A/N: This chapter is going to mostly talk about the time Puck spent in a relationship with Zizes. I love Lauren Zizes….a lot of people who read my Perfect Attendance story think I don't, because of the way I had her dump Puck. But I love her so much it ain't funny. She's exactly the kind of character that make shows like Glee watchable. She's really funny, observant, and a great role model for girls. I love her confidence and I think Ashley Fink is sooo adorable in the role. So shout-outs go to LudaNeet and Annikay for helping me puzzle out a few things about Zizes, which made their way into this chapter.

I'm using this chapter to kind of point out some of the things Puck needs to learn before he's ready for 'Cedes. And he gon' learn, y'all… Zizes is one helluva teacher. Hope you like it.

Thanks to Goalie-Leigh, gdhill, Koxie, TBlovestoread, elemeno82002, and JessieMae888 for reviewing since my last update...you guys are great to write for.

Oh, yeah…JessiMae888, you know how much I love your dream sequence chapter…so one of my favorite parts made its way in here. Let me know if you catch it lol.

Disclaimer: I really don't think anybody reading this believes that I'm at all responsible for the hot mess Glee has become. If you do, let this be reminder that I ain't.

Someone New

Some of you are probably wondering if I maybe used my relationship with Zizes to get 'Cedes outta my head. I've thought about that shit a lot lately, and I'm honestly not sure if I did or not. I mean, I wasn't really admitting to myself that I was even feeling Lil Mama like that back then…Yeah, I was digging her, but I wasn't all pressed to make her my lady or anything. I do know that Mama and Zizes are alike in a lot of ways. Not physically; Mama and Lauren couldn't be more different in body type unless one of 'em grew another boob. Zizes is all barrel bodied and kinda pear-shaped; she's like, a bonified big-girl. She can't pull off sexy clothes for real and Glee Club always had to make sure to get her a pair flats to perform in, since she can't wear heels. But 'Cedes is what the Black football dudes call "thick," which just means she got a little extra baggage but her body is banging. Jones wears sexy shit every day of her life, and dances her ass off in the same shoes as the skinny chicks every time we perform. Plus, there's like a foot difference in their heights.

No, when I say those two are similar , I mean they act the same. First of all they're both real family oriented and shit. Those two are the only chicks I ever brought home to meet Moms and Michelle, cause I knew none of the other chicks I used to bang would give a damn if I had family or not. Both of 'em like to cook and watch action movies, too. I could tell all my best dirty jokes to Jones and Zizes; since that shit was guaranteed to have 'em laughing their asses off. And neither one of 'em were ever offended by all my sexual innuendos. They both played video and card games like pros, and I got cussed out by the both of 'em more times I can count. But the biggest similarity between Lauren and Mercedes was how good they both were at reading my mind and calling me on my bullshit. I guess you could say Zizes and Jones were responsible for teaching me about how to treat women.

See, when I first talked Zizes into joining Glee, I figured it was a pretty good bet she'd say yes, since she's so damn nosy. Lauren's the type of that'll bug the girls locker room for fun, then laugh her ass off at all the gossip she records. Everybody at school is all the time up in New Directions business anyway, so I figured Zizes wouldn't be able to resist watching all our drama up close and personal. Then after we won Sectionals, Zizes actually stayed in Glee-cause she knew we still needed twelve members. Zizes was real upfront about telling me she thought we were a bunch of losers, but she stuck with us in spite of that shit. So I was real impressed by her loyalty. Even at Christmas time; when we were catering to Brittney's crazy by going to see Santa Clause and getting shoes thrown at us caroling at school, Lauren stayed ride or die. That's how the two of us got close on friendly level. But when she joined the football team with Rachel, Tina, and Mama, so we Titans could stay in the playoff? That was when I realized how sexy Zizes could be. Rushing dudes on the gridiron, and making them cry ain't exactly something that inspires most boys to start digging on a chick, but that shit sure as hell worked for me. I was sprung…no doubt about it, that's where my crush got serious.

Also, by the time I started wooing Zizes on Valentine's, I had this serious feeling that running with the popular crowd and trying to be king of the school was fucking up my life. Dating Cheerios, fucking MILFS, and scaring nerds were all a huge part of why I ended up in Juvie. I needed to change my attitude, and I figured hanging out with somebody based on more substantial shit than popularity would be a start. I wasn't in love or nothing, but in general terms, Zizes was impressive as fuck. She kicked ass on the wrestling mat, walked around like she was Beyonce fine, and gave me hard time just like I love it. She was a hell of a kisser, and really sexy in a dominatrix kinda way. Not that she ever wore any leather around me…I used to dream though.

