Thanks to those lovely people who have reviewed and added me to their faves or alerts. This is for you. Let me know what you all think if anyone is still reading. Love Tink. XX

Twelve months earlier – La Push

"Here boy!" I called with a shrill whistle and couldn't help but giggle when I heard an answering low growl from across the beach.

"You better run Red!" Jake snarled, a wicked predatory grin spreading across his face as I set off at a sprint, with him close on my heels. This was an old game, it was one I was more than familiar with and I loved it. I never won unless Jake let me, which could happen often, but I lived for the feeling of us both tearing across the beach, so free, so at peace, so together. At fifteen I was beginning to enjoy the challenges Jake set me more and more and at times was able to hold my own. I was no longer a little girl.

I didn't have to turn around to know he was close behind me, I could smell his wonderful scent, earthy and woody, and hear his deep and booming laughter as he passed me. Just his laughter alone was enough to make an answering grin form on my face and I picked up my pace a little, determined to give him a run for his money.

I tried to not stare longingly at him as he shot past me but in recent months I had become increasingly aware of my best friend. I couldn't help but admire the easy way his powerful legs pumped as he sprinted past me, the way his huge chest barely moved as he streaked ahead when any other mortal would be gasping for breath. I loved the way his dark hair rippled out behind him like a curtain of silk, the light mahogany of his skin, his well-defined muscles, his smile, he was beautiful and so… big, that he literally took my breath away.

I gasped out a choked laugh as I reached his side, seconds later, the surf splashing around our ankles, as he caught me easily in his thick arms and swung me around effortlessly in a light hug. I giggled dizzily as he set me on my feet next to him and looked down at me from where he towered over me.

"Not too bad for an old man" I said with a smirk and stuck out my tongue. He elbowed me and if I had been anything other than a half vampire I would have ended up on my back injured.

"Hey less of the old man, kid" he said with an easy smile, ruffling my hair.

"I'm not a kid Jake, I'm nearly sixteen," I said but I couldn't help the little whine that had crept into my voice.

This was the point I had been trying unsuccessfully to make for the last few months. But no, Jake and most of my family still saw me as a little girl in need of protection. He had been my best friend since the time I was born and I knew he would always be there if I needed him. We shared a bond that I didn't quite understand but knew I could never be without. I loved him with every breath in my body but lately that loved had changed, morphed into something else, something I didn't quite understand.

"Still a kid to me" he said with another smile, "Don't pout Nessie, you're an adult nowremember"

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Then why will no one treat me like one" I said on a moan, turning away from him and walking through the surf, not even bothering to look behind me, I knew he would be following behind. Where I went, he went. Where he went, I went. It was as simple and as natural as breathing.

"Ah Nessie, are we back to this again?" he said falling into step next to me, wrapping an arm loosely around my shoulder in a friendly gesture, his deep voice sending shivers through me.

"Yeah we're back to this again...I want to go to school…I want to meet people my own age, make some friends… I want a little bit of space " I stopped walking to look up at him.

"You want space from me? " he sounded wounded and I immediately felt guilty. Jake was the best thing in my life and I couldn't bare the thought of being without him. I shuffled my feet sheepishly and peeked out at him from under my lashes. God he was handsome.

"I was kinda hoping you would come with me"

He groaned again and stopped walking, his enormous hands rubbing his face, leaving me unable to read his expression as he groaned "High school again Nessie? You can't do that to me"

I reached up and pulled his hands from his face, ignoring the little zing of electricity I felt and tried my most charming smile "Please Jake, please? I'm sure Daddy would let me go if he knew you were there with me"

"Ness have you though about this, I mean really thought about this…we would have to move, we couldn't just turn up at Forks High… people know me and you, well you look too much like Bella and Edward to stay incognito"

His words thrilled me; he hadn't said no, he'd said, "we couldn't". Whatever the place, whatever the school, I knew he would be with me. I beamed at him and our eyes met for a second, I felt lost and dizzy as I stared into those deep brown depths, warming me from the inside out.

My stomach gave an odd little jolt and I felt a strange need creeping up on me. It was like a kind of hunger but not for food or for blood. It was an odd feeling, an urge, but one that I didn't have a name for.

