Disclaimer: I don't own SoN or Spashley.
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Five | Weighing Us Down

~*Ashley*~

Dumping the load of laundry on the bed, I gave Spencer a look and she just grinned innocently. "What?"

"Oh nothing." She got up from the reading chair, tossing her book aside and flopped down on the bed. "Alex and Sam will be in Midtown visiting Mom and Dad and offered to take Dylan and Matthew for a night. I was thinking," she stalked up the bed before reaching me and popping open the button of my jeans, "we could get a honeymoon suite and do dirty things to each other."

I gasped slightly when she got up on her knees and stole my breath away in a kiss, her fingers deftly pulling the zipper down and sliding her hand inside. "The door is open." I breathed hotly against her lips and she just chuckled, hopping off the bed and kicking it shut before taking her spot back in front of me.

"Better?" She grinned with a wink, head tilting to the side and resuming the movement with her hand, peppering kisses down my jaw.

"Momma!" Matthew yelled from outside the door that was just slammed moments ago. "The phone is for you!"

I grabbed Spencer's wrist and held it there while we had a brief staring contest, breathing heavily. "Later." I muttered and tugged her hand from my jeans and kissed her hard one last time before extracting myself from her hold altogether.

"Aaash!" She whined behind me while I opened the door to find my son grinning, holding out the phone.

"Thanks Matt," I ruffled his hair and side stepped him, taking the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey Momma," Lucas sounded tired.

"Hey Luc, everything okay? Where are you?" I asked, heading down the stairs toward the kitchen.

"Yeah, we just got in off the lake. Hadley and her parents were going to drop me off at home but I was wondering if I could hang out in town for a bit and maybe you or Mom can pick me up?"

"Yeah, sure. Do you know what time? Dylan is at Taesso's until eleven, is that too late?" I asked, opening the freezer to grab a tub of ice cream.

"Nah," She replied and I could hear cars in the background, "Rapture is having their last open mic night of the summer and it's going until midnight so eleven is perfect."

"Did you finish the last of your packing?" I raised an eyebrow while opening the lid off the container and digging in with a tablespoon.

"Most of it. Don't worry, we'll leave the house early enough to catch our flight, I promise." She huffed in a laugh and then told me she'd see me later and hung up.

I put the phone on the counter and turned around to find Matthew grinning at me with a spoon of his own. "Care to share?"

"Why of course." I chuckled and ushered him into the living room where Iron Man was on pause, "After this you need to brush your teeth and go to bed. We have a long day tomorrow."

"Yes ma'am." He saluted, batting his long lashes while sitting on the couch beside me. "Is Lucas moving away forever?"

I smiled softly and pressed a kiss to the top of his shaggy head. "No, she's not. She has a huge opportunity to play hockey just like Mom and she'll receive a great education in the process."

"Okay." Matthew sighed sadly.

"You know, normally parents would say that their kid is receiving a great education before mentioning the hockey bit." Spencer teased lightly as she descended down the stairs.

I just snickered and threw my head back, looking at her upside down slightly. "Yeah well, she's a Carlin. Hockey is in her blood and it's important. Plus she received one of the most outstanding scholarships for hockey so she better damn well play her ass off."

"Bad word." Matthew shook his head disapprovingly while digging back into the ice cream between us.

"Who was on the phone?" Spencer asked as she slid into my lap, stealing a bite of ice cream.

"Lucas." I replied, nuzzling her arm and looking at her with a soft smile. "She's not ready to come home yet and since Hadley was her ride home, she needs a ride later."

Spencer nodded slowly and tilted her head in thought. "She doesn't want to spend her last night with us?"

Matthew glanced at us with a sad look before he sighed and went back to watching the movie. I could tell he was going take her absence worse than any of us.

"It's not like that." I whispered and nudged her off my lap so she'd stand. I grabbed her hand while kissing our son on his head before tugging her back upstairs to our room. "Matthew thinks his world is ending with Luc leaving for the school year. I don't need you feeding into that right now."

Spencer looked like she was scolded and sat down on the end of the bed, arms folded in front of her chest. "Our eldest is leaving and you're perfectly okay with it."

I chuckled and shook my head. "No baby," I smirked and moved to straddle her lap, kissing her softly, "but Lucas is an adult and she's ready to face life on her own and do what she loves. She's you at that age." I pointed out with a raised eyebrow.

"It's still not fair." Spencer pouted, her baby blues staring at me. "I don't remember my parents acting like this when I was leaving."

"From what I understand, you and Carmen took off last minute to that hockey summer camp in Quebec then straight into school after that." I pulled back, cupping her face.

She just shrugged and wrapped her arms around my waist tighter, nuzzling her face in between my breasts. "Why does Matthew have to be home right now?"

I tossed my head back and laughed. "Boy, you're not happy either way tonight. You're upset that Lucas isn't home and you're upset that Matthew is."

"I just want to have sex with you right now." She bluntly replied, nipping at my collarbone.

I shuddered slightly before getting up off of her lap. "Why don't we wait until everyone is in bed and fast asleep. We'll play my favourite game 'Who Can Keep Quiet'."