So I decided to just date the girl I liked, and tell the haters to fuck off. When Zizes promised me some action if I helped her over her stage fright, all I could think about, was doing whatever I could do to get in between those jiggly thighs. I figured I could still get my dick wet on the regular and not break laws and shit. So I made up my mind to let Bad Boy Puck out, all over Lauren's big-ass body. That right there was all the motivation I needed to get my woo on.

Dropping Some Knowledge

Remember when I said Lauren and Jones were mind readers? Well, the first time I recognized it was at Berry's train wreck party. See, after me and Zizes crossed over from tipsy to shit-faced, she picked an argument with me that landed me on the sofa next to Jones while everybody else did their thing. Tina and Mike were make-out dancing, Lauren and Quinn were deep into a discussion about what a douche bag I was, and Boy-Berry was flirting with Finn (or possibly Rachel). Mama and me laughed at Sam and Tana dry-humping on the sofa, and threw a couple of dollars at Britt while she made it rain. Then DJ Artie played that long-ass song by Beyonce where she says the word "body" like, four hundred times. Towards the end of the song, Cedes got up and tried to school the other chicks on dance moves from the video. My favorite parts were when she did that "uh-oh" shit, and the part where Beyonce starts whining about "doing an old-school dance," since Mama pulled out the Butterfly on that one. It was sexy as fuck. I guess Zizes must have realized that my eyes were pretty much glued to Jones the whole time, because she came over and suggested that I go dance with her. And I was too fucked up to remember why I probably shouldn't.

I basically spent the next hour or whatever getting well and truly acquainted with Mama's booty, right up until the Spin the Bottle game started. Mama got some sexy-ass dance moves, believe that. And she really got into the music, dancing like the rent was due or some shit. Like when she did this hip-winding move that kinda reminded me of that "washing machine" shit from that Selena movie with J-Lo. Mama's whole body started jiggling in a damn circle…shoulders, arms, hips; watching it made my drunk ass dizzy. Or when she did this sexy ass body roll move, that was kinda like the one Sam does all the time (cause it's like, the only move that kid can do, for real) except, instead of being concentrated in the shoulders and torso area, her body roll starts in her tits and ends with this sexy ass-pop. Every, I mean every, time her ass bounced off my thighs, she'd look back between her eyelashes and give me this shy smile while I made sure to position my right leg in between both of hers. And if the Lambada shit wasn't enough, shit got really real when Britt tried to school Mama on how to do stripper moves. Jones got offended and told Britt to "watch and learn." Then Mama proceeded to straighten her legs and lock her knees, then moved her hips from side to side to the beat…which caused her ass to swing back and forth like a pendulum against me. Then she bent over gradually from the waist, and looked over her left shoulder at me to see if I was paying attention. I half expected her to pull out a blow pop or start sucking on her damn thumb, the shit was so sexy. When she didn't, I just grabbed her hips and enjoyed the ride. Right before the dancing stopped, Mama turned me around so she could grind all up into my ass! I ain't mind though, since she was wrapped all round my midsection and I could feel her cheeks and tits pressing into my back…Made my whole entire body feel warm.

Spin the Bottle was pretty fun too. I sat in between Zizes and Tina and listened while they both clowned on Sam for letting Satan go off on him after he kissed Britt. Mercedes spun next, and got up to kiss Artie. The shit looked really sweet on her side, but A-Team got buck wild kissing 'Cedes. Kept slipping her the tongue and shit…Afterward I heard Britt ask her man how the kiss was. Wheels just touched his fingers to his lips and smiled like a damn fool. Then Zizes spun and the bottle landed on Finn. They both crawled to the middle of the circle and it actually looked kinda sexy from where I was sitting. I knew already how good a kisser Lauren was, but I guess Finn wasn't ready for her. She had him moaning out loud and grabbing her ass and shit. I let it slide though, since he owed me for Quinn. I was actually drunk enough to cheer 'em on. Then it was my turn so I spun the shit and finished my shot while waiting for it to finish going around. When the bottle landed on 'Cedes I kinda jumped up outta my spot on the floor like I was excited or something. So I played it off like "The 'Zilla don't crawl, Mama… Bring that sexy up here!"

Jones just rolled her eyes, smiled and stood up anyway. She got about two feet away from me and I decided to get all Alpha Male in that bitch by grabbing her by the waist and pull her over to me. Right before I laid a kiss on Jones, I whispered "I missed them lips, Mama," making sure nobody heard me but her. Then I went in for the kill.

