He didn't know what to feel. Mostly, he just felt numb. Like suffocating, like drowning.
Saturday mornings on the beach with her were like finally being at peace. He had the love of his life, he had her in the palm of his hand. He didn't always feel loved in his life, but with her, he belonged. Sure she picked on him, but she's just a tease. Kensi Blye loves him. He found out just how much that Saturday morning she jumped in front of a bullet headed for him. Their leisurely beach morning devastated by a criminal looking for revenge on the detective that sent him to prison.
He hated himself. He hated that he let her get hurt. That she took the bullet he deserved. He hated watching her slow but steady breaths. In. Out. In. Out. He hated everything about what happened that morning. He hated everything about watching her lie in a hospital bed. He hated feeling so damn helpless.
He'd thought about a lot of things today- the uncertainty of the life they choose to live. How intense his love for her is. When she was in surgery, he couldn't sit still. Sam tried to help him find sanity, but he couldn't. He just couldn't relax.
Even the doctors confirmation that she would be fine didn't ease the bubbling in the pit of his stomach. He couldn't lose her.
His new mission in life? Protect her. Until the day he dies.
Protect her because she's the whole world.
As he watches her breathe, he thinks about what it feels like to hold the whole world in his arms, what it feels like to laugh with the ocean and love with the sky.
And though it hurts, and though he hates everything about this damned Saturday, he's content to press a kiss to her forehead slowly. He swears she is the Earth because even when she's out cold, she can still knock the wind out of him.