Sucking a deep and startled breath I felt as though I was seeing his face for the very first time. It was the most powerful feeling I had ever experienced but I didn't like it, I was scared, scared of what this could mean, scared of my own feelings, scared of how vulnerable it left me.

Jake stared back at me, his handsome face impassive and I was suddenly struck by how gorgeous he was. With his high cheekbones, russet colored skin, and deep brown eyes he was the most striking man I knew, and that was saying something, I knew a lot. My fingertips itched to touch the dark shadow of his jaw where his five o clock shadow was beginning to form and I balled my hands into fists. I found myself wondering what he was thinking as he stared back at me and I wished I had inherited just a little of my fathers talent for hearing thoughts.

Jake looked almost pained as he stared down into my eyes, the intensity of his gaze made my heart lurch inside me, his liquid brown eyes dark and heavy with possession. I was lost but I didn't care, I was with my Jake. We would be okay. A wave splashed over us and I yelped, drenching the skin on my legs, freezing me and the spell between us was broken. Jake looked away from me and cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable.

"C'mon Ness, lets head back to Billy's, I'm starving" he said and grinned at me, looking so much like the wolf he shifted into I had to laugh.

"You're always hungry Jake, no wonder you're so enormous" I said prodding the smooth skin of his stomach, lightly trailing my fingers over his abs as I moved my hand, thrilled to feel them clench and shift in response to my touch. They'd never done that before. A glittering feeling exploded inside of me, trickling from stomach to between my thighs. Lately I had begun to appreciate the fact that as a shifter he wore very little clothing, it meant I could feast my eyes on his amazing body.

"Ooof!" he pretended to double over in pain "Hey I'm fragile here"

I smirked up at him "Fragile my ass" and I prodded him again, enjoying the feeling of his skin under mine.

"Quit it!" he said mock sternly and grabbed my hands in one of his giant ones, the skin deliciously rough against mine. I loved the heat and strength of his hands and the tingles that spread through me at his touch. I tugged against his grasp, enjoying the little tussle that followed. Although I was strong, I was no match for Jake and had to use whatever means I had at my disposal. Smiling wickedly I bit down on his forearm, loving the salty sweet taste of skin, his blood fizzing like champagne on my tongue as I licked and sucked the tiny wound.

"Knock it off Nessie, no biting" he said sharply, immediately and unexpectedly releasing me. I landed with a bump on my bottom and glared up at him, sneaky wolf. I hadn't even had chance to seal his wound with my venom but already it was healing itself before my very eyes.

"Come on little Red, let's move" he chuckled, holding his hand out to help me up. I stuck my nose in the air and scrambled to my feet without his assistance, pretending to be annoyed with him. I knew he couldn't resist me when he thought he' d done something wrong. I stalked ahead of him my nose still in the air at the same haughty angle and heard the chuckle behind me.

"All grown up huh Ness?"

I snarled in my throat, damn, he wasn't falling for it this time. That was part of the problem, he knew me inside out and knew I could be manipulative when I wanted to be. I had never questioned or attempted to understand Jake's devotion to me, I simply accepted it like the sun rising in the morning and setting in the evening.

"Don't sulk, you know I always win these things, I'm just stronger than you…face it Ness you're still a baby" he laughed as I stomped my foot and gritted my teeth.

"One day Jake, one day" I promised, yelling over my shoulder, not really annoyed just a little ticked off that I was so easy to read.

" Yeah…One day" he echoed but there was a strange, almost sad quality to his voice and he seemed pained again. I hid a sigh; I wish I knew what the hell was going on. I was as confused by my feelings and as I was by Jake's rapid mood swings.

Several hours later, I was feeling much more relaxed as I lazed by the huge bonfire, encased by Jake's massive body. His arms and legs braced me on each side, my back against his bare chest. His body heat warmed me in the biting chill of the night, my own personal furnace. I glanced around at our friends and felt a moment's spurt of jealously. They all looked so happy together, so in love that I forgot my own longing and suddenly thought about Jake. All his friends had girlfriends, wives and who did he have? Me. His best friend. A little girl.

The little girl he was bound to take care of. It bothered me that he didn't have love in his life yet at the same time it relieved me. I didn't know how I would cope with competition for his time and his love.