I felt Mama smile against my lips, I guess because of what I said, so I just pulled her closer to me and kissed the hell outta her sexy mouth. I was fucked up, and my impulse control wasn't shit, anyway- so her hands on the side of my face and running down my neck felt like silk or something. Our kiss got super deep, and all I could think about was how good she smelled and how soft her lips, waist, tongue, and ass were (cause you know I had my hands all over that rump). The kiss wasn't long, but it was intense as hell. I'm pretty sure the both of us had closed eyes and horny ass expressions when we separated and faced our friends.

Then Artie cleared his throat and said "Damn, Puckcedes… What the fuck was that?"

Me and Mama just kinda stood there biting our lips and not looking at anybody.

"Yeah…" Mike started. "…you two used to date and I never saw you get it on like that the whole time you were together!"

He elbowed his girlfriend to see if she agreed, and Tina nodded while giggling her ass off.

"Shit, is that slobber I see?" Santana quit crying long enough to start fanning her self. Me and Mama both touched our faces to make sure we weren't drooling for real. Then Satan said, "You two getting Frenchy in this mother fucker? Grinding and whatnot…All of that shit was hot as hell. Wheezy? You and the 'Zilla can get it," Tana offered.

Me and 'Cedes shot each other a look and she shook her head in a way that told me she thought it was all a big joke while I just shrugged my shoulders.

"Threesome?" Brittney asked, perking the hell up. Britt loves group sex. "Can I play?"

Then Mama gave me this expression that was made up of equal parts judgment and fear. I guess by that time she realized that Britney and Satan were dead-ass serious.

"Hold up," Sam interrupted, while everybody else kind of focused on the possibilities of Britt and Satan getting down with Puckcedes. "If my girlfriend is going to be getting it on with Puck, 'Cedes, and Britt….What the hell am I gonna be doing?"

That was basically his blue balls talking, since I could tell Satan wasn't letting him hit it. She might kiss the hell outta his guppy lips, and ride him on a sofa in front of people, but that shit was a damn front. Satan quit fucking with stand-alone dick when I hooked up with Zizes. I keep meaning to tell Evans if he wants some from Satan, he's gonna need to invite Britt to join in. But he's kinda churchy, so maybe threesomes aren't okay with him. Plus, he would never do that to Artie.

Satan blubbered her way over to him and pinched his cheeks "You can watch, Trouty!" she slurred into his face.

Evans took a second to look over at Britt, who was clapping and bouncing while Artie shook his head, "no." Then Sam gave 'Cedes a peek; she had her arms crossed over her chest and her lungs were heaving, making her tits bounce…finally Evans turned back to Satan and declared drunkenly, "I'm in!"

I was just kinda looking at him in shock, because I figured watching a foursome go down was probably just as sinful being in one. Then the rest of the club decided to chime in.

"Ditto!" breathed Tina and Boy-Berry. I guess they wanted to see the shit too.

Kurt looked scandalized and squealed "Eww…" and I guess drunk Berry ain't as prissy as sober Berry is, cause she started chanting "Do it, do it, do it…" while smacking her thighs to the beat. Mike mouthed "Wow," and nudged his girlfriend; Finn just chanted "Mailman, mailman, dead dead mailman," like twelve times in a row. I made sure to turn to Lauren and see if my ass was in trouble or not.

"Shit, don't look at me…I agree with them," Zizes laughed.

Cool…

Then 'Cedes and me looked at each other and drunk-laughed. She took a cute little bow, and I patted her on the ass playfully (you know, for show). Then we sat back down.

After that Rachel and her fraternal twin from another mother decided to make out in front of everybody, which was really super gross…like even grosser than Sam and Quinn rounding the bases and more incestuous than me and Satan fucking each other to death. Like, that right there is what taught my ass once and for all that opposites attract for a damn reason. Mother fuckers who are too much alike need to avoid getting together, just so other people don't have to look at the shit. By that time Zizes and me had made up so I spent the rest of the night dancing in a Puck sandwich with her and Jones, and resting my head on Lauren's tatas whenever she'd let me.

Now back to what I said about Lauren being a mind reader. After the party I took my girl home in my truck and we sat outside her house making out until curfew. We weren't doing anything serious, but I was groping her tits a little under her shirt while she stroked the back of my neck. We broke apart for a minute to catch our breath and Zizes took the opportunity to grill my ass.

"You and the Midget used to date, didn't you Puck?"

