She's eight and a half months pregnant and they still don't have their shit together.
They have decided that their daughter would be named Marie, for her middle name, the first three letters of his first.
The big problem here is that Kensi's going to burst any day now and he doesn't even know if she'll let him be there when she's labor. Sure, he did start going to prenatal appointments with her, but that means nothing. Birth is a private and personal experience, and if she doesn't want him in there, he won't be. No matter how much he wants a baby with her, no matter how much he wants to hear that first cry… he won't if she says no.
But he doesn't know how to ask her that.
Also, arrangements will have to be made for after the baby is born. They both agreed breastfeeding would be the healthiest route, but that means he won't have her with him much. He has literally no baby stuff in his apartment- she has everything.
He's supposed to be a father, and from the looks of things, he's really not going to be very much of one. It kills him.
But he's TRYING to be. He wants to be! But right now, her body is doing all the work and he's watching from the sidelines. Unable to help her, unable to be there.
That's why he shows up at her place.
Its not like they're being hostile toward one another, although they haven't been that friendly either. But things are weird. They didn't plan for this to be how it turned out, and now they're stuck dealing with it.
She waddles to the door, and lets him in, obviously not to happy that he's there.
"We've got to figure out how we're going to do this," he says.
"Don't you mean, I'm the one who has to figure out how I'm gonna do this? There's a human inside me, one that I have to keep alive, and you have no control over that."
"I want to help, Kens. I need to help. But I don't know how. I don't know what you need. I don't wanna miss her life, miss her first days because I didn't know how to be a part of your life."
"You act like I hate you or something."
"The feeling isn't love, obviously."
"But I think it used to be," he corrected strongly. "Or at least, I loved you. Probably still do, if I could see past how confused I am right now."
His statement shocks her. Chills her to her very core.
She knows they've had some issues with miscommunication, but have they miscommunicated love out of their partnership? They have indeed.
"I loved you too," she says, after a moment.
His heart races, head twirls.
She sighs. "We're bad at this. But she," Kensi said, pointing to her huge belly, "deserves the very best. And that's you in her life. If you're going to be in her life and if I'm going to breastfeed her, we're going to have to live in the same place."
He pauses. "And you're okay with that?"
"No," she pauses. "but I want to be."
She feels a familiar rumble in her stomach, followed by fluttery light kicks. It's enough to almost knock her over, so she leans against the wall and grips the counter just to be safe.
"Come here," she motions for him to come. When he does, she presses his large hand to the swell of her belly with strong pressure.
And there, he feels the baby kick for the first time . She's never shared this with him before.
He feels like she's giving him this as a peace offering, a gift.
She then starts to tell him what she needs.
"I need you to be with me when she's born, because labor scares the hell out of me. You're my partner, Deeks. I don't care how much we screwed up. You're still the only one I trust."
"Done," he said.
"I need you to work with me. Try to help me make this work. I wanna find that place where we're um.. where we're in love again. I know it's not going to be easy. But it's what we have to do, okay? And not just for the baby. Because I need you, and I'm tired of pretending I don't."
He nods. He feels some weight lifted.
"I need you to learn how to change a diaper, because I have absolutely no idea how to."
He laughs, although the fear on her face makes him regret it. He can do that too.
"And I need you to do something romantic to me, because I'm pregnant, and I've been needing this for eight and a half months and there's hormones and I am a woman after all."
He laughs. He understands. He's been wanting to feel the baby kick. Cuddle her. Stare at her bump. All those stupid things that the one who puts the baby in her belly is supposed to get to do. He knows they have many, many problems. There's a lot of struggle up ahead. But right now, she craves his touch and he won't deny her it.
He leans down, glancing up for permission, and she grants it. He lifts her shirt up and presses a long, sweet kiss to her stomach. Kensi feels the baby flutter under her father's touch, and she melts.
That kiss might just ignite a few more, maybe even a few to her lips.