"Mommy! Mommy!" I ran to her, my hands reached out for her to hold me. I was seven years old again, Seika was in my Mother's arms. She looked down at me with stern eyes. Everything around me was pure white just our figures being the only thing there.

She sternly spoke, "Young ladies are not held by their mother's. Now shape up or do you like embarrassing me." Father was beside her, agreeing with what she said. I began to cry but she snapped at me.

"But Mommy, you promised." I whimpered, "To take me to the park."

"You don't need to be playing in the dirt, it will ruin your skirt." She turned around, walking away. Father gazed at me with sullen eyes, following Mother into the white background.

I screamed, "Come back! Please!" I ran after them but no matter how close I got, they got further away. I tripped, landing on my stomach. When I looked back up they were gone. "Mommy!" My voice echoed. I was alone again, crying. Suddenly, a hand was outreached for me to take. I grabbed it first then gazed up. I was frozen in place. No longer seven, I was my current age again. I wanted to scream but something was preventing me. Holding my hand was bones and before me was...

The Grim Reaper.

The white background became black. He was made out of really old brittle bones. His black robe and hood fading into the background. "Ready to leave?" It laughed like a thousand demons at once. I pulled away and ran. I saw a tiny white light in the darkness, I ran towards it with all my might. Please, I don't wanna die yet! I don't wanna go with him! I could feel him right behind me. The light wasn't getting any closer. Please, I'm begging for someone to save me! The Reaper grabbed onto my shoulder, opening his mouth wide. "You'll be mine."

I shot my eyes open, my breath rugged. My face was stained with tears. My whole body was shaking. I looked at my hands too see if I was really there. I hugged myself tightly. What was that?! I've never had a dream like that before...A horrible nightmare. However, I swore it was real. He said I was too be his...Am I going to die soon? I mean, disappear? Is my time almost up? If death was like that place...What have I done? No, I wanted this but that was scary... I was in my room, still in my soaked kimono. What?! Why am I here?!

I rushed out of my sheets, my kimono all ruffled and my bed wet. Last thing I remember was that I fell asleep by the pond. I looked myself over in the mirror, I looked the same, nothing changed. That nightmare... I slipped off the heavy garment, slipping on a sweater and tights. I hung it up so it could dry. I debated on staying in my room all day. How did I get here? Does Mother know that I am home? It was no longer snowing outside, it was early morning.

"Well, look who woke up." I gasped, backing up against my window. Mother was standing there. Her face showed no emotion and that was terrifying. "Did you sleep good?" I didn't dare answer. If I was too answer wrong... She made sure the door was blocked in case I wanted to run. With her long slender finger, she motioned for me to come to her. I didn't want too. My head was screaming to stay still. However, my body moved on its own and now I was in front of her.

She looked calm. It made me feel like a mess. She was always calm at first...Always. "Do you know how you came home last night?" I shook my head. "A boy brought you home saying you fell asleep at the festival." Oh god...She knows. "Where did you get that kimono? Looks rather expensive." The anger in her eyes rising. My body began to shake, I tried my best to make it look like I wasn't affected. Mother knew better. She always did.

I opened my mouth, "Mother, I actually-"

Slap!

I fell onto the floor. I refused to look up at her, not wanting to see her hate me even more. "How dare you embarrass me like that!" She stomped her foot, "Who was that boy? Are you a slut now?!" The word was vile. It made me feel dirty even though I was pure. Never have I ever touched a man. "Sneaking out and going to a worthless event. You could have studied. How dare you try to ruin my good name. What if people found out you ran away? They will come to me! I will pay the price!" I touched my cheek, thankful I couldn't feel anything.

"Mother..."

She smirked, "You know I never wanted you. When I was pregnant with you, I wanted an abortion but your Father begged me not too." I covered my ears. I didn't want to hear any of this. "Maybe this baby will be worth it. Maybe this baby will be something some day," She mocked, opening the door to leave. "Sadly, I ended up with nothing."

