Skyfall

Chapter Fifty-Three

A few days later, Harvey was getting ready to go out when Olivia came into the room.

"Hey." He smiled.

"Uncle Harvey, what are you doing?" She asked, sitting on the bed.

"I'm getting ready to go to a bachelor party." He informed her.

"What's that?"

"It is a party that a guy has right before he gets married. One of my friends is getting married in two days so I am throwing him a bachelor party tonight." He explained.

"Did you have a bachelor party before you married Aunt Becca?"

"No." He shook his head. "We set a wedding date but then got married before that date."

"Why?" Olivia laughed. "That makes no sense."

"There were a couple of reasons." He explained. "But the most important reason was because I couldn't wait to make your Aunt Becca my wife."

"So what changed?" Olivia asked.

"What do you mean?" He wasn't sure he understood Olivia's question.

"If you were so excited about making her your wife, why aren't that excited about her being your wife? What changed?" Olivia asked.

"Who said anything changed?"

"You guys aren't around each other much." Olivia explained. "I never see you hug or kiss like before. And you don't smile at her like you used to."

He wasn't sure what to say to that. He knew Ethan was aware that he and Rebecca were having issues but he thought that Olivia was too young to figure it out. Unfortunately it seemed like he was wrong. Thankfully he didn't have to say anything because Rebecca came in.

"There you are! I was looking for you." Rebecca sighed. "It is time for dinner. C'mon."

"Ok." Olivia hopped off the bed. "Bye Uncle Harvey!"

"Bye." He watched Olivia leave his room and sighed. He saw Rebecca turn to leave and called out to her. "Wait."

They hadn't been talking much since the other night when he came home for dinner. But he had been coming home for dinner every night since then. He was trying, he just wasn't sure if it was enough yet to make any kind of difference.

"Yeah?" She asked, turning around to face him.

He walked over to her. "I'll try not to be too late tonight."

"It's ok." She nodded. "It's Louis. I highly doubt he is a party all night kind of guy."

"Still…"

"You don't have worry about letting me know when you will be back." She told him. "I'm used to not knowing what you are doing or when you will be home."

"It shouldn't be that way though."

"No." She shook her head. "You're right. It shouldn't."

He cautiously took a few steps closer to her, relieved when she didn't back away. "I'm really trying here…" He whispered.

"I know." She whispered back.

He saw the pain in her eyes and hated that he was the reason for it. But he really was trying to be better for her. He slowly wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her towards him into a hug. To his surprise she didn't try to back up. In fact, she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face on his chest. They stayed like that for a few minutes and he drank it in for as long as he could. It had been far too long since he held her in his arms.

His instance to hold her away at arms' length lately had taken a toll on him as well. He longed to hold her, kiss her and just be with her. But every time he thought about it, he wondered if he even deserved her because of what happened with Marcus. So he stayed away.

She pulled away first and far too soon for his liking. He saw her wipe away a tear from her face and frowned.

"Have a good time tonight." She said, escaping from the room as quickly as possible.

"This is great." Louis beamed, raising his glass to Mike, Harvey and Charles. "Best bachelor party ever!"

Harvey chuckled. "It's just dinner and drinks."

"But it is dinner and drinks with my best guy friends." Louis pointed out. "The only thing that would make it better is if we all went mudding afterwards."

"There isn't enough alcohol in the world for me to do that." Harvey joked.

"Yeah, once was enough for me." Mike chimed in.

"What's mudding?" Charles asked.

"Oh! Don't ask that!" Mike chuckled. "That's a rookie mistake."

"It's only the greatest way in the world to relax." Louis explained.

"All you do is lay down, naked in a pile of mud." Mike corrected Louis.

"Yeah, I'm not sure that sounds like my kind of thing." Charles shook his head. "I don't think that sounds relaxing. I think that sounds like a huge mess with very little payoff."

"Ok." Louis nodded. "I'll admit it isn't for everyone. But it is always an amazing experience. I always feel a greater sense of clarity about all of my problems."

Harvey was about to say something else when he saw Scottie walk into the bar. He looked down at his drink and quickly chugged the rest before getting up. "Excuse me while I go get another."

He slipped away from the table while Mike was explaining about the time he went mudding with Louis. He found her on the end of bar and sat down next to her. "Another please." He asked the bartender when he came back with Scottie's drink.

"What are you doing here?" She looked over at him.

"Louis' bachelor party." He motioned towards their table.

"Ok. That explains what you are doing in this bar. So why are you over here and not at the bachelor party? Did you just come over here to rub it in my face that you won again?" She asked in a grumpy tone.

"No. I think I did that enough when we signed the final papers this afternoon." He shook his head. "I came over because I need to talk and I need a friendly ear."

"Why not go to Mike or Donna?" She asked. "I mean, Mike is right over there. Or, and here's a wild idea. Why not go to your wife?"

He sighed. "I can't go to Rebecca right now."

"Why not?"

"Trust me. I just can't. It's complicated."

