For The Love Of Merlin!

Nobody told me what you thought

Nobody told me what to say

Everyone showed you where to turn

Told you when to runaway

Nobody told you where to hide

Nobody told you what to say

Everyone showed you where to turn

Showed you when to runaway

Blurry – Puddle of Mudd

August 25th 1998

If someone were to ask Ginny how she felt, the one word she would have used to describe her feelings would be dull. She laid in her bed that morning, it was only a matter of days before she went back to school, but for the first time she dreaded the idea of it. She didn't want to do anything but curl up in a little ball and go back to sleep again, every morning she tried to go back to sleep, but her mother never let her get away with it. Ever. This day was different though, this was the day when she decided to cut it off; if she was going to be miserable, she wouldn't drag everybody else down with her. The day had just started; the sounds of the activity in the kitchen could be heard from her room, she could hear her mother humming lightly as she cooked breakfast. She heard the muffled sound of Ron's snores from his room, and the far away sounds of different muggle gadgets that her father was experimenting with out in the garage. She missed her family.

The past month had been the shittiest one yet, and it was getting gradually worse. After the incident she ended up isolating herself from her family and friends, deciding that if she was not going to be good company, might as well not bug them with her presence. Her mother could only take her sarcastic comments and the roll of the eyes for so long before she started to question her about everything. Another reason to keep herself away from people was the fact that apparently, Harry had taken her words to heart and decided to make up with Cho. Yeah, good for fucking them. At first Ginny blamed herself, thinking that maybe if she had not told him all those things that maybe he would have separated from Cho and gone back to her. Yeah, that mentality didn't last for long. He was a stubborn person, if he had truly want to be with her, he would have left Cho even after all those things she told him. Ginny knew that she was also to blame for what happened; she shouldn't have given in to him the way she did. She decided to not think about who to blame, because there was enough blame to pass around, but she knew that they were both equally responsible for what happened. Her for giving in, him for lying.

What started as a shitty month, continued to get worst for her. It started with small things, like suddenly losing all the love she had for bacon and cheese. She blamed it on the grief, deciding that maybe she had lost her usual appetite because of it. There were days when she didn't leave her room, she just slept through it all, barely touching any food, and trying her best to keep her family from dragging her out. Sometimes all she would eat were chunks of ice with salt, there was something oddly satisfying in feeling a small chunk of frozen water slowly make its way down her throat. Ginny felt as if she was not the same person anymore, her hair looked dull and her skin had turned slightly pale. Her athletic physique had also changed, replaced by a gaunt version of herself; not a petite and boyish body like the one Cho had, or the tall and lean Hermione had. No, it was scrawny and her bones seemed to start poking out of places where she had never seen them. Her mother seemed worried about her, and starting at her suspiciously often; she must have thought she had one of those eating disorders or something. After all, she had always been a girl to appreciate food.

Ginny took a quick shower, it was disturbing to see her body the way it was right now, at that moment she promised that she would try her best to eat better. Harry Potter be damned, she wasn't going to starve herself to death because of grief over him. She slipped a comfortable pair of exercise shorts and a t-shirt, her running shoes on her feet and her still wet hair up on a bun. Ginny wanted to get back in shape, get her hard-earned muscle back; she was supposed to have bulked up for the season during the summer but she ended up dropping Merlin knows how many pounds.

"Good morning mum," said Ginny with a bright smile as she walked through the kitchen and stepping outside into the bright morning light, ready for a light run around the property.

"Good morning dear," Her mother smiled softly, then filled a glass with pumpkin juice and handed it to her, "you will need something in your stomach in order to get a good run."

"Thanks mum," replied Ginny with a grin, it was a bit of a tradition they had. She would come down every morning, stretch, and before she left her mother would make her drink a glass of pumpkin juice. She didn't notice when they had started making a habit of it, but she didn't mind. It was the only time her mother and her could be alone and while it might seem like nothing to some, it was their special moment.

