The steamed tickled my nose, the smell was heavenly. I stared at the brown liquid in the cup. My mind was somewhere else entirely. Why am I here? I don't know anyone and I don't really do anything besides study. This wasn't something like in the movies where I was kept alive to win some big sport or save my loved one. My family despised me besides Father, but he was stuck on a leash. I didn't play sports, I wasn't one for physical activities.
It has been a week since Nekozawa tried to help me. I've yet to talk to him about where to go from here but I was too stuck on the idea of why I am still alive? In some way. Tomo had yet to mess with me since the ordeal that played out. Girls still talked about it. How could the freak reject the top punk of the school? I haven't seen Luke either, it brought more worry then relief. What could she be doing?
"Sorry, it took so long," The voice of Tamaki brought me out of my thoughts. "How are you today?" I was sitting in the Host Club, a cup of tea in my hand. All the Host's were busy talking to other clients so I sat at one of the empty couches. With what I've been going through, why am I here? Well, it had been some time since I've seen Tamaki and he was always here. I've been stressed to the edge of insanity and... I thought coming here would ease my mind.
I smiled at him, "No, it's quite alright. I'm doing okay. " This was a lie. I was far from okay. If I could properly explain what was going on with me, I could make an entire book series.
"That's good." He sat across from me, "You look lovely today." Lovely? No. Normal was more like it. My long black hair dully laid around me, my face pale from stress and the yellow uniform all girls must wear didn't compliment me at all.
I looked away, "You're very kind." Before I knew it, it had grown awkward. We sat in silence. Now that I've thought about it. We haven't really had a full on conversation before. We've done small talk but nothing like this. I quickly grew nervous. His beautiful blonde hair looked so silky just like an angel. His purple eyes looked at me with calmness. It helped ease out of some the tension between us.
"It's been some time since I've seen you around, Hara." He grinned, leaning forward. Making me sink back into the couch. Looking closer at him, I noticed how smooth his skin was. Compared to my own, you would think he was the girl. We're supposed to have skin like a baby but mine was dry. Oh...He has long eyelashes. Instead of making him look feminine, it only made him look more attractive. Wait a minute, did I just think he was cute!
I covered my cheeks, no longer able to look at him. He seemed confused, not knowing what I was thinking. I heard him gasp. I didn't even get a second to register what was going on as he grabbed my hands, pulling them away from my face. "You look ill!" Oh god, I felt my head spin. To close...
"T-Tamaki..."
He rubbed my hands with his fingers, "You're freezing too. Have you been outside again?" I had trouble answering him. With Tamaki being so close I felt like fainting. "What shall I do to warm up the Snow Queen." He gave me his princely smirk. He's going to make me go crazy! I couldn't take it anymore. I had to run. I rushed up out of my seat.
"I must go!" He was shocked as I ran right out of the door. However, I was immediately grabbed to the side. Huh?! I saw that it was Oten. She gave me a wink. She signaled me to keep my voice down.
"I saw everything." She snickered, "You had it good too! Why did you run away?" Her hair was in the smallest ponytail imaginable and her uniform was stained with grease. What could she be possibly doing to ruin her dress? Then I remembered everything I've gone through in this uniform. Blood, tears and getting hit by a car. I'm amazed it had held itself together this long.
"What are you talking about?" I was honestly clueless.
She slapped her forehead, "You can't be serious! I saw the way you were looking at him. The way your eyes fluttered and how you backed away from being shy." Oten cup her he hands together like she was in love, " Oh just imagine the shy girl who always makes A's and the most popular guy in school. It would be the perfect high school romance!" She can't mean... Tamaki and me as a couple! She must be joking around. I could never let that happen and he surely doesn't see me in that light. Whoever did was a fool.
"That will never happen! Why Tamaki and I are completely different, raised in opposite worlds." I couldn't stressed that enough. He was gorgeous, rich and kind to every soul. He had no problem talking to anyone or helping out. While I was on my own, looked tired much to often and was as social as a fish. The door was crack open, letting me look in. Tamaki was taking to Haruhi, both of them smiling and absorbed into their conversation. We were both too different.
Oten made me look at her, "I don't see that not one bit. In my eyes, everyone is equal. No matter what house you live in, how much money you have or who you are. Everyone deserves a chance." She looked through the crack, noticing the blonde prince. "To me, I see a pretty boy who should be hanging out with you!" I grabbed her shoulders, not being able to make eye contact.