I looked at her kind of drunkenly and wondered where this shit was coming from.

"Huh?"

She rolled her eyes at me, all impatient, and repeated herself.

"You and Jones…You were her man last year, right?"

She had that "don't make me punk you" look on her face so I answered her quick.

"Oh; yeah, kind of…Not for real though. It was back when she was a Cheerio and I lost my 'hawk. I needed a popularity boost and Mama helped me out."

Then I kinda looked down at my lap…I figured it was the end of the conversation. I was wrong.

"So who dumped who?"

She shocked me enough with that shit for me to get a little bit belligerent.

"The fuck you wanna know that for?"

Lauren got pissed at me and punched the shit outta my shoulder before answering me.

"Just answer the question, asshole!"

I rubbed my shoulder and flinched because she drew back like she was gonna hit me again, then I answered her.

"Okay, okay…Mama broke up with me for acting like an asshole!"

Zizes gave a little thought to what I just said then asked another question.

"Did you ever think about getting with her for real?"

The question surprised me, and I wondered if it was somehow related to all that girly-ass low self esteem crap.

"Zizes, if this is your way of letting me know your ass is insecure or some shit…"

I reached for her hands to reassure her or whatever, and she elbowed me in the side and slapped my hands away.

"Fuck that, Puckerman…I ain't jealous of any bitch at McKinley, I'm the freaking hotness," she declared. "I mean, I'm woman enough to admit that if was a chick around here on my level of sexy, it would be Jones. But insecure? Never that…"

I could tell she was being straight with me so I just asked "So why?"

Zizes kinda gave me a drunk smile and answered, "It's just I get the feeling you kinda dig Jones. Like maybe you got unfinished business or something."

I may look dumb, but I know better than to fall for any of that chick-trap shit.

"Oh, hell no….You're not getting me to admit to that. You'll be mad for a week…And your ass is already mean enough. Fuck if I'm about to give you any more fucking reasons to go off !"

Zizes just laughed.

"Calm yo tits, man…it ain't even about all that. It's cool if you're crushing on Jones. She's hot, and it doesn't mean you're not into me. It just means you got eyes."

I thought it over, and her reasoning made sense, but I still wanted to be sure before I answered her; so I asked "You crushing on anybody?'

"Fuck yeah…" she answered without hesitating. "…I love me a dude whose race I can't tell for real, so that biracial guy on the hockey team is all kinds of fine. And I used to dig on Finn or whatever; since he's so tall and dopey. I was definitely feeling the way he grabbed my ass during Spin the Bottle, tonight; if I'm being dead-ass honest. But that's some 'never gonna happen' shit for real, your boy only likes basic bitches…"

Since Zizes was being so honest I decided to lay it all out there.

"Whatever, I like Mama…she's cool and shit. But I don't really fit in with a chick like her," I explained.

"Why not?"

Zizes seemed really curious, like she really didn't understand what I was trying to tell her. So I broke it down.

"I do fucked up shit for no damn reason. She likes the good boy type."

Then Zizes got this really deep-thinking ass look on her face and she started pulling at a loose thread on my flannel shirt. She does that when she's trying to work through something.

"While that may be true, I have to say…You and Jones could be really good friends right about now. But you don't even see it."

Zizes is the type to sit back and observe shit while drama swirls all around her (and most of the time she manages to find a bowl of popcorn or some candy to munch on while the shit storm is happening). So I knew she probably caught on to a lot of the shit I missed.

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, I was watching everybody tonight. Jones kept getting ditched every time the couples got all lovey-dovey. I mean, she was hanging out laughing on the couch with Tina, then Asian Fusion got started and Jones was left by herself. Then she and Lopez were taking shots until Satan decided she wanted to dry-hump Evans. Finally, Jones got to gossiping with Kurt, then Rachel started flirting with Anderson. I'm pretty sure the Fairy sprained his swivelly little hips, twirling around to go chase after his boy-toy. The only time somebody paid any real undivided attention to Jones the whole night was when you were dancing with her. I saw the look on her face when she was grinding into your back; Jones was having a damn blast."

I agreed with what she was saying, but something about what she said was bothering me.

"But I got a girlfriend, too," I reminded her.

"True…" Lauren agreed. "…but I'm not the type to stay all boo'd-up with my dude all night. Or any time, for that matter. I like having shit to myself outside of my relationships."

I thought about that for a minute and realized she wasn't bullshitting. Zizes was all the time ditching me at Glee functions so she could go hang out with her AV friends or the wrestling team.

