A/N: This one is back to the present!

Whew!

No more canon! We are safely into the realm of the imaginary! Took me long enough…

And I'm so very proud of it. Some of my favorite scenes have been written out here for months (at the very least, since November of 2012) and it's finally time to do the big reveal! All you die-hard Samcedians that find it hard to embrace Sam hate? Be ready; cause this one is mean. Even for me.

But for all the folks who are embracing the Sam-shade…this one is for you. If I must say so myself, it's glorious. Enjoy!

Thanks Annikay! Above and beyond ought to be your Native American name...IJS.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Glee.

On Front Street

So I came to the conclusion recently, that the main reason I wasn't with Jones right now had nothing to do with the fact that I act like such a dick or the fact that she has a man. The real reason I don't have Mama, is because I'm a fucking pussy. I'm serious; just look at the evidence: First of all, I took way too damn long to admit my feelings for the chick, even to myself. Then, when somebody finally spelled it out for me point-blank, I didn't do shit about it and let another cat swoop in under the radar. Now that I think about it, even my own damn brain was scared to make a move on 'Cedes. She never even touched my dick in my dreams until I admitted to Zizes that I'd pictured myself as Jones' dude a time or two. And even when I was kicking myself for letting Sam get to Mama before I could come correct, the most I ever scored was a dream blowy. If I was ever gonna get Mercedes, I needed to man the fuck up and let her know what was on my heart…the whole fucking truth.

Since I laid all that shit on 'Cedes over Thanksgiving vacation and told her how I'd pictured our relationship panning out in another lifetime, she was acting different towards me. She called me Noah more often that "Puck" or "Puckerman," and she was calling me on the phone whenever she had breaks at work to invite me out to eat with her and her record label friends afterwards. Seemed like truthing the fuck up was already putting me in a new light where Mama was concerned; I felt like she trusted and liked me more as a result of all that soul-baring. So by that reasoning, I figured there was a possibility of us getting closer if I came with some more honesty or whatever.

Obviously, my friendship with Sam meant that I needed to tell him what was up beforehand…Bro code or whatever, same as when Jake threw the dance lead for Ryder. So I knew it was gonna be the first thing I did when I got to Lima over Christmas and shit. But what I didn't know was how the dude would react to the news. See, the whole Sam and Britt fake dating thing was really fucking up his relationship with Mercedes. You already know that she came to Lima for Sectionals all excited to get their shit back in a good place. And you know Sam fucked it up by letting Britt latch onto his ass like a burr. They ended up agreeing -Mercedes, very reluctantly- to let Sam comfort Brittany whenever Satan was around, since she was so fragile; while Mercedes hung out mostly with me.

But after we hauled ass back to LA, Mercedes made it her business to demand that Sam quit helping Britt. She tried to be understanding, but the fact that he chose to soothe another girl's feelings over hers made 'Cedes livid. And since Sectionals, Tina and Unique's busybody asses had very little to do as far as Glee was concerned, since it was the only extracurricular either chick was involved in. So those two killed a lot of time by calling Mama up on 3-way and gossiping about all the shit Evans was doing to help Britt. Both of 'em were pretty much convinced that Sam was legit playing 'Cedes, and the insinuations made her cray-cray, despite the fact that she knew Trouty wasn't the type to cheat. So she laid down the law and told Sam she wouldn't stand for any more of the shit.

They fought, which I found out later when Cedes filled me in. Apparently, the argument started when Mama accused Sam of making her feel lonely as hell, and Evans got super defensive. She threw it in his face that she might have wanted a little of his attention in Glee Club over Thanksgiving, while Sam insisted that he wasn't doing anything Mercedes hadn't done with Shane when they broke up the year before. He said it wasn't fair for her to blame him for her loneliness, and Mercedes told him to get real; because she knew that the minute she got a life, he'd probably have a problem with it. That little speech got Evans' back up, to the point where he accused Mercedes of having a backup plan all picked out for if they actually broke up. To which she replied by declaring Sam bat-shit crazy. Like I said, the shit got real serious. So in the end, the two of them both agreed that they could squash the fight and never bring it up again, if Sam stopped pretending to be Brittany's man. They finally agreed that the best way for him to assist the girl was to be her completely platonic friend. It made sense to me.

When Mercedes told me that last little part, I knew I needed to tell her man what was on my mind, regardless of bro code. If he was insecure enough to sly-ways accuse 'Cedes of having another dude on the back burner, then the shit was probably something he thought about a lot. Knowing how I feel about her but still letting Mercedes tell Sam he was crazy and that nobody was even checking for her like that would be cruel. I know the shit ain't all in his own head. And I don't even think he really suspects anything, about my feelings…Sam is the type that can read between the lines and shit, but I'm way too good at hiding my emotions for anybody to see inside my head for real. But he can be a real jealous asshole when he wants to be. Dude is all the time going off about other dudes getting too close to his woman. Just from the looks he used to throw his own Glee bros in the locker room and shit I could see that Evans was convinced at some point or another that all his boys were crushing on his girl. And to be honest? He wasn't exactly barking up the wrong damn tree.

Take Artie for instance. That dude calls 'Cedes his song wife, and for a guy like A-Team, that's some serious shit. He's the type that can't see himself with anybody seriously, unless they got musical chemistry or something. And Jones is the only girl in Glee who could ever get on his level when it came to R&B music. And that's that shit Abrams can't get enough of. Wheels gets permanent voice-wood every time Mama sings with him, and Sam can't stand that shit.

And Mike? My Asian bro is fucking fascinated with Mercedes' body…like he truly, seriously thinks that the girl is physically perfect. Chang is all the time talking about her ass, and how nobody can give hugs like Mama because she's the softest chick he ever squeezed. Don't even get me started on all the times he's slapped that booty during numbers just so he can see it jiggle. 'Cedes thinks the shit is funny, and probably flattering, too. Plus, it ain't a secret anyway; the only girl Mike's ever been with is Girl Chang, and she's stacked up tight as hell too. Only Glee girl besides Jones with anything there to hold up a pair of pants or to actually need a real chick's bra, if you want the truth. So even though the rest of us know Mike's just showing appreciation and shit, I've caught Evans shooting glares his way a bunch of times.

Sam even got mad at Anderson once when the homo nuzzled his way into Mama's chest for play-play. I mean, I get how Evans could be offended, since Kurt's man does sorta go all bi-curious every time Mama wears a pair of jeggings. Plus Anderson manages to get a picture of himself holding Mercedes around the waist every damn time we wear performance costumes or formal wear. Then he keeps the shit in his wallet right beside his pictures of his Mom and Hummel. But the rest of us know Anderson just likes the way he and Mama look together. Even I gotta admit that those two make a cute-ass pair… even though if Blaine went straight long enough for them two to make a kid, the motherfucker would only be like, four feet tall. Sam gets so mad about that shit sometimes I wanna tell him about my boy Matt, who was all set to ask Mama out sophomore year before he moved to Texas. I think it would be funny to see his ass turn red.

