A/N: As I've stated a couple of years ago when this story was rolling around in my head, it is mainly focused on the Carlin-Davies children. You will find that it is heavily focused on Jaiden and Lucas at this point because I have so much planned for them. I won't be offended if you stop reading but I thank you for following me this far. With all of that said, SPASHLEY will have a lot of play in this fic so just be patient.

I don't own SoN/Spashley but the people in this chapter? Yeah, all mine. *proud*

Enjoy!

Four | She's Heavy In My Thoughts

~*Jaiden*~

Lucas was sixteen when I first felt a pull toward her. I knew there was always a fine borderline when it came to my feelings for her but when she was younger, I felt more inclined to protect her at all costs. She was never a sister to me and there were reasons I could not explain as to why I felt that way. It wasn't until she was sixteen when I realized that Lucas was someone who would wreck my world one day.

It was only a matter of time.

I was twenty-two when I flirted with the devil and decided that holding her hand on our "date" would be just another innocent thing we both did. It turned out that was a mistake and one that I didn't want to take back but regretted for obvious reasons.

She looked so grown up in her ripped black and yellow Boston Bruins tank top and light colour jeans. I had pulled her long blonde hair back into a ponytail with a few braids hanging loose around her face. I wanted Lucas to leave an impression on her date with Kylee but soon found it was her loss when I got to accompany Lucas for the evening instead.

She made me feel like I was sixteen all over again with the slight butterflies and giddiness.

It was easy to contain though because even though I had these unforgivable feelings towards her, I was responsible and straight headed enough to know that there was a line I could not cross - at all.

We had fun hanging out, as we always had, and when it was time to drop her off, I kissed her cheek like I would normally do. She grinned and quickly scooted out of my car while I sat back and breathed out heavily.

I had put a stop to it before I could let it get out of hand. I went back to school and met Kennedy in my Lit class. We hit it off instantly and had been together ever since.

I wasn't blind when it came to Lucas. She wasn't subtle with her blushes and as she aged, her flirting game was strong.

So when I had heard how she really felt, out loud for the very first time, it wasn't so much as a shock to me as it was a revelation. Lucas was eighteen. She was legally an adult and I had been leading her around, unintentionally, for all of her teen years. It wasn't fair for her and I had no idea how to make it right without giving in to the feelings I've wanted to return for awhile now.

She looked broken and I couldn't do anything to stop her from walking away because what was I supposed to say? Return the sentiment? I had a fiancee and I had a life that I was trying to build. It wouldn't be fair to anyone.

"Where have you been?" Kennedy asked as I entered the apartment upstairs above Rapture. I had rented it off of my parents during the summers I came home from school to work. We were allowed to stay in it for free while we were visiting for the remainder of the summer.

"I'm sorry. I just got lost in my head." I whispered, kneeling on the couch beside her and kissed her cheek.

"Is everything okay? Lucas looked pretty upset when she came back earlier." Kennedy frowned in concern.

"We had a disagreement." I shrugged and stretched. "I don't think it's a good idea to ask her to be my Best Man."

Kennedy eyed me up and I knew she was about to have a meltdown. "Jaiden." She hissed lowly before standing up abruptly. "We've held off on planning our wedding because you wanted to ask her to be standing up there with you and now you're saying she shouldn't be? What the hell happened tonight?"

"I told you, we had an argument." I got up and grabbed a glass of water, chugging it. "I'll ask Jennie."

"Your ex-Jennie?!" She screeched before stomping her foot. "You're unbelievable."

"She's barely an ex!" I yelled at her retreating form then threw myself back on the couch, staring at the TV that was turned off.

Tension. It was all around me and I couldn't shake it no matter what. "Get your shoes off the table." Mom scolded me as I grumpily ate my cereal at the front counter in the diner. "Where's Ken?"

"No clue." I muttered and slurped my milk slightly before my other mom slapped me gently with the newspaper. "Sorry."

"Please tell me you two aren't fighting." Mom sighed, tucking blonde hair behind her ear.

"We are," I nodded, "sorry to disappoint you."

"Jaiden." She warned and rolled her eyes at my usual behaviour. "I don't want to be shelling out thousands of dollars on a wedding that may not happen."

I swallowed when that idea kind of sat a little too well with me. I wasn't feeling the vibe anymore.

Customers walked in and I heard her voice and her quiet laughter before I even saw her. Lucas was wearing tight skinny leg jeans with a flannel shirt wide open and her black bikini top exposed for everyone to see. She had a black snapback on, her long blonde hair down and flowing flawlessly. My jaw had yet to be picked up off the floor because damn the girl worked out.

"Good morning Lucas!" Mom yelled her over and I could tell that she hesitated before sliding up next to me. "Looks like you're ready for a fun day at the beach."

