Oh god, he knows...I sat in the frozen garden behind the school, sitting in a ball. He knows I'm dead and I ran out...Will he tell everyone? What will they do to me? Everyone...Oh no... I pulled at my black hair, trying not to cry. What will I do? Should I go home? If I do that and Mother already found out, what will she do to me? Why did I follow him?! I was stupid...I should have laughed at him, told him he was being silly.

That I wasn't dead and obviously alive.

I wanted help and believed him.

I should have run away.

"What is with you being outside?"

Tamaki! My eyes shot up, I had to fight back a smile; seeing someone who has never treated me wrong, made me wanna cry with happiness. He offered a hand, I took it with nervousness. My mind was screaming at me to not accept his help, to tell him to go away. He will betray you. He will use you. However, my mind was to messed up to process anything rational. I felt so alone and scared that I didn't care anymore. I took his hand, rising out of the snow. His smile turned into one of worry. It looked like I was going to cry, my eyes red and puffy. "Are you okay?"

I rubbed at my eyes, "I am-m...I..." I fought back a sniffle.

"It will be okay, " He tapped my head, showing me a bright smile. "You're like the Snow Queen, so beautiful but cold." He grasped one on my hands. "I noticed you don't like getting close to people." Stop talking...Please, I can't hold on if you talk like that. "I don't know what you've been through but...I would like to help." Help me...He wants to...

Help me.

I couldn't hold on anymore. I tried my best to hold it all in, but I broke. I cried. I cried my heart out, not caring that I looked like a mess. Knowing someone wanted to help me from the bottom of their heart was too much for me to handle. I tried to wipe my eyes but tears kept coming like waterfalls. Tamaki calmly took me into his arms, they were so warm. I felt safe. For the first time in my life, I felt like nothing was going to harm me. He squeezed tighter as I cried into his chest.

He whispered, "It's okay now, you're not alone anymore."

Could I trust him?

Why must I be this way? Why can't I trust anyone?! I wanted to believe him. No, I will believe him...I will try to trust him. I can't be like this forever. I will not let Luka haunt me, I will trust him. I tightened my grip on his jacket, begging to whatever God is up there.

Don't let me break.

"You know what might make you feel better?" I glanced up at him, my eyes still watery. "How about we go get some hot chocolate?" I almost started crying all over again, but I bit my tongue. I couldn't have any. I could no longer taste the warm and creamy liquid. Maybe it will go differently. I needed to get over it though so I nodded, a smile taking over. "Good! Also here, you can wear my coat so you don't freeze to death." He put his jacket over me. I couldn't feel the warmth, but my heart did. His coat was like a blanket to my soul, making me feel like there was hope.

We sat in a fancy coffee shop, one I've never seen before. I highly doubt I could afford it either. My face was still red from crying, I kept myself low in his jacket so no one could stare. Tamaki finished giving our order and looked at me, glad that I was no longer crying. My hair was in a frenzy, tangled and my face didn't make anything else better.

The place had a relaxed atmosphere, soft brown colors everywhere. We sat by the window, watching the snow fall and citizens pass by. "I love coming here in the winter. Coffee and Hot cocoa always put a smile on my face." He said. I wasn't a huge fan of chocolate but anything right now would be nice, especially for the first time, someone was getting it for me.

I spoke, "Thank you, Tamaki, I know you must be busy but here you are buying me a drink."

Being the member of a club, a Host Club at that must be very tiring. Having to keep up with all those girls each day. I could never do that. I can barely talk to anyone and be having to do it every day...I couldn't imagine it.

"I'm not busy at all! I'm glad we can come here and talk. You haven't been coming to the club so I was worried that you didn't like us."

I didn't like them? No, I never thought of it that way. I just...Didn't trust them. I didn't trust anyone but this time, it will be different, I am going to trust Tamaki. I will put everything I have on the line for this friendship. He said he would help and even though I am dead, I needed to try...if he betrays me...I don't know what I'll do.

I decided to speak up, "I don't hate you!" It came out louder than I wanted, the other customers looking at us with curiosity. I became embarrassed, burying my face in his jacket. He didn't seem the slightest concerned with everyone around us. In fact, he looked happy that I said that with so much emotion.