Even Finn got in on the game recently. Back in September, after he got kicked outta the

Army, Hudson took his last military paycheck and came to visit 'Cedes and me in LA. He was all depressed and shit; talking about how much he missed Lima, missed Rachel, missed high school… We tried to dust him off and make Finn feel better; I took him out and introduced him to a few girls we could have fun with. And Jones let him hang out with her at work. But that shit honestly only made him more homesick. The only thing that seemed to help Hudson feel better was having "sleepovers" in 'Cedes' room. Finn could have slept on the sofa, or even in my room…we been doing that shit since elementary school. But Hudson kept saying sleeping in Jones' room at night reminded him of Lima. They were probably in there having "lady chats" and shit, like he used to do with Kurt; I smelled burnt milk in the kitchen once or twice. After a week or so, Hudson left to go stalk Rachel in New York. Eventually, they crashed and burned and he ended up back in Lima. But Jones and Finn are super close now.

I say all of this to illustrate that Sam ain't exactly off base for being so possessive of his girl. And it's another reason for me to move on letting him know what's been on my mind…what I want. I may or may not lose a great friend for putting it out there, but it's something I gotta do.

Confrontation Time

Since Hanukkah fell on the second week of December this year, I came to Lima and picked up my little bro for a few days so we could bond when McKinley let them out for the holidays. I was actually planning on keeping him there for most of his break, but two days of watching his yellow-brown ass was around my place half naked with Mercedes in the same space was plenty. Anyway, he's my kid bro, which meant that I couldn't put it past Jake not to rifle through Mama's laundry for used panties and shit. So after a weekend I drove him back to Lima. It was the third week of December and the first place I went after dropping baby bro off was to Artie's, since that's where Sam was staying. I knew Abrams was on a date with Sugar, and that Britt was probably making dinner for her cat. Good timing would ensure Evans and I could talk without any interruptions.

{Rings Doorbell}

Sam opened the door and looked real surprised. "Hey Puck, what's up?"

"Hey dude," I answered him. "I wanted to come over and holler at you…you gotta minute?"

"Sure," Sam let me in and we went to sit down in the living room. I noticed right off the bat that he didn't offer me a drink or anything…which probably meant Evans was hoping I wouldn't be there long. He probably was scared I'd get in his ass about his 'Cedes problems. Or maybe I was just projecting.

"Evans," I started. "Were you cool with Jake back when he was trying to get with Marley that first time around? Like, did you catch any of the shit storm that went on?"

Sam's eyes got all squinty and he bit his lip, thinking about it before he answered. "Yeah… some of it, I guess. I was hanging out a lot with Brittany back then, though. So I managed to stay out it for the most part."

"Oh." I just bet he was. "Well, back before Jack and Ryder got cool, he asked me for some advice about his girl…he still liked her, but she'd started going out with Ryder at the time. Dude wanted me to tell him what to do about her, and I told him to let Marley know he was still into her. Just in case she still had feelings for him or whatever."

"Why?" Sam asked, looking kinda put out. "I mean, if the girl was already dating another dude, why not just tell your brother to leave her alone and get over it?"

"Well, at the time, my brother and Ryder weren't friends," I explained. "So it wasn't like Jake owed the guy anything. But you're right…that's what happened. Ryder got busy, and Jake managed to be there when she went looking for a replacement."

Sam looked confused, and asked me "So why are you telling me this?"

I took a deep breath. "Because I'm about to take my own advice. I don't wanna be an ass here, but I feel like I should tell you that I dig Jones…"

I saw the anger flash all over Blondie's face.

"…and I'm going to tell her. I just thought I would come to you first, bro to bro."

Sam laughed sarcastically, and said, "Bro to bro, huh? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised; I mean, it is the Puckerman way."

I leaned in towards him; and even though that was a low blow, I let his crack slide and didn't get mad. "Don't go there, dude. I'm not trying to snake your girl. And I ain't like that anymore. I just wanna be honest with you."

Sam just rolled his eyes at me and stated, "But Mercy and I have been having problems and you're planning to take advantage! How's that new?" By the end of his question Evans had scooted toward the end of the seat cushion like he wanted to stand up. I mimicked his stance, just in case my boy got all froggy.

I didn't wanna comment on any of the dude's "problems" with his girl, but he wasn't leaving me much choice… him attempting to blame me for whatever happened in their relationship wasn't the business. So I just said to myself, "Fuck it."

"Evans, you know good and damn well that your problems with 'Cedes are all your own doing, not mine…" he averted his eyes. "…I didn't create 'em, I damn sure don't plan to make them worse, and I ain't gonna capitalize on the shit either." He shrugged and still avoided my gaze. "The truth is," I continued, "that I've been feeling 'Cedes as long as you have without really admitting it to myself. And I want her to know."

"Why?" he asked, finally looking at me again.

"Because me not saying shit about it is making it hard for me to be around her; and Jones is one of my best friends," I replied honestly.

Sam sat back in the chair again before asking, "Well, when are you going to tell her?"

I already had that part decided too. "After she and I get back to LA." I told him. "I wanna give the two of you an opportunity to make up; after all, that's only fair."

"Oh, yeah?" Evans perked up.

He wasn't gonna like this next part, though. "Plus, being here in Lima probably reminds Mama of back when we lived here and I used to do fucked up shit for all the wrong reasons. I'm a new Puck, living in a new place. So I'm gonna let her judge how she feels about what I tell her based on that." Sam looked at me with hatred all over his face. So I was quick to add, "But before you get all mad though, I want you to know I'm gonna be the best friend I can be towards you about this whole thing…try my best to do this in a way that won't ruin our friendship."

"How in the hell you gonna do that?" Trouty blustered.

I ticked off my fingers one right after the other to let him know how many ways I'd come up with for keeping our bro-ship intact. "Number One: if you or Jones decided you don't want me living with her anymore after I lay all this on her, then I'm gonna respect your wishes. Whenever I speak my piece I'll stick around for two more weeks; long enough for you to see for yourself how the shit affects your girl…if it does at all. Then if you still have a problem with it, you can ask me to get gone and I'll be out by the weekend."

"Really?" Sam seemed interested. "Where will you go?"

"At least a thirty minutes drive away from Mercedes Jones," I answered. LA is so big that I could probably avoid any temptation that way, plus Trouty would trust me –and probably her- more. "And Number Two: By giving you an opportunity to turn your and 'Cedes shit around, I'm also letting you see something you obviously don't wanna admit to honestly. Dude…" He fixed me with a hard glare. "…other guys want your girl! I'm not talking about all the crushes you like to go off about, or 'want,' like how Satan keeps trying to get her in the sack. I'm talking actual feelings…like Tinsley had! But she chose you… so every time you go to Rapture Club with Britt instead of calling your girl long distance or spend money on Barbie dolls when you could be saving up for a visit, you're giving all the other dudes an in." I pointed out. "And do you wanna know what I really think you're doing here, anyway?"