"I always win." Spencer grabbed me and pulled me back down on the bed, rolling us over so that she was on top of me. "How about a pre-game show?" She wiggled her eyebrows before stealing my breath away in a kiss.

~*Dylan*~

I put down Taesso's guitar and leaned back on the couch in his basement. He was pretty spoiled, having the whole basement to himself as a bedroom and hangout place. He was sprawled out on his bed, reading some sort of comic book and I chuckled, throwing a pillow at him.

"Hey!" He scowled at me before tossing his book aside and getting up to charge at me, picking me up and tossing me on my back, tickling my sides.

"Taes!" I screeched in laughter, trying to push his hands away. "Stop!" I breathed and he immediately backed off, chuckling.

"I miss hanging out with you." He confessed, laying on his side beside me. "Ever since you and Mason starting dating, it feels like I never get to see you unless it's hanging out between classes at school. This is the first time this summer that we've actually hung out without him here."

I sat up with a guilty sigh, running my hands through my hair. "I know and I'm sorry."

He shrugged and reached over to play with the bracelet on my wrist that Lucas bought me. "We're hanging out now so I'm okay." He gave me a grin. "How are things with you and Mase anyway?"

"I wouldn't know actually." I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Ever since I was grounded, he hasn't been around. Whatever."

Taesso sat up and licked his lips, a debating look in his eye. It was like he wanted to say something but didn't at the same time.

"Taesso, what is it?" I asked, turning my body so that I was facing him.

"I woke up to a text this morning but I didn't want to say anything to you because well," his dark eyes just looked so soft and sad, "I didn't want to be the one to hurt you."

I frowned and shook my head. "I'm not following here. What do you mean? What was the text about?"

"Heath said that he saw Mason out with Mila last night at Anicinabe Park. They were…parked?" He swallowed and I could tell that he was waiting for my reaction.

And I wanted to react and I wanted to ask him what he meant by 'parked' but I knew deep down exactly what he meant. Mason and I had been to Anicinabe Park a few times to make out and yes, maybe I'd given him a helping hand once or twice but the moment he started wanting more, he found my resistance a huge turn off and we hadn't been back since.

"Oh." I said in, what I thought was a normal voice. "Good for him."

"Good for hi-, Dylan…" Taesso scrunched his face up in confusion before scratching the back of his neck. "I just told you that your boyfriend pretty much, no, not pretty much, but that he flat out cheated on you and you say 'good for him'?"

I nodded. "Yeah, good for him."

"What?" Taesso nearly huffed and growled slightly. "That motherfucker cheated on you and you're just going to let it happen?"

"I'm not right for him." I lashed out and got up off the bed. "Jesus, Taesso, why are you freaking out about this? So the fucker cheated on me. It's not like I was ready and willing to have sex with him."

"You're so much more than sex, Dylan! He should know better." Taesso yelled back, his chest heaving. "Just because you aren't ready, doesn't give him the right to screw someone else. That is not how a relationship works."

"Well apparently it's how this one works." I grabbed my sandals and started to pull them on my feet.

"Where are you going?" He asked, slightly panicked. "Please stay, I'm sorry I freaked out. I care about you."

"While I find your accent completely adorable when you're angry and sticking up for me, I need some time alone to process this." I answered quietly.

"You don't have to process it alone, you know. I'm here for you." Taesso gave me a small smile and when I noticed he had tears in his eyes, it kind of broke me too.

For so many reasons.

And in that moment when Taesso wrapped his arms around me and held me against his chest, I knew that maybe, just maybe I found the one person to confide in.

Because the truth was, I wasn't okay.

I literally felt alone in a world where I should feel the most comfort. And I love lesbians, I do. I find women fascinating but not to the point where I want to make out with one. But I am surrounded by them every single day. I get teased at school because my sister was out and proud and everyone just expected me to follow in her shadow. It was hard making friends with guys because some of them would want to come over to watch my parents make out or my sister make out with her flavour of the month.

I was already struggling with not playing hockey anymore. I had given it up in favour of cheerleading, which didn't work out so much either because the girls were afraid I'd either check them out in the change room or that I'd tell my sister about how they looked while in the change room.

And then throw in all the sex talk and jokes between my family members…Carmen and my mom were the worst for it.

After I had explained as much to Taesso, he gave me a soft smile. "I'm sure if you tell your family how you feel, they'll understand, Dylan. They're not ones to judge you."

"I know." I sighed when we relocated to his bed, my head on his chest with my eyes closed. He was threading his fingers through my hair. "Did you mean what you said a while ago?" I lifted my head and stared up at him.

"I don't know what you're talking about but I'm sure I meant it, yes." He chuckled when I slapped his stomach.

"About being more than just sex." I whispered, judging his reaction.

Taesso stopped mid thread and looked me dead in the eye. "You're my favourite cuddle bunny, you know that? I could waste my whole life just lying here with you doing nothing else and I'd die a happy man."

I tried to hide a blush but I couldn't so I just cleared my throat and tilted my head slightly. "Is that your way of saying you like me?"

"I thought it was pretty obvious but yeah." His voice broke slightly but he managed to smile at me with his charming ways. "I'm in love with you."

