Disclaimer: I do not own.
Unbeta'd.
A little late, but it's the 22nd somewhere. Happy Birthday Percy! (Does anyone like Percy? I feel like he's the least favorite Weasley.)
Chapter 3
Remus had always found Dumbledore's office to be fascinating. It was hard not to. Dumbledore had, over the many, many years of his life, accumulated countless things, much of which he kept on display in his office. The shelves were full of books, both magical and non-magical. The tables held delicate looking silver instruments that whirred and emitted small puffs of smoke.
Not much had changed in the fifteen years since his last visit here. The only obvious difference he could see was the glass case behind the desk. Inside the case was a beautiful silver sword with rubies in the hilt. The name Godric Gryffindor was engraved on the blade.
"It's magnificent isn't it?"
Remus jumped and turned around. He had been so caught up in examining the sword that he failed to hear Dumbledore and McGonagall come in. "Yes it is, Professor Dumbledore. I was under the impression that it had been lost. How did you come by it?"
"That, my boy, is a fascinating tale —" McGonagall snorted at that, horrifying seemed a more apt description for what had happened "— that involves bravery, daring and chivalry. But alas, it is not mine to tell."
By this point McGonagall had settled herself into a chair and could be heard muttering about "foolishness" and "reckless behavior" and something that sounded suspiciously like "nearly died." Remus raised a questioning eyebrow at Dumbledore who just shook his head.
Seeing as neither seemed likely to discuss the subject further Remus decided to bring the conversation to why he was here in the first place. "Professor, your note said to come as soon as I could. But," he glanced at McGonagall who was still muttering under her breath, "if you'd like me to come back later I can."
"Not at all my dear boy. Minerva is here for the same reason you are, so there is no reason for you to come back later. Now, why don't we have a seat so we can begin." Dumbledore sat behind his desk and pulled out the thin book Harry had found in the Restricted Section.
McGonagall, who had finally stopped her angry muttering, looked at the book in Dumbledore's hand and asked, "So this meeting is about what happened with the Dementor?" Dumbledore nodded. "Okay then. What are our options?"
"We have two options. We can either read the books that were left behind or not read them. We need to decide which would be the better course of action." Dumbledore would have continued on but he was interrupted.
"No." Remus' voice was calm but firm. At the questioning glances he received from the professors he elaborated. "This is Harry's choice. These books are about him and in all likelihood will be very personal. The only person who has the right to decide whether or not to read these books is Harry. And again it is his decision to allow us to read the books with him. The only thing we can do is help him make an informed decision and answer any questions he may have."
McGonagall looked abashed at that. She had obviously not seen these books as an invasion of a person's privacy until it was pointed out. To be honest she didn't even know what these books truly meant. Albus had briefly explained the situation while they headed to his office but it hadn't really sunk in until just now. She had already felt that she failed Harry during his first two years here. She wouldn't allow herself to do so again. She would support Harry's decision and be there for him should he need her.
Dumbledore on the other hand looked contemplative. This was a big decision to make. And while he agreed with Remus he didn't like putting something of this magnitude on Harry's shoulders. Harry was still young and deserved whatever semblance of a childhood he could get. But he had no choice in the matter. Remus was right. This was one decision he couldn't make for Harry. All he could do is stand by Harry and help him deal with whatever comes his way.
"You are quite right Remus. This is Harry's decision. I seem to have forgotten that detail." Dumbledore looked rather contrite at that. "But as you said we can help him make an informed decision and answer his questions." With that said the three professors went to work discussing the advantages and disadvantages of reading the books.
Harry was happily having breakfast with Ron and Hermione in the Great Hall. He was glad it was finally the weekend. Malfoy had been doing spirited imitations of him falling off his broom all week. As a matter of fact he was doing it right now. Many would wonder how Harry could be happy when that was happening across the hall. The answer was simple. Harry had his revenge last night. Of course Malfoy didn't know it…yet. That would come later.
Harry had spent the morning skillfully dodging his friends' inquiries into where he disappeared off to last night. The three of them were playfully bantering with one another when the post arrived. Harry rarely received post during the year so he was surprised when Hedwig landed next to him with a letter tied to her leg. He quickly relieved her of her burden and offered her some of his breakfast. She gently nibbled his fingers before flying off to the owlery to rest.
Harry looked at the letter curiously. The only thing written on the envelope was his name. The writing looked vaguely familiar but he couldn't place it. The only person who sent him post while he was at Hogwarts was Hagrid and this most definitely wasn't from him.
