I decided to test it out. I had to see if I was really dead or this was all a dream. I walked around the city, trying to think of a way to see if I was deceased.

I couldn't jump off another building.

What if someone saw me? That wouldn't be pretty. How about pills? That would take to long. What was I going to do? What if I wasn't dead? What if I was still alive? Doing this could actually kill me and I wouldn't have a second chance like I do now. I frowned, I didn't want to live anyway. That was the whole reason why I jumped off the school. No one would care if I was gone. My mother would be happy, my sister would be the only child like she's always wanted. Father...wouldn't notice...He only cares about his work.

How far have I walked?

I don't care... Wait, what is that noise?

In the blink of an eye, a truck sped my way. He honked his horn as I was hit dead on. I couldn't see anything but white as I felt my body being flung like a rag doll. I felt my skin scrap against the asphalt. People rushed over to my lifeless frame. There were already people pulling out their phones. When the white faded, I saw looks of worry and shock.

Did I just get hit? I didn't feel it at all, my body wasn't responding to me as I tried to get on my feet.

"Oh god, is she okay?!"

"Call an ambulance!"

I finally managed to get on my feet, my body felt numb. I scraped myself off the road, everyone around me gasped. "Don't get up! Help is coming!"

Help? An ambulance? No, Mother will find out and punish me! I frantically looked for an opening from all the people, who were surprised I could even stand. Must...Get...Away... I was growing tired. I made my break for it, pushing past the crowd. They screamed for me to turn back, their pleases met deaf ears as I ran home.

By the time I got home, it was around 10 p.m. Mother was not going to be happy with me. I slowly crept through the front door, trying not to make a sound. The house was dark. No one was awake.

Or so I thought.

"Hara, is that you?" I froze, seeing my Father sitting on the sofa. He got up and approached me, his serious expression scaring me. I was ready to get yelled at, slapped or even beaten.

It didn't come.

He just looked at me until he pulled me into his embrace. I was completely taken by surprise. "I'm glad you're okay."

"What?" I looked up at him. What is going on? Father hasn't hugged me since I was little...before Seika was born.

"I had a dream...You killed yourself," The words almost couldn't come out of his mouth. My body felt like lead, I couldn't move. "I was so worried when you didn't come home."

Tears threatened to escape. I did kill myself...I know I did now.

I got hit by a car and it didn't even hurt; I wasn't even bleeding. He let me go, looking into my brown irises. "Are you alright?" I wanted to tell him what was wrong with me but he would tell Mother... Even if he didn't...He wouldn't believe me. Who would? 'Hey, guess what? I killed myself but yet, I'm still alive,' I would say and that wasn't very believable.

"I'm fine, Father." I gave him a reassured smile.

He looked relieved, squeezing my shoulder, "Alright, well you better go to bed before your mother gets up."

I nodded, heading off to my room. When I shut the door, I collapsed to the floor; shaking uncontrollably. My hands were grabbing my arms tightly, my knuckles almost white. My nails were breaking the skin, but it didn't hurt, it was irritating? I took a couple breaths, dragging myself to my bathroom mirror. I took off my uniform, I almost fainted from the sight; my side and part of my back were completely crushed and skin was torn away. How could Father not feel this? Maybe, he was too concerned for me to notice. I touched it, my finger sinking into the open wound.

There was no blood at all, just muscle.

My dress wasn't stained, only ripped in places from getting hit. I began to shake, even more, hugging myself. What is going on with me? What am I becoming?! I can't feel pain! I got hit by a car and I'm perfectly fine, minus my back...Suddenly, I felt something in my stomach turn. The bottom of teeth felt fuzzy as I rushed over to the toilet, puking violently. Once I was done heaving, I looked into the bowl and saw it was the bread I ate this afternoon.

It wasn't digested at all.

It made me want to vomit even more, but nothing was left in my stomach.

Am I...Turning into a monster?

I cleaned myself up, sinking back into my bathroom floor, "Help me..." I cried into my palms. I was alone, scared and my body was changing. I'm supposed to be dead...Now, I don't know what is going on. Somebody help me, please...I can't even talk to anyone about this, no one would believe me.

I saw one of my box cutters behind the toilet so no one could find it. I slowly grabbed it, staring at the blade. The last thing I should be doing is trying to hurt myself even more but I had to know something. I held my arm out, cutting into it deeper than I wanted. It didn't hurt, all you could hear was my skin tearing open. No blood, no burning, I could only see the inside part of my body. I threw it across the room in fear. I pulled at my hair, trying not to scream out. I was scared and I was alone. I wanted to die...Not live like this.

"I wanted to die," I sobbed.

I couldn't remember how long I cried there on the floor. I didn't remember falling asleep.

What time is it? Light peered into my bathroom through small windows, making me squint. I rose from the floor, stretching my back.

Hold on, my back!

