My sister didn't really want to do a Team Magma villain song. She said Maxie doesn't really look like a guy who would do this. I told her that neither did Ghetsis, and he was the one that started this tradition.
This one is a parody of "The Boogeyman's Song" from Nightmare Before Christmas. It's her favorite Christmas movie, and I wasn't wrong in assuming she couldn't resist helping me with it. (She wrote the non-musical parts in that scene)
The two spent the night in Fallarbor Town, hoping for a Hyper Rank Cool Contest to open up and trusting that Archie and Tabitha would end up taking each other out. It's not that they believed either were good, it was that Tabitha was pretty bad in battle for a guy that seemed to be in charge of the Cozmo kidnapping, and that Archie was at least competent enough to get followers.
Let's not put too much thought into how wrong they were, and just roll with it.
When they learned that none of the day's scheduled Contests were the one they were looking for, they packed up and prepared to go back through the Fiery Path.
"I'm still surprised we're not dying from this stuff," May commented as still more ash rained down on the pair. "This isn't what it said on the internet at all."
"Maybe the internet's wrong," Brendan suggested.
"It could be, but what about science?"
"Maybe science is wrong." Brendan flicked some ash out of his face. "I doesn't matter how we're still alive, does it? We just have to get back to the cable car and down to Lavaridge Town for my last badge before Dad. The new Gym Leader shouldn't be too hard, should she?"
"You'd be surprised," May said softly. "Don't they have to pass some kind of battle test? I think it was beating the Champion, just the Champion, with only their own type specialty. But then, that could just be rumors."
Brendan did actually remember Norman going to Hoenn for a full week before he called and said that he was Petalburg City's new Gym Leader. He'd just thought it was because he wanted to escape the shame of the Great Soda Incident. Perhaps to put a bit of distance between him and his criminal son.
"You might be right," he said, once he'd thought about it. "Did you research it for your writing?"
May's laughter bounced off the mountains. "Of course I didn't, silly. I don't trust myself with battle scenes yet."
Brendan rolled his eyes. "That explains a lot."
There were no red hoods at the other end of Fiery Path. They'd expected that.
They even expected to see Team Aqua and Team Magma grunts fighting around a volcano, if only a little.
"The town's down that way," Archie said when they found him, facing three Team Magma grunts on his own. "You two should be getting your badge or whatever it is you do. Leave Team Magma to us."
"We would," Brendan said, "but it looks like a battle is blocking the exit. So, we figured we'd help you out here."
"I thought you weren't on our side."
"We aren't." May pulled a ball from her side, one that probably held Jerry. "But we're not on their side, either. We help who we want, and today we help you."
"Why?" one of Archie's opponents complained. "You're humans! Humans are land creatures! You should be on our side! Archie should be on our side!"
"I'm not completely sure he isn't a merman," Brendan stated, and Archie laughed.
"That's something I hadn't heard before," Archie said, almost proud. "Pirate, sure, but never merman." He gestured farther up the volcano. "Maxie's up there. He's got a minion or two up there with him, but the worst of it is that the idiots are trying to use the stolen meteorite to...I don't know. Pump the volcano with energy or whatever and make it erupt to get new land masses."
The children stopped in their tracks. "What."
"I never said it made sense," Archie pointed out. "The darn thing's in the middle of a continent already. I would have used the meteorite to turn the volcano dormant and fill it with rain water, but then," he took a moment to call for an attack, "I'm not the moron in control this time."
"No," said another one of his opponents, "but you're the moron who thinks that these kids can stop Maxie from doing it, so who's the bigger moron?"
Archie's expression didn't change, but his voice was harder when he spoke to Brendan and May. "Go on, kids," he ordered, forgetting for a moment that they weren't part of Team Aqua. "Show them why my grunts fear your presence."
They didn't need to be told twice. "That's cool, though," Brendan said as they headed off to the next step of their journey. "We're feared. I've always wanted to be feared."
May grinned back. "That explains a lot."