He looked up and saw that Hermione was reading her weekly letter from her parents and Ron was listening to Percy as he passed along messages from Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. Looking back down at the letter he figured he might as well open it. He wouldn't know who it was from otherwise. Unfolding the single piece of parchment the envelope contained he quickly scanned the bottom and saw that it was from Lupin. Going back to the start of the letter he read:
Dear Harry,
Professor Dumbledore and I have finished our research in regards to what had happened earlier this week. Along with Professor McGonagall we have discussed the situation at hand and have hopefully come up with answers to any questions you may have. We would like to meet with you tonight after dinner. If you can make it please come to my office at 6 o'clock. If not please find one of us so we can reschedule. We may be there all night so it would be best not to make any plans for afterwards if you are able to make it.
Remus Lupin
P.S. Please remember not to discuss the details of this with anyone, at least for now. After tonight that may change.
Relief washed over him. He had been worried that despite Lupin's words he wouldn't get a choice in the matter. Not that he knew what he wanted to do anyway. There were so many what ifs that he wasn't sure if there was a right answer.
His musings were cut short by Ron who noticed the letter. "Who's that from?"
"The professors," he answered truthfully while putting the letter away. He knew that wouldn't be enough for them so he continued on, telling half-truths. "They want to discuss what happened with the Dementors." This was true, only they would think it was about the Dementors at the match, not the one from the next day. "And I was thinking of asking Professor Lupin to teach me that Patronus thing. He's going to be there too so it will be the perfect opportunity." Also true, and knowing Hermione it was the perfect way to change the subject.
"Really? When do you have to go? What is a Patronus? Maybe we can go to the library to look up some information on it before you meet with the professors." He grimaced at the thought of spending more time in the library. And judging by the look on Ron's face he wasn't looking forward to it either.
Remus was nervously pacing his office. McGonagall was watching him in what looked to be amusement. Dumbledore was not there. He was dealing with a crisis that had occurred with the Slytherin dormitories. Apparently no one could enter them and the entrance refused to have its password reset.
The Marauder in him found the situation highly amusing. But as 6 o'clock drew nearer he couldn't help but begin to worry. What if Harry decided to read the books on his own? What if he decided to let certain people read with him but not him? What if he decided he didn't want to read them at all?
That last thought scared him the most. He wanted to read the books. These books were his chance to learn more about Harry. About what he liked and disliked. The places he's been. The friends he had before Hogwarts. His first trip into the magical world. The fact that he would be better able to protect him in the future was an added bonus.
"Remus, do sit down before you wear a hole in the floor." Yes, she was definitely amused by his pacing. He complied though, sitting down heavily in the chair beside her. They sat in silence until a knock at the door announced Harry's arrival.
Taking a moment to settle his nerves, Remus made his way to the door and opened it. "Good evening Harry. Come in and take a seat."
Harry gave a small smile, greeted both professors and took the seat next to McGonagall. It wasn't until he was seated that he noticed Dumbledore's absence. Before he could ask about it McGonagall was already explaining.
"As you have surely noticed Mr. Potter, the Headmaster has not yet arrived. A situation has come up in the dungeons that requires his attention. He said he would send word if this meeting is to be rescheduled."
"Professor, are you talking about the fact that the Slytherin Common Room isn't allowing anyone in?" Harry asked, trying and failing to keep the amusement out of his voice.
"Yes I am." She eyed Harry shrewdly. "You wouldn't happen to have heard anything about it would you Mr. Potter?"
"Not much Professor. I heard a few people congratulating Fred and George on a prank well done. They looked a bit put out though. Said it wasn't them."
"It's not really their style," Remus pointed out. "From what I've seen the twins lean towards the more flashy types of magic."
"That is what I told Severus when he tried to put the blame on them. I also pointed out that if Dumbledore couldn't fix it that it was unlikely someone who isn't at NEWT level could be responsible."
As if summoned by his name being spoken Dumbledore entered the office. "Ah, excellent. Everyone is here." He conjured up a squashy chintz armchair and sat down on McGonagall's other side.
"Have you solved the situation in the dungeons?" McGonagall asked curtly.
"I didn't, but young Mr. Malfoy seemed to have figured out the solution." His eyes were twinkling merrily.
"And that was?" McGonagall was exasperated. She knew the man wouldn't give a straight answer unless asked the right questions.
"Well, I was just suggesting that the Slytherin's would have to spend the night in the Great Hall when Mr. Malfoy said 'Wait 'til my father hears about this' and the entranceway opened. Apparently the password had been changed and without knowing the current password the entrance wouldn't allow us entry. Thanks to Mr. Malfoy all has been corrected."
