Disclaimer: Game of Thrones and Life is Strange aren't my properties, they belong to D&D, George R.R Martin, DONTNOD and Square Enix. And the Lord is good, because if I were the owner, believe me, you'd hate what I'd do with that.
Summary: All he wanted was to forget, to have a fresh new start. And so did she.
Author's note: This is set after the end of LIS with the "Save Arcadia Bay" ending. As for Game of Thrones, it is set in a modern universe and the characters are at the end of season 2, personality wise.
WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CAN CONTAIN HEAVY THEMES SUCH AS MENTIONS OF SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS, BULLYING ETC. IF YOU ARE ILL-AT-EASE WITH THESE SUBJECTS, FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION.
Begin again
Chapter 4
The rain was pouring hard as Lancel was fixing the ground beneath his eyes. All he needed was to take one more step, one more and it was over.
What was one more thing to do compared to what he went through?
His eyes were strangely attracted by one particular spot. He tried to picture himself there, laying on the ground, finally in peace, freed from his sufferings. He knew it was selfish but he couldn't stand it anymore. He had tried so hard for so long, for himself, for the ones who seemed to care, but he didn't have the strength anymore. He had done all he could, he deserved a slice of selfishness once in a while. It was for the best and as Joffrey told him, no one would miss him.
He had waited for the night to put on its dark cloak to act, he didn't want to have a crowd watching as he breathed his last, pretending next to be sorry, to act surprised, to vow this would never happen again while it would, months after.
Because that was how the world rolled.
He had left several notes in his room, one for his family, others for Max, for Warren, for Kate. To let them know how happy they had made him in his short life while he wasn't worthy of their affection. That they didn't have to be sad or to blame themselves. He didn't want them to share his burden.
That day, he acted as usual, took the blames and insults as he did the day before, his room was neat, there was nothing to be taken care of, not even the laundry, he had his weekly cup of tea with Kate but instead of going back to his dorm, he hid in a corridor. The girls' dormitories were higher than the boys'. The higher it was, the best chances he had to succeed. He had waited for the night, for almost all the lights to shut down, for Principal Wells to have finished his nightly routine. He had left his seven pointed star necklace in his room. What he was about to do was an insult to both his mother and the Gods. He couldn't possibly die wearing that. Then, he had climbed the stairs. It was fortunate that David Madsen wasn't around, being on a leave after Chloe's death as he couldn't walk around without seeing her face everywhere. It made his task easier. He took a deep breath and started to walk closer to the emptiness. The wind was making his blond locks of hair float before his eyes.
One step closer, just one…
"Lancel, wait!"
Startled, he looked behind him.
Kate.
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Kate was putting her tea back in the closet and her mind was racing. Lancel had just left. And she was worried. He acted his usual self but she could feel something wasn't right. His eyes didn't have the same glow. His smile didn't have the same warmth. He was surrounded by some kind of nostalgia, and when he said goodbye, it had felt like farewells. She had asked Max and Warren but to them, though he seemed down and sad due to the situation he was in, they hadn't noticed anything strange in his behaviour.
"They can't know, they weren't in that kind of situation but… It's as if I was seeing myself again back when…"
She sighed and looked at the pictures they had taken together. The cheerful and somewhat shy boy she saw wasn't the one who drank black tea with her earlier. It made her upset her. He was a nice man, he was caring, he tried to make her feel better and she did feel better, she enjoyed being with him, she actually counted down the days between their tea sessions, the moments where it was just them. She felt she had a real connexion with him, a bond, something that tied them together and the idea of him being so unwell made her heart ache. She would ache for a friend but when it came to Lancel, it ached harder.
"Maybe God made us meet so that I could help him the way Max helped me. So that we could heal together."
Because he made her heal.
She wasn't afraid as much of the outside, she felt at ease in parties because he was with her, she felt protected.
She sighed and took her bathroom purse to go to the showers. As she walked outside, she saw a brief shadow but she thought it was her imagination. However, she had a feeling of uneasiness that didn't leave her. Her mind was focused on Lancel, and her feeling got worse when she saw that he didn't answer her messages. Lancel always answered, even late. Here, even at an hour where he was supposed to be in his room due to the curfew, he wasn't answering. And if it had been a battery issue, he would have sent her a message on Facebook, apologizing. She decided to leave her room, to put some fresh water on her face. She noticed the backdoor to the stairs and to the rooftop was opened. That wasn't normal. She followed her instinct and went upstairs. And when she opened the last door, she felt as if she had rewinded time, seeing for a brief moment her own back, ready to take a final step. Her mind froze in horror when she realized that it was Lancel, ready to leave her existence.
