Evening arrives and I go to the dining hall, I quickly scan the room, and see Poe sitting at the back of the room in what I assume to be his usual spot. "Where's Rey?" He asks as I place my tray in front of me,
"I'm not sure, have you seen her?" I ask, twirling the pees around with the prongs of my fork.
"Not for a while," Poe takes a sip of his drink.
"How was your day?" I ask him, he smiles.
"Good, I taught Koden and some of the other young men the ropes. I didn't teach them all the tricks though, gotta keep up my reputation," he winks and I roll my eyes with a laugh. Poe is on the cusp of being too mischievously conceited: I wonder how he hasn't tried to pull off a risky manoeuvre and fail.
The dining room fills and empties, and there is still no sign of Rey. I sit quietly I am the last one in the cafeteria, when the last kitchen droid informs me they are shutting the dining hall for the night and I must leave.
As I walk out of the room, hearing the door roll down behind me I am torn, turn right and follow the corridor to Rey's chambers, or turn left and stumble back to the infirmary… I choose the latter, concluding if Rey wanted company she would seek it herself.
I arrive back in my room, closing the door and dreading the uncomfortable feel of the metal table they call a bed. I want to feel the weightlessness I did last night, snuggled deep in the covers on a proper mattress. Instead I lay in the darkness, I even miss the obnoxious beeping of the monitors that no longer keep me company – there is complete silence as I drift into a sleepless doze.
Starla greets me with a cheery smile and a good morning, to which I don't respond; a subtle feeling of contempt washes over me at the sight of her. I wonder what would have happened if she hadn't interrupted Rey and I. Starla becomes aware of my irritation towards her, yet carries on, ignoring my passive aggressive attitude. She applies my ointment, gives me my breakfast tray before quietly leaving.
I do not see Rey for another two days, when I do, it is the afternoon.
She walks past my room, avoiding eye contact, looking at the ground, hoping I wouldn't notice her: but I know it is her. Her hair is in three buns and her arms are strapped in cloth, she wears thin pants and a small jacket. It is as if the light surrounds her, wherever she goes it follows, and when she disappears from my view it is as if darkness arrives.
Once she passes I sit on the edge of my bed my head in my hands.
Through the gaps of my fingers I see a silhouette hover in the doorway, I immediately remove my hands to see Starla. Still angry, I look away back down.
"I brought you your lunch,"
"Thanks," I mumble, she sits down beside me, passing me the tray.
"Shirt off," I pull the loose fabric off my body, I hear Starla twist the metal container open: her warm hands rub the cold ointment into my skin.
"You're not angry at me." She says defiantly, I'm taken aback by her bold, incorrect statement.
"Yes, I-" She cuts me off.
"No, you're angry at yourself," Her tone is calm and sure as she smooths the balm into my scar. I don't understand how she so confidently assumes to know how I feel. "I didn't do anything wrong. You wouldn't be in here sulking if there wasn't something to fix," I look at Starla, her expression is stern, as if she knows she's right, but I don't understand, "Rey didn't walk out of this room because of I told her she should..." She adds, tapping my shoulder, an indication for me to turn and face her.
"Why did she leave?" I look at Starla as she rubs the ointment into my shoulder, she laughs loudly.
"You have to figure that out on your own-" she closes the container and makes her way to the doorway "-because I don't know," she adds and begins to walk down the hall but she quickly sticks her head back in.
"You're being discharged," she throws me a key card, room 18. I eat my lunch slowly, thinking about what Starla said. She's right, Starla didn't do anything wrong. I'm angry because Rey walked away; I just blamed her for it.
Why did Rey leave? I wonder to myself, what did I do wrong? Maybe she didn't like me lifting her? No it's more than that... Maybe it's because I kissed her? It looked like it made her happy, unless it didn't, maybe she didn't like it at all.
I push myself to do some exercises to clear my mind; my muscles are slowly thanking me, gaining their strength back.
In the early evening I grab Poe's jacket, and walk out of the medical room, closing the glass door behind me.
I follow the corridors towards my new room, swipe the card, the room is identical to Rey's room but reversed, the restroom on the left side not the right. I hang Poe's jacket in the wardrobe and turn towards the bed, startled when I see someone curled under the covers. I wonder if I am being made to share, or if Starla made a mistake and gave me an already occupied room.
I stare at the wrinkled sheets and walk up to the left side where my bed thief sleeps. My chest aches slightly when I see Rey, her small hands have pulled the covers up and over most of her face but I see her eyes, ringed with dark circles, her eyes lashes twitch in what I assume to be a deep asleep. I don't know what to do. Trying to understand other people is difficult, especially Rey. Affection isn't the way to go; it only got me in this mess to begin with. I conclude leaving is my best option and slowly exit my new room.