"What?" He asked sarcastically. "I'm dying to hear…"

I just ignored his shit. "I think you're just punishing Mercedes for getting with Tinsley this year; then leaving after we graduated."

Sam shook his head and wouldn't look me in the eye.

"And I bet I'm not the only one who feels that way…" I continued. "…so quit taking this shit out on 'Cedes, and just enjoy your girl!"

"Whatever, Puck…" Sam jerked his head up and pulled a pissed off face. "…forgive me for not taking your advice in this matter; but I think I know what I'm doing."

"Do you really?" I asked him. "Look, Evans…you and me been close long enough for you to at least admit that I only deal in straight talk. It was me who helped you and Jones mend fences last summer when you were fighting and shit about the two of you still being a secret, remember?"

He nodded.

"And I did it knowing in the back of my mind that I was digging her. Remind me…how did my advice work out for you that time?"

Evans smirked, probably remembering how in a roundabout way, I was responsible for him finally getting laid.

"So at least trust me enough to tell you the real deal when I tell you what I see going on between you two!"

"Okay, Puckerman…" He shrugged his shoulders. "So I trust you."

"Then listen to me!" I almost yelled. "You had a choice when Jones left Lima, Dude. You could have focused all your energy on your schoolwork, on your music, on your friends in Glee, or on a job…You even had a whole crop of newbies to distract yourself from missing 'Cedes."

I was frustrated enough to point by that time.

"My little brother is poor, just like you are, Blondie. His mom got caught up in the same economic fuckery your own family did. So if you were feeling the burn of Mercedes moving away, you could have come to him -bro to bro- and used some of your lonely time to bond over food stamps and free lunch and shit. I know you did that shit for Marley…"

Evans looked down at his hands when I said that.

"..And Ryder? He's dyslexic; just like you. I remember when you met all us old-head Glee dudes in the choir room and sang Billionaire. Your learning disability was damn near the first thing you told us about yourself. So I know you struggle with that shit. You and Ryder could have been studying together all this time, passing tips back and forth…there was so much shit you could have been doing, other than getting in all deep with Britt."

Sam nodded, but I wasn't through preaching.

"See, Evans… Glee bro-ships are the fucking cornerstone of New Directions. Without the dudes getting along and keeping all our shit together, the chicks would have run us into the ground three years ago." I reminded him. "You can't just forget that shit every time you get a new girl to chase."

Evans bowed up when I said that, so I clarified.

"Even fake chase, Bro…But you made a choice to put all your energy into being the best fake boyfriend Britts ever had." I finished. "Thinking about it from 'Cedes' point of view, that's some seriously foul shit, man."

"Okay!" Evans raised his voice. "Puck, alright…I get it! I had options and I chose the one that was most hurtful to Mercy. I'm an asshole..."

Funny, but up to now I thought I was the asshole.

"…And I'm gonna fix it. Like I said, I know what I'm doing."

At this point, it wasn't my battle to fight anymore, so I just stood up to go. I walked over to the front door and said, "See that you do…so, we cool?"

Sam offered me a bro fist and we bumped them together. "See you later."

"You too, dude."

And I left.

Sam and Mercedes apparently had a great time together that week; they hung out with her family until Christmas Day, then drove to Kentucky together to see his family. They were getting along good, and I was truly happy for 'Cedes. I found out later that Evans had bought his girl a ring for Christmas…not a RING ring, she assured me. But sort of a 'promise to do better,' ring. Jones didn't have much time for me right about then, but I was already counting on that, anyway. I spent my holiday with Jake and our Moms. We managed to start some new Puckerman family traditions, so the holiday wasn't a total bust. Then Mama and I made our way back to California.

What Happened Next

So like I said, that was the third week of December. A couple of days after Christmas, 'Cedes and I went back to LA and I started planning on ways I could drop my bombshell. But I actually didn't get a chance to, because Sam must have had a brainstorm wash over his ass. He showed up at our condo on New Year's Eve to spend the second week of his school vacation with us. Jones' ass jumped for joy when she saw his blonde head in the peephole, and I guess all of the fighting and bad feelings were forgotten once and for all. It was pretty obvious to me that Sam was sending a message by coming out to stay. He didn't want to let his girl out of his sight, and the only reason I didn't get all pissed was because of how happy it made Mercedes.

That week was Sam went with Mercedes to work, he got her coffee every morning, went with her to the gym, and if I hadn't been wearing ear buds every night I'm pretty sure he'd have woken me up every morning by having rough sex with Jones all over her room. It seemed like Samcedes was on and popping, and I'd just made up my mind to leave LA for a few months… go back to Lima and catch up with Jake. Maybe start writing a screenplay. But then Evans and Jones broke up for good. And I stayed put…

The Fight

To say that Mama and Trouty broke up because they had a really bad fight would be kinda unfair. Making a statement like that trivializes what went down or some shit, so I won't even insult them like that. Yeah…the fight itself was bad. And the actual breakup did happen on the tail end of it. But from what I could tell, their split was the end result of a lot of shit coming to a head all at the same time.

It all started the last night of Sam's visit. He and 'Cedes were planning this huge date to celebrate how good their week together was, and it was a big fucking deal. The couple planned the whole damn thing at the breakfast table, so I heard about it from the get-go. Jones was planning to take Evans to eat at her favorite burger place, then they were gonna go see the new Avengers movie together. After a midnight stroll on the beach, they'd come home to an empty place; since I was gonna get a motel room and give 'em some privacy.

I'm assuming all that shit went down smoothly. I have no reason to doubt that shit. But the next morning when I slipped in all quiet and ninja-like and passed by Mercedes' room; they'd left the door wide the hell open. I caught Evans, bare assed and balls deep in Mama's pussy, with her legs slung over his forearms. He was humping her slow and babbling all this freaky talk loud enough for the neighbors to hear, while Jones went crazy underneath him. I went in my room and shut the door, but I still heard everything.

Sam was all, "Whose pussy is this?" and "You love my dick, don't you?" the whole time. Jones screamed, moaned, and yelled her fucking head off, too. I heard her tell 'ole boy when she was about to come, and the sound of it made my dick jerk up and down. Afterward, instead of letting his girl bask in the fucking afterglow or whatever, Evans let loose with all this cocky-ass pimp talk, and I suppose Mama wasn't feeling it.

"Hmmmm…" Jones breathed, gasping for air. "…Soooo good."

"How good?" Evans asked, bragging and fishing for compliments at the same fucking time. Then they smooched all loud and shit. "Sammy made you come hard, right?"

Mama exhaled. "Sammy always does." Then she groaned like his hands were doing some walking over her clit.

