For The Love Of Merlin!
"There's something disturbing
about recalling a warm memory
and feeling utterly cold."
― Gillian Flynn
August 29th 1998
"Hey, I'm sorry I was late, Cho has me running all over the place. This stupid wedding is so stressful!" muttered Harry as he slipped in the chair in front of her; his cheeks flushed from apparent exhaustion and his glasses were askew as he dropped multiple silver bags from Madam Malkin's on the floor and one in front of her, "this one is for you."
"The bridesmaid dresses," explained Harry as he fixed his glasses, "anyway, I'm really glad you sent me that note Gin, I could sure use some entertainment about right now!"
That's all I am for him, easy entertainment… thought Ginny bitterly as she took a sip from the cup of tea in front of her, narrowing her eyes slightly and raising an eyebrow, but it seemed Harry was oblivious to the lack of amusement coming from the redhead. He was simply ordering a drink from a young waiter who seemed eager to serve the Great Harry Potter.
How pathetic, he looks like an overwhelmed house elf, thought Ginny as she eyed the boy with disdain, her eyes lingering on Harry for only a moment before returning to her tea.
"So, now that I'm here, what was so urgent?" asked Harry as the excited waiter got the bespectacled young man a glass with an amber looking liquid, Fire Whiskey, how predictable Potter.
"I wanted to talk about what happened on your birthday party," started Ginny, her voice even as she had practiced in front in the mirror hundreds of times, "about what happened between us."
"Oh. That – uh, well, I don't know what to tell you Gin. We were both in a weird spot in our lives and well, things got out of hand, we had been drinking! I'm just a guy, what can I say?" rambled on Harry, his face turning a deep shade of red as he drank from his cup and ran his hand through his hair as he smiled nervously.
"You said you were going to leave her!" hissed Ginny dangerously as she pointed a finger at her ex lover.
"I remember you saying you didn't believe me! You said 'Marry her!' so now I am doing what you asked of me, but you still get mad at me," replied Harry, taking another gulp of alcohol as he paused, "You treat me like some kind of toy, you want me and then you don't want me anymore. Constantly changing your fucking mind, trying to hide the fact that you still want me, yet you act as if you hated me! You're rude to Cho when she's around, and I'm pretty sure you have been telling Hermione bad things about her. I tried doing things your way, Ginny, but I cannot. Make up your mind Ginny, because I already made up mine. I'm marrying Cho and there is nothing you can do to stop me, she will be my wife. You can either stay in my life as a friend or be my mistress or fucking something, but I will not give her up to be with you. I won't leave someone who cares about me, someone who won't leave me every other fucking week."
"How was I supposed to believe you? The first time we had sex you just fucking stopped talking to me and next thing I knew you were dating little miss perfect; you didn't even bother to break up with me face to face, you sent me a stupid note that had less than four sentences! Of course, I'm going to dislike her, and I'm obviously going to hate you!" spat Ginny as she got up from her seat, "and I won't be your fucking mistress, Potter, I would rather be single and lonely for the rest of my life, than have to have her leftovers."
"Is that all you heard from what I just said?" Started Harry but Ginny kept on talking.
"Of course it wasn't all I heard. Ugh, you are so pathetic, I don't even know why I wanted to tell you anything in the first place, I'm better off without you," stated Ginny as she pulled money out of her purse and left it on the table, "tell yourself whatever you want, but deep down, you know you will never forget about me. I might not be the girl you marry, but I know that I will be the girl you think about thirty years from now when you and Cho are politely fucking, I will be the girl you think about as she fakes an orgasm to make you feel better about your receding hairline and your beer belly."
"Gin-"
"I'm not going to be the one you marry, but I sure as hell will be the one you wish you had," said Ginny as she turned and walked to the chimney, "have a nice life Harry."
"Ginny come on, we never mean half of the things we said," started Harry as he looked around, making sure there were no people around to witness the encounter.
"Leave me alone, I can do this without you. I don't need you" hissed Ginny, her sight clouded by tears and darkening slightly as her head spun, "You know what potter, take your apologize and shove them right up Cho's hairy a- "
"Ginny?"
She stumbled forward and reached the edge of the table, shaking fingers pulling at the white tablecloth on top, bringing the condiment shakers down as she fell face forward into the wooden floor.
*Thud*
As he passed in the waiting room, Harry couldn't help but to feel consumed by guilt. This is all my fault, she was probably so overwhelmed and upset that she fainted. This is all my fault. He passed back and forth while debating in who he should call, aside her family of course. They would all want to know why he was there with her; they would all be suspicious. It was no secret that Cho despised Ginny, there was always tension between the two girls. Cho was a beautiful ice sculpture, while Ginny was a dancing column of flames; they clashed in everything, even if they had common interests.