"Lancel, wait!"
Her cry had been desperate and she had extended her arm, running to him, to try and grab him. He couldn't die! Not him! No one had to die that way but he deserved it even less than the rest of human kind. He turned to face her, making her stop. The mask had shattered. All she saw then was an exhausted, vulnerable, broken young man.
And it broke her heart to see him that way.
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"Go back inside Kate, you don't want to see this. I don't want you to see this." He managed to say, his voice weak and defeated
"Lancel please, whatever is eating you isn't worthy of such an act!"
"You don't know what I did. If you knew, you'd want me dead too."
She tried to get closer but he pulled back.
"Lancel…"
"Kate… You don't know what it's like…"
She smiled softly.
"Actually, I do."
He stared at her in disbelief.
"After Chloe's death, there was an investigation and though my name was cleared, some people continued to bully me, to mock me, my faith, my being. Some said I earnt it because I preached chastity before marriage, some said I deserved it. A week after Chloe's funerals, I was here, right where you stand. So yes, Lancel. I know what it feels like. You feel you are trapped, alone, in a nightmare and you can't wake up. The only way is to put yourself to sleep. But that's not true. You can wake up. It doesn't matter what you did. I saw the real you, a man who tries his best to be good, to be better. It's in the past and it made you better. It doesn't matter what you did, they are wrong to treat you that way, to make you feel unwanted. Because you are wanted. People love you. Your parents, your siblings, Myrcella, Tommen, Tyrek! You told me they were close to you. Max and Warren! Joyce! We all care and so do I!"
"You don't know what I did…"
"I don't care about what you did, I care about what you do now. Lancel, please…"
She offered her hand, he looked at her hesitantly. Her words moved him, he wanted to believe her, he really wanted to but something was holding him back.
"You are not alone, Lancel. I'll always have your back. I care about you, I really do."
Her voice was firm, gentle, warm and genuine. She had come all the way here to witness him in his worst moment and she didn't pull back. He slowly raised his hand to suddenly grab hers. She took him in her arms as he sank on his knees, his body shaking as he started crying, muttering endless apologies. She hushed him gently, enjoying the warmth of his being against her, afraid at the idea that she would have lost him. She grabbed her phone and called Max. This had to be discrete. Warren was called too and together, they drove Lancel to the nearby hospital. He was nestled in her arms, in a perfect silence, as Warren took them there. People would know he tried to commit suicide, they'd let people know, they needed the shock.
But there was no way they would make him go through the trial of being the talk of school again by being seen going in an ambulance to be driven away.
By her God and by the Seven Gods, Kate swore she would spare Lancel that humiliation. She knew how it stung and it was the last thing he needed right now.
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Kevan froze in shock when he had received a call from the hospital of Arcadia Bay, at 1.00 am.
He felt dead inside when he learnt of the reason Lancel was in there in the first place.
He felt as if he had let him down, he had failed him. He had promised him he would help him, he would protect him. He did nothing of that. He didn't know why it happened but he was certain Joffrey had a part in it.
Dorna was in tears and he did his best to comfort her.
He got dressed and an hour later, he was on the road, Dorna vowing to watch over the twins and Janei.
His son needed him.
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Though she had never met him before, Kate recognized Kevan as he walked in, having seen him on many pictures Lancel had brought with him. They shared the same emerald eyes and their softness. She got up from her bench and went to greet him.
"Mister Lannister."
Kevan looked at her, it was clear she had been soaked and she looked exhausted. Beside her, two young people, who had fallen asleep. He had been told Lancel was brought in by three teenagers.
"You must be Kate Marsh." He said
"I am. I wish our meeting happened in a happier light."
He had a sad smile.
"They told me you were the one who saved Lancel. How could I ever thank you, Miss Marsh?"
"Lancel saved himself. He decided to live. All I did was reminding him he wasn't alone."
Kevan nodded, thinking that he still had a debt that would last a lifetime, and went to his son's room, along with Kate. She left them together to reunite. Lancel was laying in his bed, half awake. He didn't seem to have any injuries, though he seemed drained.
"Lancel?" Kevan asked carefully, unsure his son was actually aware he was in a hospital
He slowly turned his head to meet his gaze. It broke Kevan's heart to see him so destroyed.
"Dad…" His voice was barely higher than a whisper
Kevan forced himself to smile as he hugged his child.
"I'm so sorry…"
Kevan only hugged him tighter.
"You don't have to apologize, they should be sorry, not you! The ones who did that to you will pay, I swear it by the Seven, they will, if it is the last thing I do!" He thought as Lancel was holding his tears back
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Kevan had taken Lancel's phone to have the messages printed out so that he could have proofs, leaving Lancel with his friend.
