"Get up already. Mother will be mad if you are late for school." Seika yelled from my doorway, waking me up from my death like sleep. She slammed the door, leaving me in my pitch dark room. I sat up in silence, my eyes blank until they widened in shock.

I...Killed myself last night.

I ran to my mirror, tripping on my bed sheets. Looking into the smudged reflection, trying to find the tiniest detail. Nothing was different, my normal face stared back at me. I don't...Understand? I ran a hand through my black hair, felt my smooth skin and even looked inside my mouth.

Nothing was different.

Was it all a dream? I sighed, taking off my dry pj's. I went to grab my dress when I froze. My scars...

They were gone

My arms were perfect like I never started cutting. Oh god...Am I in heaven? I thought heaven was supposed to be filled with clouds and angels. Golden arches and rays of sunshine. Where's the music of a thousand trumpets?

I felt my clean arms, not a bump was felt. My scars were really gone. I looked into my eyes, the black circles under them were missing also. My complexion looked like I had slept well and never missed an hour of bed rest.

However, looking closer, my skin was paler.

"What is going on here..?" This wasn't making any sense.

"Hara, hurry up!" Mother called, annoyed.

If I'm still alive then...I'm still stuck in this place or is this hell? I did kill myself after all. People always said that if someone was to take their own life, they would rot in the eternal pits of fire. I thought it was better than living with Satan herself. Ignoring the unpleasant thought, I finally managed to get dressed and went to the breakfast table. Mother was making omelets, my sister across from me, played on her phone.

Seika laughed, "My friend is telling me that this guy is going to ask me out after school today."

Mother hugged her super tight, "Now remember sweetie, make them want it. Don't just give yourself out."

I wonder how she would react if I told her a guy liked me? Would she finally hug me, be proud of me? "Mother, I am-" My voice was weak, I glanced up and my voice was caught in my throat. Both of them, glared me down like I was trash. The words now lost, I went back to staring at my empty plate. Once she was done cooking, she placed a big omelet on Seika's plate.

She placed a small one on mine.

It was to lose weight... Once I was silent again, they continued to laugh and talk like normal mother and daughter. The front door opened, my mother's face lit up with joy. she ran to hug my Father. He was tall, had neat brown hair and bright green eyes. He had a serious atmosphere most times, even at home.

"Welcome home, Honey! How was work?" She smiled like a teenage girl in love. He took his coat off, a tired frown on his face. My father worked in an office like most father's do. He was very busy with deadlines and whatever else he had to do with his job.

Sometimes he would be gone for days.

He sighed, "It was alright." He took a seat on the living room sofa. Mother rushed to get him some eggs, giving it to him.

He took a bite as she sat beside him, "Guess what Hara did yesterday at school." I froze, my egg falling off my fork. "She cut a student! The girl just wanted to help her fix her hair." My father was silent, still eating away.

"I see," He spoke, "Do what you must."

I was shocked, not knowing what to do. My father wasn't the one to meddle in my Mother's affairs, she was the boss of this house; she just needed to make sure at times.

My sister whispered to me, "You're going to get it." I couldn't speak.

After school was going to be another nightmare for me to endure.

It was lunchtime during school, I sat outside alone by one of the trees. It was cold, snow-caked onto the ground.

I had to sit out here.

The girls didn't like it when I was in the cafeteria with them. It didn't bother me though. I was used to being outside and away from everyone. What I wasn't used to was that for some reason I was not cold; I couldn't feel anything. It wasn't hot or cold, it was just normal. Like it was a perfect day in the spring. I didn't have my jacket on, I didn't need it. I ate my piece of bread in silence, watching the snow lightly fall. I couldn't taste the bread either...It felt like it was something hard in my mouth that I was chewing on. It rolled around like it was a piece of gum that was frozen for ages.

"Excuse me, why are you out here sitting in the cold?" A smooth voice asked me. I glanced up, a boy with blonde hair and purple eyes looked down at me. He was quite handsome and he looked kind. His smile was something out a fairy tale. If anything, his whole image was that of a prince. He offered a hand out for me to take. "We should go inside."

I wasn't used to this...I sat there in surprise.

"Umm." He must have the wrong person. Why was he talking to me?

He started to look concerned, "Are you alright?"

He was talking to me!

I took his hand and he helped me up. His hand pulled away in surprise, "You're freezing!" Was I cold? I didn't feel chilly at all. Naturally, I would be though. Sitting outside in this weather. "Then again you are sitting out here in the snow," He laughed. It was like an angel had been sent down before me.

Perhaps, I really was in heaven?

I looked down, a small smile hidden. "I'm sorry." It was nice having someone talk to me, to have someone laugh in my presence. His laugh was smooth and light, like a child's.

"You don't have to apologize." He smirked, "Come on, it is cold out here." He leads me inside, he blew at his fingertips to warm them up. I was about to walk away, not wanting to take up any more of his time, but he stopped me. His long delicate fingers grabbed my shoulder.

"Yes?" I asked, thinking he had a question.

"Where are you going? You didn't even give me your name."

My name...He wants to know my name.

