Skyfall

Chapter Fifty-Seven

"Can we talk?" Harvey asked, standing in the doorway of his mom's art studio.

"Of course we can." Lily put down the paint and looked over at him. "What's on your mind?"

"I wanted to apologize to you. I know ever since Marcus died I haven't been there for you or really let you be there for me either…"

"It's ok." She assured him.

"No it isn't." He argued. "You and Rebecca keep saying that but it really isn't ok. I have been living in my own little world for far too long and I need to start focusing more on what is going on around me. I need to focus more on my family that is still around."

"You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that." She smiled.

"I'm not really ready to tell you what was bothering me. I will tell you eventually. I just…"

"It's ok if you feel like you need some time." She assured him, coming over and giving him a hug. "Are you at least talking to Rebecca about it now?"

"Yeah." He nodded.

"Good. So then as long as you are talking about it and working through it, I will be happy." She smiled.

"Thanks." He smiled.

Lily pulled away. "You know maybe it isn't my place to say anything, but I don't think Rebecca will say it."

"Say what?" He was no curious about what his mom had to say.

"She's been under quite a bit of stress lately. I've been worried about her. Granted I was worried about you more. But I have been worried about her too. She has been pushing herself so hard to do everything—work, take care of the house, the kids, me. She's been doing it all while being pregnant and I know she has been worried about losing the baby. She was also worried about losing you."

"I know I haven't been fair to her." He admitted.

"She's been up before me every day and she goes to bed late every night." Lily explained. "I honestly don't see how she keeps up with this pace."

"I thought taking over most of her clients would help."

"I think it has to a certain extent." She nodded. "But think about this. How do you think this house got furnished?"

"I figured she hired someone." He honestly didn't think about it much and just took for granted the fact that there was furniture and the pace was decorated.

"No." She shook her head. "Rebecca has been doing it by herself. She's been doing a lot of things behind the scenes to make sure that everything here is running smoothly. She is also bending over backwards to make sure that Ethan and Olivia are comfortable and settling into new routines."

"I didn't realize."

"I don't want to make you feel bad about things." She told him. "I just want you to get the full picture of what it has been like for her because I know her well enough to know that she will downplay things."

"I appreciate that." He nodded. "And I am grateful that she has had you in her life. I know she loves having you around."

"You chose well." Lily smiled.

"Trust me." He chuckled. "I am aware of how lucky I am. It's why I want to make up for everything with her now in any way I can."

"She loves you." Lily pointed out. "I don't think it will be too hard to get back on her good side again."

He didn't want to spend the whole conversation solely talking about himself. "So I haven't talked to you about how things are going in a while. I feel bad about it. How are you doing?"

"The truth is I've been better." Lily admitted. "I've also been worse though."

"How are the treatments going?"

She shrugged. "The tests don't show any real change yet. Rebecca keeps saying that at least there isn't any change for the worse so she considers it a success. I'm a little more skeptical."

"What does the doctor say?"

"He says it is still too soon to tell if the treatment is working the way they hope." Lily explained.

""But you don't think they are working?" He surmised.

"I don't know." She shrugged. "I just know that this family has had a lot of bad luck lately. I find it a little hard to be optimistic about my odds to stay around for long."

"Then I guess you just need to let Rebecca and I be optimistic for you." He smiled. "Because you have to be around to watch our child grow up."

"I would love that." She chuckled. "But nothing is guaranteed."

"True." He nodded. "But I have a good feeling about this trial."

"I'll try to have a good feeling about it too." She promised.

Rebecca looked up when she heard Harvey open the door to their bedroom and walk inside. "Hey." She smiled.

"Hey." He came over and sat on the side of the bed. "What are you reading?"

"I'm just looking over the notes from Louis about his clients." She chuckled.

"Those aren't notes." He laughed. "That's practically a manifesto."

"Louis is very thorough with his notes." She told him. "He's going to be gone for two weeks. I think he just wanted to make sure I had more than enough information so I don't have to bother them while they are in Turkey and Greece."

"That makes sense. I know I didn't want anyone interrupting us on our honeymoon." He agreed.

"I remember." She grinned. "You practically threatened everyone at the office with death if they bothered us with anything that wasn't an absolute emergency."

"I just wanted your undivided attention." He grinned. "So I just talked to my mom."

"Good." She smiled.

