I can't write romance. This is clear proof I can't. Sorry guys.
Anyways...Any of you been watching Eurovision? I cannot put into words how much inspiration I get from this. Honestly, I need to make "Monster Like Me" into a plot for a DenNor fanfic and Portugal's entry (I'm sorry, I can't write the title out correctly) for...I don't know. Something for Spamano? (Yes, I know it's in Portuguese.)...Either way this will be exciting.
I do not own Hetalia or fancy Italian restaurants.
We stayed there for six fucking hours. Six hours of trying to keep my damn emotions from showing on my already wrecked face. I swear, everyone knew I was upset - even Mrs. Karpusi asked me if I was okay and that I looked like I had major allergies. The fuck, I was screwed. This trip was really fucking me up. My depression was getting worse and there no way I could go another day with...getting embarrassing and emotional.
At least my roommates weren't making it even more humiliating. Lizzy thankfully kept her damn mouth shut and didn't screw things up more. Tino and Kiku told me to most horrible joke I've ever heard to try to make me smile. I respect their effort, but those jokes really sucked...
But Feli just ignored me the entire time at the museum, which should've made me happy but...He was my flesh and blood and I realize now that he's part of my life and I'm used to him...
God, this was just hurting my brain...
And this trail of thinking like this only got worse as we left the museum. The flowers in someone's random window were the same ones my mom always put in the flower box outside mine, the ones I bring to her grave every mother's day. The woman that checked us in at the hotel looked like a younger version of my mom...and she talked like Feli. Those two could've been twins...
And to top off my crappy school trip, Antonio was breathing down my neck the entire time! I swear he doesn't understand personal space, which was making me extremely uncomfortable...and the way he groped my arms hurt.
So it can't be any surprise that I was seriously pissed off when I ended up eating alone with him at a pricy Italian restaurant. No, it wasn't a date. The arrangements just happened that way, since eating with a sociopath and a prude would be even less desirable.
Our talk at the hotel room went a little like this:
Tino: -slams his book on the table- It's dinner time, are we getting anything?
Feli: -fast asleep-
Lizzy: I'm tired. I'll stay with Feli. Bring me leftovers Kiks!
At that point I remember Kiku shot her one of his rare dirty looks.
Lizzy: Love you too!
Antonio: I think we have to go somewhere in walking distance...I think there's a Chinatown and a Little Italy...
Me: Can we get Italian food?
Tino: I think I'll just stay in here if that's what you're doing.
(Needless to say, I hate Tino a little more now.)
Lizzy: You could check and see if anyone next door wants to go with you. I think the Kirklands and Bondeviks are around.
Tino: Thank god...
Me: Good riddance.
Kiku: Lovino-kun...
Antonio: So do you want to get Italian with us, Kiku?
I could never forget the spark in Kiku's pitch black eyes go off. He smirked in a way I've only ever seen on Lizzy's face, this sort of frightening fox-like smile. "No, I'll stay with Feliciano-kun and Elizabeta-kun."
So I ended up all alone with the last person I wanted to be all alone with: Freaking Antonio. I swear, that hour was the most awkward in my life, reminiscent of a first date.
Antonio was obviously uncomfortable for once too, keeping his hands to himself and attempting to make civil conversation, stuff like "Nice weather, isn't it~!" to which I would reply "It fucking sucks."
Needless to say, it was hella stupid.
I worried about it, the way my mouth just turned down everyone's suggestions. I'd be a horrible actor, since the "yes, and" rule never worked out for me. But then again, acting wasn't life, and the "yes, and" rule wasn't realistic. But was the "No, screw you" rule any better? Just thinking about it made my brain hurt.
Oh yeah, speaking of drama, I had Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice with me. Thank god, I could read and Antonio could get the signal and mind his own business and we'd both be happy ignoring each other...Or at least he'd be happy ignoring me...
"Oh~! You like Shakespeare~?"
Well, I guess I was wrong.
"Of course I like Shakespeare, idiot!" I snapped, looking up enough to see that John Hancock-worthy smile. (Okay, dumb comparison, but you know what I mean.) "Do you have a problem with that?"
"W-well..." For once he was stumbling over his idiotic words. " You just didn't seem like the type..." He immediately stopped himself and coughed, trying to cover up his obvious blunder. "I meant that kids nowadays don't really like the classics."
Fuck, I hated this day. My worst thoughts had come true - that he'd think badly of me, that he was reminded of a monster every time he saw me. Of course, he didn't say that out loud, but I know the way I rub off on people. I knew myself. I should know...
...I knew the way I tripped off their hate whatever I did.
...I knew I killed her...
I hadn't realized my hands had fisted the tablecloth as a pool of tears pooled near my eyelids. I was shaking uncontrollably. At this point, I wondered how I looked - blood-shot eyes with a hint of amber, my face streaked in wine. My mouth was clenched so hard my teeth hurt. What a hot mess I was - just cruel proof of my insanity.
SHIT! I had to get myself under control, I had to! The last thing I wanted was to breakdown in a public restaurant. Though I might be a nut, I have my pride. My pride was the last thing I still could claim as my own. I wasn't going to let it go now, especially now! I refused to die alone with nothing but broken memories and a broken heart.
Would anyone even go to my funeral? I wasn't my mother, who's funeral contained crowds of weeping people I'd never even seen before. I wasn't someone who connected to everyone I met. I suck with people. My manners are much to be desired. My mouth has run wild...What had happened to me? I was so different in middle school...
"LOVINO~?!" Antonio's voice tore me out of the nightmare, so real that I could touch it. I didn't dare look at him, since it would be the end of my existence if he saw me cry, but there was sincerity in his tone - either truly worried or a ridiculously good actor.
"What."
He audibly sighed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It was rude of me. I didn't think it'd hurt you as much as it did."
He sounded so upset, I almost laughed. "It's fine. Everyone thinks that."
"That doesn't make it okay."
Well that was new. I forced myself to look at him and immediately chickened out, hiding behind the veil my eyelashes provided. "Continue."
Oh that ending sucked...Next up...A little feeling in a glorious church.
I'm also wondering if I should just write a short summary for Passed Away (Tino's story), 'cause I'm completely stuck. Maybe I'll start writing the life stories of the characters on here for little breaks? I don't know...I'm torn, but I'm so stumped I don't think I can write something good.
Opinions please?