He's not sure if he'll ever be able to forgive Henrietta Lange, but if he ever does, tonight was her first step to redemption.

Its dark and he feels almost alone as he navigates the familiar streets on the way to Kensi's. It feels like it has been ages, and that's because it has. Six months, 26 weeks, 182 days. He imagines their last night together, the way her gaze burned him as he walked away. The way her eyes appeared to crystallize as she held in tears she didn't want him to see. The sting of his own tears as he drove away. He remembers wiping his eyes against his sleeve, smelling her on his hoodie.

His heart pounds against his white tee shirt as he gets closer and closer to her place. Anxiety creeps up from the back of his throat and he bites his teeth together tightly. His mind races between the consequences of his mission, the employment status he just changed, and his relationship with Kensi.

Every week while undercover, he had to meet with his handler. He'd recieve an envelope, and inside, he'd find a letter from Kensi. Undercover, he couldn't risk getting caught writing a letter back, but if he got to their meeting location early, he'd try to scribble a note back to her on a napkin. Too often, he didn't have enough time to tell her everything he wanted to, everything he needed to. Her letters were urgent, sad. He'd memorize every word, every crossed t and every dotted i. He memorized the way her cursive flowed, the loops of her l's and the curls in on top of her o's. He'd never realized how beautiful her penmanship was until that was all he had of her to love. Her letters broke his heart, her poetic words pelted him in the chest like tiny little bullets.

"Damn it Deeks, I miss you."

"I'm worried about you."

"Monty's listening to Tori Amos again."

"I don't know how to keep living without you anymore."

"I'm sorry I haven't said I love you yet. Because I do."

"I'm still worried."

"It's been months."

"Please come home soon."

"I miss you so much that I can't sleep."

"Be careful."

"I'm so worried."

Maybe they weren't so poetic, but when Kensi expressed feelings of sadness, worry, love… he'd be fascinated for days. He hated every moment he worried her, but was desperate to hear her say she loved him. Selfish as that was, he needed it. He hasn't always been loved in his life, but she's changed that for him. After 6 months without her, he needed her. All of her. With no holding back.

He had to hope she'd be okay with that. That they'd be able to pick up where they left off, because he really loved where they left off.

Parking the car, he took a deep breath and unbuckled his seat belt. He didn't know what he was getting into, but before slipping his key into the lock of her front door, he saw his phone light flashing. A text from Hetty, "Congratulations, Mr. Deeks. Director Vance and Granger have both already approved your application."

The lights were off- no surprise for 2 am. He slipped off his shoes, and stripped out of most of his clothes, throwing them in her pile of laundry. He entered her bedroom, hearing her soft snores. Surprised that he hadn't woken her, he flipped his flashlight app on, and observed the bottle of sleeping pills on her bedside table. He squeezed his eyes shut, and placed his newly issued NCIS approved weapon next to hers, and crossed her room to find his side of the bed. He found a corner of the covers turned up, and he gently slid in. He turned his head to look at her, seeing Monty for the first time, wrapped in her tight grip. However the dog was wide awake, looking at him excitedly.

He extended his hand to his dog and Monty licked eagerly. He squirmed, but Deeks rested his hand on his back. "Don't wake Mommy, Monty."

He knew she'd kill him in the morning for not waking her, but he wanted her to sleep. He pulled his head up and pressed a kiss against her forehead.

Softly against her forehead he whispered, "you don't have to worry anymore."