"Breakfast will be ready in thirty minutes! Don't take too long, Ronald might finish all the food if you do." Warned her mother with a smile, she took back the now empty glass and went back to her previous task as she watched her daughter jog away.

Ginny counted her steps, trying to keep her breathing even. Ninety-one, ninety-two, ninety-three, it was getting harder every time she took a step. Her head seemed to be filled with wasps or something equally diabolic, because she felt as if her balance seemed to go completely out the window. The world seemed to be moving under her feet, making her clumsy and slow. Exhaustion from running, good Merlin I need I run more, I'm so out of shape! Thought Ginny as she sat on the ground; she put her head between her knees, waiting for the dizziness to pass. She hadn't felt like this since she had gotten an ear infection a couple of years back, it was the worst feeling in the world. She waited for the dizziness to pass, when it did she got up and shook the dirt off herself and she walked home. Her feet felt heavy, and the walk seemed to feel longer than she remembered, but the promise of a plate of food in front of her seemed like a great reward for running as long as she did after so many days without movement.

As she walked in and took her place on the table she noticed one thing: that morning her mother had decided to start the day with a huge pile of fried bacon with a side of cheesy eggs, porridge, and pancakes; probably hoping her daughter would eat her once favorite food. That was not going to happen. As soon as Ginny smelled the cheesy and gooey goodness of the eggs, along with the oily and meaty aroma of the bacon, she couldn't hold down the glass of pumpkin juice that she had inside her stomach. The small girl ran as fast as she could to the nearest restroom, nearly knocking down her brother as she went up the stairs. Ginny spent about a couple of minutes with her head on the toiled bowl, emptying the contents of her stomach into it. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, slowly getting up and sat on the cold tile.

"Hey Gin, are you alright?" she heard Ron ask from outside the bathroom, "I heard you barfing in there, do you need me to call mum?"

"Thanks, but no! The run upset my stomach," shouted Ginny as she opened one of the cabinets to find a towel to clean her hands and face from the remaining vomit. She pulled out the first one she found, bringing out a few other things like rolls of toilet paper and a few other things. She washed her face and hands, and brushed her teeth again, hoping to remove the bitter taste of vomit from her mouth. After she dried her hands and face, Ginny proceed to put away the things she had accidentally from the cabinet.

Toilet paper goes in here, the bar of soap does not belong in this cabinet, box of tampons goes in here too, hair bru- wait, tampons?

She looked at the small box of feminine products, it was still sealed as she bought one every time her cycle was over just so she could be prepared for the next one. She had bought this thing over a month ago. She stuffed the box back in the cabinet where she had found it, and walked quickly to her room. Ginny opened the door of her closet, looked at the calendar and counted the days repeatedly, hoping that she had somehow messed up and missed something. Every single time she counted the days, she ended up getting the same message: two weeks late. Nausea, dizziness, no period, it all gave her the same message. The one thing she did not need right now.

I am so dead.

Dear Hermione,

I know that last time we spoke privately, I was being a bit of a smart ass, and I wish I had not behaved the way I did you. I know I have no right to ask you for anything, especially after my childish display a while back, but I really need your help right now. I think I'm in big trouble. I hope I'm wrong, but I need to make sure. Please get back to me as soon as you can. It's a life or death situation.

Lots of love,

Ginny.

Ginny folded the piece of parchment and wrapped it around the tiny little claws of Pig, sending the small hyperactive bird out the window and watching fly away until she could not see it anymore. It took about fifteen minutes for Hermione to walk in the door, apparently when she said "life or death situation" it would automatically attract her friend's attention.

"Ginny, tell me what's wrong," whispered Hermione, knowing that the walls in the burrow could be pretty thin sometimes and it was easy for the conversations to be heard on other parts of the house, "tell me what you mean when you said you were in big trouble?"

"Well, I might or might not be.. uh-"Ginny fidgeted for a moment, her hands sweaty and clammy, "in a compromising situation."