"I didn't tell her anything about Marcus." He sighed. "I chickened out. But we had a good talk about her treatments and stuff."

"It's ok." She assured him, putting the packet on the nightstand and crawling over to sit next to him on the edge of the bed. "You don't have to tell her everything right now. I'm just thrilled you are talking to us now instead of avoiding and ignoring."

He sighed. "I really messed up lately, didn't I?"

She ran her hand through his hair and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "You were grieving, and you grieved in a way you thought you needed to. It was wrong and it was unnecessarily painful for everyone, but I'm sure you thought you were doing what you needed to do."

"I was." He nodded. "I truly thought that this was the way to handle it. Now I realize I was wrong and I'm so glad it wasn't too late." He reached over and started to kiss her.

She returned the kiss, allowing him to gently push her down onto the bed. He started running his right hand up and down her body as his left hand cupped her cheek and she couldn't help but moan softly.

"You're incredible." He whispered. "I hope you know that."

She chuckled softly. "How so?"

"You are so accepting of me and my faults." He told her. "I'm really not sure why I doubted you in the first place."

"It was just a lapse in judgment." She chuckled. "It happens to all of us."

"You've also been holding down everything and everyone for a long time now. I'm sorry about that. And before you say it, it isn't fine and it isn't ok."

"Ok." She grinned. "It's alright."

He couldn't help but laugh at the loophole she exploited. "How did I ever get lucky enough to pick you up in that bar that night?"

"I thought we settled this. You are never going to stop rewriting our history, are you?" She chuckled. "I picked you up that night."

"Either way…" He trailed off. "It was the best night of my life."

"It was only one of the top 3 best nights of my life." She winked.

He laughed before turning serious again. "So I didn't want you to think I had forgotten. Are you still upset about whatever was bothering you in the car earlier?"

She sat up on the side of the bed and sighed. She was conflicted. A part of her wanted to tell him what was bothering her and get it out into the open. Then there was another part of her that didn't want to upset the good vibe they had going right now. However, she would be a hypocrite if she preached to Harvey about always being honest with each other and then she turned around didn't practice it herself.

"You're probably not going to like what I have to say." She sighed.

"In that case, I really need to know so we can deal with it." He also sat up on the side of the bed next to her.

"Ok. But don't say I didn't warn you." She nodded. "Whether it's right or it's wrong, I'm upset that you left Louis' bachelor party to talk to Scottie last night."

He groaned softly. "Louis told you that, didn't he?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "I was thanking him for whatever he said to make you come home and talk like that and he told me it was Scottie I should thank instead."

"Rebecca…"

"Look, I'm glad that you finally opened up. I just can't help but wonder if you told Scottie everything."

"I didn't tell her everything." He explained. "I just told her that we were having issues because of my reaction to Marcus' death and I told her some of the things surrounding Marcus' death that I was having a hard time dealing with. She convinced me that I needed to come talk to you and I needed to trust you."

"So you needed your ex-girlfriend to tell you to talk to your wife even though multiple other people had told you that previously." She stated, getting up from the bed and walking over to the window. She leaned against it and put her arms across her body.

"I guess that is a very simplistic way of looking at it." He admitted.

"And you thought that telling your ex-girlfriend that you were having problems with your wife was a good idea."

"I didn't think it was that big of a deal that I talked to her. It wasn't like I spilled my guts about everything. I just told her the basics." He explained.

"But why did you feel comfortable talking to her before me?"

"I needed an impartial third party." He defended himself. "You are honestly mad about this?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "Although I guess I'm more hurt than mad."

"It really shouldn't matter who I talked to about it if it means it helped me realize I needed to tell you everything, should it?"

"It probably shouldn't…but Scottie is the one exception."

"Why?" He scoffed. "What is so different about Scottie?"

"She is your ex-girlfriend! You've slept with her and she knows you really well." She explained. "How would you like it if I went to David and told him all about our problems?"

"I probably wouldn't like that." He admitted. "But I don't think of her as an ex-girlfriend. She isn't a threat to us. I think of her as a friend. It's just the same to me as if I was talking to Donna."

"Oh bullshit! It isn't the same thing!" Rebecca exclaimed.

"Why is me talking to Scottie about us any different than if I was talking to Donna?" He asked.

She put her put her hands on her hips. It was obvious he was getting frustrated with her.

"Oh I get it now." He smirked and laughed. "You're jealous."