"And this is all mine, right?" Evans kept going. "You belong to me? Only me?"

"Who else would it belong to?" 'Cedes stammered kinda playfully.

"Just asking, I guess." They were quiet for a second or two. I guess cuddling or something. Then Evans started shit talking again. "Cause you never used to wax your pussy bald before. That's a pretty drastic change."

It sounded like 'Cedes took a minute to think about his comment, then decided she wasn't offended. I would have assumed she would have been…or maybe the chick just decided not to say it if she was. Either way, she didn't go off. Jones just answered him with, "Well, I work out a lot now. Hair down there chafes. It's like carpet burn."

"Okay, I get it." Evans admitted, but he didn't stop poking around at the sore spot. "But why are you trying so hard to lose weight? You know I love you, just the way you are!"

I agreed with the dude, but I also knew 'Cedes had a reason behind that too. She ain't even disappoint me. "I've explained this to you before, Sam. I might be chosen sometime to back up one of my label's artists on stage. Or asked to be in a music video…That kind of thing will require me to learn choreography, and I need to build my stamina."

"But you never had a problem keeping up in Glee, and you didn't work out then…" Evans was starting to sound a little bit argumentative from where I was listening.

"True…but I don't have Glee club now to help me stay on top of it. It's all on me now, Boo." Then she added, "Plus, I'd want to look my best if any of that happened."

"So what you're saying here is that you'll change yourself to make an audience or a video director happy…" Sam started. "…even if you know I don't like it?"

"Sam, I'm still me…" She sounded frustrated. "Baby, where's all this coming from?"

Dude huffed and puffed a little. "I guess it just seems like a pattern with you; I'm remembering the last time you dropped a bunch of weight, Mercy. Back when you were with Shane. I just find it totally weird that you start reinventing yourself every time distance comes between us. Makes me feel like you're pushing yourself away from me, one pound at a time."

By this time I could tell Evans was picking a fight. Who in the hell gets mad when their girl loses a few? Even my relationship impaired ass knew enough to just compliment the shit and hope it gets you laid.

"Babe…" Mercedes inhaled. "…I lost all that weight before because I was practicing my ass off with the TroubleTones; like, literally practicing my ass off. And I was missing you all the time; so much that I didn't eat much…."

"See? Right there…" Sam blurted out. "…do you hear what you just said? You just put me after the TroubleTones. Like missing me was secondary to your new group and your new boyfriend."

"Wait, you're mad?" Cedes sounded confused. "Baby. You know I love you; why are you doing this?"

"Because you only put me first in your life when we're in the same zip code, Mercedes!" he accused. "You know, I left my family for you, I helped you get a record contract, and I put my life in Lima on hold so I could come visit you this week. I pretty much turn my whole life upside down, all the time…for somebody who forgets me whenever I don't happen to be around!" Dude was blustering his ass off. "I just want my girlfriend to be on the same page as me for once."

"How?" By this time Jones seemed mad too. "Tell me how to do that…"

"I don't know…" he spat out. "…You could maybe stop trying to become somebody that I don't want. You could see how it feels to deprive yourself of something for me…. Or stop insisting that I give up stuff that makes me happy!"

"Like what? Your fake relationship with Brittany?" Yep, 'Cedes was mad now. "Is that what this is all about?"

"Yeah, like that." Sam raised his voice. "You knew I was having fun with Britt, and you just couldn't stand it. And the whole thing about making me stop helping her was unfair as hell, because you were hanging out with Puck just as much."

"Sam that isn't fair!" I heard the bed squeaking and rustling; I guess they were standing up to argue. "Puck and I weren't pretending to be in love! None of your old friends were calling you up to tell you about my 'cheating,' and I never neglected you to help Puck make somebody jealous! I never made you feel all alone…"

"Oh, here we go again with all that loneliness crap!" I could practically hear the dude rolling his eyes. "The fact is, that you and I handle being lonely in two completely different ways! So it's not the same…"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means when I feel alone, I get proactive. Make a change… I wanted you back a year ago, so I came back to Ohio to get you. 'Cedes, you felt all alone when I moved to Kentucky, and just let Shane swoop in and be your life!" I heard him walking across the floor. "You trusted me not to cheat on you with Brittany, even with Sugar and Unique calling you and blabbing about the two of us hanging out. But I could never trust you like that… Just look at our history."

"So this is about trust?"

"Yes… this is about trust!" he answered. "If you get lonely enough out here, I know that another guy can take you away from me. Puck, another Shane, anybody…"

I heard drawers opening and slamming shut. I guess she was getting dressed. "And that crack about our history?"

"It wasn't a crack, 'Cedes. I just know that as long as we're separated by two thousand miles I have to watch my back. Have something in my life outside of our relationship, just in case you find somebody to keep you from feeling so lonely…"

"Why would you think I could ever cheat on you?" Mercedes wondered, close to tears.

"Because you cheated WITH me! And because deep down, you're no better than Quinn and Santana!" Sam snapped.

By that time the two of them were in the den, I'm guessing fully clothed.

"Well, it's nice to know how you really feel about me I guess," Mama paused and it sounded like she was dialing numbers on her cell phone. "Your suitcase is still in my room. You should get to the airport; I'll call a cab…" I could tell she was holding back tears.

"That's all you have to say? Your boyfriend is leaving and all you can offer me in the way of goodbye is 'I'll call you a cab?'"

Mama took a deep breath

"Okay, Sam. I'll talk...but you're not gonna like what I tell you." She took another pause. "What I'm about to say is going to sound extremely familiar to you, Evans." Mercedes sounded really sassy and mean. "When we broke up two summers ago, my words to you exactly, were… 'I love you, but this is way too hard'."

"I remember. You said you didn't like how the long distance thing made us act." He affirmed.

"And when I rejected you on Valentine's Day last year I told you that I loved you, but that I couldn't be with anyone until I knew myself better. I still love you, Sam; so much…"

She took a deep breath.

"…But this is the third strike. I'm breaking up with you again…this time for good."

Sam got all flustered. "Mercy, what in the he…"

"Shut up!" Mercedes growled. "…I let you tell me all about myself just now without interrupting you, even once. So guess whose turn it is now!"

He shut the hell up.

"Sam, when we fell in love, I was basically a starving person," Mama started. "I was starved for attention, affection, devotion… all the stuff I was dishing out to people left and right; without anybody giving me back any of it in return. But then we got close…and I was so grateful to be getting it all from you." She sighed. "You made me feel adored, and taken care of. You showed me the kind of loyalty I'd been craving; and all I wanted to do was make you as happy as you made me."

"I remember." Evans sounded just as wistful as Jones did.

"And through your love, I learned," she continued. "I learned how to take care of me while I took care of everybody else. How to devote time to making myself happy and fulfilled instead of just looking out for others. I learned to demand more..."

Sam cleared his throat.