I looked in the mirror and frowned. My injuries were gone, not a scratch was left behind, even the cut on my wrist was gone. This was all a horrible nightmare... I shook my head, trying to push this into the back of my mind. I was about to put on my uniform but remembered all the tears. I can't wear this... What was I going to wear? I didn't have an extra.

I didn't have a choice.

I slipped it on and grabbed a small sewing kit from my dresser. Mother wanted me to sew a few years ago, saying it would make me more ladylike; I tried my best to learn, but all I manage to do was fix small rips. I sewed them as best as I could, snipping off the last string. It wasn't perfect but it was good enough for now.

Once I was ready, I quietly came out of my room, seeing the house empty. What time was it? How long did I sleep? Mother must have gone out and Father went back to work. I looked at the clock in the living room, seeing it was almost lunchtime! I can't believe I'm late! Seika was already gone, why didn't she wake me up!? I didn't bother grabbing anything and rushed out of the door.

I was running down the street. Snow lightly coming down. I was too concentrated on my feet to notice someone was coming my way.

I ended up bumping into them.

"I'm sorry," I grunted, landing in the snow on my butt. I glanced up to see a boy around my height with brown hair and big brown eyes.

"Oh it's okay, I should have been paying attention." He smiled. He shook his head from the sudden impact. He wiped the snow away and offered a hand. He was bundled up in a big brown sweater and a brown scarf. "Hey, haven't I seen you before?"

I took his hand, I have never seen this boy in my life, "No I believe not." Who was he? I haven't even seen him in school or was he even from my school? I bowed to him, "Sorry again for bumping into you." He was about to say something but I ran off.

I didn't have time for chatting.

By the time I reached the school, it was already time for the afternoon classes. I've never been late before...I haven't even missed a single day either.

What will Mother do?

Why didn't they wake me up? I stood outside the door, silent. Why am I even here? I'm dead...Why did it even matter if I came? If Mother beats me or not, it didn't matter. I was dead and couldn't feel pain.

"Hey Hara, what are you doing?" I spun around, thinking I was going to get in trouble. Nitsuo stood there, holding a stack of papers. His expression was one of concern, "What is the matter? Why are you not in class?"

I couldn't look him in the eyes, biting my bottom lip. "I-I overslept and I'm scared to go to class." It was okay, to tell the truth, he would understand. Nitsuo was always kind to me, always helping me in class and letting me know I could talk to him.

He chuckled to himself, "Alright, follow me. We will just say you were helping me this hour." I glanced back at my classroom door, was this okay? To skip class.

It didn't matter, this could keep Mother from yelling at me.

"Thank you, Sensei."

I followed beside him, walking into his classroom. He didn't have students this hour. He sat the papers on his desk, giving me a smirk, "Guess who got another hundred on her test?" He waved the paper around, my name in the corner written nicely in pen.

I spoke, "I always try my best." It was true, I did my best.

I had to try my best.

"I know this pretty well, you are an amazing student." He said, "Always having your head in a book or studying."

I loved books more than he knew...It allowed me to escape reality... Even if it was only for a few minutes.

I licked my lips, nervously. Maybe, I could tell him... I could tell him what is going on with me, he might know what is happening. He would understand, he was nice. He wouldn't think I was crazy. "Sensei, I-"

The bell rung, interrupting me. Kids began to pile up in class, some girls giving me bad glances. I shrunk back in my seat, no longer looking Sensei in the eyes.

"What was it, Hara?"

I shook my head, "No, it was nothing. Have a good day." I turned around to quickly leave and he ruffly grabbed my wrist.

"You can talk to me anytime you want," He smiled innocently. I pulled away, giving him a nod. I rushed out and into my next class.

Once I was seated, I glanced at my wrist, it was white from where he grabbed me. Why did he grab me so tightly...If I could feel pain, I knew it would have hurt. The teacher began to talk, sending those thoughts into the back of my head.

Should I go there today? I paced around the stairs. Should I just go home? Girls walked past me to go to the Host Club. Why am I even thinking about this, they won't even remember my name. It was just a bunch of pretty boys. I'll walk in and they will ask who I am. I grumbled, "Just go home, Hara." The image of Tamaki invaded my mind.

He's just a pretty boy.

"Aw, but we wanted to see you today."

huh?! I backed up, almost tripping over the steps. The twins were in front of me, smirks on their faces. You could feel the mischief coming from them as they looked at me like I was some toy. "Why not come in so we can have a chat?" Nope, I am going home. I am stupid for even thinking about going up there. I tried to push past them, but they wouldn't let me escape.

"Excuse me," I mumbled.

"How about we make a deal," One of them said.

"If you can guess who we are and get it right, we will let you go home." The other smirked.

"If you lose, you have to come to the Host Club." They both chuckled like demons. My body shivered from fright. Why did I ever go there in the first place? If Honey had never brought me to the Host Club, then these two twins would have never bothered me.