"That is good to hear. I was hoping to become good friends with you." Again, I had to look away from his face. That word brought pain and happiness to my heart. Since I've never had a best friend before, all this was new to me. None the less, I was happy. One of the most popular guys in school wanted to be my friend, out of all the people in the school, he called out to me. Why though? I wasn't someone to stick out. My hair plain and black, my eyes were a dull brown and the only thing I had going for me where my good grades.

I remained there in silence, resorting to looking out the window. I didn't know what to say to him. "What do you usually do after school? I can tell, you are not used to places like this." I didn't realize how easy it was to read my character. My body spelled the words 'Nervous' in all capital letters. It wasn't just the place, it was him. I didn't realize it but this was also my first time being alone with a guy. However, I felt no ill intentions from him.

"I go home and study."

That was true. I did nothing but study at home. I had no hobbies, no friends, and a not so loving family. Mother would be upset if I didn't study every day. She made sure that when I was in my room that my nose was smothered into a book. Today is different, I wasn't home suffocating myself in equations and dictionaries. I knew she would be upset about it when I returned home. I didn't tell her I was going out and even if I did, she would have told me no. I pouted...Seika can stay out till dark...Why can't I?

Tamaki laughed, "That reminds me of Kyoya." He brightened with the mention of his friend, "You might have seen him. He has glasses and black hair. Always looks grumpy." The image of the man who walked through the door that day in the Host Club popped up in my head. He didn't seem very nice...I don't think... I want to get to know him on a personal level. "He always studies and is always on the top of the class."

"That is good." I smiled. It was always nice to hear of someone who is willing to make good grades. I have to make A's or Mother will be upset with me. Our hot chocolate finally came, the lady gently sat them down. There were marshmallows floating in the brown liquid, the smell making my nose tingle. I took a sip, not tasting anything. I wonder if drinking anything will make me vomit? Well, we will find out later. Even though I could not taste the chocolate drink, I was enjoying it. He bought this for me and that alone, was enough to make me happy.

After taking a sip he asked, "Will you come to the club tomorrow? You won't leave school without talking to us will you?"

I was silent.

I wanted to trust him, to make him my friend. However, I was still afraid. What if something happens tomorrow? What if Luka makes a move? All I could think of to do would be to run home in fear, making the Host Club the last thing on my mind. Also, I have Nekozawa to deal with... However, I had decided I will try.

"I promise," I smiled, "To come to the club tomorrow."

Tamaki instantly grinned, sipping his drink quickly. He stood up rather fast, making me flinch, "Then it is a deal!" He gave me a thumbs up, "I will see you at school, I better get going, I have a surprise for you tomorrow!" He paid our bill and left with a joy in his step. I stood outside the shop, a small true smile hidden. Oh, wait! He forgot his jacket! I looked around desperately, running in the direction he went. I couldn't find him in the end, I frowned, trying to catch my breath. I will return it to him at school... I quickly rushed home, not wanting Mother to be even angrier at me.

I closed the door behind me quietly, trying not to disturb anyone in my home. I didn't hear anyone. Was Mother still not home? What about Seika? Now that I think about it, I haven't seen them since I bit her... I decided to take the silent opportunity and make myself dinner. I couldn't remember the last time I had done that for myself. I changed out of my uniform into pj's and proceeded to heat a pan. I decided to have some rice and pork. I managed to make the rice and finish the pork.

It looked okay.

I wasn't the best cook.

"Okay, it has been a long time," I spoke to myself, taking my chopsticks and picking up a piece of pork. As soon as it touched my tongue, I remembered I couldn't taste anything...I wasn't even hungry. I guess the idea of doing something for myself was too much to resist. Sadness developed over me. I was able to cook for myself, it was the act of doing something on my own without being told too... I couldn't even enjoy. I sighed, about to throw away my plate when the door opened. I froze in fear. Was that Mother? Was she home? If she saw that I cooked, she will scold me! My feet refused to move, my body shaking.

