What can I do..? What do people usually do for festivals? I have no experience with these things. I should just go like this...I glanced in my mirror. I was wearing tights and a long sleeve black shirt. I heard Mother laugh over something in the kitchen. It was Saturday morning. So far Seika hasn't done anything to me. Mother hasn't spoken a word towards me either...They seem to just ignore me. I liked it this way though. I didn't have to worry about them being aggressive. Seika will do something though...I'm just waiting for it to happen.
I heard something tap on my glass window. It was to high for someone to tap on it with their hands. I glanced out, seeing Oten throwing small balls of ice from the near by fence. What is she doing here?! What if Mother hears. I desperately glanced at my door, afraid she had already found out. She continued to throw ice until I opened the window.
"Finally! I've been here forever!" She called. Her hair was put up in the shortest pigtail I've ever seen, but it looked cute. Her cheeks were red from the cold weather, she was bundled up in a huge sweater. God...Don't shout. Mother will hear you...I could stand up to Seika but I could never, not in a million years, stand up to Mother. I pressed a finger to my lips, signalling her to be quiet. She got the message but still stood there. What is she wanting? Why is she here? How did she find out where I lived?
I had to do something to get her to go away, "Why are you here?" My curiosity came first though. This was the first time someone came over here for me and not Seika, she had friends over all the time.
"To hang out, duh! Before the festival tonight." She wanted to hang out with me? Out of all people, she wanted to actually spend time with me. I was speechless, not knowing how to react. Even though this was something that made me happy, how was I going to hang out with her? Mother would never let me go out...She said I need to study more... I bit my bottom lip, not knowing what to do.
"Come on! It's cold out here." Oten hugged herself close. I couldn't feel the cold breeze going through the air. I could just imagine the feeling of wanting to slam the window close and feel the warmth of my bed. I desperately wanted to go, but I could never go against Mother... huh? Oten disappeared. I looked around and saw here climbing the tree close to my apartment window.
I gasped, "Get down, you'll hurt yourself!" She didn't listen to me as she grabbed each frozen branch carefully. The tree shook the closer she got to my window. I was stuck on what to do. Right when I turned around to run away, I felt her hand grab mine. I looked back in shock, her eyes were filled with determination.
"You're coming with me." My fate was decided right there. I had to go with her. It wasn't very often someone would climb a tree covered in ice just to get to me. I nodded making her smile wide, letting go of my hand. Suddenly, she fell backward. I looked down, a sigh of relief as Oten landed on a huge snow mound. "I'm alright!" She gave me a thumbs up. I tried to hold it back, but I couldn't.
I laughed.
It was funny, seeing this girl covered in snow. Her hair no longer in a pony-tail. Her face was even more red as she looked up. This was nice. I could get used to this. However, I could bask in my happiness later. How was I going to get out? Mother would force me to stay so walking out the front door wasn't an option. I glanced at my window, feeling a bit dumb.
I took a deep breath, "Here I come!" I can't believe I am doing this. I'm really going to disobey Mother. I'm willing to run out of the house without her knowing. What if she finds out? Seika could come in here, trying to harass me or something and not find me here. Will they go looking for me? No, they would be glad if I was gone from their lives, even if it was for a second. I decided, to be safe. I stuffed my bear and some clothes under my covers, making it look like I was sleeping. This should do for now. I went back to the window, seeing Oten waiting for me. I put my foot out the window, trying to keep my breath even.
The excitement of leaving without anyone knowing was all to real. I was the good child, the one who always did what she was told. Sneaking out was something I never thought of doing. I did my homework like I was suppose too, studied like a good student should. I made sure Mother always looked her best when it came to me but now. I was done. I was dead. I killed myself to escape this harsh reality. I was no longer the good child, the one who always did what she was told. Here I am sneaking out now, about to actually for once, live. No matter what Mother or Seika tried to do to me, I was dead. They couldn't hurt me anymore.
In some kind of way. I was free.
We were walking through town, I was busy observing everyone walking pass us, without a care in the would. You could see some girls getting ready for the festival. Everyone was talking about it. Oten was by my side, trying her best to stay warm. Here I was, just wearing a long sleeve and she was wearing a heavy coat. No one stared at me like I was crazy, so I didn't put much thought into it.