"Oten, please... I'm not very brave. There is no way I can do what you are asking me." I frowned. Even if I could, I wouldn't do it. There was no way I was going to let Tamaki get to close. I couldn't let anyone get to close. If they were to find out that I was dead, they would run in fear. Nekozawa knew about me but he had no interest in telling others and for that I was thankful. One was enough, I couldn't let anyone else know.
She grabbed my hand, ignoring the cold. "I will help you! I will give you my strength." She didn't have to tell me. I could just feel her support flowing into me. This was nice. The feeling of having someone on my side. I loved it. I loved her hand in mine, helping me. This was what it was like to have a friend. I never wanted to let go.
However, for what she did next made me want to rip her hand away and run. She dragged me back into the Host Club, making everyone look at us. Girls laughed and snickered to one another. She took me straight to Tamaki, pushing me forward. My body was shivering, not knowing what to do. He looked down at me with a wide smile. Haruhi was next to him, also giving me a pleasant expression. All courage that was there was gone in a second. "Tamaki..." I stuttered.
Oten hugged my arm, winking at him. "Hara would like it if you would take her out after the Club is over." I immediately shot my eyes at her.
"No No No! I-"
"I would love too." He said. Time stopped as I slowly gazed at him. Did he really just agree? He wants to take me out? This was a huge mistake as all the girls began to flare up with jealousy. I thought the Tomo incident was bad but now rumors will start to fly like crazy. Oten winked at me. Oh, God...This will end terribly.
I sat on the steps in front of the school. Oten had went ahead and gone home, after giving a firm talk on how to 'whoo' a man. She didn't seem like the girl to chase after boys but I could be wrong. The sun was nice and bright today, wishing I could feel its warmth. I used to not like the sun. The harsh rays would easily burn my skin. I never liked the summer cause of the heat and now I would give anything to feel it again. There was barely anyone left here at the school. When was Tamaki going to come out? Did he forget about me? I wouldn't be surprised if he did.
I felt someone staring at me from behind. It made me feel rather unpleasant. I slowly turned around and saw Kyoya staring down at me. "I see you are going with Tamaki somewhere." What was up with him? I couldn't put a finger on it but his whole composer was unsettling. He was the opposite of Tamaki. While he was kind, Kyoya was like stone.
"Y-Yes." I gulped.
He walked down the steps, bending over to look into my eyes. It made me flinch back quickly, scared of what he was going to do. "I don't trust you." Huh? What did I ever do to him? He stood back up, pushing up his glasses. "I don't know what the others see in you but I dislike your presence. It would do us all good if you stopped coming around." I felt foreign feeling growing inside me, making it hard to stay quiet. I clinched my fist, biting my bottom lip. He noticed the change in atmosphere, almost smirking from it.
I stood up, "I will..."
He cocked his head, "What is that?"
Who was he to tell me what to do?! I am so sick and tired of everyone telling me to just disappear! and to go and die! How much longer will I have to endure this all? When will everyone finally leave me alone? I can't let this keep happening to me. I have Tamaki and Oten now but I still have people who get in my way. Was killing myself not enough for the them? Should I hang myself in the school square to finally satisfy them?! I can't stay quiet forever. I can't continue to let them push me around. It will all end. I will make it end.
Starting with him.
"No more..."
He couldn't understand me. "What was that?"
"I said," I took a deep breath, looking him dead in the eyes. "No more! If I want to go out with Tamaki then I will! I don't care who you are but I will not sit back and let you say these terrible things to me." I didn't get to yell it as loud as I wanted but I think I got the message across. He only smirked at me, glancing over my shoulder. What is he looking- I glanced behind me, Tamaki was standing there, confused.
"What is going on?"
I shot my attention to Kyoya, scared of what he was going to say. He didn't like me and since he was in the Host Club, obviously he had to be friends with Tamaki. What if he tells him that I yelled? Oh, my... This is what I get for trying to be brave. He is going to never hang out with me again. He is going to make sure Tamaki sees me as a horrible person. I looked at my shoes with defeat. This is what I get...
I heard his voice above me, "Have fun, Tamaki." He then walked away towards his limo. What?
Tamaki went to my side, waving Kyoya good-bye. "It's good to see you two getting along." We were far from that but if he saw it that way, then all the better. "Well, you ready? I was thinking on taking you ice skating." Oh no! I could never do that! I've never ice skated before. I would look like a fool! As soon as I touch the ice, I will surely fall.
"I'm not that good..." I frowned, "Perhaps something else?" I didn't want to be rude but I rather not be embarrassed in front of him. Who knows when we will be able to go out like this. This could be the last time.