"Harvey…I don't want to get caught up in the middle of any marital issues you have…"

"Please?" He was close to begging at this point. "I need someone who can be impartial and who isn't invested in my relationship with Rebecca."

"Ok. I guess that describes me. Hell, I haven't even met her. So I guess I'll bite." She sighed. "What's on your mind?"

"I feel like I'm drowning right now." He admitted. "First Katie died, then Marcus got arrested for a DUI, I found out my mom is sick, I've found out some terrible things about Marcus and his addictions, Marcus killed himself, we brought his kids here to live with us, we moved into a townhouse and Rebecca is pregnant."

"That's a lot of stuff and a lot of changes." She shrugged. "It's only natural to be overwhelmed by everything."

"It's too much." He shook his head. "I can't process it. I feel like I am in quicksand and I can't get out."

"Honestly, I feel like you should be talking about this with your wife." She pointed out.

"I can't put it all on her." He argued. "She is dealing with everything too and I just can't bother her with everything I'm going through as well."

"Isn't that part of the reason to have a spouse though?" She chuckled. "So that you have someone who can help you shoulder your burdens?"

"I don't know how to talk to her about this. I'm afraid she will leave me if she knows the whole story about Marcus."

"Ok then." She nodded. "What is the biggest thing weighing on your mind right now?"

"There was a lot that Marcus left out of his suicide note. He was involved in some pretty shady things with some pretty shady people. He did some things that ended up costly him and the people around him a great deal. It was irresponsible and started a chain of reaction that has destroyed everything around him. When I found out about it, I was horrible to him. I said a lot of things that I now wish I could take back. But I was just so angry with him. I thought of him as weak and almost hated him for what he did."

"I think I know where you are going with this." She interrupted him. "His suicide wasn't your fault. You know that, right?"

"But I shouldn't have been so hard on him." He argued. "I knew he was going through a rough time and yet I kicked him while he was down and then turned my back on him."

She leaned in closer to him and put her hand on his shoulder. "Harvey, you can't take the blame for someone else's actions. Marcus was a grown man who obviously had a bunch of demons in his life. I highly doubt that some words from you were the final straw."

"Maybe…"

"There is no maybe, Harvey. You can't hold yourself responsible for someone else's actions. It will drive you crazy if you do it."

"I think it already has." He chuckled.

"What else is bothering you?"

"Rebecca's pregnancy." He sighed.

"Ok." She chuckled. "What about it? Do you want the kid or not?"

"I want the baby but that isn't the real problem."

"What is the real problem then?"

"Everything is changing so much." He sighed. "I feel like I get used to one change and then another one comes and slams me down again. I feel like our marriage is hanging on by a very thin thread right now because I've been pushing her away lately. We're even sleeping in separate rooms because I don't know how to be around her right now. I don't know how to talk to her and I don't think she really likes having me around anymore. I'm just constantly afraid she will leave me and I don't think I could handle that."

"You really need to be talking to her about this and not me." She laughed.

"Maybe."

"You keep saying maybe, but there is no maybe." She sighed. "Go home and talk to your wife…really talk to her. Settle this because you obviously love her and you need to work this out with her…not me."

"I'm afraid if she finds out everything, she will leave." He admitted out loud again.

"I don't know enough about your marriage or Rebecca to know if that is an option." She admitted. "But I do know that if you keep pushing her away, there will come a point where she will walk away…even though she loves you. So you have to figure out if you want to risk it by pushing her away or trust that you can tell her anything. But that is something only you can figure out. I can't help you with that part."

"I think you already did." He smiled, leaning in and kissing her on the cheek. "Thank you Scottie."

"You're welcome Harvey." She smiled. "Now if you will excuse me, I am going to go back to my hotel room and sulk a little more that you beat me on this case before I head back to Chicago tomorrow."

"I'll see you next time."

"Not if I see you first." She grinned.

He watched her get up from the bar and leave. Then he noticed that Louis was standing next to him.

"We were going to get another round." Louis told him. "Are you in?"

"Actually, do you mind if I call it a night?" He asked. "I know this is your bachelor party, but I need to get home."

"Is everything alright?" Louis asked.

He could see the concern on Louis' face and realized then that Louis really was a good friend. "Everything's fine. But I feel like I need to go be with Rebecca. We haven't had a lot of time together lately."

"Understandable." The man nodded. "Say no more. Family always comes first."

"Thanks Louis."

"And Harvey, thank you."

"For what?" He asked.

"Planning this night." Louis explained. "You picked my favorite restaurant, you found Shakespeare performed in the park that we could watch and then drinks here…it was the best bachelor party I could have hoped for."

"Even though there was no mudding involved?" He chuckled.

"Yes. Mudding with people who don't want to mud wouldn't have been relaxing anyway." Louis nodded. "Anyway, thank you. I know you have had a lot going on lately and the fact that you would still plan this means a lot to me."

"You're welcome Louis." He held out his hand so they could shake hands, but Louis insisted on a hug.

"You should know by now I'm a hugger." Louis laughed.

"I should know that by now." He laughed, pulling out of the hug.

"Say hi to Rebecca for me." Louis said with a wave.