I frowned as Emily and Sam shared a gentle yet intense kiss, so much love in their eyes I felt embarrassed just to be in their company. To their left were Jared and Kim, holding hands, their movements so in synch it was like they shared one mind. Beside us Paul and Jake's sister Rachel were involved in a passionate make out session which would have sent blood flushing to my cheeks if I hadn't lived my Aunt Rosalie and Uncle Emmett.

Last but not least was Embry, building sandcastles with Claire. Claire was a sweet little girl, approaching ten who seemed to adore Embry with the same childlike devotion I'd had for Jake. He played the role of big brother in much the same way Jake had to me when I was a child. I wondered idly if her feelings would change the way mine had. I didn't quite understand what it was I felt but I knew it was something more than the love I had felt for him before. It was more intense yet at the same time a million times more fragile.

Shivers broke out across my skin despite the heat of the fire, as there came the sound of the wolves howling in the distance, so haunting, so beautiful that I caught my breath. I looked around me wondering if it were any of the pack were playing a practical joke but all of them had stilled, their heads tilted to one side, their wolfish side coming to the fore as they too listened to the trembling call of the wolves. The only sounds came from the wolves and the crackle and pop of the fire.

"What is that…. are they calling to you?" I breathed worried. "Are they part of the pack?"

Jake's face relaxed into a smile and he looked down at me "Did I never tell you the story about the Wolves Moon?"

I shook my head bemused, as a little girl Jake had told me all about the legends of his ancestors but I couldn't recall ever hearing about a Wolves Moon.

"Well in times past my ancestors had no calendars so they marked the passing of time through full moons… each full moon has a name and the one for January is Wolves Moon…the Quileutes believe that the Wolves Moon calls to us when we are lost or missing some part of ourselves…the story goes that wherever you are, no matter how far, if you are lost or hurt, or part of you is gone, the howling of your brother wolves and a Wolves Moon can guide you home or bring back what is lost"

I listened to the husky timber of his voice as he spoke and ignored the shivers of reaction, the tingling in my tummy and instead focused on the beauty of the story. So simple yet so telling.

"But it's more of an old scary story, it's not true Ness" he was saying.

I felt a little grin cross my lips "Kind of like the Cold ones or Quileutes being descended from wolves"

He pulled a wry face and stroked a finger down my nose "Okay so you got me on that one…but really it was just another way for my people to keep track of time"

"You are such a cynic Jacob Black, where's your sense of romance, of tradition" I sighed teasing him a little, I just couldn't resist, he was so easy to tease.

"I think phasing into a giant wolf and hanging around with a bunch of bloodsuckers is traditional enough for me Ness" he chuckled, smiling down at me tenderly, indulgently. The way he had always looked at me from the moment I was born, like I was his own personal miracle.

I wondered not for the first time, if my friendship was enough for him. Did he not want someone to share himself with; did he not want someone to love? Didn't he want someone who would love him back with equal passion Thinking of Jake with another girl made me feel a little uncomfortable and sick but it was his life and I wouldn't want him to be unhappy because of me.

"You okay?" I felt the deep rumble of his words against my back.

"Mmhmm" I said lost in my thoughts and then decided to ask him "Jake, don't you ever get lonely?"

He pulled back to look down at me, one dark eyebrow raised as I tilted my face back to stare up at him "Lonely? Why would I get lonely? I have the pack and the bloodsuckers and …you"

I shook my head and he brushed the curls out of my eyes "I don't mean lonely, lonely…I mean lonely for company, you know like girls"

I felt his big body still behind me and he tensed, looking at me almost warily "Why do you ask?"

I shrugged trying to keep the conversation light; I didn't want him to know just how much his answer meant to me.

"I was just thinking….look around us, everyone has someone, all your friends, all my family…then there's you…alone" I said choosing my words carefully.

His face was somber, the firelight making his skin glow a burnt amber "I'm not alone, I have you…I don't need anyone else"

My heart constricted at his words "But what about love?" I whispered.

" What about it? That will come... in time…I'm not in any hurry… and I know she's there… waiting for me" he said softly.

I caught my breath at the pain inside me when he talked so confidently about loving a woman I had never met. He was in no doubt he would be with her one day. He truly believed that he would have her, that he would not be alone. I envied them both, Jake and this unknown love of his life. Hate surged inside me for this nameless faceless woman who would one day take my Jake from me.