I was still on the floor. I dragged myself up, eyes glued to the floor. I knew I was never wanted...She didn't have to tell me. I know I am nothing. I wasn't much of anything. I died and yet this world still wanted to rip me apart even more. My reflection in my mirror stared back at me, her deep brown eyes mocking me. "You put yourself here," She told me, "Can't even die can you?" I turned away from the mirror. I hugged myself. I wish I was still by the beautiful pond. Who brought me home? They should have left me there...I don't wanna be here anymore.

There was a small knock on my door, Father poked his head in. I didn't have the energy to smile. He fought back a look of regret as he walked in. He sat on my bed and I sat beside him. He was looking at his palms. They were old and had seen many days of hard work. He was a tough man who did anything he could to support us. His hair was graying towards the roots. His eyes were tired from stress and his face was stained with the past.

"Hara..." He spoke softly, my name was rough on his lips. "I...I'm sorry." My gaze on him didn't waver as he buried his face in his palms. "Your Mother...I want to stop her but-"

My hand squeezed his shoulder, "Father, it's alright. You love her and I'll be fine." It was true. Father loved her with all his heart. Despite her abusive behavior, she was his angel. Yes, she hurts me. Yes, she sees me as nothing but a waist of space. However, they loved each other and who was I to get in-between them? I was their daughter. They had the child they've always wanted, Seika. I believed that if I had died that night. This family could have been happy. I was in the way. Father wouldn't have to worry about me, Mother would be left with her perfect daughter and Seika would be the center of attention like she had always wanted.

He frowned, rapping his arm around me, "Your Mother loves you even after what she said." I hid a bitter sweet smirk. Only if that was true. There was no love for me in her heart. I was a trophy child and I've already become rusted. "I remember when you were small. When Seika was only a baby." His eyes had a far away look in them. "We took you to the park and you were the happiest little girl in the world. Your Mother had the brightest smile and I was content watching my child run in the sun while my other little girl was in your Mother's arms."

I no longer remembered those times, where was he going with this? "Father..."

"I think it started that day." Sadness took over his smile, "Another family came to the park with their children, one stuck out the most, he was quite the smart one. He watched his siblings run around as he simply sat by his mother reading a book." He had to rub some sweat off his brow to continue. "Ever since that day, the image of that little boy followed your mother everywhere. I remember her telling me that her friends were gossiping about him, on how he was excellent in everything." I knew where this was going now.

Mother grew jealous of the little boy. He was perfect,was what she was told and here she was stuck with a little brat, me. The envy inside her continued to grow until she couldn't take it anymore. She could no longer bare her friends not giving her the attention. She had to have something that would make her the center of their interest. However, she had no talent herself but she did have one thing. Her oldest daughter. She had me. Mother knew I too had to be perfect.

"I should have-"

I smiled, grabbing Father's hand, I breathed. "It is alright, I forgive you." He seemed to calm down with those words. "Maybe, one day Mother will let go and we'll be a family again." If only that could happen. To be the perfect family. It was far to late though. Mother was completely consumed with jealousy, Seika was the greedy daughter who was used to getting her own spoiled way. As for Father...He had lost his will to fight. He would never go against them now. He could only sit behind the scenes, wishing it would all change. Then there was me, the oldest daughter, who wasn't close to Mother's ideals, killed herself.

He hugged me tight, "I love you sweetie." I hugged him back. I enjoyed the affection. I craved this all my life. However, it was over in a split second. He pulled away, getting up. "I better head to the office before your mother loses her temper." I merely nodded as he gave me one last smile before leaving.

There I was, alone in silence, sitting on my bed. I stared at the thick kimono, admiring the pattern. It certainly was fun while it lasted. I shouldn't have gone but yet, I don't fully regret it. Even if it was from afar, I saw Tamaki. He was dashing in his kimono. I wonder what he would have thought if he saw me? Would he think of me as beautiful? Certainly not! Having such ideas in my head is not normal..? I'm quite the silly one. Yet... I think he would have liked to see me. I wonder how Oten is doing? Did she get home safely last night? I hope she isn't mad about me running off... I don't know what I was thinking. I don't think she'll be upset at all, if anything, she is just worried about me.

