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Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or it's characters.

My own Trauma

It's been a week and a half since I was abducted and buried alive. We were still on break for school, but next week we had to go back. I didn't want to, most kids don't, but it just felt too soon. I've been wearing the necklace my aunt gave me every day, and been receiving lots of compliments on it from everyone at the precinct. Same thing with the bracelet I gave my aunt, she hasn't taken it off, and she got tons of compliments.

It was great spending a week and a half with my aunt Kate and everyone at the precinct. Sadly though, I've been plagued with nightmares for a few days. It just started up and it seems to be the same one every time. I haven't told my aunt because I was afraid she might take me to a doctor or something. I really don't want to go get treated by some psychologist, they're scary. I have to sit there and tell them my problems which probably start way before my recent kidnapping.

Today was the fourth night and I was determined not to have that same dream, but to no avail, I slipped into the same scary nightmare that makes me stay up for hours. The nightmare always starts out with a distorted figure hovering over me and then dragging me into the middle of nowhere. Then I'd be buried alive and left there until my aunt finds me, but it's always too late.

I always have an outer body experience towards the end and I see my aunt holding my dead body close to her, crying over the fact she couldn't find me. Sometimes if I can't wake myself up right away, it take it a little further and shows me my funeral and everyone I know, crying at the casket. It's horrible and it gets me worked up every time.

I woke up today with a fright, but I tried to stay quiet, so my aunt doesn't hear me. I don't want her to think this is a serious issue, even though it kind of is. I sighed and turned on my bedside table lamp, and grabbed my laptop. I browsed through tons and tons of websites on the internet and played some games.

By 6:30am I started dozing on and off while on the computer. The sun was starting to stream through my window and it hurt my tired eyes. I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. I let out a gigantic yawn and decided to try to get a little sleep in. Just as I was about to turn in for the morning for those couple hours of much needed sleep, there was a knock on bedroom door.

"Come in," I said.

My aunt opened the door with a small smile on her face and said, "Morning Em, I was just about to make us some breakfast. I was hoping you can come with me to the precinct, so I can finish some paper work. Since I have the day off, I was thinking we can do something."

"Um…Yeah sure, but why are you going in on your day off?" I asked.

"I need to catch up on some the paper work. It's piled up and if I don't get at least some of it out of the way, the captain will be furious with me. Not to mention I'll have a lot more backed up once I do more cases."

"I understand."

"Okay. I'll go make us some breakfast."

"Okay, I'll be out in a second Aunt Kate."

"All right, maybe you can help me."

I gave a small smile and nodded to her. She closed my door and I flopped back into my bed with a small groan. I ran my hands down my face and got out of bed slowly. I felt like I was the undead from the pace I was moving. I felt tired and weak and I just wanted to plop down somewhere and go into a deep and long sleep. I tried to pull myself together so my aunt wouldn't catch on to my little secret I've been keeping from her.

I left my room and headed to the kitchen to help my aunt with breakfast. We made it together and I tried to be as alive as possible, hoping she wouldn't see through my façade. We ate together sharing a nice, warm, and heartfelt early morning conversation. She didn't seem to notice that I was as tired as a sloth. Once we were done, we got dressed and headed to the precinct to start our long and tiring day.

We've been at the precinct for about a few hours and just a few minutes ago Castle dropped by to ask my aunt a few questions about something he wants to put in his book. I barely heard any of the conversation because I kept nodding off every few seconds. I didn't realize that I finally dozed off and fell off the chair I was occupying.

I hit the ground with a thud and when I opened my eyes all I saw was the tiled floor and two pairs of shoes. I got up slowly and looked up to see my aunt and castle looking at me with concern filling their eyes.

"I'm okay, guess I just fell asleep," I said, trying desperately to deviate the conversation from turning into what I've been trying to hide.

"Are you okay? You hit pretty hard Em," My aunt said.

I smiled nervously and said, "Yeah, I'm good. My body broke my fall."

"Em," my aunt said sternly.

"Kate, I think mini Beckett hasn't been sleeping properly," Castle said.

