I had nothing to do with this chapter title. Nothing at all. The editor expresses her deep regrets, and would like to explain that she was sleep-deprived and thought it was funny, which it probably was at one in the morning. The title does not reflect our opinion but (apparently) the majority of Hoenn's.

And someone asked if we could start writing down what Pokémon our protagonists have, but we thought it would be pretty easy to follow, as our personal rules are "No more than eight Pokémon per character, catching 'em all became impossible years ago" and "No more than two with nicknames, including the starter." To compromise, whenever one of them captures or evolves a new Pokémon, we'll write the list at the bottom to help keep it straight. This will carry on into future stories.

Brawly used three Pokémon for his Gym battles, the same as Roxanne. Brendan was not used to dealing with Fighting-types, and at first he was a little worried about what might happen in this match.

But, of course, his worry meant nothing.

Adam had Peck, which made the Machop a little too easy. Meditite was a little harder, being part Psychic, but the Combusken was channeling his trainer's rage and managed to Peck it down, too. It was only as a favor to May, and a worry about Adam's remaining health, that Brendan used Jerry against the Makuhita while Adam watched from the sidelines.

"Bulk Up, Makuhita," Brawly ordered, like he had done once already. Brendan knew he was just trying to overpower anything that was thrown his way, but the small Mudkip was getting in plenty of damage.

"Water Gun!"

Jerry's attack hit the opponent right in the face, and Makuhita stumbled back. Fists whirling, it took aim for its opponent, sending Jerry into something similar to panic.

The Arm Thrust only hit twice, thankfully. It was still enough to get Brendan worried. "Do you want to let Adam finish this?" he asked, but Jerry shook his head.

"You'll waste a turn switching me out," he answered out loud. "I think I've almost got him anyway. Just call the attack."

Brendan didn't waste time after that. "One more Water Gun, then!"

The Makuhita tried to fight it off with another Arm Thrust this time, but just ended up getting knocked back. Falling to the ground, it could barely move its fist in surrender.

May couldn't stop the relieved laughter as she ran up to hug her starter. "You did it," she cooed, as if congratulating a baby for eating its first jar of mashed vegetables. "You're such a good boy!"

Jerry's noise of mild amusement quickly switched to a triumphant cry as he finally started evolving. When the light cleared and the Marshtomp took the time to get used to walking on two legs, Brawly handed Brendan the Knuckle Badge.

"Take this not just as a symbol of your victory, but as an apology for what I put you through on your way over." Brawly at least looked ashamed of himself, which was a start. "My next challenger will have an easier time, I promise."

And then Adam tripped the Gym Leader as he went back to turn on the lights for the trainers, just so Brawly could feel what Brendan and May had felt.

"That could have gone better," May commented as they wandered into the cave. "You really didn't have to make the bet about Flash, you know."

"We can find Steven without it," Brendan insisted, squinting into the darkness. There were a few lights around the cave, but it was filled with Sableye and Aron, both Pokémon that didn't react well to light as newly hatched babies. "Besides, if that guy checks all our Pokémon's moves and finds that none of them have Flash, he'll give me money. I like having money."

May glared into the darkness ahead. "I noticed you never said anything about me getting a cut."

"You're going to publish whatever you write about this adventure, May. You'll be getting royalties, or whatever they call it. Even if it isn't much, it'll be more than I'll be winning."

May rolled her eyes but kept pushing forward, her eyes peeled for any new Pokémon. She'd always wanted a Mawile, and she'd heard of them living in this cave. Maybe if she caught one, she'd get to focus on -

A thud distracted her from her thoughts, and she turned around, barely able to see the white of her friend's hat as he struggled to pick himself off the ground. A sarcastic remark flew to the tip of her tongue, but she swallowed it immediately once she got a look at what he'd tripped over.

It wasn't a Mawile, but it was a Steel-type. The Aron was more identifiable by the indignant cry than any sort of shape, but May pulled her Pokedex from her pocket to shine a light, pun not intended, on the situation.

It wasn't angry enough to attack, but it was watching Brendan as if saying, "Stupid human should watch where he's going." Brendan, on the other hand, was not willing to just sit there and let the Aron win.

"I challenge you to a duel!" he declared, pointing dramatically at the small Pokémon in front of him. The Aron looked confused, but Brendan cleared it up quickly. "Shroomish, do the thing!"