"Do you have a winter kimono?" Oten spoke up. I wish I did...I have never owned one before,Seika always wore them to special occasions, but not I. Mother said I had no need for one, I was to busy with my studies to go out. They were so pretty...The bright colors, the patterns of birds and flowers... I wished I had one, but even if I did...I couldn't afforded it.
I bit my lip, "No." Her eyes popped out of her head, thinking I was crazy.
"How can you go to a top school like Ouran and not have a winter kimono!" She gasped, "Did your parents not buy you one?" I didn't want to talk about my parents, specially Mother. I wasn't the child to give gifts too, a winter kimono was something I was never going to get from her. I shook my head, not wanting to talk. "That is crazy! Well, I better fix that for you."
What did she mean by that? "Fix it?" She grabbed my hand, pushing past the people in front of us. I tried to apologize to everyone, but Oten could care less. We stopped in front of a kimono shop, which was packed with students, shopping for the festival tonight. I was to nervous to go inside. I didn't have any money.
"What is the matter?" She was standing by the door, noticing I wasn't walking in. I played with my thumbs, not wanting to be rude with her. I didn't have the money and there was to many people in there...Kids from school...They will surely make fun of me. "Come on in already, it's cold!" I glanced at my feet, not wanting to look at Oten. It was cold...I could tell she was freezing. Her poor little face beet red.
"I don't have any money." I whispered under my breath, seeing the white mist escape my lips.
She suddenly started laughing, like I told the best joke in the world. "Seriously?" Embarrassment filled my body, making me want to run. She's making fun of me too...I should have never left home. "I'm buying you one."
"Huh?" My head shot up, my expression one of shock. She took my hand, not noticing it was cold as ice.
"I'm getting you one, we're friends and it's no skin off my back." She lead me inside with a huge grin. Once we stepped foot inside the shop, I almost gasped aloud. The whole shop was filled with beautiful colors. Red, pink, blue, and white was everywhere. Patterns I could never think of filled the walls and racks. Students from different schools were picking through the kimono's like candy. I was overwhelmed with so many people and colors in such a tiny place.
"Maybe we should wait outside..." I suggested.
Oten popped, "Of course not! We better grab one before everyone takes them all." She shoved through the students, ignoring the glares from them. I kept my head down, trying not the be noticed. We managed to get to one of the racks with the heavy set kimono's. My eyes almost popped out of my head when I saw the price tags. These were made from expensive materials. I could never, not in my life, afford one of these. Oten wasn't fazed, going through the rack like it was nothing. Perhaps she was rich, most of the kids in my high school were. It wouldn't be a surprise.
"Please..." I tried to speak up, "I don't need one." I didn't want to owe her in some way. I've never had to go through this with someone before. What do I do when someone buys me something so expensive? Do I save up money and pay them back? Or perhaps, I become somewhat of a slave. Oten was very kind, a little to energetic for me, but sweet. I didn't feel any ill-intent with her, I felt calm. I didn't think she was going to harm me like Sakura did. Oten felt alive and every moment of the day was something to laugh about.
She shoved something into my arms, "Here, try this one." She completely ignored my look of disapproval. The kimono was heavy...How was I to wear this all night? She shoved me into a changing room. I looked at the mirror, noticing I was frowning. With the kimono in hand, I couldn't help but just stare at my reflection. I was paler than normal, my skin almost pure white. My eyes were dull, a brown that looked at people with no spark. I never realized how tired I looked. No wonder no one would talk to me. My hair was lifeless, just laying down my back. I was a mess, I looked like life wasn't worth is.
And It wasn't.
What did Oten see in me? Why talk to me? How could she honestly look at me with a smile and take time out of her day to take me into town. To buy me a kimono that was worth more than my entire being. I was a lifeless person, literally, who just wondered around, doing whatever she was told. Oten was full of life, someone who could make anyone smile. Of course, she too...Made me smile. I took off my clothes, looking over my smooth skin, no longer scared with pain. My body wasn't plump like some girls at school, but I wasn't flat either. No matter how hard I've tried, I couldn't look at myself as someone who was beautiful.