One double battle with Magma grunts later, the two found Tabitha once again. He was speaking to a woman, who was wearing a different hood than the female grunts. It must have been Courtney. No other female Team Magma member had been named, even in passing.
Tabitha saw the pair and stopped mid-sentence. "Tell the boss," he ordered. "I'll hold them off as long as I can, but they defeated me before."
Courtney had That Look - the one that said 'Tabitha, these are children' - but she didn't say the words out loud. Instead, she chose to follow orders, stopping to look back in confusion only once.
Tabitha sighed, selecting his Pokémon. "All right, kids," he said, resigned to his fate already. "Let's get this train wreck rolling."
It really didn't take long for Brendan to beat him, even with the Poochyena and Zubat added to help his Numel, and the extra Numel that he hadn't had before. Shroomish even evolved into Breloom after defeating the Poochyena.
May hadn't gone after Courtney, choosing to stay behind with Brendan in case he lost and needed her to step in. But, when she was sure he was going to stay with her, she was the one who led the charge.
Maxie wasn't very impressive, in appearance. Where Archie was a muscular merman pirate, Maxie was a slim scientist, wearing what appeared to be a bright red lab coat and sweater tights under shorts. The only thing keeping the kids from laughing was the little bit of sunlight getting through the cloud of ash bouncing off his glasses in bright, horrifying spots.
"You were right, Courtney," he said, his voice quiet, yet another counter to Archie. "They do seem to be quite young. Barely of Pokedex age."
"Hey!" Brendan snapped. "I'll have you know we're twelve, and the minimum age for a Pokedex is ten. We're old enough and then some!"
"Twelve is still much too young to be playing around a volcano," Maxie said, as if they weren't aware of that fact themselves. "Go and train your Pokémon somewhere else."
"We can't. We've promised Archie that we'd stop your stupid meteorite plan before you can kill off the surrounding towns."
Maxie's stern face broke. As the music began, and Courtney pulled her hood over her eyes so she wouldn't have to witness the insanity about to unfold, May seemed to catch on to what was about to happen. Brendan started putting it together only when he heard his friend's desperate pleas. "Maxie, are you sure people do this kind of thing in real life? We'll stop you anyway, you know! This won't help us take you seriously!"
That seemed to be Maxie's plan.
"Look at them.
They're finally here.
They're much too young to stop us, there's no reason to be scared.
You're the ones giving Tabitha trouble?"
Apparently, people actually did do this in real life. Who would have guessed.
"They can't be. They're children.
I can't believe my eyes.
You're kidding me, you have to be
Do you know what this implies?
They're small, and pathetic
I don't know which is worse.
That they're at a volcano
Or that they're trying to save the earth."
Brendan wondered if he could film this and show it to the police, but he quickly decided against it. The cops would never believe him.
Besides, he didn't have a video camera with him. The Pokenav lacked that important function.
"Listen now, and listen hard
There's trouble close at hand
We have to work together if we want to save dry land
"And if you stand against us
Then feel free to run along
But this may be the only time
You hear Team Magma's song."
May facepalmed. "And I thought this was just something my mom did," she sighed. "I guess some people just have that talent for being annoyingly musical."
Brendan looked hopeful. "Is it genetic?" he asked, and May looked up briefly.
"What?"
"Do you do this kind of thing? It's kind of creepy, but you have to admit, it's a catchy tune."
Well, she might as well try. The world was already going down in flames.
"Stand down at once or you will face some dire consequences.
The Water-types still need the sea, so please come to your senses."
The words came to her easily, in part because she'd seen the movie. It still took her by surprise when she actually did it with no prior rehearsal.
She was twelve years old and already becoming her mother. But at least she knew where her writing ability came from, and why the professor said that he fell in love with his wife during her time as his voluntary test subject.
Brendan didn't seem to find anything wrong with her, though. That was a relief.
Maxie didn't, either, but that was because he had the same problem.
"She's done it. She's singing!
She's pretty close to tears!
I promise you, for all to see
There's no need for those fears.