"We're heading to Coney Island for the day; to do some tubing and waterboarding." She answered politely. I tried to ignore the scent of sunscreen lotion coming off her already naturally tanned skin.

"Why not just go off your dock?" I asked curiously.

Her stunning grey eyes shrugged, looking at me. She pulled a brunette over to her side intimately and smiled, "Whitney is leaving in the morning and I've been promising her a day at Coney since she got here from Ireland. I figured since I have my pack together for one last time, we'd enjoy it - adult free."

Oh... burn.

"Well have fun." I smiled and turned back to my cereal but realized I wasn't hungry and pushed off the stool, grabbing my bowl and making my way to the kitchen in the back. I got to work clearing out the dirty dishes and loading them into the industrial dishwasher. It was then that I felt hands grip my hips before I was tugged around to face the intruder.

Lucas's eyes were burning with a fire I had never seen before - why would I see this side of her, I mean.

"I'm leaving this weekend," she whispered, her face so close to me, "and I just need to know one thing."

I swallowed and nodded, feeling the skin of her bare stomach pressed against my own.

"If I were older," she licked her dry lips, "would we have a chance?"

"Lucas." I closed my eyes and placed my hands on her bare waist in a move to push her back but she only fought the movement and pressed against me harder.

"I'm leaving this weekend, Jai. I don't want to go on wondering anymore so if you can help me move on..." Lucas whimpered a little when I shook my head slowly, feeling my heart beat wildly in my chest.

"I can't tell you anything you want to hear." I confessed and took the snapback hat off her head before surging forward and stealing a bruising, heart stopping kiss from her. The hat was gripped into the hand that was clutching at her flannel shirt.

I had never in my life felt so torn between kissing this young beautiful woman forever and pushing her away because I was the adult and I shouldn't be kissing her.

I was getting married!

But Lucas opened her mouth as a slight invitation and the kiss grew deeper and soon I felt it all. I felt the floodgate open to my heart and just pour out everything it had locked up for quite some time.

I whimpered when her hands finally came up to cup my face and the kiss grew less heated and more sensual.

It was wrong.

"Luc." I mumbled and pushed back. "Lucas..."

"Wow." Was all she said, her eyes in a daze and I couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah, wow." I nodded in agreement but felt the sickening feeling of guilt rise up in me fast. "I wish things were different."

"Don't we all?" She whispered as she grabbed her hat from my hand and placed it back on her head. She stood there, her hands playing with the belt loops on my jeans. She didn't look at me expectantly like I thought she would. Instead she just squeezed my hips before pushing her body back and leaving without a word.

I couldn't help but wonder what the hell had just happened.

And what was I going to tell Kennedy?

The night was young, the sun still fairly high in the sky. I tried to get her out of my head and two days later, she was still heavy in my thoughts. The war inside of myself to be honest with Kennedy was an on-going battle because I didn't know what to tell her. I didn't know if I could explain why the kiss with Lucas had happened or what it meant.

"Penny for them?" Kennedy asked as she stepped out onto the dock, off of my parents' houseboat.

I gave her a smile and felt the guilt rip inside me, as it had for the past 48 hours. "Are you sure you don't want to move here?" I changed the subject and pointed towards the calm lake.

"I love living in Ottawa, I love the life there." Kennedy shrugged, "but it is gorgeous here." She leaned against me and sighed. "Are you sure everything is okay with you?"

"No." I replied honestly and blew a few strands of hair out of my face. The palms of my hands were sweaty. I felt her rub my lower back gently in concern and I could only move away from her advances.

"Jaiden," she frowned in worry and confusion, "Did I do something wrong?"

"No." My shoulders sagged as I took a deep breath before looking at her and I know she could see the distress written all over my face. "There's something I have to tell you and you're really not going to like it."

She swallowed hard but put on a brave face before stepping back and allowing me to continue. "Wait," she shook her head and scratched her head before letting out a laugh, "I think I know what you're going to say."

"You do?" I asked her, unsure.

"You don't want to get married, right?" Kennedy tucked her red hair behind her ears. "All of this pressure of wanting to get married before I make partner at the law firm is weighing heavily on you isn't it?"

Biting my lip and holding back a sympathetic smile, I just gave her a look to tell her she was wrong - to a point at least.

"I kissed someone." I barely whispered but held my head up to face her and own up to my actions like a grown woman. "The other day while I was down in the diner eating breakfast, I kissed someone else."

The look of shock on Kennedy's face was more heartbreaking than I thought it would be. "I'm sorry but did you just say you kissed someone else?"

I nodded, remaining silent.

"That's awesome, Jai." She laughed out loud, the sound echoing across the quiet lake. "Why the hell would you kiss someone else? Who is she?"

"It doesn't matter who she is." I whispered.

Kennedy stood there and stared at me before she turned around and walked away from the docks.