With it being Winter, there wasn't much to do. If only it was Summer, we could go to the amusement park or even go swimming. I actually loved water. Rarely did I ever get to enjoy it but it was something I enjoyed, despite what others may think. I remember, being young still and before Mother grew jealous. We went to the beach when she was still pregnant. The cool touch of the waves licked my skin, making me laugh aloud. I swam for hours, till the sun set was a beautiful orange. I didn't care that I had a bright red sun burn or that my hair was messy with sand. Mother and Father were smiling at me, happy with our little family. Sadly, it didn't stay that way. Now that I am older, I grew to hate the sun but I would stay under its rays now more than ever. Specially, if I could feel the water once more.
He looked just as lost I as I was, "How about we walk around for a while and see what we can find?"
"That sounds lovely." It wasn't a bad idea. We could find something around this big place. If not, then being around him would be enough for me. We took off down the streets, passing by the burger place. The alley way was in my line of sight, but I refused to look in its direction. The memories of Sakura tugging at me. To think I would be walking past it with an actual friend.
Tamaki pointed at a sweet bun stand, "Would you like one?" You could the steam rise off them from our distance. My mouth watered at the thought of one of them touching my lips. However, I could never fully enjoy them again.
"I'm not that hungry but thank you." I smiled, "You can get one though."
He shook his head, "That would be rude if the man ate and the lady didn't." Right after he said that his stomach growled. His face went red, he tried his best to cover it up. "I meant to say was that...Umm...I'm not a fan of them." I giggled silently to myself. He sure was silly. I walked ahead of him, only to stop in front of the stand.
The young woman glanced down at me with a smile, "Sweet buns for two?" Tamaki was next to me, about to interrupt her.
"One please." I quickly answered. She nodded, handing me one. The smell was madding as I handed it to him.
He was reluctant, "Thank you." He took a bite. It made me extremely jealous. Oh, how I wish I could taste it. He offered me a taste, "You look like you really want to try it." I was half tempted to take a huge chunk out of it. Hunger wasn't driving me towards it, the taste I used to remember was crazy. I politely refused. We went on our way, the snow around us was slowly falling. I could tell the cold was getting to him so he pointed towards a clothes store. Of course, one I could never go in by myself cause of the prices.
I couldn't help but ask, "Are you cold?"
"Yea, it's pretty chilly outside. You must be colder than I am. You're only wearing that thin dress." He lead me around the store. I wasn't really interest in clothing. I couldn't afford nice things and I mostly wore my uniform or pj's. I mostly stayed home anyway. My eyes couldn't help but stick towards the price tags. They could bring heart attacks to people like me. You could feed thousands of children with these prices. Before I realized it, Tamaki had disappeared. I felt incredibly intimidated alone. I didn't belong here. Where did he go!?
My fear was short lived as he appeared behind me, "Here, I got you this." He rapped a thick red scarf around me.
"You must take this back." I tried to take it off but he wouldn't let me.
"It's a present and so you wouldn't get cold." With that smile of his, I couldn't say no. Something about him was alluring and...It was hard to refuse. I felt unlike myself around him but I couldn't put my finger on it. I touched the soft fabric, nodding.
With a bright smile, "Thank you!"
"Of course." Suddenly, a voice called out from the front of the store. It was Haruhi, he was waving for our attention. Tamaki rushed to his side. "Haruhi, what are you doing here?"
He rubbed his messy brown hair, "I saw you two from the window and wanted to say hi." The familiar feeling of lonely crept up from behind. I slowly approached them, knowing I was no longer his center of attention. They were immediately sapped into each others worlds. Which I had no room in. I knew it was my time to leave. I rather have just left them without interrupting but I would rather not be rude.
"I better get going." I said. They looked at me, remembering I was there. I've seen this look all my life. Mother was famous for giving it to me. "Thank you for today, Tamaki."
Haruhi stepped forward, getting a closer look, I realized he was very feminine. He had long eyelashes and his hair looked so smooth. What was up with Host's looking so much better than normal girls? "Are you sure?" For some reason, I felt like he wanted me to leave. Then again, I think everyone feels that way.
"I need to get home soon anyway." I walked past them without another word. How much longer was I going to be doing this? Always running away. I could have stayed. They would have finished up their conversion and we would have went on our way, but reality told me their talk would have never ended. I walked to the park, close to my home. I sat on the swing set, not bothering to push myself. I really need to stop getting my hopes up...Then again today wasn't that bad. I can't be completely negative. Tamaki got me this nice scarf and nobody messed with me. Oh, who am I kidding... It was another lonely day in my so far immortal life. No one cared that I existed. Tamaki didn't even try to stop me from leaving. It was Haruhi. Now look at me, sitting on a small swing set, by myself.