex expected. He was besotted with the living embodiment of his wife, as his daughter had a shock of fine dark hair and the blue eyes of a new born; small, delicate and perfect in every way. He was up at 2AM feeding Tia, as Antonia Harriet Fletcher-Smith had been nicknamed. At this late hour CC was not home, she had gone out to work and had not come home. His wife had not bonded with her daughter. In fact the dancer had made sure Alex took care of everything, from non-dairy formula, bottles, changing, appointments and had not cared when he employed a cleaner. He had tried to get CC to continue breast feeding after her discharge from hospital, but she was adamant with her decision to desist. He knew she went to her appointments for Post Partum Depression, however the concerns of the health visitor were ignored. His beloved CC was ignoring him as well. He was now in his final year of research. Term had begun today and he had lectures and seminars to give tomorrow and his baby girl was going into daycare. A lovely place and CC had no idea about the fact he was making arrangements for their child, planning a christening and she was none the wiser. He hated the fact he emailed her lists of things. No replies, no communication, he was failing and did not know how to fix this. Lisa had texted, that his wife had gone out to dinner with her and later called to say CC was drunk at her place and that she had confiscated the car keys. The friend was trying to mediate in this vacuum.
Alex would give his love all the space she needed. That had worked in the past, she had worked through her doubts and problems. It might take time but he was patient.
…..
The Earl of Derby Pub was the closest to the Smith family home. Alex had spoken to the Landlady and the Chef and they could cater for his strict dietary problems, he only had to drop of his own Yorkshire puddings made with soya milk for the full Sunday Roast. It had been quite comforting to hear that they cooked the roasties in goose fat and no butter graced the veg. He was meeting up with Harry Dixon. A man who was proud as punch to have his unofficial niece named after him. CC had thought it hilarious when Alex had come back from California partially bionic and having lost a poker game to the ex-SAS instructor, whose boon was Alex's first born. Harry had settled on a middle name and insisted he would always call Tia, little Harry. Alex thought this was extremely creepy but CC liked Harry and had thought it acceptable.
His wife was dressing their ten week old daughter for the walk in inclement October weather. CC insisted on gender neutral practicality today over the several choices of designer dresses with matching frilly socks and pants. Alex smiled at the small sleeping lump dressed as a tiger. The love of his life was looking stunning in a leather mini skirt, biker boots and distressed wool jumper.
"Hey, Lex. You have that look on your face. You have five minutes to fuck me senseless against this wall." At that CC threw a condom at her husband. "I've been wanking myself silly upstairs to no avail. Need a cock in me. Make me scream, big boy."
The local girl was no fool, her toy boy was uptight and almost breaking with need. She had still to process that she was a shit parent, Alex made up for all her short falls. He never complained, always put her and Tia first. He deserved so much better. The dancer had her own demons with self harm as Alex did. They were an odd pair of socks, ones that were in matching colour, but not a pair when you looked closely.
Harry Dixon was a man who had an instinct for human psychology and could read body language. Cub was so very in love with his wife, but CC, she was wild and was chomping for freedom. Lunch had seen this pub taken over by a large contingent of squaddies and their families. Well, Snake was here with his long suffering wife and four kids. Wolf had brought his new girlfriend and Harry had arrived with Sheila, the doctor he had fallen in with during his year tour in Africa. He was feeding his name sake at the moment. The baby girl with a deep frown on her face, trying to process who was feeding her as it was not daddy. Her hand had gripped his pinky and the bond had formed. Another generation had joined this mismatched and unconventional family unit.
The UNICEF medic sat down with the new mother. "You are unhappy. I can see it. I bet you thought motherhood would heal all you ills. Was it an accident or was your biological clock screaming like mine is?"
"If it was my biological clock it was subconscious. My choice was not to take the morning after pill or have an abortion, that was me hoping for real happiness again. My mother… she killed herself when I was seven. Bipolar like me. I manage mine. She didn't and dad hated the fact she wasn't a Stepford Wife. My step mother is. Its the depression, I know its is… I think I need to go, leave them cause I'm going to fuck this all up. I will work at this. Alex, he gets me. He understands I don't like boxes, rules, conformity. I'll go and come back."
"Stop lying, girl. Follow happiness. Don't tie Alex and Tia into your idea of a working solution. If you find someone that fits you, go for it. This is second best. Look at Alex. He will love you whether you are here or happy in someone else's arms. That man gets that love is freedom not possession. He wants you happy and whole first. Not here, not miserable, not chomping at the bit because you smell a cage."
…
Alex was packed, a military operation in itself. He had reorganised his work to four half days in college and then working from home. His baby girl was going to spend five weeks in LA with his family. He would be lying if he did not say he was bitter over his wife's callous disregard for his plans. She was putting her work first and was perfectly OK with being separated for weeks, over their child's first Christmas. He knew she was now finally getting to enjoy and love Tia. The earlier coldness explained that some people did not like babies. He loved everything about his baby girl. Babies were not something he had ever had any dealings with and he would raise a brood if he could. CC had loved being pregnant but hated giving birth and had only slowly reintegrated into the new routine of three not just two.
He rubbed the lump on his chest, the physical reminder of his damaged heart. He had started disaster planning as soon as CC had confessed to being late, three months late as it turned out. Marriage, mirror wills, his legacy from Ian now in trust for his daughter. He was already earning a steady income for bits and pieces of programming for Mr. Workaholic, Paul Roscoe and his five computing businesses. All while the young American was finishing his own PhD at Brunel. He had made Lisa, Michaela and Patricia Godmothers and Paul Roscoe, Harry Dixon and James Sprintz Godfathers to his daughter. He knew deep down if anything went wrong, Tony would be there, no matter what. He still was trying to build bridges of trust with CC. She had let him and Tia down. He had doubts about this second separation in five months. Marriage was being mutually inclusive, she had suggested a break. He knew she was seeing someone else. Their vows and promises for a proper family for their daughter were whispers in the wind to the dark haired, slim and elegant free spirit, who had stopped confiding her woes or general annoyance at everything to her husband, had even stopped laughing and shied away from his touch.
CC had signed the agreement to put his inheritance in trust, money managed by the man of the markets, Dieter Sprintz and the joint guardianship plan for CC, considering they both had mental health issues. He still owned his flat in Cambridge, a car and had a small amount of savings. His wife contributed little to the household bills. Her wages spent on clothes, entertaining and her own holidays. Paul was calling CC a selfish bitch. If she had not wanted a child she could have had an abortion before 12 weeks and left Alex none the wiser to the unfortunate small statistical chance of both the pill and condoms failing and conception taking place. He got that Tia was the best thing in his life. CC just did not get what a wonder this person was.