"A compromising situation?" asked Hermione with a slightly puzzled expression on her face, "it's not something illegal, is it?"

"No, but I'm sure my mother would think so," laughed Ginny nervously, "I just need you to help me to buy some Muggle thing, or get me an appointment with those Muggle Healers, the dough-tours."

"A doctor? Why would you need to go to the doctor?" questioned Hermione, then her face softened in understanding, "If you are sick, you need your parents to take you to St. Mugno's , I mean I understand you could be a little embarrassed, but all the signs are there. Your mother has been worried about it for a while now. It's a good thing that you asked for help Ginny, with your family by your side and the guidance of a Healer, I'm sure that you can fight off this disorder. We will always support you."

"Disorder?" asked Ginny in confusion, "What are you talking about?"

"Wait, you're not trying to tell me that you're struggling with an eating disorder?" replied Hermione with surprise.

"No, I think I'm pregnant you silly girl!" snapped Ginny, then she covered her lips with her hands as Hermione's expression turned into a combination of shock, confusion and then finally she placed her hands over her mouth as well.

"Harry." She whispered through her hands, her pace finally turning an ashen color, her eyes wide and worried, "It's Harry's isn't it?"

"I – I don't know what you are talking about, it's not his." Stuttered Ginny nervously, "So please don't go telling him anything."

"I don't believe you, but I respect your wishes," said Hermione as she bit the inside of her cheek "so you want to go to a doctor to make sure if you are pregnant or not?"

"Yes," replied Ginny, her voice thickening and a few treacherous tears filled her eyes. She brushed them off with the back of her hand, not willing to let herself be weak enough to cry again, there would be a time for crying later, but it was not going to be that day, "I would go with a healer, but I'm a little hesitant… I mean, I don't want anyone to slip up and say anything."

"There are laws to keep them us from talking about private matters of our patients," stated Hermione as she pulled her curly hair into a bun, "I could find someone trust worthy to check on you. I'm not qualified to do any checkups yet, but I know a few people who are and who wouldn't say anything, even if the Healer's Vow wasn't over them. With a healer checking over you, there is nothing that you won't know about the baby –if there is one. Muggle medicine might be advanced in some fields, but pregnancy is not one of them. If you want to, we can go right now Gin."

She thought about it for a few minutes, Hermione was right, the healers were under a vow to keep them from speaking. Even though there could be loopholes on those vows, she was almost positive that if the person Hermione spoke of were trust worthy, then they wouldn't find a way around the loophole of the vow just to speak about this. The best option was to agree, that way she could know for sure, and if she were to be pregnant, she could get the necessary potions to make sure her baby was healthy and well.

"Alright, let me shower and get changed and we will be on our way." Said Ginny as she walked to her closet and retrieved some clothes for the day. "We need to make up a good lie for my mother too. So you brainstorm while I shower really quick."

In the end, they ended up telling Mrs. Weasley that Ginny was interested in being a healer – which was true, and that Hermione had gotten her a permit to follow her around while she did her internship in the hospital. They decide to stick as close as they could to the truth, since Mrs. Weasley was somewhat of a human lie detector when it came to her kids, so there was no need to arise further suspicion upon them. The trip to St. Mugno's was through the Floo, so they arrived quickly in a flash of green and ashes into the employee entrance of the hospital. A few people here and there waved at Hermione, some even asked her what she was doing there on her free day, and other interns gave her smiles as they rushed through the immaculate halls of the hospital.

"While you were in the shower, I managed to call up a good friend of mine in the gynecology area." said Hermione as they walked into a small office and she signed Ginny's name into the check in list, "He managed to squeeze us in between one of his two appointments this afternoon. But if someone doesn't show up for their appointment, he will let us take that spot."