"Yeah, I noticed it too. Her eyes have been red, the bags under her eyes have been getting darker, and she's been passing out like this a lot. What's going on, Em?"

"Nothing's going on, I've just been tired lately," I said with a shrug.

"Something is seriously wrong, Em. You need to get enough sleep, it's unhealthy," My aunt said concern seeping through every word.

"Really it's nothing," I said.

"Come on mini Beckett, you need to tell us what's going on, or we won't be able to help you. We don't want this to get any worse," Castle said.

"I… I can't talk about it," I sighed.

"What can't you talk about?" my aunt asked.

"It's complicated okay. I don't want you to worry, I'll be okay," I said.

"Emily, I need you to tell me what's going on. You're worrying us," she said.

"Fine," I said.

"Come on, let's go to the interrogation room so it's more private," my aunt said.

We all moved to the interrogation room so I could tell them what was going on with me. I honestly didn't want to share this nightmare I've been having, but maybe if I get it off my chest, I'll be able to handle it better. I might even get rid of it for good.

"Okay, Em. What's been going on? It's been a few days," she said.

"You've noticed?" I asked.

"Of course I have. I'm your aunt and a detective, it's not hard to miss," she said.

"I just been having a recurring nightmare," I said.

"Oh, I hate nightmares. I had one when I was about your age," Castle said.

"What was it about?" my aunt asked me.

"Well you see," Castle started.

"Not you Castle. Emily," she said.

"Oh," he said.

"It's about the day I was taken and buried alive, but every time I'd wind up dead and sometimes I even see the funeral," I said.

"Emily," my aunt said sadly.

"That's pretty deep, mini Beckett. You should have told your aunt sooner," Castle said.

"I know, but I knew if I told her, she'd probably take me to a psychologist. I thought it would pass on its own," I said

"Something as traumatic as that wouldn't go away on its own. This is serious Em. How long have you been having these dreams?" she asked.

"About four days," I said.

"Are they getting worse?" she asked.

"A little yeah, it's hard to sleep. I barely got any sleep last night," I said.

"Geez, Em. I wish you would have told me," she said.

"I'm sorry," I said looking up at her sadly.

"It's okay," she said.

"Maybe Emily should see a specialist," Castle said.

"Yeah, I think it's for the best," my aunt said.

"I don't want to," I said.

"It'll be fine, Em. They aren't bad at all. I went to one when I was shot and going through PTSD. Sometimes I go by when I still feel down," she said.

"They aren't scary," I said.

"No I promise," she said.

"Okay, I'll go. I want some sleep," I said.

They chuckled at me and my aunt said, "I'll find you a psychologist and we'll go as soon as possible."

"Don't worry mini Beckett, I bet it'll be an interesting experience. I also know a few good kid Psychologist around here," Castle said.

"How do you know some?" my aunt asked.

"Well fundraisers, I wen to a few, and we were thinking of taking Alexis when her mother and I split," Castle said.

"Oh, well thanks. I'll appreciate that," she said.

"No problem, anything for my mini Beckett and bigger Beckett," Castle smiled.

Two days later, I was sitting in the waiting room at a psychology office. I was bouncing my leg so fast because of how nervous I was. I didn't want to explain all my problems to this person and especially if we would start at the beginning.

"Em, its fine. You'll be okay," my aunt said from her chair next to me.

"I'm nervous," I groaned.

"I know, but I heard this lady is really nice and Castle thought she was really friendly. Just give it a try, it might help, okay?"

"Okay, I'll try."

"Emily Beckett Roswell, she'll see you now," the receptionist said.

I looked over at my aunt Kate and she nodded with a small smile. I let out a breath and walked towards the lady's office. I went into the office to find a nice older woman who was probably a few years older than my aunt, and she was wearing a nice pant suit making her look completely professional. She smiled at me from her big comfy looking chair and said, "Have a seat on the sofa and get comfortable any way you'd like."

I nodded and sat down on the sofa, but I stayed pretty rigid because I was still extremely nervous. I looked at the psychologist, Dr. Lasseter, and she spoke again, "Hi Emily, I read your file that your aunt filled out and she told me a lot about you. I heard you've had trouble sleeping."