The Great Ball clicked closed around the Aron, and this time, it stayed inside. Brendan had wasted three regular balls on it, but he was determined to catch it, and the Aron had apparently given up the fight.

When he was satisfied that he'd captured it, he gave it a quick scan with his Pokedex. "Huh. This one's a girl. I had plans to get an Aggron and demolish my opponents, but she might not be into that."

"Why wouldn't she?" May asked, more out of habit than anything else. "Girls love senseless destruction, it's in our nature. We just hide it behind pink frills and pretty faces."

Brendan looked down at the ball in his hands, unsure of what to say to that. "There's nothing pink or frilly about you," he commented. "But I can't argue with the senseless destruction bit. You seemed pretty cool with smashing Brawly's face in."

"Nothing pink or frilly? You didn't see my bedroom before the makeover started." May held out her Pokedex as a replacement flashlight, the light glinting off the eyes of a Sableye. It hissed, baring its unnaturally sharp teeth at them, but it scurried off in the opposite direction. "We're finding Steven, remember?"

Brendan clipped Aron's ball to its place on his belt before starting off once again, using his own Pokedex. "So where do we look for a rich guy?"

"I don't know. He'd probably be wearing something like a designer hard hat, I guess."

"Are they a thing?"

May laughed, the sound echoing in the dark chamber. "No idea," she said happily. "We'll just stick to the trial-and-error method!"

"Sounds like a plan," Brendan agreed, all the while hoping she had something resembling a clue as to what she was doing.

They found light, real light, only half an hour into their exploration. And with the lights came the chamber of carvings, carvings of ancient Pokémon that May recognized as Groudon and Kyogre, two of ancient Hoenn's most famous deities, the ones said to have shaped the region, land and water, with the aftermath of their battle.

And with the chamber of carvings came the man that was examining them. The man was wearing a nice suit even in the dirty cave, a suit so nice that he had to be Steven. Brendan noticed May's mouth pop open, and he could tell why. He didn't care about good-looking men, but he was able to recognize the trait when he saw it.

"So the primal forms really exist," the man said, not seeming to notice the kids standing right behind him. "To think that so much power could be held in just two Pokémon...and so different from Mega Evolution, yet somehow the same..."

"Are you Steven Stone?" Brendan asked, distracting the man from his monologue.

"I am," Steven answered at once, not particularly surprised. Maybe he had noticed them, after all. "Why are you asking?"

"Your dad gave us this to hand over," Brendan said quickly, digging through his bag to hand over the crumpled letter. "We didn't read it. I wanted to, but Princess Drool over here told me it was a felony, and I didn't want to have trouble with the law so soon after moving here."

May couldn't speak, even though her brain objected to being addressed as 'Princess Drool.' She'd never been this close to an actual pretty man before. Not when he was talking to her. She kind of liked it.

Brendan, being resistant to pretty-boy charm, just attempted to read over Steven's shoulder. Which, given their relative heights, was not an easy thing to accomplish, and the President's writing made it even more difficult. He got about three words in before Steven noticed.

"This couldn't have been easy," Steven finally said, folding up the letter and carefully putting it in his pocket. "I suppose I should repay you in some way. Perhaps a battle? Not now, of course, but when you're stronger. I promise that I give out more prize money than you're probably used to seeing."

"Or you could just save us the trouble of finding you again and just hand over the prize money right now," Brendan suggested.

"No," Steven said at once, his tone implying a secret joke that they were too young and inexperienced to be let in on yet. "I have a feeling I'll be seeing you both a great deal. You're Pokedex carriers, am I right? They tend to collect badges, and I'm personally friends with three different Gym Leaders. We're likely to pay a visit to at least one at the same time."

"Maybe I'll let you read some of my work sometime," May offered, and Steven tried to fake interest.

"In the future," he promised, figuring he could at least skim it. "What were your names again?"

"Brendan and May."

"Brendan and May. I'll be sure to remember you."

And that was how the pair agreed that Steven was one of Hoenn's more normal citizens. The thought was not very comforting.

Pokémon teams:

Brendan: Combusken (male, named Adam) Shroomish (male) Aron (female)

May: Marshtomp (male, named Jerry, evolved from Mudkip at the start of the chapter) Surskit (female)