Harry was doing his best to not laugh out loud at that, but it was rather difficult. He could just imagine the night Malfoy was in for. Because even if the rest of his House believed he didn't change the password (which he didn't because Harry knew who did), they would know it was his fault it was changed. After all, no one threatened to tell their father as often as Malfoy did, so it was rather obvious that the perpetrator was getting revenge on him and in the process punished the entire House. After being locked out of their rooms all day none of them would be feeling very friendly towards Malfoy anytime soon.
Remus was doing a slightly better job of hiding his laughter then Harry was. Like Harry, he knew that the Malfoy boy would be receiving the brunt of his housemates' anger. While he normally would have felt sorry for someone taking the fall for another he made an exception in this case. He didn't like the boy much. He found him to be extremely disrespectful and he seemed to think rather highly of himself.
Not to mention the fact that Remus knew perfectly well that Draco seemed to find what happened with the Dementors to be highly amusing. It was disturbing how little he respected another person's life. Especially at his age. So no, Remus didn't feel sorry for him. He could only hope that the boy would grow from this and realize that his actions and words had consequences.
McGonagall's glare sobered them up quickly. "If you two are quite finished I believe we have another matter to discuss." It wouldn't do for either of them to know she found this funny as well. She had a reputation to uphold after all.
"Yes, of course Minerva. So Harry, tell me. What do you know about the Essence Books?"
"Er — not much. Just that they come from the Dementors and that they tell your past, present and future."
"That is, essentially, what they do. But there is much more to it than that. They allow you to look in on your past with a more objective view point. They allow you to clearly see what is going on around you. They allow you a glimpse into what your future will hold should you continue on the path you are now. They give you a better understanding of yourself.
"Now, the choice of what to do is yours. However, I feel we would be remiss not to mention what each choice entails. Should you decide to read, you will have to read each book. There is no turning back should you start on that path. If you do not finish reading them within thirteen months of their discovery there will be dire consequences on your magic. Should you decide not to read then the books will harmlessly disappear in thirteen days."
Dumbledore allowed Harry a moment for the words to sink in before asking, "Do you have any questions regarding what I have just said?"
Harry was still digesting everything. Now that he knew what would happen should he change his mind? He hadn't thought that there would be a time limit on this whole thing. Would that complicate things? Realizing that they were waiting for some sort of response from him he asked "How do the books know if you started reading them or not? And how do they know how much time has passed?"
McGonagall answered this question. "We believe the books have some sense of self-awareness that allows them to tell the passage of time and whether or not they have been read."
"But why are they self-aware?" Harry suddenly asked. The thought had just struck him that these books could be like the diary. If they were this just made his decision a whole lot easier.
Unaware of the turmoil going on in Harry's mind Remus answered his question. "I believe that has to do with the fact that the books are created from a Dementor. A Dementor is self-aware. They are able to think on their own and make decisions. It's more than likely that the self-awareness of the Dementor transferred over to the books."
Harry was still a bit tense though. From what Lupin said they were different, but he needed to make sure. "So it's nothing like…" He trailed off. He really didn't want to say it. He didn't even like thinking about it much.
Understanding what was being asked Dumbledore reassured him. "No, it's nothing like that book Harry. These are completely different and the outcome is only affected by those reading, not by the book itself."
He let out a barely audible sigh of relief at hearing that, the tension leaving his body. Remus was able to hear it though. He shot a questioning glance at Dumbledore who discreetly shook his head.
"Do you have any other questions?"
Harry thought for a moment. Did he have any other questions? No. Not about the books anyway. The whole thing with the books was pretty much straight forward. He shook his head.
"So then, have you come to a decision on what you would like to do? Or would you prefer more time to think it over?"
"Yes. No. I mean — yes I came to a decision. I don't need any more time. I just," he trailed off again. He wanted to ask them for their opinions, but he wasn't sure how. What if they disagreed with his choice? Would they convince him to change it? Would they be disappointed in him? He never had to worry about that before. The Dursley's had already written him off as a disappointment ages ago. His primary school teachers rarely paid attention to him. The neighbors constantly criticized him.
He had learned a long time ago not to care about what people thought of him. But these three were different. He actually cared what they thought. They had done so much for him, even Professor Lupin and they had only met at the start of the year. He really didn't want to disappoint them.
He looked at each of them and it was the encouraging look Lupin was giving him that had him blurt out his question. "What would you do if it was you?"
