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Chapter 13

Bruce gripped the bed, certain he would topple over without the support.

"But you look exactly like her. I spoke with you, I could feel you."

"I wasn't there, though. I never was."

"So I imagined everything?" Bruce remembered their reunion in the Watchtower, kissing her, telling her he loved her. How stupid she must think him. Stupid and insane. "You were just a hallucination?"

She nodded her head, touched his shoulder, but he shrugged her hand off. "I don't want your pity."

Utterly drained of resources, Bruce held his head in his hands. "Why did you let me believe that you were there?"

"J'onn said it wouldn't be wise to discuss the past with you. And you needed me."

Bruce felt disgusted with himself. "I'm sorry for…" He could not come up with the words to finish his statement because there were so many. Sorry for throwing myself at you, for making you feel uncomfortable and guilty, for forcing you to take care of me.

"Don't be sorry, Bruce. You couldn't have known."

"So everything was made up?"

Diana shook her head. "I wasn't there with you, but I...I think you were drawing from some past memories."

"Was I in love with you? Before?"

Again, Diana shook her head, clasping her hands together in her lap. "I don't know."

He couldn't imagine being in love with her in his past life and not telling her. After all, he'd been falling all over her like a fool and seemed incapable of not confessing his love for her, both in the jungle and on the Watchtower. But part of him hoped he had only fallen in love with a hallucination and not the real thing. It didn't make this situation any less embarrassing, but if the relationship had only been a figment of his imagination, maybe then he wouldn't feel so betrayed.

"Were we together before I disappeared?"

"At one point, yes."

"And did you ever love me?"

Her eyes were wet with tears, and she was gripping her hands so tightly, her knuckles had gone white. "Yes," she finally answered.

"Then why were you with Tom and not with me?" he asked, confused and still angry.

Her head jerked to the side as if he'd slapped her, and she glared at him. The sudden motion caught him off guard, but he glared back. He was not the one who had a hidden relationship. And he was not the one who had lied about what had really been happening these past nine months. She had no right to be upset.

"You broke up with me a year before you disappeared. You were gone for nearly nine months. I started dating Tom three months ago," she said through clenched teeth.

"And were you happy?" he asked, his voice filled with sarcasm.

"That isn't really any of your business," she coldly said, no longer looking at him.

"These past nine months I have done nothing but sleep, live, and breathe you!" he snarled, regretting the words nearly the instant they left his mouth. True as that statement was, none of it had been real. And yet, it had been real to him. Cursing out loud, he jumped to his feet, needing to put some distance between them.

Trying to regain his composure, he resumed questioning her. "So if I've been hallucinating this whole time, why did you end things with Tom?"

She raised her chin defiantly. "I didn't want to be with Tom anymore. Any more questions or can we finally go to dinner?"

He remembered the conversation between Tom and her at the Embassy. Everything pointed to her wanting to be with him. But for what reason? And if she broke up with Tom to be with him, why was she acting so coldly towards him?

His heart pounding in his chest, he asked, "Why are you here? With me?"

Her face looked pained, and when she answered, the words sounded strangled. "I don't know."

What hope he'd had left him. "Diana, if you are doing this because you think I can't handle being without you, don't."

"I want you to get better."

Just how far was she willing to go to do that? The words they had exchanged at the Watchtower came back to him full force, only this time they made him feel awful.

"When you said you loved me on the Watchtower, was that a lie?"

She didn't answer.

Bruce sighed. "I'm not going to get better if you pretend to be some figment of my imagination just for my sake."

Diana slowly stood to her feet. The icy veneer she had been projecting cracked, and suddenly she looked extremely sad and defeated. "The only thing I've been pretending is that you are actually in love with me."

"So you still…?" his throat dried up, making further speech impossible.

"Yes, I love you." Her answer sounded more like a grudging admission, and he couldn't ignore the hint of accusation in her voice either. Was it perverse that the very words that seemed to make her miserable made him ecstatic? He didn't really care.

He had no past apart from what he'd shared with her in the jungle, and even though it hadn't been real, the present reality was better than anything he had ever imagined. And as for his future, well, he couldn't picture it without her.

Walking over to her, he pulled her into his arms and she didn't protest. Gently rubbing his palm against her cheek, he smiled at her. "There must have been some reason I conjured you out of all the people I knew. It could have been someone else, but it was you." He pressed his lips to hers, keeping the contact light and brief. "It will always be you."

They were so close, he could feel her breathing. It was thready and inconsistent, and as far as he was concerned, an invitation. He leaned in again, claiming her mouth once more.

But this time was different. She drew back, bringing her hands up to his chest before gently pushing him back. He struggled against his confusion. The look of regret on her face was only mildly comforting.

"Bruce, I don't think we should do this."

He waited a few seconds for his mind to clear. "Alright. Whenever you are ready, just let me know."

"No, Bruce. You are the one who needs to be ready. You need to have your memories back before you can make this decision. Because there was a reason you ended things before, and I don't want to get hurt when you remember what it is and pull away again."

"That's not going to happen."

"I need you to stop saying those things. For both our sakes, we need some distance."

He held his breath, waiting for her to define what exactly she meant by distance. He hoped it was nothing more than the five feet that separated his door from the guest room.

Her eyes were clear and her jaw set with purpose. Whatever she would be saying, it was clearly nonnegotiable.

"I will stay here, but we sleep in separate rooms, and we wait till you remember who you are before we pursue anything."

He could handle that, but there was one thing she wasn't taking into account. "And if my memories never come back?"

"You are the most determined man I know. They will."

"You heard J'onn. That could take years. Diana, I don't want to wait."

"Well, you're going to have to." She must have realized how harsh she sounded, because she gave him a small smile. "Let's get some dinner."

TBC