"What?" Tomo breathed, not understanding what I was saying. I wiped my tears, looking at him dead in the eyes. He was concerned, confused and lost all in one. He got off the couch, reaching to touch me.
I swat him away, "Don't touch me!" I backed away, "I refuse to be touched again!" I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling the tears flow down my cheeks. I couldn't experience pain anymore...But, I can't take it anymore. Mother hitting me, Seika abusing me emotionally. Tomo only wanted to make me feel better, I knew this yet I feared his hand. Anyone could hurt me.
"Hara..." He tried on more time, making me retreat. I bumped against his TV, making it fall forward. You could hear the screen crack. I gasped, covering my mouth. Tomo stood there observing his now broken TV and me. I choked, not believing what I've done. That's me, the girl who always makes things worse. I run towards his door, quickly dashing out into the snow storm. My breath was a cloud of white in front of me, I couldn't see anything beyond that. The storm was harsh. I didn't care. I heard Tomo behind me, calling my name. I didn't stop.
Where was I to go? I no longer had a home and thinking back on it, I never had one. I had a roof over my head at the least, but I was no longer allowed to go back. I ran away. Mother would punish me beyond imaginable. I was to be confined to my room for a couple days. If I was to return, I would never be allowed to leave. Fear fueled my legs, making me rush further into the blizzard. Was he still pursuing me? I could no longer hear his shoes crunch the snow. The hollowing wind was the only thing behind me. Before I knew it, I was back at the park. It was engulfed with snow and ice.
I dragged my feet, hugging myself close. My dress was layered with ice, making the fabric tough. My hair stuck to my face, freezing to my skin. My tears were no longer there and if they were, they too would be frozen. I stood in the middle of the playground, wondering what I was doing here. I had nowhere to go...This seemed perfect. I remembered back to the pond. Wanting to fall asleep there and never wake up. Perhaps, if I was frozen solid, I could rest in peace. In the park wouldn't be the best place. I could return...To the pond. No one will discover me this time. I could be there forever until I faded away. I didn't care if I was going to hell...If that even existed or not.
"Hara!" With that screamed, I was slammed into. The snow flew everywhere as it cushioned my fall. Peering up, Tomo was there. He shook his head from the sudden collision. His eyes focused on mine. His expression was beyond worried. "Let's go back! You'll freeze to death!" He was wearing an oversized gray coat with a fur hood. He must have changed before he went after me. I shoved him off, getting back on my weak legs. Even though I couldn't feel it, the weather was getting to me.
"I'm not going back," I choked. "I won't mess up your life too."
He gritted his teeth, "What do you mean?"
I glimpsed behind him, the gate leading out of the park was my goal, "What else can I say?! It's what I'm best at. I try to keep people away, but I can't even do that. I hurt everyone. My family detests me...Mother...My sister...Even my Father won't help me. I ruined their lives and now, I refuse to ruin yours. So leave me alone!" I bolted past him, but he snatched my arm firmly.
"Stop running away!" His voice rang in my ear. I was left in shock, no longer trying to escape.
"I..." I breathed, "I can't."
Tomo glared down at me, "Why can't you?"
"If I stop running. It will only hurt worse. If I remain still for even a second, life will catch up to me. I don't want it too. Everything will pile up at once, forcing me to sink. It happened before...It's the reason why..."
"Why what?"
I cried, pushing him away. "It's the reason why I killed myself!" My voice came out repulsive, my throat becoming raw from the cold. He gazed at me like I was mad. Of course, he would. He thinks I'm crazy. Then again, I probably am. I was the most insane person on the planet. I have a right to be. I'm lifeless and yet still here. Wouldn't that drive anybody nuts? To endure the suffering, going on each day, knowing it wasn't going to change.
"That's not possible." He said.
"Oh yeah?" I laughed like a fool, "I'll show you." My hand raised my dress. His eyes went wide as my fingers extended for a small fruit knife. I pocketed it from the kitchen one night, I had thoughts...Bad thoughts. I didn't cut myself, but now. Who cares if I did? No one did in the first place. I pulled it out, it gleamed against the light from posts near the park.
"What are you going to do?!" He panicked, shifting towards me cautiously. I was shaking terribly. I could barely stand. My vision was blurred. My limbs felt heavy, I wanted to sleep... I lifted it up to my smooth white neck.
I sighed, "All I want is silence." I went to slice my throat, but the knife was wiped away.
"Are you insane!?" The knife was thrown away, being forgotten by the falling snow. "Do you want to die?!"
"Yes!" I smiled, "More than anything." Tomo was taken back. I looked at my shaking hands, I swore I could see my scars. "I hate this... I hate this miserable place called Earth. I want to vanish. To finally be free, but no...Fate had different plans." I glanced at the night sky, "Why am I still here? I question that a lot." I began to lose my balance. Tomo quickly caught me.
"Hey, you're freezing! We need to go back." I could scarcely hear him. Not like I cared.
My ear..? I swiped at it. Stop... I shot up, making something hit the floor. I gazed down and saw the fattest cat of my life. He was gray and looked like he had eyebrows. The feline glared at me with displeasure. Where am I? Looking around I saw I was in Tomo's home. The TV was missing and the house was a lot cleaner than it was last night. I shook my head, remembering last night. I can't believe I almost did that in front of him...He would have found out about me being dead. I didn't see him anywhere. Now would be my time to escape.
I placed my feet on the floor, noticing my shoes were gone. They were by the door. Perfect. I slowly got up, noticing the cat walk towards the bedroom door. What is it doing? It looked at me with its angry eyes. It raised a paw, scratching the door as loud as possible. Stupid cat! I rushed towards the door but was too late. Tomo walked out of his room, picking up the cat and saw I was trying to escape. My hand was on the handle when he spoke.