"I would." Remus answered first. Seeing everyone's eyes on him he explained his reasoning. "I feel that at this point in my life it would be good for me to know what my immediate future holds." He was, of course, referring to both the Black situation and Harry. "A few years ago I don't think I would have. And I might not want to a few years from now. I do know that had this happened to me during the war I would have read them." He couldn't help thinking about the friends and family he lost during those horrible years. "I think it all depends on what is going on in our lives when these books come to us. I for one would like to be prepared for how the curse on the Defense position will affect me." You could hear the humor in his voice when he said the last part.
"Considering what happened to the last two it would probably be best for you to be — er — forewarned." Harry replied wryly.
"Honestly you two! This is a serious matter. It is not a time for joking around." McGonagall said sternly.
"Who's joking Professor? Do you not remember what happened to the last two Defense professors?" Harry said seriously. McGonagall conceded defeat. Harry brought up an excellent point.
"Do I even want to know what happened to them?" Remus asked sounding slightly worried.
"I find that it is far easier to find and keep Professors if they do not know the exact reason for the unfortunate dismissals of their predecessors right away." Dumbledore stated calmly. "As for myself, I believe I would read the books. Like Remus, I believe the events going on around me at the moment affect my choice. The increase in both rumors and facts that I have been receiving lately would require me to." The inquisitive look he was now giving McGonagall told the others he wouldn't be expanding further on that statement.
"I agree with Remus as well. And considering the number of times and the reasons certain students have ended up in the Hospital Wing for I think it would be necessary for me to. If only to help keep them out of there." She shot Harry a look that clearly indicated him as one of those students.
Harry felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. They didn't know it yet but they agreed with his decision. That meant they wouldn't be trying to change his mind or disappointed in him. Knowing there wasn't much else to say or ask he finally gave them his answer. "I would like to read the books." His voice was soft and steadfast. There was no way he would be changing his mind.
"May we ask for your reasoning behind reading them?" Dumbledore asked.
"Because of Black." He didn't explain further. It didn't seem necessary.
McGonagall's eyes softened as she looked at him. "Of course, Mr. Potter. Given the situation it's quite understandable that you would be scared."
Perhaps he did need to explain further. "I'm not scared of Black. Not for myself anyway. But what if next time he attacks a student because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time? I'm the one he's after so it would be my fault. I don't want any more people hurt because of me," he ended sadly, looking at a spot on the floor and thinking of how his mother could have lived if she had just given him up.
"The only person who would be at fault is Black," Remus said more harshly then he meant to. He didn't like that Harry was blaming himself for this or the way he sounded. Taking a calming breath he added, "He's the one who is making the choice to come after you, not you. He is the only one to blame should someone get hurt."
Harry had looked up quickly, shocked at Lupin's tone of voice. He had never heard the man sound like that before. The shock faded though when his voice lost the edge it had had to it. He nodded, he understood what the man was saying but that didn't mean he agreed.
"Remus is right Harry. This situation has been completely out of your control from the start, therefore anything that Black does is not a reflection on you." Dumbledore also made a good point, but it didn't change Harry's opinion.
"As for the books your reasoning for reading them is quite noble. Not many would read them for such a cause. Since you have decided to read them there are two things I must tell you. First, I would very much prefer you read these books with an adult. Now before you say anything about a right to privacy," Dumbledore said, holding a hand up to forestall any interruptions, "I would like to point out that several of these books are likely to contain things you have yet to learn and having an adult present while reading will be beneficial to you understanding.
"There is also the chance that there is something potentially traumatizing in your future. And while we hope that is not the case, we would be wrong not to prepare you for that. Having a person who has more life experience then you around will help you to cope better."
Harry was completely against it. It was an invasion of his privacy. How would they like it if he was reading at a book about them? But then Dumbledore started explaining his reasoning and he found he couldn't really argue with it. He supposed he could always choose who got to read them, that would make things somewhat better. He was about to agree to the request when Dumbledore went on.
"Also, there is the fact that Remus has inadvertently tied his magic to the books. This means he also has to read with you."
"Huh? Wait. What —? How —? When —? I don't —" Remus was so confused he couldn't even finish his questions. Dumbledore hadn't said anything of the sort when they were discussing the books. Where had this come from?
"I was rereading the section on how to read the books when I realized that we had overlooked something. You see Harry the books are tied to the magic of the person whom they are about. Meaning only that person's magic can affect them. This is to ensure that the books do not fall into the wrong hands. What we hadn't taken into account was the fact that Remus transfigured what was left of the Dementor's cloak."