"So you could help Jones out, spend some time with her so she ain't so lonely all the damn time," Lauren finished.

"But why would you want me spending time with somebody you know I got a crush on?" I wondered.

The sweet contemplative look left her face and it changed to pretty much just…pissed.

"Didn't I just say I'm not worried? Jones is cool, she'd never snake my dude…"

That was true.

"…and I trust you. You're an asshole, and a real dickhead sometimes. But you learned your lesson about all that cheating shit."

Also true.

"Plus…" Lauren started, like she had something to add. Then she changed her mind. "…actually, forget it man. I'm not even gonna go there."

I was curious so I fixed her with a stare and said "Tell me."

"Well…" I could tell she'd just decide to say 'fuck it' and tell me whatever she was thinking. "…were you happy with Jones? Like, was it fun having her as your girl? For that matter, do you like dating me?"

I didn't even hesitate to answer that one.

"Yeah, coolest two chicks I ever hung out with."

Zizes got this "WTF" type expression on her face when I said that.

"So why you keep going back to Cheeri-hoes and MILFS?" Zizes made sure to slap my head while asking that shit. "Look, Puckerman. I'm gonna go'ne head and admit that before we hooked up I had been watching you for a minute."

Which was another thing those two had in common...stalking my ass without me even noticing the shit.

"And I really couldn't stand your ass, until after you got out of Juvie. When you got back, I could tell you had changed. Still a badass…but you seemed more focused. And I dug it."

Yeah, I was focused all right…Focused on staying my ass outta the Mondale School for Boys, but whatever. I get where she's going.

"And I just think that girls like me and Jones are the kind of chicks you should be seeing. We're good for you. I know I don't let you get away with a bunch of bullshit, and I'd bet money Jones didn't either. You the type of dude that digs a challenge…"

How the hell could she tell that?

"And I know me, so I can just about guess that me and Jones have similar outlook on physical stuff. We can both show affection and whatnot without being freak-a-deek sluts or prudes, ether."

I nodded, since I'd figured that out for myself a year ago.

"So when you and me crash and burn, I want you and Jones to hook back up, like for real. I like you, I like her… and I think you two could be happy together. If y'all get close, become friends now- and she doesn't hook up with anybody else- it's a done deal."

Sounded good to me, but I wondered something. "Why are you so sure me and you won't last?" I asked, kind of offended.

Then Zizes voice got softer than I ever heard it get before.

"Don't get me wrong, Puckerman…I like you and all. You're one of the hottest dudes at McKinley, even if you are scrawny. We have a lot in common and I dig the way you make me laugh. But I got way too much self esteem to be spending time trying to school you on how to be somebody's man." She kept going even though I could tell it was hard for her to show so much softness. "I mean, I get it…you didn't grow up around your dad. And your mom never bothered to find a replacement for him, so you were the closest thing to a man in your house when you were a kid. You have no clue what a loving relationship looks like. So even when you like somebody a lot, you're not really sure how to treat 'em.

I can't stand this type of psycho-babble, but 'ole girl had a point.

"See, a chick like Jones? She likes that kinda junk…she's the nurturing type, likes to fix broken people. She'd love to help you be a better person or whatever."

And I had to admit she was right, since…Mama already had.

"But I expect my man to bring relationship skills to the table from the top."

By this time my buzz was pretty much gone. I just sat there thinking about what she'd said. I guess Zizes just wanted to put the bug in my ear, because that was the last thing she said about it.

"But for now," Zizes changed the subject. "You're hot and I'm enjoying being your Boo. So pucker up Puckerman!"

Getting Closer…

That whole conversation played in my damn head every time I saw Jones that week, and even through my hangover at school on Monday I noticed how right Zizes was. Mama was super fucking lonely without Kurt around. And it made sense for us to help each other out and shit. So I started sly-ways hanging out with her. I got Artie to invite me and Jones over to rehearse the Jamie Foxx song we were singing for Mr. Shue that week, since we were the three lead vocals. Afterward we played Halo, and Artie's hating ass kept bitching about how a Puckcedes team wasn't fair to him and his online partner. The three of us sounded really hot together, so I made sure to tell Mr. Shue in class that I thought we needed to be grouped together more often. Then Artie suggested we add more R&B numbers to our competition set list. Mama looked so happy to have somebody stand up for her and suggest she lead something the smile was jumping off her damn face.