"Alrighty," muttered Ginny, as she picked up a Quidditch Monthly magazine from the table and started to look through it absent-mindedly. She looked around the office, there was a secretary desk up front, a middle aged witched sat behind it reading Witch Weekly while she drank one of those muggle drinks in the aluminum cans, and it read Diet Coke on the label. There was a beautiful looking young woman waiting as well, she looked around five months pregnant, and she had a small toddler by her side. He silently played with his Quidditch action figures as his mother leafed through a cooking magazine, her eyes leaving the magazine every couple of minutes to look at her child and made sure he behaved. Hermione wrote a few things on her journal and compared notes with the small book she had on her lap. The small clock on the wall made an obnoxious clicking sound every time the hands moved, echoing around the room full of posters of health and motivational quotes about the beauty of life and family.

"Family is a gift that lasts forever."

"Having someone to love is family, having somewhere to go is home, having both is a blessing!"

"Don't follow your dreams, chase them!"

"When life knocks you down, get back up and fight harder"

"Learning is a gift. Even when pain is your teacher."

Who the fuck decorated this place?

"Mrs. Malfoy, here are your test results. Sorry for the wait, we had a small inconvenience in the laboratory; you and your baby are both healthy." Said a deep voice from the healer's office, a familiar voice, "and here is a lollypop for little Scorpius, a well behaved lad as always!"

Ginny turned and finally realized why the voice sounded familiar; Hermione had brought her to the office of Cedric Diggory. It's not as if she didn't like him, he had always been friendly enough, but it would just be really awkward to talk about what she had always considered "girl business" with a ridiculously good looking guy. But it was too late, she was already here and he had already set his eyes on them as soon as Mrs. Malfoy (when did Malfoy get married anyway?) and her son made their way out.

"Hermione, Ginny, it's wonderful to see you two! Come in ladies, I hope you haven't been waiting for long." smiled the former Hufflepuff as he gave them a friendly handshake, "Miss Heather, you can take a break if you'd like. Just be sure to be back by three forty-five for the appointment with Mrs. Finnegan, you know how fond she is of you."

"Of course healer Diggory," smiled the older woman at the young Healer as she gathered her things.

"Come in ladies, that way we can get started," said Cedric as he held the door open to his office and took a clipboard from his assistant's desk, "Miss Weasley, if you would like to go behind the screen and disrobe, there will be a hospital gown for you to put on inside a sealed bag. You can come out when you're ready. Hermione, you can sit on the desk while I do the exam on Miss Weasley or stand by her side, it's up to her."

"I want Hermione to be with me," said Ginny as she looked at her curly haired friend, "please?"

"I will stand with you gin, don't worry." Replied Hermione with a small smile as she took a seat in front of Cedric's desk, "go and get changed, when you come out I'll be right next to you."

Ginny walked behind the screen and started getting undressed. Her hands were shaking as she unbuttoned her blouse and slipped it off her shoulders, her palms sweaty as she contemplated the notion that there could be a life growing inside of her. Being there made it more real. She almost tripped once or twice as she removed her jeans, her nerves getting the best of her. When Ginny finally managed to take off all of her clothes, she took out the blue and pink hospital gown from the bag, it was huge and shapeless, but it was enough to keep her somewhat warm in the cold room. She heard Hermione and Cedric chatter about some new law coming out of some kind, but she didn't pay them much attention, her mind was preoccupied with the fact that she might or might not have a tiny human on her insides. She walked out from behind the screen, her arms wrapped around herself; she felt eleven years old all over again.

"I'm ready," said Ginny, her eyes going from Hermione to Cedric. The young healer smiled and motioned to a recliner on the room.

"Great, now all you have to do is lay down on this recliner," said Cedric as he put on a pair of latex gloves, "All I will be doing is doing some revealing charms and see what is going on. Hermione, would you be kind enough to dim the lights out for me?"