"No." She pointed a finger at him. "You don't get to make this into a joke or play it off like that."

"But you are jealous."

"I…I just don't think you should be discussing our marital issues with someone you've slept with. And I think that you should have been the one to tell me that you were talking to Scottie about Marcus and us…not Louis. Just like Donna shouldn't have had to be the one to tell me that Scottie was in town to begin with. That should have been you too."

"I didn't tell you because she doesn't matter to me like that." He reasoned. "Besides, if that is the criteria for why I shouldn't be talking to Scottie, you should be mad at me every time I talk to Donna since I slept with her too."

She froze in place at his last statement, confusion, anger and hurt swirled around in her brain. "Excuse me…What exactly do you mean by that? You slept with Donna?"

"Shit." He mumbled. "Look, Donna and I slept together once, over 15 years ago."

"And you never once thought that you should tell me about that either?" She scoffed, shaking her head.

"It was just one night that happened over a decade ago right before I came back here from the DA's office. It was long before I even met you. I didn't see the need to tell you about it because it didn't mean anything to me."

"Just what else are you keeping from me? Did you also sleep with Jessica or Rachel?" She asked softly.

"No." He shook his head. "Why would you ask me that? And why does this even matter? It's ancient history."

"Because I'm starting to think maybe I don't know anything about you at all."

"You know me." He assured her. "You know me better than anyone."

"I'm finding that very hard to believe right now." She shook her head. "I thought I knew everything about you. But now…"

"Rebecca…" He reached out to her but she took several steps back.

"You know it was bad enough that you didn't tell me about everything going on with Marcus. But I can understand why you didn't. I can understand that you felt overwhelmed. I understand that you felt extremely guilty and it pushed you to your breaking point. After everything that has happened and all the changes we've gone through, I can understand it. Hell, I'm still overwhelmed with everything too some days. So I can understand that you didn't want to burden me with it."

She paused for a moment.

"And I can even understand how that pushed you to pull away from me. I mean, I know I've pulled away from you a little lately too because of everything. But dammit Harvey…"

"I'm so sorry." He apologized. "You have to know by now that I love you more than anything else in this world."

"You love me, but you clearly don't trust me enough to tell me everything." She scoffed. "Look, I understand a lot but I can't understand why you wouldn't tell me about Scottie and I certainly can't understand why you wouldn't tell me about Donna."

"Ok." He held up his hands. "I should have told you about Donna and I should have told you that I talked to Scottie. But it really isn't that big of a deal…"

"Well maybe it isn't a big deal to you." She shook her head. "But to me…it's not just that. It's the fact that you are able to keep these kinds of things from me. I thought we had told each other everything. But that's not the case apparently."

"Please don't be mad about this." He asked.

"I can't help it." She shrugged. "I wish I could not be mad, but it's not possible right now."

"Rebecca…"

"I'm tired and we have Louis' wedding tomorrow. We should get some sleep." She interrupted him, going over to her side of the bed and climbing under the covers.

"Can we talk about this some more?" He asked. "I don't want to go to sleep with you mad at me."

"I can't tonight." She shook her head. "I'm sorry Harvey. I just can't."

"Ok."

She could see he wasn't happy about not being able to talk about it right now. But she couldn't talk about it right now without anger. Maybe it was wrong to be angry but she couldn't help it. It wasn't even the fact that he slept with Donna. He was allowed to have a past and it happened before he met her. It's not like he slept with Donna last week or something. And she knew in her heart that he didn't have any romantic feelings for Donna. What angered her was that he never told her about it.

They were falling into a pattern where she told him everything and then she is under the impression he told her everything, only then she later finds out he was keeping things from her because he was filtering out what he determined to be important and what wasn't. But that wasn't fair.

"Are you coming to bed?" She asked.

"I thought you wouldn't want me to." He admitted.

"Just because I'm mad doesn't mean I want you to sleep somewhere else." She explained.

"Ok."

She watched as he got undressed and then slid into bed next to her. Once he was in bed with her, she turned onto her side and turned out the light. It was weird laying there next to him and not being in his arms. But she wasn't going to be the one to initiate it.

It was at least a few more minutes before she felt his shift in the bed, moving over to her side so he could spoon her. He gently put his arm around her, letting it rest on her stomach before he buried his face in the crook of her neck.

"I love you." He whispered. "I hope you know that."

"I do know that." She whispered back. "And I love you too."