When we sang that Ke$ha song at assembly I made sure to be the first one to compliment Mama on how hot she looked, too. I mean, Britt and Satan are always sexy as fuck. And Tina and Zizes both looked cute in the extra makeup and sparkly shit. Even Berry and Quinn put away their old-lady clothes and found some fucking skinny jeans to put on. But Mama in them ripped up jeans and off the shoulder shirt with her hair all wavy dancing sexy as fuck? Had me so fucked up, I wanted bite her. I wasn't the only one either…Artie kept kissing his way up and down her arm backstage after we drank all of Berry's leftover liquor. And Sam pulled Mama into his lap and pretended to put hickeys on her neck. I guess the booze made 'em brave.

I guess Mama must have had a good time working with me that week. Cause when Shuester and Ms. Holiday announced that we were gonna be doing sexy songs for our next assignment, Jones ran up to me and asked me to perform with her. Said everybody was going to be fighting to get a sex shark on their team, so she wanted to get her bid in first. I agreed. In the end, Mama and I decided to perform Prince's "When Doves Cry." We got Finn to come in on the drums, Artie brought out his synthesizer to give it this New-Wave type feel, and I took a crazy solo on my electric axe. Mama worked on arranging the vocals and insisted on dressing all of us for our performance. It wasn't too bad…we just got out those leather jackets from the mash-up sophomore year and wore 'em with jeans and boots. But Mama? Crazy fucking hot. She wore this bustier thing on top, like the picture from Rocky Horror, but without the fishnet undershirt. It was made outta this black suede-feeling material and showed off a LOT of tit-meat. She wearing a pencil skirt made from the same type of material; it wasn't short or anything-like it hit her right below the knees, but the thing had a foot-long slit up both sides. It would have showed off a lot of thigh, but Mama was wearing fishnets underneath. She also had on these Minnie-Mouse looking black shoes and changed her fake hair to look all wild and curly. It was like a damn lion's mane or something. And she had more makeup on than I'd ever seen her in…long ass fake eyelashes, bright red lipstick, and loud nail polish. I guess she was going for the whole Prince-era look; people in the eighties dressed pretty crazy…but it was completely hot.

Artie and Finn obviously couldn't do much in the way of choreography, so Jones basically spent the hot parts of the song eye-sexing me death while rubbing on my chest and singing directly into my ear. I honestly don't know how I managed to keep playing. Before the performance, when I realized how hot the shit was gonna be, I asked Zizes how she felt about me performing with Mama. She just replied that Jones had already told her how it was gonna go down and asked her if she'd minded. So I put the shit outta my mind. We performed and the class went wild. It was actually a pretty interesting week for me, since I managed to learn something, too. Some of that shit Rachel was going on and on about in Celibacy Club managed to stick in my brain. While I was listening to Berry yap away about what would happen when we all found somebody we loved enough to get naked with, it finally hit me that all the fucking in the world wasn't as much fun as just chillin with somebody you really like. I mean, I knew it obviously…I hadn't laid Zizes yet, but I was still into her, and never got far with Jones and dug her. But it never occurred to me that I should like all of my chicks that much until the meeting. So maybe I was growing the hell up.

When the New Directions started writing all our own songs for Regionals I got another hint at how fucking stupid my ass can be. I wrote what I thought was a romantic song about how good my lady's heart was, and sung that bitch in class. She didn't like it at all…I mean, in Glee Zizes was all "baby' you did good." But at her house after school? Zizes actually cried. I hurt her feelings again, but this time she was too into me to even get in my ass about it. While I apologized my nuts off, Zizes just kept blubbering about how I wasn't ever gonna be happy unless I started trying to be more like the lame ass dudes in Glee. Even brought up how Jones wasn't ever gonna get with me if she was scared I'd get up in class and sing songs about her body fat ratio. Told me that somebody nice was gonna swoop in and say some sweet ass words to Mama and that I'd be shit outta luck. It really hurt my feelings that Zizes would throw that in my face; but to be fair, I deserved it. That was actually the last time Zizes ever brought up the way she'd told me to holler at Jones after we broke up.