"Ready? Let's play who is Hikaru and who is Kaoru."

This shouldn't be hard. I have a 50/50 chance to guess who they are.

They stood there, waiting for my answer, "Umm..." My finger pointed to the twin on the left, "You are Hikaru."

Let me be right...Please, let me be right.

Their eyes widened, making me feel more confident in my choice.

"Did she?"

"Could she have?" They both leaned down to me, giving close wide-eyed stares.

"Got it wrong!" They laughed.

I wanted to fall to the ground in defeat, how could I have lost? I can't go home now...

They both grabbed my arms. "Let's go!"

"P-Please, I must go home." I tried to say, but they didn't listen. As we were going up the stairs, I didn't notice the shadowy figure watching me closely.

We barged into the Host Club, making the members look at us. Honey wasn't currently talking to anyone and rushed to me, holding his rabbit. "Hara!" He cheered, "You came today!" He was excited that I came?

I felt a little happiness inside me.

"Yep, and she is going to have a little chat with us." The twins said in unison.

I really didn't want too...It was going to be awkward...

Honey pouted, "What if I wanted to talk to her."

They pulled out their tongues, "To bad."

Honey looked like he was about to cry. While they were arguing, I backed away, trying to make my way towards the door. I bumped into someone, I turned around to apologize but I froze in fear.

It was Luka...And she looked pissed. She ran her long fingers through her wavy black hair, while she glared at me with piercing green eyes. She was very pretty and had the atmosphere of a rich girl. Many of the girls in this school looked up to her. Either from fear or jealousy.

Where were her followers?

"Hello there, Trash." She snickered, pushing back her silky hair. I cowered away, my body shaking. "Looks like my friends were telling the truth, you are coming here." I don't want to be here, I wanted to tell her but my mouth was glued shut. "Why don't you just leave already? You are stinking up the place." I noticed her hand still had the bandage on, I knew she was making it seem like she was the victim.

"I-"

She got in my face, "Don't you dare even try talking to me, you piece of shit."

I felt myself start to break down. Why was she doing this to me? What have I ever done to her?! I backed up into someone's chest, I was too concerned with myself to notice.

"Are you okay?" Takashi? He stood behind me, looking at Luka with a calm gaze.

She instantly slapped on an innocent mask, "I was talking to my friend Hara here, I didn't mean to bother you." Her voice was higher as she fluttered her eyelashes.

I couldn't tell what he was thinking, he continued to look at her and placed a hand on my shoulder, "Come." He walked away.

I had to see her face...

I looked at Luka, who eye's were one of a maniac and they were aimed at me. My body forced me to run away from her, sticking close to Takashi's side for safety. I could hear Tamaki approach and start a conversation with her; she was fooling him completely. I tried to not pay attention as we sat at a table, close to a window that was facing the frozen garden. He pulled out my chair, allowing me to sit first.

"Thank you," I said shyly.

He went and grabbed some tea before sitting across. I picked it up gently, smelling the fresh aroma, taking a sip, I felt the warm liquid go down my throat.

There was no taste.

At least I could feel the warmth of it, that enough was satisfying. I felt my fear from earlier leave my body, replacing it was a nice calm feeling. Why did I feel this way when he was around? Glancing up from my cup, he was looking out the window. He looked so calm and composed. He always looked like nothing was wrong in the world. I was envious. I decided to stop staring, afraid he would notice.

I rested my chin on my palm, tea on the other hand. I turned my attention to out the window, watching the little white snowflakes fall. I loved winter, and due to my condition, I couldn't feel heat or the cold. It made it much easier to be out in it. I let out a sigh of relief, maybe coming here wasn't such a bad idea. Sure, being dragged here wasn't that fun but it was worth it. We sat here in silence, but I liked it.

I didn't have much to say.

Even if I was able to talk freely with him, would he believe me?

I noticed he was watching closely, I shyly went to look at the cup of tea. "I can tell you are troubled," He spoke.

What, he can tell?

I put on the best fake smile I could, "I'm not troubled at all! I'm as happy as ever!"

He didn't believe me.

He was about to say something but I panicked. Even though I wanted to tell someone. To get some sort of help. I wasn't ready to be pressured into answering. I overstayed my welcome. I stood up fast, bowing to him. "Thank you for the tea, I must go." I walked quickly away, ignoring everyone around me.

"Hey, you are supposed to talk to us?!" Hikaru called out. I didn't hear a word he said as I got closer to the door.

Luka was standing near it, talking to Tamaki still.

He noticed my fleeing figure, "Are you okay, Hara?" Luka looked at me with anger. I took time away from her and Tamaki. She didn't like that at all. She was biting her lower lip trying to hide the growing annoyance.

Right when I passed by her, time seemed to stand still as she whispered into my ear. "Don't come to school tomorrow or else."