I couldn't put the kimono on, it refused to tie correctly. Suddenly, Oten popped her head in. I gasped, quickly covering my exposed body. "You take forever!" She pouted, coming inside, grabbing the kimono from me. When Oten saw my naked frame she gasped. My head became hazy, I felt like I was going to faint. No one has ever seen me bare...Oh God, I don't feel good. "You're skin is so smooth." She reached out for me, but I pulled away. "It's cool." She shrugged, "You can't touch perfection."
"What?" My face was hot. Did she call me perfect? Even though she was playing around, I took it seriously. It was nice hearing it, even if it was not true. If I was perfect, I would still be alive. If I was perfect then I would have been my own person, I would have never let Mother control my life.
She noticed the kimono was ruffled, showing the struggle of me trying to put it on. "Oh come here, I will help you." I looked at my feet, not being able to make eye contact. She put the kimono on me gently and when she was done, she faced me towards the mirror. I was hesitant to see my reflection. I must look ridiculous, is she doing this to make fun of me? I bet I look like a clown, stuff like this doesn't suit me. "Wow." The words ran off her lips. Now, I couldn't help but look up.
I took a step back, bumping into Oten. "I..." I looked like a princess. The kimono was a deep red color with white lilies decorating the bottom. The fabric was like silk and fit my frame perfectly. The sleeves were long, almost touching the ground. It was nice and thick, since of the cold weather.
"Yep, we are getting this one." She smiled.
I couldn't possibly let her buy this... "No...I can't" I spoke, taking it off. She stopped me by placing a hand on my shoulder.
"Why not? I want to buy it for you."
Tears threatened to spill, "I don't deserve something so beautiful...I''m not..." Tears began to fall. What am I doing? How can I be crying right now...Stop Hara, please...Don't cry...I wasn't beautiful. If I was to wear this then I wouldn't feel like myself. I was a girl who did nothing but school, just being out of the house was something I wasn't used too.
Oten frowned, "You are beautiful!" She grabbed my face, forcing me to look at the mirror. I didn't want to see myself...God, I don't want to be here...The tears fell harder, looking at myself being pitiful was horrible. My eyes were red from crying..."Do you see this? I see nothing but a girl who needs to let go and live!" I wasn't alive anymore! I wanted to scream. How was I suppose to let go and live when I was no longer alive. Oten doesn't understand, no one does!
"Stop!" I yelled, making her back up. I quickly covered my mouth. "I...Didn't mean to..." I wanted to cry all over again. How could I yell at her? I've never yelled at anyone before...I'm horrible... She stared at me for a good minute before leaving the dressing room. I was all alone...Again. I was meant to be this way...Alone was something I was going to have by my side...I don't know how much time left I had on earth, but until I disappear...I am to remain alone. I sunk to the floor, my back against the mirror. I didn't want to look at myself.
Poor little Hara, look at yourself, alone in the floor. I felt tears rise again, but I refused to let them fall. I didn't deserve to cry. I yelled at the only person who has ever came to my house, to actually spend time with me. Now, look at what I've done...She's gone...I'm not going to the festival. Suddenly, the door shot open, Oten stood there with the receipt in hand. How did she..?
"Stop being sad and get up. It's bought so you can't cry about it anymore." I stood up, I was in disbelief. She came back. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." She looked away, embarrassed. She wasn't used to people crying.
"I yelled at you..." I whimpered.
She almost laughed, "I get yelled at all the time! Wait till you see me around the teachers, I never seem to listen. Why do you think I changed schools?" She grabbed my cold hand, "Let's go before we miss the festival, but before that." She sat me down on a stool close to the dressing room. She pulled a hair tie out of her pocket, tying my hair up. I couldn't feel her tugging away as she finally finished. "There we go, finished." I looked in the mirror. My hair was put up into a messy bun. Oh my... This was new. I wasn't used to seeing so much of my face...
"Thank you..." I sniffled.
"No crying!" She puffed, "It was nothing, gotta help a friend out." Friend...I smiled. "I already bought me a kimono, I'll change into it real quick and we can go." She went into the dressing room. I stood there outside the door, leaning against it. Who knew I could be so happy in just a few seconds. There I was crying and now I'm smiling. People sure are weird...I guess friends can do this to a person. If having Oten around would make me smile like this then...
Maybe with her help, I can actually feel alive.