"My name is Hara."

It felt weird...Having someone talk to me for this long.

"My name is Tamaki nice to meet you, Hara." He smiled. I couldn't help but smile back. His name was as nice as his personality. The bell rung and all the students began to pile out for class. "Hey, you should come to the club sometime, we can sit and talk."

My smile disappeared.

Was he one of the members of the Host Club? He was using me to get more service for his club...

I gave him a nod. "Okay! Well, see you later, Hara." He waved as he disappeared into the crowd.

In a split second, the angel that had come down to give me a taste of heaven's light had vanished.

I began to walk to my class but was stopped by those three girls. These were the girls that were in the bathroom yesterday. They must not have had enough with me. The one in the middle, the leader, her hand was bandaged up. There wasn't any blood but I knew better. "What were you and Tamaki talking about?" She demanded. She looked beyond angry. Was it front yesterday? I grew anxious as she balled her fist. I knew what was coming.

Oh, no...why are they here...go away.

"Answer me!" She grabbed my fist tightly, digging her unusually long nails into my skin, as I tried to walk away from them. Some students around us stopped to see what would happen next. She retaliated, " God, she's freezing!"

Glancing down at my wrist, I saw the marks from her nails. It was deep enough to cause blood to flow but nothing came from me. Why didn't that hurt? Why am I not bleeding?

"She's not even reacting. Let's go, Luka." One of her followers tugged at her arm.

She growled, "Yea, let's go." They rushed off.

I stood there, trying to understand what was happening to me. Am I really that cold? I felt my hands and arms. I didn't feel cold... I felt my wrist, feeling over the puncture wounds. It felt like her nails barely dug into me.

I must be tired...

The final bell rung, it was time to go home...To my personal hell. I decided to stop by the garden behind the school, I wasn't in a rush.

Hold on...If I did die then what about my body!?

I rushed to the spot where I jumped off, I sighed in frustration; nothing was there. Not even blood. I couldn't have survived from that height...no one could have. It must have been a dream... A terrible nightmare. I returned to the garden, to the lily section that was currently frozen over.

Nothing but white filled my vision; it was still beautiful to me. I loved lilies... I saw myself as a lily, they were just as pretty as a rose but easily overshadowed. Right now, with them covered in snow. I saw myself; covered up by a blanket of white and with some time under neither, they will bloom into something beautiful.

I pushed my hair back behind my ear, "What will I do..." I felt someone's eyes on me. I glanced around, not seeing anyone in sight; I must be imagining things.

"Takashi, what are you looking at?" A cute boy's voice called out.

Who's here? I pushed some of the bush away, being careful not to harm the hidden lilies. I came face-to-face with a boy with deep black eyes. I jumped back, covering my eyes. I was so close! Who was he?! He walked around, he was really tall and had black hair; he looked composed like a knight. Suddenly, a cute little boy with blonde hair appeared, holding a stuffed pink rabbit.

Who are they? I've never seen them before.

The little boy noticed me, "oh hello! What's your name?" He was full of energy, running up to me with curiosity. I was surprised by someone who was so hyper, I had to take a step away from him. The tall boy followed behind him.

I stuttered, "H-Hara."

"Hara," He liked the sound. "That is a pretty name!" I looked away shyly...

He thought my name was cute.

This made me happy. The blonde boy tugged at the tall man's sleeve. "Takashi, say something!"

He looked down at me calmly, "Hello." His voice...It was so...Gentle. It made me feel peaceful.

Wait, what am I thinking? I must be even more tired than I thought, no one's voice could make me feel that way.

"What are you doing here? School is over." The boy frowned, "Wait, are you waiting for your turn to visit the Host Club?"

All I hear now and days is that stupid club.

My expression didn't show one of pleasure and they noticed. I thought of something to say, "I'm not one...For clubs." There, that should do it. They should leave me alone now.

The little boy looked like he was about to bust out into laughter, "You are funny! Come on, I'll show you there." He grabbed my arm, tugging me along. He was strong for a little kid, I couldn't pull my arm away from him and the words 'no' couldn't escape my lips. I didn't want to go this club, I could barely talk to my own reflection, how was I suppose to talk to boys?

Roses, the scent of terrible roses filled the air.

The room was pink and marbled, couches placed at random spots for the Host to talk to their clients. Already some girls were here, ready to talk to the boys. I felt so out of place, I couldn't help but shuffle my feet. I wanted nothing more than to leave.

"Do you like it? " The boy asked.

No, I didn't, I didn't like it at all.

I hated roses and just being in a room with so many people made me unsettled. All I wanted to do was run away... far from here. I couldn't tell him the truth though, what if he started crying?

"It's lovely." I lied.

He jumped up, hugging his rabbit close. The sight of him being so moved by my comment was something foreign.

My opinion mattered. It made someone happy.

A voice rang out behind me, "Hey, who is this?"

I turned around to see twins! They both had orange hair and bright yellow eyes; they look completely the same. Oh, this is to much... "She looks cute." The other twin winked. I looked away, covering my cold cheeks.