"…So I did. I wanted a great relationship, and I got it. I wanted to belong to someone, and I got that too…"

"We belonged to each other…"

"That's true. But if you really think about it, all of that love and ownership was based on control, Sam. You only trusted me with your heart because I let you be my all. You never saw me as a Quinn or a Satan, because I never gave you any reason to feel I'd ever misuse your love. Being with me was easy… our love was easy."

"Then I moved."

"Yes, you moved… which means you lost control. We argued about distance, but honestly? Most of our fights were about you no longer having your favorite possession. You hated that I was forging a life outside of you. Hated Shane for showing me attention..."

Cue awkward pause right here.

"...So we broke up, which ultimately gave you even more stuff to hate. I got with Shane, which meant I no longer belonged to only you. I formed the TroubleTones, and all of a sudden had something to throw myself into. This wasn't what you wanted; so the very first chance and excuse you got, you came back to claim me again."

"What was so bad about me coming back?" Dude sounded offended as hell.

"Because, Sam, the very first thing you did was squash my group. And the second thing? Was force me to admit that I still loved you. Forced me to let you be my whole world again. Deep down in your heart you knew you could have laid low, and waited for me to figure out that Shane wasn't what I wanted. But you didn't…you made sure I felt conflicted every damn day after you got back to Lima. You know, there wasn't a single minute of the day during that time that I didn't wake up and go to sleep thinking about the 'Sam' problem."

"So?"

"So, our whole relationship has always played itself out on terms that you define for us, and it's not right."

Nobody said anything right then, but I figure those two were sharing a meaningful ass look.

"Now that I'm here, you've lost control again," Mama continued. "And a year ago I'd have given it back up, and freely…but not now. You want me overweight, lonely and sad as long as we're apart. And I won't do that...not for you, or anybody. In a mature relationship, people grow together. I can see that deep down you're still that mad little boy crossing his arms over his chest because Santana humiliated you in Glee Club. You need to grow up, and stop trying to be my all. Because I won't let you anymore…"

That wasn't the end of the fight, but you get the gist…Sam tried to change her mind...apologized his nuts off; but in the end Mama didn't budge a motherfucking inch. Eventually, she gave him back his ring, he left, and Mama went back to her room.

Playlist

After Sam left I waited for Mama to slam her door shut, then I got up to go stand outside her room for a few minutes. I couldn't decide if my coming in to see if she was okay would help or not; so I waited for a sign. Plus I didn't wanna be the first person Jones saw, just in case she was in a "shoot the messenger" kinda mood. I listened, trying to see if Mama was more mad or sad, since towards the end of the fight it was getting pretty hard to tell. And I was out there for about ten minutes before I heard anything at all. When I finally did hear something, it was music. At that point, I assumed the chick had been using all that time to make a playlist on her iPod.

The first song playing was loud as hell, and the intro was the same as that Timbaland and Drake song, Say Something, but when the vocals started some chick was singing. I'd never heard this version, but I could hear through the door that Mama knew every damn word. I was about to go back to my room, since I figured she had her music to keep her company, but then I heard crashing and shit. I put my ear up to the door and it sounded like Jones was in there kicking and knocking stuff down. I probably shoulda left; but when something hard and heavy banged into the door from the other side, I knew whatever Jones was feeling was way too deep for me to ignore. Shit, it sounded like our security deposit was in jeopardy.

So I open the door and found Mama with her back to me, screaming the lyrics to the song; right down to the "ayes" in the background. She was directing all her yells at this big ass blue teddy bear, and from the look on her face you would think the thing had pissed her off. Mama was pointing her fingers and getting all in Teddy's face. Even though she loved that fucking thing…I looked over at her computer and noted the fact that Mama hadn't been making a breakup playlist on iTunes; she'd been on YouTube instead. And the video for this song featured a girl in a black top and red pants standing in the street. Her voice wasn't as good as Mama's, but I wondered about her so I looked back at Jones to ask who the fuck the chick was. I stopped my self from forming the question, though, because Mama had turned around to face me; still singing her ass off. She was adding trills and runs that I'm pretty sure the woman in the video couldn't do if somebody paid her to; Mama managed to sound amazing, even with tear-streaked cheeks and a pissed off expression. Jones' eyes were closed, and she was bumping her whole body to the beat and shaking her head so hard that I felt some kinda way about interrupting her. Then a female rapper did the last part of the chorus and I faced the screen again to see a cute girl there sporting a braided, multicolored Mohawk, tattoos, and flashy clothes.

When Mercedes started rapping the second chick's part word for word I just flopped on her bed to catch the rest of the show. By that time I'd decided that if Mama crossed over from mad to sad she'd probably want me there to cushion the blow; plus, it was real cute watching her rap. Mama knew all of the song, and showed out making hand gestures in the bear's general direction. It was almost like she thought Sam was standing right in front of her listening, as she explained all the different varieties of fucked-up their breakup was. She danced too, and it actually got kinda stripper-fied with all the booty-hopping and Ciara-style body rolling going on. Eventually the singing chick started doing the hook again and I watched the both of 'em gyrate around. Then the song ended and we both waited quietly for the next one to start.

The next five or six videos that played after Say Something were all like that; fast and mad. I think they all helped Mama release pent up energy…since she danced her way thru all of 'em. The second song Mercedes sang was by Beyonce; seemed to me like the shit was about setting fire to some dude and possibly the dude's new lady. That motherfucker was scary as fuck; had me looking around to make sure Mama didn't have any damn candles or lighters to work with. She didn't even notice me snooping, though, because she was too busy tossing her weave around and stomping her feet with this freaky ass look in her eyes. I guess Jones was channeling her inner Sasha Fierce. Then that lady who sings Bust Your Windows came up next, but it was a different song about going the fuck off. Bitch was counting to ten and strapping bombs to motherfuckers for making her mad. Mercedes mostly just clenched her fists and sang loud as fuck through this one, but she made sure to do the countdown with 'ole girl on her fingers while she yelled that shit out.

Even though seeing Mama act out and hearing her sing this stuff made me wanna put her ass in a straitjacket, this group of songs did reassure me of one thing. I knew from the lyrics that Mama wasn't being literal in her song selections, and that she probably wasn't looking to kill anybody in real life. Most of them were about cheating; and I knew Mama never felt cheated on with Sam. For the most part, she'd probably chosen all them because they were fast and shit; she was more than likely just using the music to get out all her frustration.