Ginny hopped onto the cold recliner, she laid down and felt the need to close her eyes as Cedric stood next to her, she was trembling with anxiety as she saw Cedric wave his wand over her body. Her nerves went down as soon as she felt Hermione's hand on her shoulder, smiling encouragingly at her. Lights and symbols floated over Ginny, none of them made much sense to her, but they must have meant something since Cedric simply looked at them and wrote everything down on the clipboard he had charmed to float next to him. He waved his wand a second time and a bright light erupted from within her. Floating over her hips was a bundle of glowing lights and tiny orbs, they were all moving around until it turned into a small and somewhat shapeless bundle of lights. It didn't really look like anything, well it might have looked like a tadpole. If tadpoles were fluorescent bundles made of glowing blue lights.

"Miss Weasley, I believe that you are six weeks pregnant." Stated Cedric. He stopped waving his wand, the blue bundle of lights moving around slowly so he could examine it from every angle, making sure that everything was in order.

"T- That's my baby?" stuttered Ginny, her eyes filling with tears as she saw the small floating bundle of lights, "that's my baby."

"Yes, that's your baby…" whispered Hermione, her eyes full of tears as well, seeing the tiny life that lived inside her friend, "oh Ginny…"

"As far as I can see Miss Weasley, your baby is completely healthy." Said Cedric in a light tone, which suddenly changed into a frown as he turned to his notes, "what I'm worried about right now is your iron levels, they are extremely low, putting you at risk of getting an iron deficiency anemia. But do not worry, you can go and get dressed and I will talk to you some more about the solutions to that issue."

As Ginny got dressed, she thought about many things, her baby being one of them. She was afraid, because she knew exactly what this meant for her. Disgrace, looked down upon and sneers going her way. She was in so much deep shit right now, that there was no way to fix it. Harry was getting married, and while she had known that he was not going to leave the epitome of perfection for her, she knew that it would kill him to know that he was having a child with someone who wasn't his future wife. Her child would have to have her last name, since no one could know that it was his. She decided that while he deserved to know that she was having his child, he would not take part in their life. Why? Because she was not going to force him to be with her, especially when Harry had made up his mind already, it was simple that way. The fears that she had and the difficulties that she would have to face, they were nothing to the shame she would feel if Harry would be with her out of pity. She would be unhappy, because she would know that she was simply his second option, just being with her to be honorable.

"Ginny, are you done back there?" asked Hermione.

"yes, I was just trying to tie my shoe better," replied Ginny, a stupid reply really, because the shoes she was wearing didn't have any shoelaces. "I'm going."

The redheaded girl took her seat in front of the desk, her eyes downcast, and her expression ashen, "so what can I do to get healthier Cedric?" she asked her voice thick and her eyes slightly moist. "I mean, this isn't the most ideal way of bringing a child into this world, but I'm going to make sure that this baby is healthy and doesn't have to go through any unnecessary risks."

"That will be arranged." Said Cedric, his grey eyes starting at her, then switching to Hermione, "Now, this I'm going to ask as a friend, so it is completely up to you to answer: who is the father?"

"Cedric!" hissed Hermione, her face scandalized at the question her friend had asked Ginny.

"it's okay Hermione," assured Ginny then she turned to the healer, "I'm sorry Cedric, I would rather keep that to myself. I don't want to jeopardize any relationship he has already, so I would rather keep it to myself."

The young healer lifted his eyebrows and slowly nodded, "I think I have an idea of who it might be, but I believe it's best if I keep my assumptions to myself."

After that was said, the office was filled with a thick and heavy feeling of tension in the air. Hermione asked polite questions, and Cedric answered. He scribbled the name of the potions that they would need to buy and the dosage that Ginny would have to take. After an awkward goodbye they were on their way.

3That night, Ginny wrote him a letter. It was simple and small, straight to the point. She was going to tell him what was going on and it would be his decision to stay or leave, and even though she was not eager to see him go, Ginny would never beg him to stay with her.

Potter,

Meet me at the Leaky Cauldron this Saturday at 9:30, it's urgent and cannot wait.

G.W.