The next day, 'Cedes caught up to me and told me point blank that the next song I sang for Zizes better make up for hurting her feelings, or she'd nut-punch my ass. I guess she saw right thru Zizes' act. Mama explained that I shouldn't be serenading Zizes with songs about what I like best about her, since I'm not like most other dudes. The shit I like about my girl actually sounds like insults when I talk about it around other people, so mama advised me not to go there until I learn more about dating. Jones told me instead, I should sing shit about how Zizes makes me feel. She actually gave me some suggestions; said Until the End of Time by Timberlake would be good, or They Don't Know by Jon B. Then Mama told me that if I wasn't feeling doing a song about being in love with Zizes, that I could pick a sexy ass "I wanna fuck you" song and it would work, too… since I'm Duke Stud and all. In the end I went with an instumental version of U Remind Me, since Zizes loves Bieber so much, and I figured an Usher song wasn't too far off. I didnt actually sing the words, becasue I didnt want her to think I was comparing her to anybody else, but the fingerings and guitar riffs in that song are really involved, and I been giving Zizes guitar lessons since we hooked up. So she recognized how hard I worked to get the shit ready for her. She forgave me, and thanked me in a way I would never forget, but wont go into just yet. Right about then it occured to me that me, Mama, and Zizes were kind of having a three-way relationship. I mean, Jones was helping me treat Lauren right, and Lauren was fattening me up for possibility of getting with Mama sometime in the future. It was weird, and not my usual idea of a threesome, but the shit definitely worked.

Even Closer…

That's why I Zizes, Jones, and I were like the three musketeers that week of the benefit concert. I mean, damn; Shuster goes through all the trouble of actually coming up with a good idea for raising money-one that doesn't involve cupcakes or taffy... And what the hell is up with this dude and sweets, anyway? Doesn't he realize Americans are too fat and shit? But whatever, he comes up with the idea to do a concert and charge people, which would help New Directions get to Nationals and the Braniacs get to Detroit; only to let Berry's ass try and take over because she feels all "neglected." Fuck that…If I had my way we'd have dropped her ass from New Directions after she pulled that shit on Sunshine the first week of school. As far as I was concerned, we ain't need her ass…shit, we let her lead us all last year and didn't get past Regionals. We could have let one of the other girls take some of those songs, and had the added benefit of not having to deal with her crazy. So Berry needs to HOPE motherfuckers start neglecting her. Cause one of these days somebody's gonna notice her so much they'll kick her in the damn ovaries.

Zizes told me that 'Cedes was in "trying to keep the peace" mode while Berry bullied her into taking a less glamorous spot in the lineup. Then Sunshine wanted to come perform, which made Berry act like an even bigger bitch by putting Mama in the fucking middle. That loony-toons ass-head basically had everybody in the club begging her to let Sunshine perform…like she was the fucking faculty advisor. I swear, me and Zizes went to the arcade that night and came up with like, fifty ways we could disappear her ass without getting caught. Some of em might have actually worked. But anyway, when Berry finally "agreed" to share "her" spotlight, she did it in a way that would make Mercedes look like a bitch if she didn't take the loser spot. So that's what Mama did.

At the arcade, me and Zizes (in addition to coming up with ways of offing Berry's ass) planned to help 'Cedes get back at Berry. We decided that if Rachel was gonna demand to be the star of the concert, then we were going to make sure she worked for it. So we came up with a bunch of shit Rachel would have to get done if she wanted 'Cedes in "her" show. Since the humidifiers and green M&M's didn't get her nearly frazzled enough, Lauren told Berry that Mercedes wouldn't go on without a dedicated hair and makeup artist and that Shuester had to be kept at least a football field's distance from her while she performed. By the time Rachel realized Jones wasn't to be fucked with, Sunshine had quit and everybody knew we needed Mercedes more than ever. Sunshine sings like a Black chick, no way to sugar coat that. And without her there, we were gonna have to have some soul available for her Twitter followers to listen to...if they were still planning to come at all. So we all figured Jones would get the last spot. It didn't work, and the morning of the concert Rachel still hadn't found Mama's puppy …kept telling motherfuckers I was on it, which was complete bullshit. Everybody in Glee knew Mama wanted Rachel to do all her bidding, and I wasn't about to take her hardest job onboard. That was Berry's shit and she flaked, which was half the reason Mama ran like hell away from us when it was her turn to sing.

Rachel went to go get her outta her car or whatever, but the shit obviously didn't work. She eventually came back into the choir room and started to do her warm-ups, saying Mercedes wasn't coming. So I slipped out of the class room and went out into the rain to knock on the door to Mama's truck. She was looking down and didn't even bother to see who it was before yelling.

"Go away, Rachel…I'm still mad at you!"

"Mama, let my ass in!" I yelled. Shit, it was raining hard.

"Oh, Puck…" she unlocked the door. "It's you." I could tell Rachel had just done or said something to piss her off enough to go the hell home. I was curious so I asked her what it was.

"What the fuck did 'ole girl say?" I asked.