The next few songs weren't as fast, so Mama didn't dance as much when they played. Instead, she came over to where I was and stood over me singing. I guess I was a handy focal point or whatever. So while JoJo was staring out windows and whining about a dude doing Too Little, Too Late, Mercedes was kicking the song's ass right in my direction. And I was cool with that; it seemed to help. But I ain't gonna lie, when she sang that line about "…a player like you…" Mama opened her eyes and pointed right at me, and I felt like dog shit. But the next one wasn't so bad. It was EnVogue and in the video all the chicks were whining about a girl needing to let some dude go. It was fairly tame; Jones walked over to the window while that one was playing and sang her heart out. She may have even been crying a little, but I couldn't really tell. I never found out though, since that Keyshia Cole song, Shoulda Let You Go came on next and Mama got all hype again. She clapped, danced a little, and did another rap. I just watched while the concert went on and let the music do its work. By the time Free Yourself by Fantasia played Mercedes had pretty much committed to standing in one spot and belting her heart out.

Those last few songs on the playlist though? They were the saddest, most mournful, and most depressing-ass videos I'd ever sat through. Mama started by singing Stranger In My House, and I couldn't even look at all the pain on her face. I just concentrated on Tamia's fine ass wallowing around in dirt instead. Mercedes killed the song…totally fucked it up the ass with no lube; but the shit broke my heart into kibbles and bits. Then Mercedes finally came over, sat down, and let me wrap my arms around her for comfort. The concert didn't stop, but she was crooning in my ear as opposed to shrieking from across the room. Under the circumstances I figured it was a big improvement. She sang a little Winehouse, some old Bee Gee's song that Destiny's Child remade, and a couple things I'd never heard before but made me wanna poke my eyes out. By the time Mama wailed on this old tune by Jewel, I was spent and could tell Mama was worn out, too. She basically melted into bed with me so we could finally talk.

"Say something, Mama…" I urged.

Mama sighed. "You know, Puck…I've a lot done to change my life since my lonely days in high school; I've had back-to-back steady relationships, I led the TroubleTones at competitions all year long, I got a record deal, and moved out here to California. And I really thought that my time as a depressed-all-the-time loser was over. I just can't believe that after all of that, I'm still the 'odd-sistah-out. This is gonna annoy the dog-shit out of me," was the first thing to come outta her mouth.

I guessed that being single, which wasn't that big a deal for me and the other guys in our posse, was a sore spot for 'Cedes. But despite the fact that I didn't understand it, I tried to sympathize anyway.

"Mama, I'm not gonna be a douche and tell you to quit feeling sorry for yourself, because that's not what you need right now," I started. "But I am gonna tell you that your ass is way off base…all those changes you made in your life? That shit is still relevant right now. Breaking up with Evans and being single doesn't change that shit…"

She cuddled closer into me and I squeezed her a little tighter. "Puck, I don't expect you to understand this, but back in high school I was always on the sidelines. I watched everybody elses' relationship drama unfold, feeling equal parts horrified and jealous over that mess. For awhile I had Kurt with me doing the same thing, but eventually even he found a Boo, too. And then it was just me, all by myself..." I was just glad that shit hadn't made it on the playlist, too.

"Go on…" I prompted.

"And it hurt!" Mama exclaimed. "I wanted somebody to kiss in the hallways and hold hands with in class and sing serenades to."

I remembered her saying some shit like that back right before our fake 'ship started, so I nodded.

"…But I thought senior year changed all that, man. I had Shane around, worshipping my dirty drawers…"

I shot her a nasty look. She probably thought I was reacting to the TMI, but really I was slightly pissed thinking about Tinsley sniffing around Mama and even thinking about her undies.

"…then I had Sam around itching to get back with me. After we finally made it official again, we had the most fun and romantic summer ever. I don't know…I guess I assumed that taking all those weeks after breaking up with Shane to be alone and think over all the cheating and shit, that I wouldn't have to feel like this for awhile."

I understood what she was saying, so I thought about what I could offer by way of consolation before even trying to speak.

"Mama?"

"Hmn?" She peered into my eyes with through a fresh wave of salty tears.

"I understand what you're going on about…believe me, being lonely is some shit most of us have to battle at some point in our lives." I wanted her to know I felt her pain. "And even though my brand of loneliness ain't have shit to do with not having a girlfriend, I get you. It sucks to feel like all your best conversations happen inside your own damn head, and see everybody around you having a blast while you wonder why they didn't think to invite your ass along."

Mama looked surprised that I'd understand something like that, but she didn't even ask me for the specifics…And I was glad, too. I wasn't ready to share that shit.

"But you've lost your perspective…" I continued. "…and I'd be a bad friend if I let you get comfortable on the pity train."

I straightened up against the bed's headboard and let Mama get comfortable in the new position before starting going any further.

"First of all, most of the same Glee guys who were always Boo'ed up in high school are single now, and have been all year long. Finn, Mike, and Evans…dudes who barely went a month at a time at McKinley without a girl around to chase, are broken up with their women and have to learn how to do shit alone now. And I know it's different for a girl to feel like the only single person around versus a dude. But if you put yourself in their shoes for a minute you'll see the shit is probably a major adjustment for all of 'em…bigger than for you since you have experience being alone."

Mama shrugged.

"You already know how to entertain yourself with platonic friends…" I cringed on the inside because shit if I wanted to be one of them, myself. "…and do shit by yourself. You're not gonna have to adjust any more than finding something to fill all the time you would have otherwise spent talking to Evans on the phone…Oh! And avoiding his ass in Lima. You got this…"

"You're not wrong," she admitted, reluctantly. "There are a bunch of cool people at my job that keep inviting me places, but I always turn them down so I can Skype with Sam or whatever.'

"See?" I asked. "And as for being the only single sista out of our clique, that's a bunch of bull-shittery. Rachel, Santana, Tina, and Unique are all on their own. Some of them for the first time in years…Don't you think for a second that your girls aren't going through the same shit as you are right now. The next time you see everybody, I bet one or more of you throws a huge-ass sleepover. Just so you can enjoy girl time and shoot the breeze. You just have to remember that when the breakup makes you feel all sad and shit. Silver linings or whatever."

"That's true too, Puck…" Mama stretched out to kiss me on the cheek. "And I know you're right, but do you mind if I wallow for at least for the rest of the day?" I was happy to hear the snippiness in her voice, so I pretended to think about it before I responded.

"I guess so," I hemmed and hawed. "But only if you agree to let me wallow with you."

"Huh?"

"I'm serious…it's not good for you to be alone, and I wanna help. You can sing again, cry, and throw shit all you want. But you're gonna do it with me in the room. Don't even lie and say you wouldn't like the company."

Mama almost grinned.

"So let me go crank up the AC, since this is LA and hot as fuck. I know your ass is gonna wanna get under the covers and cuddle and shit…" I was giddy as hell when she nodded. "…and I'm not trying to be all sweaty and funky while you grieve. I'll bring in some snack food, and we won't even eat any real meals today. We'll show our asses cause we're grown and can do what he fuck we want."

When I said that, 'Cedes actually chuckled.

"We gotta eat the ice cream and tots first, though…" I said, mentally planning the menu. "…so that shit stays the right temperature."

Mercedes straightened up and clapped for a second before burrowing into my chest again.