"I don't want to hurt you
And your fish friends will be fine
As long as they stay in the lakes
And don't try to cross the line."
May's teeth clicked together. "Do we really have to finish this?" she asked, almost frustrated.
"We've come this far," Maxie pointed out.
"The sunlight falls onto the ground
Heating up the air
We'll still have pools and drinking water
As the ocean's bed goes bare
"Against Team Aqua, I'll admit
Your victories are fine
But to let you stop Team Magma
Well, I'll just have to decline."
Brendan jumped in, saving May with the next line.
"So what's your plan, let the seas dry
And all the Pokémon will fry?"
There wasn't a moment's pause, as if Brendan had the song disease, too.
"You two sure are something
I don't know where to begin
We'll still have a lake or two
To keep the fishes in
"You can't fight, it's hopeless
You really can't compare
You failed to stop Team Magma
Your plans are going nowhere."
It was done. Tabitha and Courtney blocked the exit, but it was Maxie that reached for a ball.
May grabbed one of her own before Brendan could take the opportunity. "I'll fight," she promised, letting him sit back and relax. "I'll fight him, and I'll win - consider it revenge for putting us through a terrible musical number."
Masquerain defeated the Mightyena with a few fast Fell Stinger attacks. She had Pikachu for his Zubat. And with Jerry, his Camerupt didn't stand a chance.
Maxie's expression of pure shock was brief but amusing. "So you're stronger than I expected. It doesn't matter. You've won here, and we will leave quietly." He adjusted his glasses, the shine blocking out his eyes. "But know that you have not seen the last of Team Magma, and the next time we meet, your victory will not be assured."
Archie arrived only a few seconds after Maxie left, before May could investigate the meteorite machine. "Thank you," he said, sounding like he meant it. "You've stopped Team Magma for me. You won't have to do it again."
"I wouldn't count on that," May said, rolling her eyes theatrically. "We've helped you today, but don't think we're on your side."
"Speaking of your temporary alliance with Team Aqua," Archie interrupted, "where is the meteorite?"
"Courtney took it with her," Brendan explained, and May spun to look at the empty machine. "Sorry."
"Oh. I see." Archie turned to leave himself, but looked back at the kids. "Keep your eyes open for more Team Magma activity. I'd like to work with you again."
"You'll be working against us, too," May reminded him.
Archie wasn't bothered. "We'll see."
Once the pirate merman was out of earshot, Brendan pulled the meteorite out of his bag. "So what do we do with this?"
May's mouth fell open. "But...didn't Courtney take that with her?"
"Huh?" Brendan looked down at the meteorite, then back at his friend. "I lied. I didn't want Archie getting his hands on it."
"But how did you do that without us noticing? I get Maxie and me being distracted by the battle, but Courtney was watching the whole time."
"Who said it was the battle? I used the song as a distraction, Courtney covered her eyes for the whole thing."
He looked so proud of himself, May had to laugh. "Your new nickname is Sneakers," she decided. "It fits and it won't get you in trouble with the law."
"Only if I get to call you Songbird," Brendan retaliated, putting the meteorite back in his bag. "You have to write my theme song now, there is no other option. And we'll start our own team, based on the sky or something. We'll call ourselves Team Breakneck, and our goal will be to take over Hoenn before either of those idiots get the chance. I'll be the Maxie, you be the Tabitha. Lisia can be the Courtney."
"What about Wally?"
"He can be our spy in the other groups. Now, for our uniforms, I'm thinking green..."
Team Breakneck. It wasn't the dumbest thing she'd ever heard, or even been a part of. "We'll have to ask Lisia and Wally," she decided. "And then we'll have to send out recruitment ads. It's going to be a lot of work."
"Which is why we'll do it together," Brendan promised. "You and me and Wally and Lisia, the four most powerful kids in the world! With our strength combined, nothing can stand in our way!"
Pokémon teams:
Brendan: Adam (Combusken) Breloom (evolved in this chapter) Aron
May: Jerry (Marshtomp) Masquerain, Pikachu, Torkoal