Mama took a deep breath before answering my question. "Well, first she tried to run some game on me about how Aretha Franklin didn't earn the title of 'Queen of Soul' by making ridiculous demands. Tried to make me feel guilty for everything we pulled this week. It was insulting as hell, especially when you see her 'demanding' shit all the time…like all the solos!"

"Yeah, and…" I knew that couldn't be all of it.

She eyeballed me and gave me this look that clearly said 'why does this fool know me so well?' and continued, "Then Rachel started in on how she deserves the spotlight more than I do, because she would rather be a star than have friends. Said trying to be cool with people was weak, and that a real star doesn't need people in her corner."

"Okay, is that all?" It still didn't add up to her not singing for us.

Mama rolled her eyes before she answered me with, "The last straw, Puck, was when Rachel basically admitted to me that she'd been planning to take the closing spot from Sunshine. Rachel had every intention of coming onstage right before the girl, and blowing her out of the water so she'd chicken out of singing. Berry was going to piss off 600 ticket-buying Twitter followers just so she could get the glory spot. I can't compete with that kind of crazy!"

"The hell?" I wasn't surprised, exactly…I was actually kind of impressed that Berry was smart enough to come up with that kind of plan. But I didn't tell Mama that. "Well, you know you can turn that shit right back around on her, right?"

"How…" She looked down. "I can't even beat her in classroom contests. Nobody comes to Glee functions to hear me sing."

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes at her. "Fuck that, Mama…You're the whole reason people come anywhere to hear us sing. You think Sunshine and Sam were bopping along to Empire State of Mind because they were impressed with Rachel's prissy ass dancing? Hell, no…they auditioned so they could get closer to your magical voice."

She smiled at me so I kept going. "And that Rocky Horror shit that never happened. Who in their right fucking minds would have come out to see Rachel's ass skipping around in a damn slip and pearls singing about the Frankenstein Place? Nah, any tickets sold for y'all's production would have been all down to you in that dominatrix shit going on about relieving some tension."

Then she laughed out loud. "See, even your laugh sounds better than her wailing and shit. So go in there and fuck Berry's closing number in the ass. That's your shit, Mama."

"You think so, for real Puck?"

"No doubt…come on." I remembered what Zizes told me about acting more gentlemanly and shit, so I ran around and opened her door and took her umbrella for her. Then I escorted Mama back to the entrance of the school. When we got there I remembered that only one of her demands hadn't actually been met, so I reminded her.

"Finn told me Berry got you your puppy, Mama; did she really?"

"Yeah, a toy one. It's pretty cute, too. Barks and nips at my ankles."

"What about your candy?"

"Yep, I put them in little baggies and took them to church for the children's choir rehearsal."

"And the humidifiers?"

"Donated them to the old folks home."

"I know you had somebody in to do your face and hair; looking mighty hot right about now, by the way. And Shuester's chasing Holly Holiday around. We met all your demands except one."

"You mean…"

I bent over and picked her up bridal style and started walking toward the choir room.

"…Puck, put me down. I'm heavy as hell, you're gonna throw your damn back out."

"Again, I say…fuck that shit, Mama. You know good and damn well I used to pick you up all the damn time in Glee numbers. Stop wiggling."

She quit struggling against me. "I guess your muscles aren't just for show, huh?"

"That's right, the Zilla's got guns. Get comfortable, Mama." So she just wrapped her arms around my neck and laid her head on my chest. When we got to the hallway just outside the classroom I put Jones down and kissed her hand before telling her to go knock 'em dead. Then I went to the auditorium. After everybody in Glee waived praise hands, and ugly-cryed over Mama's performance in that banging ass navy dress, it was obvious the concert was all the way over. So we all went back to the choir room and found out Ryerson had offered to pay the Nerd Squad's way to Detroit, all because he's a big Aretha Franklin-loving booty bandit. So in the end, it was Mama's solo that saved the day…and me and my girl helped make it happen.

A/N: I really like this chapter...it came out exactly like I wanted it to, and I totally enjoyed typing every word.

The next one is going to concentrate on Puck's reaction to Samcedes, so it's important that everybody know what his mindset is. See, Puck is the type of guy who doesn't trust many people; but when somebody proves themselves to him, he's on their team for life. He digs Zizes, so he never questions her when she suggests he ought to be getting close to Mercedes. He's still not in love with her, doesn't even have a legit crush; at least, not that he's aware of. Puck's just not the type to argue with someone when he completely trusts their motives. So the next chapter or so will illustrate that part of his character.

Hope you like it!