"Hara?" Father...It was only him...I breathed in relief, my body no longer heavy. "Do I smell cooking?" Would he get upset? What should I do? Should I quickly hide it?! He appeared behind me, placing a loving hand on my shoulder. He noticed the plate in my hands, taking it from me and setting it back down, urging me to sit. He got some of the food for himself, sitting across from me. I was silent. Was he going to like it? I wasn't use to this. I tugged at my hair, The last time I had dinner with Father...Was so long ago. He picked it up with his chopsticks, putting a slice of pork in his mouth. For a split second, I saw distaste flash in his eyes. He continued to eat it anyway, gulping down bites quickly.

This made me a little upset. Father didn't say anything for a minute, trying to stomach the food. He took a deep breath, "That was something. A little easy on the salt next time," He smiled. He finished everything on his plate for me. I felt a warmth in my heart. He didn't have to eat it, he could have thrown it away. I was happy, a smile taking over my lips. "There's my little girl." Hearing that almost made me cry, I kept it inside though; not wanting to turn this moment into sadness.

Father...

"I'm not little anymore." I quietly laughed.

He calmly spoke, "That is true, but to me, you will always be my little girl."

I wanted to run into his arms, squeeze him as tight as I could. I haven't heard him talk like his old self in such a long time; it was unfamiliar. I looked away, not knowing what to say. Since we haven't talked casual like this, I was unsure of what to do. It was awkward, the feeling of going to my room grew, wanting to escape the unfamiliar situation. He could tell I was uneasy, a frown forming.

I decided to say something, not wanting him to feel bad. "I made a new friend..." I wanted to slap myself. Would he care if I told him? Why did I have to bring this up? I decided to trust Tamaki. Was I ready to fully say he was my friend?

"That is good," He seemed pleased. "Who are they?"

"His name is Tamaki, he is very kind and he took me out for hot chocolate today." I remembered I came home late, "I'm sorry that I am home late..."

He waved his hand, "That is alright, I come home late almost everyday. As long as you are safe." I felt good. I felt like telling Father about him was a bad decision, in fact, it made me feel better; not so alone. I noticed Mother still wasn't home, making me feel nervous.

"Where is Mother?" I bravely asked.

Father's face looked troubled, "She is with her sister right now cause-" He paused, "Are you alright, is anything wrong?"

I knew he was referring to me attacking Seika. He didn't want to say it out loud. I was not alright. I wanted to tell him I killed myself and that I was now walking the earth like some lost soul, but I couldn't. He wouldn't believe me. I wanted to tell him the bullying at school was becoming worse, that Luka was now becoming more twisted. I remained silent, the words I wanted to scream out remained in my mouth.

"I am fine...Just tired." I lied, picking up my untouched plate.

"You haven't touched your food," He pointed out.

I laughed it off, "My cooking isn't very good, but thank you Father, for eating it anyway." I scraped off my remains, washing our plates quickly. He got up from his seat, pulling me into a hug. I wanted to push him away, not used to this act of affection. However, at the same time, it was nice, I was loving every minute of it.

"You can tell me anything, I will always be here for you." He whispered, holding onto me tightly.

I hugged him back, my mouth almost speaking the words no one would believe. "Father, I k-" I quickly silence myself. That was close...I couldn't put this burden on him. He is my Father, the only one I have in my family who I didn't have to coward down too. If I was to tell him that I killed myself...What would he do? Would he be able to handle it? I can't even understand it, I'm still coming to terms with it.

I couldn't do this to him.

I could never let him know.

After a few more words, we retired into our separate rooms. I stood by my door, trying not to smile in complete joy. Today, I noticed... For once in my life, was good. I could honestly say that I had an amazing day. If I could repeat everything that I happened, I would. This day was going to be recorded into my heart forever. I pulled out the energy bar from my bag, my chest tightening. Then I tightened Tamaki's jacket around my small frame.

I had a friend.

Going to school wasn't going to be as terrible anymore. I crashed into my bed, no longer caring I was smirking like an idiot. Looking forward to seeing him tomorrow, I hugged the bar close.

For once, I was going to approach life with my head held up high.