"Where are you going?"
I gulped, "I'm going home." That wasn't a good idea nor was it the truth. I couldn't go back there. "My family must be worried." Suddenly, Tomo was leaning against the door, the cat still in hand.
"Look, I know you're lying. I've been in your shoes." He should be glad he wasn't like me right now. Nobody could handle it. I barely can. "Home is the last place you want to go back too. How about-" He ruffled his messy hair, avoiding my gaze. "Stay here for a bit." I was shocked.
My finger raised itself to my face, "Me?" I was beyond surprised. Why would he let me stay? More importantly a stranger. He knew nothing about me. Nor did I know him. This wasn't a smart idea. The streets were a better option. However, it was very kind of him to offer. By looking at his place, you could tell he was barely scraping by. Thank god, I didn't need to eat. I don't think he could afford to feed me.
"Who else?" He smirked. I bit my finger nail, not knowing how to respond. I shouldn't stay. I mustn't stay. I will only cause him trouble. That's all I can do. The light from outside shown in through the crack in his door. He notices me staring, "Hara, if you go back. You know what will happen. It happened to me every time. The bruises, screaming and threats." He struck a weak point. I wanted to shrink away from his words, but I stood tall.
"You're right..."
He smiled, "I'm not that bad of a person and besides." He waved over his place, "Isn't this just heaven!" I wanted to laugh but saw a certain picture sticking out of the background. I went over to it. It was a family picture. With gentle hands, I lifted it up. Tomo was talking to himself and I assume his cat. There was a little boy with white snow hair in the middle, holding a giant stick of cotton candy. Behind him was a heavily pregnant woman with long white hair and calming green eyes. Besides her with his hand on Tomo's shoulders was a tall man with dark brown hair. He looked much older than his wife but happy. They all looked so happy... I felt a tear slip and land on the photo. Huh?
"Perfect." Tomo was standing behind me, looking over my shoulders. He took the picture from my hands, looking at it longingly. "We were what you would call 'The perfect family'." He placed the frame face down, no longer looking at it. More like refusing to look at it. "My mother was pregnant with my younger brother at the time." He went and sat down on the couch, letting his cat lay on his lap.
I hesitated but joined his side," She's very beautiful." She truly was. If I had to compare her to anything, she resembled a goddess. Compared to my dull black hair and plain eyes. I could never be like her.
"She was, wasn't she?"
My eyes widened, "You don't mean..?"
"Yep, passed away a few years ago. Never was the same after. Perhaps we haven't been in the exact same shoes but similar." He sighed, leaning back his head. "My dad changed after that. He used to take it out on me and my brother. Especially me, I looked like her the most." I hung my eyes, not looking at him.
"Where is your brother?" I had to ask. I was curious on why he wasn't here with him if they both got bullied. His eyes grew hazy.
He wiped his forehead. I could tell talking about it was getting to him. "Got taken. Went with the grandparents. Haven't seen him since." I felt bad for him but I was glad that his brother got away from his dad. "I lied to you when I said I left when I was 18 and hated them. I loved my mother. She was an angel, but she had to leave early. My father...That was another thing. I left when my brother got taken. I was 16 and finding a roof over my head was hard."
"You can stop..." I said. He looked sick. I didn't want to push him any further. I had no right to know his back story.
"No, it's okay. You are really nice to talk to you." He smirked, "finding work was almost impossible but I found an old coffee shop, still work there too. An old couple hired me, they're really sweet those two. They knew the guy here and he lets me stay for cheap, that wasn't a lie." Tomo got up, stretching his arms. "Man, it got hot in here." He went and opened the door, "Don't run away now."
I nodded. I went to look at the floor like I normally do when I am unsettled, sitting next to my feet was the cat. He was looking up at me with his angry eyes. I shuddered, trying to look at anything else but him. "Your cat..." I managed to breathe. Tomo looked surprised, picking the cat up.
" ? What about him?" That was it, I couldn't hold it in. I laughed. One of those deep laughs from the gut. Who would name their cat that? Especially, when the cat looks so angry. I covered my mouth, trying to stop myself. Now Tomo looked really confused. He hugged, feeling sorry for him. "I have you know, he is a wonderful companion."
I snorted, making myself freeze. Did I just... I quickly shot up, "You didn't hear that!" I said quite loudly.
"Oh, I heard nothing." He smirked, inching closer. "Only you snorting." Oh god, this was embarrassing. I gripped my hair, trying to figure out how to change the conversation. Make him forget.
"If I ask nicely..." I gulped, pleading him with big eyes. "Forget that I did that." He paused, taking a minute to answer. His cheeks had a light pink hue to them.
He finally spoke, "I guess I can, only if you do something." I began to feel nervous. What is he going to ask for? He leaned against the wall where the TV was. "You have to stay here for a couple days.
"I can't-"
He stopped me with a finger, "Let me finish." He started where he left off, "You have to stay here a couple days at least, till the school lets us go back." I pondered for a second. I really should go back home. Accept my punishment, no matter how bad it is. Then again, I didn't do anything wrong. Why must I pay the price? I didn't set the fire. I would never have done that. Going home was something I didn't want to do.
"I don't know..."
Tomo placed a hand on my head, ruffling my hair. "You're scared, I can tell." He could...See it that easy. I realized my hands were shaking. "Stay here." I shook my head, not wanting to listen to him.
"I need to go home, Mother will worry."
"Will she or is she just wanting to hurt you more." I bit my lip. He was right... "It'll be okay. I promise."
I finally took a deep breath, "I will stay."