Oh.

"Oh." I breathed, my heart picking up slightly and the feel of his hand cupping the side of my face.

"Don't worry," he whispered seriously, "I don't expect you to say anything in return. I just didn't want to lie to you anymore either. But I meant it, Dyl, you're more than sex. You're insanely attractive but you're more than that."

"I have one more thing to say to you," I lifted myself up on my arms and took a deep breath, "I don't know how I feel about this right now but it's not you. I really do like you, Taes and I'm not going to deny the chemistry we have but…" I breathed in deeply once more, "I'm still trying to find myself and maybe Mason's cheating was a blessing in disguise because I know I wouldn't have slept with him. And I may have a lot to work out in my life and choosing a path for when school ends but there is one thing I think I know."

"What?" He asked in concern.

"I'm asexual." The words wanted to stay trapped because once they were out, I couldn't take them back.

"Okay." Taesso said slowly like it was no big deal. "So, that just further amplifies that you're more than just sex. You're going to make the best girlfriend to the right guy because your focus will not be on sexualizing your relationship but making it even more special with your love and quirkiness."

"…" I stared at him as if he weren't real. Taesso Ramirez was perfect. "So if we were to be in a relationship, you know we won't ever have sex right?"

"Correct." He nodded. "Oh but if we were in a relationship, we'd have the best romance in history."

"I'm asexual." I repeated again.

"You've stated that very clearly the first time." Taesso stated firmly. "Are we labeling ourselves right now? I'm pansexual."

"Wait, you are?" I asked, jumping on his bed and grinning at him.

"Love is love, man." Taesso laughed and sat up with me, sighing into a more serious emotion. "You should break up with your boyfriend because you deserve better. You also need time to heal and mend your mind because you're beating yourself up so hard over this. Over who you are. You're Dylan. My best friend. Everything else? It doesn't matter right now."

"I kind of want to kiss you right now." I replied softly and pulled him into a hug instead.

"I wouldn't be opposed to that." I heard his muffled voice in my neck and pulled back with a dimpled grin and a wink, placing a kiss on my cheek. "Come on, if you're done talking for now, let's go bug my moms to play a board game with us before you have to go."

~*Lucas*~

Rapture was packed when I walked in. The crowd was full of young teens and some that were my age. I greeted a few friends from school but made my way to the back counter. "Hey Eph," I smiled at her.

"Lucas!" She grinned and moved around the counter to hug me tightly. "How are you? We haven't seen you here for the past couple of days. Seems like you're cheating on us with some other coffee shop, it just better not be Starbucks at Safeway."

I laughed and took my snapback off feeling the stickiness of the heat lingering in the air. "Uh no actually. I was with Hadley at their camp in Sunnyside."

"It's so good to see you two are great friends after your break up." Ephiny squeezed my shoulder briefly.

"Eph, we were 13." I shook my head with a small laugh.

"First crushes are hard to get over sometimes too." She shrugged, her eyes twinkling. "So what can I get you? Is the family joining?"

I rubbed the back of my neck. "Actually, I was wondering if Jai was around?"

Ephiny eyed me up with a look I couldn't quite decipher. "She might be upstairs. I haven't seen her around here much either."

I nodded my thanks silently and squeezed by her, taking the back way up to the second floor. I rubbed my hands on my ripped jean shorts and held my hand up to knock on the door.

I didn't know what I was going to say once I was face to face with her. I kissed her and she kissed me back. We hadn't spoken since and I wasn't sure how to feel. All I ever wanted was Jaiden and when she kissed me back, everything just fell into place.

But Jaiden was engaged and yes, I was there to apologize.

The door opened up a few seconds later and I hadn't even realized that I had knocked. I was met with green eyes and a small smile on Kennedy's pretty face. "Hi Kennedy," I gave her an awkward wave.

"Lucas." She slurred a little bit, holding a bottle of Budweiser in her hand.

"Um, I just came to see Jaiden but if you two are busy…" I started when she held up her hand to stop me from talking.

"She's not here." Kennedy practically yelled while laughing, looking around the small apartment. "I suspect she's on the houseboat at the Harbourfront. That's where she was when she told me that she kissed someone else."

I flinched and my heart sped up a little bit. I noticed she was analyzing my reaction before she sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, pointing at me. "How close are you two?"

"Excuse me?" I nearly squeaked because there I was, standing in front of a woman who was supposed to marry Jaiden and I had kissed Jaiden. Her green eyes narrowed at me.

"I just thought maybe if you knew who else she hung out with maybe I would know who she kissed. I mean, am I not enough, Lucas? Does she not love me enough to at least tell me she doesn't want to get married? I'm not forcing her and she asked me." Kennedy babbled, tears starting to spill before she flung her arms around me and sobbed. The beer bottle dropped to the wooden floor, splashing my shoes and ankles.

Awkwardly I patted her back and pushed myself away. "You know, I'm not so sure I know Jaiden all that well anymore either. I'm not the best person to ask." I adjusted the snapback onto my head and nodded. "I gotta go, I'm sorry Kennedy."

She just sniffled and slammed the door behind me.

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