"We'll rent a couple of movies on Netflix too; something funny and possibly a little violent with a hellified soundtrack so you can sing some more if you feel like it…"

"Like what?" Mama looked skeptical, I guess because she hadn't realized yet how much I paid attention to her movie habits and guilty pleasures.

"I don't know…" I pretended not to already have a few suggestions up my sleeve. "Maybe one of Master P's old movies. I Got The Hookup or I'm Bout It. You got big brothers and they're Black, so I know you've seen the shit a million times…" A little info I picked up hanging around Jake. "Which means if you zone out or start boo-hooing again, you can pick the plot back up afterwards with no problem." I gazed at Mama. "That sound okay?"

She let out a chuckle and a cute little snort. "That sounds perfect, Noah…"

"Good," I was a little out of breath because Jones had placed one of her hands on my chest after saying my government name. "So by the time tomorrow gets here you'll have some good memories to put on top of the bullshit."

"Okay…" Mama pretended to be reluctant to let me get up, but I eventually managed to wrangle free of all our tangled limbs. Right when I stood up to go turn on the oven and assemble all our shit, she grabbed my hand and said, "Thanks, Puckerman."

I just smiled and answered, "Anytime, Mama."

I cooked, she showered all of Evans' slobber off her body, and we lay back down together to hang. In the end I held Jones in my arms and comforted her for the rest of the day, then sat up talking with her ass all night long. She thanked me over and over again, but I swear it was probably my most fond memory of my time in LA at that point. She shouldn't have been thanking me, my girl should have been charging my ass! And I honestly believe the shit helped her over the worst of her funk, so I didn't even feel guilty for getting my jollies. Bright and early the next day, Mama and I woke up and started a new routine that was equal parts me comforting her, and her keeping me company. And I gotta say, I was caught between blissfully happy and wanting to slit my own damn wrists every day for the next two and a half months.

Consolation…

I know you probably think I jumped right in on Mama after the breakup, or tried to console my way right into her panties. But I didn't. Because Jones might have rallied all her emotions enough to let Sam have a piece of her mind that day, but my girl was really sad and lonely after the split. And I couldn't take advantage of that. I'd come too far for that kinda shit, anyway. That summer before Senior year was the first time in my life I ever really felt alone. And it was when I learned that it didn't take much to pull somebody outta feeling all shitty. All it took to turn me around was the company of somebody who made you feel good and seemed to give a fuck. So I really tried hard to be that somebody for 'Cedes. Remember when I said all that stuff about Mercedes and her family working hard to take care of me after I lost Beth? And how it taught me how important that kinda thing is to a person who's feeling some major-league hurt? Remember how I tried real hard to apply that shit to my life…looking after Michelle, trying to watch out for Quinn, being a big bro to Jake, and saving up for Beth's future? Well, 'Cedes was my family now, too. And I was responsible for making her feel better. That's why I took care of Mama instead of pushing up on her.

We got into a routine right then; one that kept Jones from feeling too sad and gave me a way to pay her back for all the shit she'd ever done for me. Every morning, I woke up at 5am, put on the coffee, and ran down the street for bagels and shit. By the time I got back, 'Cedes would be up and dressed in sweats on the way to the kitchen for breakfast. I'd lean against the fridge door, since I knew Mama needed to get the milk for her coffee, and tap my cheek so she'd gimme my daily peck. Call me a troll if you want to, but if Jones wanted to cross the bridge to caffeine-land she was gonna have to pay my toll. Then the two of us would eat our lox and shmere and drink juice and coffee before we went on our jog. 'Cedes told me that day she sang all those songs that she had zero intention of eating tots and ice cream every time she thought about the breakup; so I suggested that we start running and shit together so she could sweat the hurt away.

After we circled the block eight or nine times, Mama and I would go shower and dress for her studio. She never spent more than 3 or 4 hours there at a time, and nobody gave fuck about me watching her record and rehearse, as long as I kept my trap shut. Then I'd go clean pools while she did her coursework online. Afterward, Mama and me would hit the gym. I had my guns to work on and a whole weight regimen to maintain, and Jones used the treadmill and stationary equipment because Jones said she'd need leg muscles like Tina Turner whenever she made it big and started dancing across stages for a living. I dug the company, so sometimes we did elliptical work together or took a hot yoga or Booty Camp class together, too. The workouts were a good way for us to laugh and joke together outside the condo.

Jones never really dropped a bunch of weight, to be honest. But her body changed a lot. Instead of on-the-chunky-side thighs, they were getting muscular. Her calves looked fucking chiseled, and she lost most of her cellulite. Mama's arms went from jiggly to hard, but still girly. And her tits and ass both got higher…According to Jones, she hadn't really lost any ass-meat other than the "ham hock" part right on top of the back of her thighs...but either way, her pants got looser. And her face changed too. I never realized how high Mama's cheekbones were, or how big her eyes actually were before then. The biggest change was in her tummy; the spare tire was all the way gone. I had always put Mama's body into the category of "more there to love," 'cause I totally dug on her brand of big-boned sexy. But even after she lost weight I didn't have any complaints…the fact is that a smaller belly made her tatas look bigger; and who in the hell complains about that shit?

Mama branched out socially around that time too. She had all these friends now from her record label that all of a sudden became a big part of her life. They were other backup singers at her job, and I guess I should point out that they were Black. Mama's homies were cool folks; a little bit intense when the got to talking about issues like White privilege and colorism… But they were good for 'Cedes. It was the first time I'd ever seen my girl with a crew of actual Black people, and I have to say they helped her in a lot of ways I couldn't. One thing her friends did was convince Mama to start showing her real hair. She let it slip one time we were all out having dinner that she'd been wanting to let the fake shit go since the Born This Way assignment Junior year; but she'd been scared to because she'd just started dating Sam. Something about him being so very, very White. Then when she'd dated Shane he made it clear that he hated "ethnic" dos. Plus she had this notion that Schuester would have a problem with her not being uniform with the rest of the girls in New Directions. Mama's real hair is fucking beautiful, just like the first time I ever saw her in Glee Club. It's long as hell, way longer than Britt and Quinn's hair. And full of all these wild ass curls and coils and waves that cascade down her back. It comes down past her shoulder blades on the sides and reaches for heaven on top and in the front. Her whole damn mane is soft as fuck and gorgeous, and I swear if she'd let me I would sleep under it instead of covers at night. Since the hair is all hers, Mama's cool with me touching it now, so if we're sitting around and my head's not in her lap, hers is in mine and I curl it around my fingers so long some nights she falls asleep right there.

The only time I saw her wear her hair straightened during out two month consolation period was when she made a video for Blaine to show Sam when his ass was going off the rails about being more attractive than he was smart, and when we all went to Lima for Mr. Schue's wedding-that-never-was. Mama wore a long curly wig, sang some opera song that fucked up every bitch in Glee that ever thought she could outsing my Baby (because by that time I was pretty much calling her "baby" and "boo" in my head alternately 24/7), then caught the fuck out before the reception. She waited at her parents' house for me, then we got on a plane back to LA the same night.