"This is Hara, she came to talk to one of us." The blonde boy smiled. My eyes wondered behind him, the tall man stood there, in his own little world. His face was smooth and he had a defined jaw line. He looked like he was cut out of marble.

A perfect statue that even the greatest artist couldn't master.

Looking closer, something about his eyes...something about them was so...attracting.

The twins grabbed my hands, making me freeze from the unusual feeling. "Would you like to talk to us?" They said in unison.

I pulled away, "I..I don't know." My voice was tiny, too hard to hear.

They both glanced at their hands, like they just touched death themselves but suddenly, their eyes widened in shock as a hand touched my shoulder. I wanted to shrink away but for some reason, it felt warm. I glanced behind me to see the Marble man look down at me with his attracting dark eyes.

"Come." He simply said.

I didn't want to go with him, I wanted to go home.

Before I walked away, the blonde boy with the cute rabbit tugged on my uniform. He was really determined by not letting me leave this club. "My name is Honey, I hope you come here often." He blushed.

I nodded. I had no intention of coming back. I didn't like lying but... He was too sweet.

The statue-like man sat me down on one of the pink couches, sitting across from me, he remained silent. What was I suppose to say...I'm no good at these kind of things.

Okay, I have something to say, "what is your name? "

"Takashi," He said it plain and simple.

Takashi... For some reason hearing his name put me at ease. Again, entered silence; we both were not the talkative type, but sitting here in silence wasn't so bad either. if anything it was relaxing. Takashi continued to look at me, like he was studying my character. It made me feel uneasy but I tried not letting it get to me. He could tell I was becoming unsettled and decided to sit next to me. This did not help me calm down, if anything it made me even more uncomfortable.

What was I to do? What am I suppose to say? I can't just sit here forever, I need to do something. I should have just left already...I don't belong here...

"Talk," He spoke.

I looked up at him in surprise, "Huh?"

Easier said than done.

"I'll listen."

He would listen? I don't have anything to say to him, my mind was blank. Then I realized, I had a ton of things to say, to scream out to the world. All the bulling, my mother's iron grip on me, my sister's shadow taking over my light. I wanted to tell him more than anything that...

I...Killed myself.

Did I? Am I still alive? Did I die? I didn't know...

I want to tell him, no matter how hard I tried in life, I was always shot down. I want to say that I wasn't good at anything and I wanted to be good at something. However, the words were stuck in my throat. What if he told people? What if Mother found out?

The fear of judgement was killing me... It did kill me.

If I could say anything.

I wanted help.

"I'm fine," Faking a smile, "I don't have anything to say."

I got up, fixing my dress. He continued to look at me, not trying to stop myself from leaving. Why would he though? Turns out, he is just a Host member who cares about nothing but themselves. He won't remember my face or my name once I leave, none of them will. This was a world I didn't belong in. If I was more open, like most girls, then maybe this would be okay. I could talk to them like nothing was wrong with the world but I wasn't normal, my life wasn't perfect. I needed to leave.

When I got to the entrance of the Host Club, the door opened and a man with black hair and glasses stood there, staring at me. He had an aura of discipline, power and I felt like I was about to drop to my knees from it. It was like Mother...Controlling.

It was suffocating.

He gave me little interest as he walked past me and to a group of girls, from him opening the door Tamaki looked over in this direction; seeing me about to leave. He rushed over, apologized to the girls he was talking too and smiled at me.

"Hello there, Princess." He took a hold of my hand, kissing it. I pulled it away, holding it close to my chest. Will everyone please stop touching me... He rubbed his hands together. "Have you been outside again? Your hands are cold." Again with the cold hands...What is wrong with me?

"Yes..." This wasn't a lie, I was outside in the garden.

He laughed, "Even if there was a storm you would be outside."

Last night was a storm...I was outside then.

I need to figure out what is going on... Suddenly, a group of girls rushed in, shoving Tamaki into me. We fell to the floor, he was on top of me, his head on my chest. I covered my face, this couldn't be happening! He got up, a blush spreading across his cheeks. "I am so sorry!" He apologized, helping me off the floor. I fixed my dress and messed up hair. He looked completely embarrassed, his face red, his hair also tangled from the fall.

"We are sorry, Tamaki." The girls said. He stood there for a second, talking to them, trying to stay cool. Seeing his face getting even redder from their giggles and how he tried to make it seem like he did it on his own was...Funny. I couldn't hold it, a small laugh slipped through. Once the girls left he turned back to me, he couldn't make eye contact.

"It is alright." I said.

He smiled, "I didn't mean too. Are you okay?"

"I am fine, thank you."

I went to walk past him but he spoke up, "Hara, will you come by tomorrow?"

My name...He remembered my name.

I shook it off, he will forget by tomorrow. I was no one worth remembering. I did laugh here though...Even if it was a small one and he probably didn't hear it. Takashi offered for me to just talk to him...My head was telling me to walk away and never come back, but my words were different.

"Yes, I will try." I quickly rushed out.

Tamaki turned around and whispered to himself, "That's weird...She didn't have a heart beat." He shook it off, thinking it was nothing.