"Yeah," I said.

"It's okay Emily. I understand you're nervous, but just know I'm here to help you and we could take this session as slow as you'd like."

"Okay."

"Okay. Let's start out with something to light up the mood. What's your favorite hobby?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, I want to make you comfortable. We don't have to talk about you issue right away. We have an hour and some more sessions coming up. This is about getting to know you."

"Well, okay. I like skateboarding," I said.

"Really, how long have you been skateboarding?"

"Since I was about five. That's when I got my first skateboard."

"Wow, did one of your parents get it for you?'

"Yeah, but I think my mama stole it. She barely had any money, or maybe she earned some money to get it. I don't know."

"Why do you think that?"

"My mama was a drug addict. She rarely had any money to get anything. I was really surprised when I got the present under my tree."

"Hmm, interesting? Did your mother always do this?"

"Do what?"

"Drugs?"

"Yeah, since before I was born, my dad too, before he was murdered by his people."

"Wow, you've seemed to have a lot of trauma."

"I guess I have."

For the whole hour we talked about me when I was little. We barely touched on my issue with my dream. The hour was up and I was supposed to come back in two days for our next session. Even though we started on my childhood, I still felt like a little was less weight on my shoulders.

School was back in session and everything was seeming to be back in order. I was getting a great night sleep and the dream only happened one more time. My sessions with Dr. Lasseter have been great and today was my last session, and we were finally on my incident with me being buried alive.

I was scared to relive those moments but had to get through it so I'd be all right. I knew this would definitely help me in the long run and I wanted that.

"So walk me through the whole thing Emily," Dr. Lasseter said.

I nodded and started my story, "I hear don the news a few inmates broke out but I had no clue who. My aunt called and she didn't even know, but she told me to lock up. I did what I was told and then I went to bed. I woke up when I heard a loud crash from my window and saw him standing in the corner, but it was dark and I couldn't him at all, just a silhouette."

I let out a small shaky breath, scared of these memories I was laying out in the open.

"I know it's hard take your time."

"I turned on my light and noticed that it was Tony. I knew he wanted revenge, but I didn't think it would happen. We spoke and then he grabbed me, and I struggled to not get taken. He knocked me out and when I woke up I was tied up in some old and dirty building. He had his friend come with his truck and drove me to his father's land. When we got there he pulled me out of the truck and I landed on my hand breaking it. He pulled me up and walked me over to a hole and a coffin. His friends got the shovels and they threw me in there, nailing it shut, and then burying me six feet under. I was there for a long time and almost died, I even saw a hallucination of my mom, but my aunt saved me, just like she always did."

"Wow, I'm so sorry about that. At least you aunt Kate is always by your side. You'll never have to worry about anything as long as you're with her. You have come a long way, Emily. If you ever need anything you have many people who care about you. You're never alone."

"Yeah, I do. That's what helps me get through all these traumatic events even quicker and better."

"I can see that Emily. Well it looks like our last session is over. You've come a long way and I'm proud of you. If you ever need to see me again, I'll be here."

"Thanks Dr. Lasseter. You really helped me out."

"It was honestly no problem. You're a good kid."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

I left Dr. Lasseter's office one last time feeling great about everything. It's been a great few weeks and hopefully I won't have to undergo any more traumatic events in my near future. My aunt took me home and the whole way there we talked cheerfully about how my sessions really helped.

When we walked through the door of her apartment I was surprised to see Castle and Alexis there to greet us.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked.

"Thought it would be nice to celebrate, your last session. We've seen it make a big difference on you and we thought it be fun," Castle said.

"Thanks," I said.

"No problem," Alexis and castle said together.

"So, do you feel better Emily? "Alexis asked.

"I feel great. I honestly never knew how much everything really affected me," I said.

"That's good to hear," My aunt said.

"Yeah it is," I said.

We ate the dinner that castle and Alexis brought over and I had a wonderful time. Now that I don't have many worries on my mind anymore, I honestly feel like a new kid. There is still a little something on the back of my mind, but I'm not going to think about it right now. I'm just going to stay in the moment and forget about it.