"What does that have to do with anything?" Harry asked curiously. He found that he didn't mind the fact that Lupin would have to read with him. He was rather fond of the man already and liked that he didn't treat him as if he was a child. Now had it been Snape he would have changed his mind on reading the books immediately. There was no way he would let that man anywhere near these books.
"Everything. It should not have been possible for him to transfigure them. Both Minerva and I had tried to do so with no success. And yet Remus was able to do it with no trouble. It is my belief that when his Patronus attacked the Dementor it left a trace of his magic behind, tying him to the books as well. Which is why he was able to transfigure the cloak while we couldn't."
"That makes sense. Would Professor Lupin suffer the same consequences as me if we don't finish the books?" Harry didn't want anything to happen to him because he failed to finish reading the books.
"I cannot be sure, but I would say that it is probable. Do you have any objections to him reading with you?"
"No," he replied honestly. Turning to the man in question he asked "Do you have any problems with reading them? If you do we don't have to read them."
At first Remus had been worried but that was unfounded. Harry didn't mind him being there and was even concerned that he didn't want to be a part of this. That thought made him smile. "I would be honored to read these books with you Harry. It should prove to be an interesting experience."
"Excellent. Now I wonder if you would allow Minerva and myself to sit in as well. Before you make a decision allow me to explain our reasons why. As Head of Gryffindor House Minerva is responsible for each member of the House. As such she wishes to ensure your continued well-being."
"Also I was rather fond of your parents during their time here. When they had graduated we kept in touch. I wish to do right by them." The 'and you' was unspoken, but Harry still heard it. He understood that she wished to make up for what happened first year.
"As for myself I have an entire building of underage students under my care. And seeing as you spend the majority of the year in these walls it is safe to say some, if not most, of the happenings in the books will occur here. I also must admit that I am curious as to how things will turn out." There was also the fact that he had more power politically then the others in the room. This would allow him to put any plans or decisions they come up with into action much quicker.
Harry didn't see a problem with it and told them so. He trusted the two of them and respected their opinions (even if he didn't always agree with it).
"Thank-you Harry for allowing us this opportunity. Is there anyone you wish to be present during the readings?" While Dumbledore wanted to keep the number of people reading small to prevent information leaks it was only fair to allow him to pick a person or two of his choosing to be there with him.
"No sir." To say that the professors were stunned would be an understatement. They had expected him to request at least his best friends; after all he was rarely away from them.
"No?" Dumbledore questioned. Harry shook his head in response.
"Not even Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley?" He shook his head again. He had a feeling his future wouldn't include many good things and he didn't want to put any of that pressure on them. Not to mention their constant bickering was getting on his nerves and he was in desperate need of a break from them.
"How about your relatives? I'm sure we could come up with —"
"No!" Harry said sharply. There was no way in hell he was letting them sit in on a reading of his life. They've done enough damage to it as it was. Not to mention the fact that they always managed to turn his teachers against him. He didn't want that to happen here. Nor did he want them to ruin his only escape.
Dumbledore could feel the aggression rolling off of Harry in waves. Obviously whatever disagreement had caused him to run away during the summer was still fresh in his mind. McGonagall was taken aback by his tone but dismissed it. Boys his age were usually looking for independence from their family.
Remus was concerned. Harry's tone and clenched hands told him that something was not right. What that was he had no way of knowing, but figured it had to do with his family. He just hoped it was something that was easily fixable.
After he had reigned in his anger for his relatives he spoke again. "Sir, there's no one else I want to read these books with. I'm fine with it just being the four of us."
"If you are sure Harry then we will move on to the final thing I have to tell you. I would like to keep the knowledge of these books and what they contain between only us. Any information being released will only be on a need to know basis. It is for not only your safety but the safety of anyone you might tell."
"I understand Professor. I wasn't going to tell anyone anything anyway. Not unless it was important."
"I'm glad you understand Harry." Looking over at the clock Dumbledore smiled. "We seem to have quite a bit of time left this evening. If no one objects I believe we can begin the books tonight." Once he received everyone's agreement he continued. "I do not think an office is an appropriate setting for reading. I suggest we change rooms to somewhere more comfortable. Remus where do you have the books?"
"I'm keeping them in my rooms. Far fewer people have access to them so I felt it the safest place for them. Would you like me to get them?"
"Actually Remus, would you mind if we used your rooms for the reading? At least for tonight. It would save us having to travel to another part of the building."
"Of course not sir." Remus left his seat, walked over to a painting of a large wolf and said "Talbot." Once he said it a door appeared and standing beside it he turned to his guests. "Please come in."