My door cracked open, Seika was standing there, the house phone in her hand. "It is for you." There was a devil's grin planted on her face. I was nervous too approach her but I hid it well. I took the phone from her and she quickly rushed off. Who could it be? Who would possibly want to talk to me? I placed the phone against my ear, whispering. "Hello?"

"Hara!" The loud shriek of Honey caught me off guard, almost making me drop the phone. Why is he calling me?! How did he get my house number? Then again...He is from a wealthy family, they must have their ways.

I took my time replying, "Yes?"

"Are you okay? Takashi told me he found you asleep in the snow. He took you home last night." So it was him. I wish he would have never found me. I would have preferred staying by the pond.

I smiled, happy that someone cared for my well being, "I am fine, thank you for calling to make sure."

"You really are the Snow Queen, falling asleep in that weather! You must have been really tired." It would take me hours to explain to him how tired I was, mentally and physically. "You should have seen Takashi's face when he came home!" There was a loud bang on the other side. "Give it back!" Honey's voice was in the background. I could hear tussling until Honey's heavy breathing was on the line.

I wanted to laugh but held it in. It was weird being in this kind of situation. I thought talking on the phone for the first time would be nerve wrecking, but here I was sitting on my bed with a grin. It was exciting, hearing someone else's voice. I felt like talking for ever but I wasn't that type of person... "Honey?"

"Yes, Hara? Sorry, Takashi tried taking the phone away." He laughed, sounding like a little girl. I wonder what I sound like? Honey sounded so small on the phone. I didn't have a high voice like most girls but it wasn't deep either. Years of depression and torment has made me adapt to a flat tone. Takashi and Honey sure sound close. Being at his house this early in the morning. I would love to have something like that. Only if Seika and me got along...

"Tell Takashi thank you for me."

Honey covered the phone, yelling to Takashi, "She says thank you!" I laughed. This was nice. Never did I think this would happen. "Hey Hara, did you enjoy the festival? I mean, it's kind of weird wandering alone like that."

Without thinking I spoke, "It was wonderful. Seeing all the lights and kimono's. Everyone seemed to be having so much fun. I wish we had festivals more often. I wondered off cause I was tired that's all. Don't worry about me."

"That's good. Tamaki was wondering if you came at all. He was waiting for you." Tamaki was waiting for me? This made my chest feel funny. I held the phone tighter. "You never showed up so he went with Haruhi to see the snow fall. It was so pretty! Seeing all it all fall so slowly was amazing!"

I smiled to myself, "Yes...It certainly was." Honey continued to talk for several more minutes. I realized I've been on the phone for quite some time. Mother would grow angry...She would ask who called. "Thank you for calling me Honey, but I better go."

"Awe, well okay. See you at school tomorrow!"

I said my goodbyes as I hung up the phone. That...Was nice. I was so nervous at first but now, my entire body is filled with joy! If only I was allowed to have a cell phone. I could call them any time I wanted! Or text them. Maybe, I could even text Tamaki and Oten. If only Mother would let me... She says that phones are a waist of time. Even though Seika has one... I heard a thud as the phone landed on the ground. Huh?

Looking down, the phone was on the floor. I didn't let it slip did I? Then I realized, muffling my own scream. My hands were becoming see-through! Oh God, Oh God! I backed up, falling. I was scared and confused. Moving my hands around didn't make a difference as I struggled to breath. What is going on?! What is happening to me!? I tried to steady myself by placing my hands on the ground, but they went straight through. I quickly shot back, keeping my hands close to my chest. Is this how it starts? Am I going to slowly disappear? Make it stop!

"Please..." I begged, tears threatening to spill.