Kate had listened to Lancel in a complete silence the following afternoon as he revealed the truth behind his dark past.
How he bullied someone to be accepted.
How he ended up being in an incestuous relationship that turned out to be a poison.
How he tried to change.
How his past wasn't allowing him to move on.
Kate's silence made him worried. He was certain he was disgusting her and that she would regret saving his life. However, she took his hand and clasped it softly.
"I am proud of you."
He raised his head to meet her gaze. She was smiling.
"I am so proud to be your friend and to have met someone like you."
He didn't understand.
"It takes courage to realize something is wrong with oneself and to turn a new leaf to be a better person. You had that bravery. You realized you weren't doing the right thing, you felt it in your soul and you did the best you could to repair things. You are awesome."
Lancel felt himself blushing as a small smile came on his lips, along with a wave of relief.
He understood then that, if he continued on his path, he would never lose Kate as he feared so much.
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In Lancel's room, Max and Warren were preparing a bag for him, with things to pass time as well as the bare necessities, on Kate's demand. She joked about how experienced she was in that regard, a joke that made Max uneasy in a way but she was happy Kate was able to use humour about it. As she looked in his collection of mangas, Warren came with his mail. Among them, a letter from Sansa Stark. The woman mentioned in the letter that had almost cost them their friend.
"I hope it isn't bad…" Warren said
"Open it!" Max stated
"It's private…"
Max thought she could rewind time so that the letter would never be opened but she feared the consequences too much. The tornado and Chloe's sacrifice were still fresh in her mind. She took it and opened it.
Dear Lancel,
I'm sorry it has taken me so much time to give you an answer but your gesture had surprised me so much it has left me speechless and lost for thoughts for quite a while. Few are those who do what you did, few have the balls for it.. After that, I was worried that I would say things the wrong way. This is why I am writing you this now.
I know you aren't a bad person, it's written all over your face and your eyes can't lie when your mouth does. I know what it's like to try and act a different person, so far away from our true characters, to be loved and accepted, especially far from home, to be well integrated among the popular crew. You had nothing against me. You did as you were bid by a cruel master, a man who could have you destroyed if you refused him.
A thing you did in the end, to protect me.
I am no fool, I know it's because you turned Joffrey in that you saved me from being raped by my ex-boyfriend. You became my everyday hero. You and I are much alike on so many fronts, blaming you would be blaming me as I almost drove my own sister away from me, with the same methods, for the same person. Everyone makes mistakes but those who regret and who try to make things right shouldn't have to suffer even more. You bullied me because you were forced to and you went over the top to impress someone who could have crushed you. Because you were scared of many things.
Lancel, I forgive you, I heartly forgive you and I wish we can become good friends, I do mean it. I genuinely want you to be happy and to feel free again. I'll PM you, on Facebook, my phone number if you wish us to talk sometimes.
I can't wait to see all the beauties of Arcadia bay you have captured so far!
Best regards
Your friend (Yes, I do dream big!) Sansa
"Gods, this could make people shut up about how he could have raped his cousin! Someone who stops a rape attempt isn't likely to rape afterwards!" Warren gasped
"This will make them all shut up, about everything! This is the proof Lancel was genuine from the start! No one can contradict the absolution of an old victim to a penitent bully! Warren, we have to take this to Juliet!" Max said
"Juliet?" He wondered
"She'll scan this and add it in the campus' newspapers! And we can have it printed to have it distributed around the school! We can help Lancel's good name to be restored!"
Her joy was contagious.
"You're a genius, Max! But let's not forget to give it to Lancel."
He kissed her right on the lips.
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Juliet's article was even shared on Blackwell's facebook official page as a hymn against bullying and promoting acceptance, redemption and forgiveness. Those who had mocked him for months felt dreadful as they discovered that Lancel wasn't playing any act.
"Despite what we swore, we never learnt from Kate's wakeup call…We are the true monsters and we wouldn't deserve his forgiveness. Just like we don't deserve the one Kate gave us." Someone sadly stated
When Lancel had seen it, from his room as he was taking pictures from the window of a couple of blue birds, he felt ill-at-ease. He didn't want to be seen as a martyr or as a hero.
However, the proud look on his father's face made his doubts vanish.
That and Kate's radiant smile.
His hand on the seven pointed star necklace, brought by Max, he silently prayed the Stranger, apologizing for bothering him for nothing.
He wasn't ready to give up Life just yet.
He wanted to live it first.
To Be Continued