But back to how I tried to help Mama after her breakup by being with her all the time. After we eat dinner together and watch TV most nights she and I would say goodnight and go to bed. There was a part of me that thought all the domesticated shit was lame as fuck, but it helped Jones get over things faster. I know this because she told me so, and I was happy to be there for her. I wanted to. I guess she and I could have just kept our friendship simple that way, for a long time after that. But then things started changing and it was making me crazy.

What To Do, What To Do…

From Mercedes' point of view, the way our relationship evolved probably felt gradual as hell, or natural or something. She more than likely just figured that shit was switching direction between us because we were so much closer, and to be honest, nothing probably felt all that different to her to begin with. But to me the shit was like a fucking slap to the face. Like, WHAM! One day I was spending all my time hanging out with my best friend, and the next we were a married ass old couple.

Take for instance our daily routine. All of a sudden, instead of getting woke up by a phone alarm, I had 'Cedes shaking me awake. Because at some point we'd started sharing a bed most nights. I'd go into my bathroom to brush my teeth, and my girl would already have put toothpaste spread out on my brush for me. I'd go get breakfast and she'd clean up, so by the time I got back from the deli, both our beds would be made and from time to time, a load of my laundry would be going from where Jones picked the shit up off my floor.

And my morning refrigerator kiss? Got even fucking better. It was still just a buss to the cheek or forehead, that didn't change. But it was deeper too…instead of craning her neck and pecking me from a foot away, Mama all of a sudden was coming in closer, invading more of my personal space. She'd step right in between my spread legs, place her left hand on my chest and press up against me for a second close enough for me to feel her warm breath and smell her toothpaste. Then the kiss would be softer, less pucker up style. Sometimes it felt almost like Jones was planting a smile on my face, and other times she'd place the shit so close to my lips that our noses brushed together. Then she'd linger and smile at me until I moved my ass outta the way.

We started holding hands in the car going to the studio, and she sat in my lap sometimes waiting for her turn to sing. When we ate lunch or dinner together in restaurants my girl would always sit right beside me instead of across the booth; plus, one or the other always paid…we quit going Dutch completely. Then like I said, when we got home the two of us would crash in the same bed. We even cuddled.

I was watching myself during that time, hardcore. I made sure not to grope Mercedes accidentally or let her get caught up against my morning wood. But Jones wasn't even trying to keep shit clean. And it was fucking me up.

'Cedes was all the time telling dirty ass jokes in bed and sleeping without a bra, plus she was real good for throwing one of them thick thighs over mine whenever I slept on my back. And she sleeps like a log, so if I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and wanted to move it I ain't have any choice but to use my hands and try not to grope her. Because shaking never worked. She'd take off her pants in front of me, and show me her naked ass legs in these tiny little panties; just so I could give my opinion on her leg muscles, and one time the chick even begged me to cup her tits so I could tell her if one was bigger than the other one. I just ran the fuck outta there like I was on fire.

At some point Mama had gotten so comfortable around me that she'd started coming into the john while I peed, talking to me while my dick was on display. And had no shame at all about screaming for me to bring her a washcloth from the linen closet while she sat in the tub butt ass bare. All of this shit was driving me crazy, so I'd made up my mind to ask her out. It was obvious my feelings weren't going away, and she seemed ready to have a dude in her life…Shit, the mourning period had lasted for two and a half months! I wasn't trying to get stuck in the friend zone with Artie and Finn, and I didn't want another dude showing up and sweeping my girl off her feet either. So I decided to man up. If things got awkward, I knew I'd miss the closeness, but after weighing the pros and cons, I figured one fucked up conversation was worth it if shit panned out like I wanted it to. So I promised myself I'd handle it all around the Easter holiday. Mercedes and I were planning on going to Lima together, and to me it made a lot of sense. I just hoped I wouldn't regret my decision.

A/N: These are the songs I envisioned Mercedes using as pain relief after the big breakup. If someone you love has recently pissed you off or you're going thru a breakup, they might help you the same way they helped her. I can't provide a Puck to help comfort you; so honestly, this is the best I could do ; ).

List One: Breakup Thugging-The Fuck You Mix

Say Something by Rasheeda and Nivea

Ring The Alarm by Beyonce

10 Seconds by Jazmine Sullivan

Breaking Point by Keri Hilson

Caught Out There by Kelis

List Two: It Is What It Is-The Slightly Less Pissed Off Mix

Too Little, Too Late by JoJo

Give It Up, Turn It Loose by EnVogue

Shoulda Let You Go by Keyshia Cole

As If by Blacque

Free Yourself by Fantasia

Up Out My Face by Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj

List Three: Feeling The Pain-The Melancholy Mix

Stranger In My House by Tamia

Love Is A Losing Game by Amy Winehouse

Emotions by Destiny's Child

Get It Together by 702

Me, Myself, and I by Beyonce

Foolish Games by Jewel

Also, I neglected to include a lot of the S4 fuckery that happened during this time frame. I made up headcanons for it, but the shit didn't make the final cut. Here are some highlights:

Obviously, in my version of events, Puck never moved back to Lima. He went over Christmas holidays, of course. And he did bring Jake back to LA with him for a few days. But he never actually moved back home to write his screenplay. If Sam and Mercedes had asked him to, then it'd be Kaynon (see how I turned the word canon into Kaynon to represent those things that happened on-screen, which also happen to mesh with the trappings of my own twisted imagination?), but *relieved sigh* the breakup happened instead.

The fake Bram wedding was just a nightmare Mercedes had one night.

Also, right after Puck would have moved back to Lima on the show, he took Kitty –AKA the Devil in a ponytail- to the Sadie Hawkins Dance and fucked her silly in a car somewhere. And I ain't even here for that shit at all. In my brain, he did go back to Lima for a weekend visit. Mercedes stayed her ass in LA because she knew Sam would be there with Britt. And he did give Jake the wonderful advice to stay the hell away from the racist little Cheeri-ho. Even took one for the team and escorted the little bimbo to the Dance so as to keep the bitch away from his bro. But that roadside romp never took place…she offered, he pretended to take her up on it, then laughed his ass off at her naked itty bitty titties when she got buck nekkid in the back seat. Then Puck proceeded to pull out his camera phone, take pictures, then threaten to send that shit to JBI if she didn't leave Jake alone. The Quinn-bot, always wary of any threat to her reputation, put her shit back on and went home to pray.

All of Sam's body image man-orxia storyline was a direct reaction to both doing poorly on his SATs, and the breakup with Mercedes. She made sure to submit a video for the thing Blaine made for Sam, but she did it as a friend, not an ex.

Any questions? Comments? Criticisms? Let me know something…