I glanced up at him trying to hide my pain and I couldn't believe the look in his eyes, he looked happy, at peace, lost in some future world. He looked like he was seeing the sunrise for the first time, awestruck and amazed. I cleared my throat and it was my turn to raise an enquiring eyebrow to him. He had the decency to look sheepish as he cleared his throat, a low raspy growl.

"What about you? Have you never thought about boys?" he said teasingly, though there seemed to be a shadow lurking behind his eyes, it puzzled me.

I forced a laugh "Thought about boys? You remember my dad, the mind reader…thinking about boys is not an option for me"

Jake chuckled deep and rumbling next to me "But you must have wondered, thought about it, after all you're a teenager, all those pesky hormones running amuck"

I nodded, fighting the heat I knew would be spreading over my face, which had nothing to do with sitting so close to the fire "Sometimes… it's hard not to you know…living with all those wonderfully happy couples, constantly kissing and disappearing to their rooms… but can you imagine me bringing a date home…he would be dead before he even got through the door"

"Yeah Edward would take care of that…one dirty thought and they'd be history"

"Anyway I've got you…what more do I need" I said and was filled with the urge to touch him to tell him how much I valued his friendship, his presence in my life.

He smiled at me, his eyes shining a deep liquid brown and I felt a little prickle of tears, my human side I supposed.

"Can I?" I asked permission as I stretched out a hand to touch him, wanting to tell him what words couldn't. I concentrated carefully, desperate not to reveal anything about my changing feelings. I couldn't do that to him, I needed him with me and if he had the slightest idea how I felt, it would be uncomfortable for us both.

He nodded his face grave again, our eyes meeting as I showed him what I wanted him to know. Showed him how I loved him, how I needed him to keep me sane, to keep me in touch with my human side, how he was my best friend and how worried I was for him being alone, with no one to live with, no one to laugh with, no one to love with, like the rest of the pack. As he stared at me it was like he could see into my soul and I felt warm from the inside out. We had a connection I never wanted to loose, a bond I couldn't live without.

"Thank you" he said somberly and wrapped his arm around my shoulder pulling me to his side. I breathed in his scent and ignored the funny feeling in my stomach as I clutched him close to me, feeling the play of his powerful muscles under my hands.

Things were changing; I could deny it no longer. These platonic embraces were no longer enough for me, the feelings I had for Jake were no longer that simple. My body reacted to the nearness of his and began to tingle all over as he held me to him. I closed my eyes on a sigh and enjoyed this moment, enjoyed the security and comfort I felt being held in his strong embrace.

As the bonfire reduced itself to a pile of smoldering ashes, I snuggled closer to Jake and stifled a yawn. The other couples around the bonfire had started to drift away, leaving only Sam and Emily and myself and Jake.

"Ness, you still awake?" he asked me quietly, his hand stroking my hair lightly, his fingers toying with my curls. I nodded in the circle of his arms and yawned. He chuckled beneath my cheek, his entire body shaking.

"Time to get you home little Red" he murmured rising to his feet, sweeping me into his arms. I cuddled closer, hearing the race of his heart beneath my cheek and I rubbed it over his smooth skin. Amazingly, for a huge hairy wolf he seemed to have very little body hair as a human. I got a funny feeling in my stomach as I wondered about the hair on the rest of his body.

I gulped as I took in the dark line of hair emanating from his naval that disappeared under his cut off denims. Unconsciously my hand began to drift slowly down his body intent of discovering if that hair was as soft as it looked. It hadn't got very far when Jake caught it in his and tucked it back at my side, with a patronizing little pat.

"Can we crash at yours? I'm too tired to go home," I murmured, trying to keep my mind and hands out of the gutter.

"I don't think that is such a good idea Ness, you're getting too old and you're far too big for us to share a bed anymore" he said with an attempt at humor. I felt the pain if rejection deep inside me, sleeping next to Jake always made me feel safe and wanted. He was my favorite cuddly toy. As I child I hadn't had a blankie I'd had Jake instead. Tonight I wanted my blankie, my Jake.

"Please Jake, I don't sleep well without you" I turned my pleading eyes on him, pouting again. Surprise took me as he shook his head at me, his face set

"No Ness, not tonight…it's not right," he told me as he carried me to his truck and opened the door.

I looked at him as he climbed in beside me, filling the cab with his sheer size. Unconsciously I wriggled closer to him, gravitating toward him like the earth to the sun.

"What's not right about it?" I demanded and it occurred to me that Jake looked embarrassed; with my enhanced vampire eyesight I could make out his cheeks flushed in the dark.

"Ness, you're getting too old for us to sleep together, anymore…it's not appropriate" he told me gently.

"Says who? I want to sleep with you, you make me feel safe," I confessed, trying to ignore the tears forming in my eyes.

"Ness, we can't share a bed…you're not a little kid anymore-"he began as he started the engine.

A bubble of anger burst inside me "Make up your mind Jake, either I'm a kid or I'm an adult, you can't have it both ways"

He sighed beside me "Ness, don't be like this"

"Like what? How do you see me Jake, am I still just a little kid to you or do you see me as a woman?" I could hear the venom in my tone and I knew inside I was acting like a spoilt brat but I couldn't find it in me to care. Maybe this was more of those teenage hormones we'd joked about.

"Ness, you still have a lot of growing up to do, but you are not a little girl anymore and I can't be your pet" he said and I was taken aback by the bitterness in his tone.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I rounded on him with angry eyes.

He slapped the steering wheel with his hands and growled in frustration "It means I love you Nessie, I always will but I'm not going to be your lap dog anymore, I'm a man Ness, not an animal who you can train and order about…I won't sit at your feet and beg for treats"

I stared at him, wide eyed shocked by the way he was speaking to me. He was my Jake, everyone knew he would do whatever I wanted. Why were the rules changing now?

"I never thought you would" I bit out, tears of anger forming behind my lids. I hated fighting with Jake, he was the center of my universe and when we fought my world was off kilter.

He sighed beside me; his anger subsiding quickly, that was the thing about shape shifters they were a temperamental lot and Jake was no exception. Since I was a small child he'd had to learn to control his temper around me, my parents wouldn't let him near if they thought he was a danger to me. He rubbed a hand over his face, looking tired and weary.

"Ness, I'm sorry I didn't mean to shout but you have to accept things are changing, you're growing up…we can't do some of the things we used to, it's just not right anymore"

"Like what?" I heard the growl in my voice, something I had picked up from him over the years.

"Like sharing a bed, cuddling up together or me phasing in front of you…it's not right"

I mustered up my best Edward scowl, furious he was putting these restrictions on our relationship. "You mean you don't want to do the things we used to...you don't want to be with me"

When he reached out a large hand and tried to touch my face, I flinched away from his touch still angry with him. He looked hurt and I felt a twinge of guilt but I pushed it aside, I was upset and hurt and I wanted him to know.

"It's not that Nessie… I wish I could explain, wish I could make you see, but you're young, too young" he growled at me again. I turned my face to the window, I couldn't look him, I couldn't let him see how upset I was with him.

We drove the rest of the way in tense silence; I was practically vibrating in anger. I didn't like being told no by anyone, especially Jake. But telling me we couldn't share a bed or cuddles or phasing anymore was like someone had taken away my comfort blanket. He cut the engine as we arrived home and I hoped nobody was listening as I attempted to open the door.

"Nessie, don't go like this...I'm sorry, really I am but you have to accept things are going to change between us" he told me, his fingers wrapping around my arm as I tried to climb out of the truck. I tugged against his hold a little but he held me firm, a human girl would have bruises in the morning.

"I don't want them to" I knew I sounded petulant. "I want things to stay the same, like they always were …Nessie and Jake"

"We can still be Nessie and Jake but I think a bit of space and distance would be good for us, just for a little while" he told me, his thumb rubbing little circular patterns on my arms. I ignored the shivers.

"Sure Jake, whatever you say…it's not like I need you anymore anyway…there are plenty of other guys around" I snarled, yanking my arm from him and climbing from the truck in a split second.

"Nessie" he growled, jumping out of the other side "Please don't be like this"

"Just leave me alone Jake, you want distance, you want space… you got it," I yelled, not caring that my entire family would be able to hear everything I said.

With tears of anger and pain burning the back of my lids I stomped onto the porch, taking a last look at Jake. He was stood watching me go, his face a study in pain so tormented, I felt my heart cramp in protest. Turning away from him as I felt he had turned away from me, I threw open the door, sending it flying, so it almost came off it's hinges and then slammed shut, blocking him out of my life.