"Hello, Mr. Potter?" said a familiar and kind voice, Cedric.
"Diggory. You don't have to call me mister, you do know that?" chuckled Harry darkly as he turned around and faced the taller boy. It was not that Harry wasn't tall… No, he had grown a lot since he had last seen Cedric, but the boy was still taller than average. Harry thought of him as the male equivalent of Fleur, which caused him to feel a tingle of self consciousness every time he was near him. Harry straightened his back and stood up an inch or two taller, running his fingers through his short but still messy hair. "What are you doing here?"
"I work here," said Cedric with a slightly awkward look at him as he pointed at his immaculate white medical robes, "better question is, what are you doing here though?"
"Uh, Ginny, Ginny Weasley is why I'm here," commented Harry.
"Ginny?" asked Cedric with furred brows, concern shining in his eyes that Harry took as confusion.
"He was the little sister of the Weasley twins," explained Harry, "younger than me, went to the world cup with us."
"No, I remember exactly who she is," said Cedric quickly, "Now if you would excuse me, I need to go find her."
"How do you know her?" shouted Harry as Cedric rushed away to talk to a nearby nurse, the self conscious tingle in the pit of his stomach turning into a more sour feeling towards the other young man.
"Just call her family, Potter!" barked Cedric, "it's the least you could do."
Harry simply nodded, walking back to a nurse and asked to be taken to a chimney, in order to make some calls. His mind mulling over why Cedric had been so harsh and curt with him, then shaking his head and attributing it to jealousy. Of course, he is just jealous because I'm with Cho. Everyone knows he is still hooked on her, so maybe he is just jealous and that is why he is being that way, He reasoned with himself, how does he know Ginny though? Maybe they're an item… No, he's not her type. Not really… or maybe he is.
As he made multiple calls and the waited for the Weasleys to arrive, he thought about the redhead some more. He remembered the hate that seemed to linger in her voice, the venom in her words, disappointment that could be seen in her eyes, barely gracing the surface that was polluted with dislike. Ginny hated him, there was no denying it, but he was to blame for it. Maybe, it occurred to him, that he shouldn't have gotten back with Cho. No, don't think that way, it's too late to turn back and you can't do that to Cho…
"Harry?" asked Hermione in confusion, her curly hair in a ponytail bouncing with every step she took, her medical robes sweeping behind her as she made her way to him.
"Hermione!" cried Harry as he went to hug her, "Thank Merlin you are here already, where is everyone else?"
"Everyone else?" she asked, her face still full of confusion as she went to take a seat on the hard benches that lined the waiting room, "what are you doing here?"
"Uh, I was with Ginny at the leaky cauldron and she passed out," answered Harry, then winced when her brows furrowed again, her face eyes showing annoyance at his lack of explanation, "she wanted to talk about something, but we started arguing... Then she got upset and fainted. She hit her head badly on the edge of the table. It was my entire fault…"
"Why do you think it was your fault?" asked Hermione, her eyes narrowed in suspicion now, "I mean, other than the fact that you could have caught her before she split her head open. Why do you think it was your fault?
He sighted, as if the air of his lungs was whatever excuse he had left in him. What could he tell Hermione, that wouldn't hurt their friendship? He could tell her the whole truth and get an earful out of her, most likely a punch, or a slap as well. He could lie to her and she would be able to see right through him, and that would damage their friendship. So he had to be honest but without fucking everything up. Yeah, not hard at all… thought Harry sarcastically.
"I upset her," he whispered, "I broke her heart and she was trying to reach out to me to talk things through, but instead of listening, I behaved like an asshole.
"Sounds about right," muttered Hermione, "did she tell you about her situation?"
"No, we didn't get that far before we started with the argument," explained Harry, his eyes downcast as he bounced his leg up and down, "does it have anything to do with her and Diggory?"
"Herm- I mean, Miss Granger, I was about to go looking for you."
Speak of the devil and it arrives in its annoying and unrealistic handsome glory, thought Harry in annoyance, a scowl forming on his face. How did Cedric know Ginny? He didn't mean to sound like an asshole, but Ginny was not necessarily Cedric's type, specially because of her age. He more of a meek kind of girls, the cool and collected kind, not into uncontrollable and crazy. They are not a thing, they're not. Ginny only has eyes for me… I hope.
"Diggory," muttered Harry in acknowledgment, "any news?"
"This is usually against the rules, but seeing how her family is taking a long time to show up, I will let you in to see her," Cedric glared at him slightly and proceed to turn to Hermione, who was staring at him expectantly, her completion pale and eyes full of concern, "both of you."
There was a small tug at the back of Ginny's mind, urging her to open her eyes and give in to consciousness. The back of her throat felt dry and her muscles stiff, the front of her head was pounding as she tried to open her eyes. The room she was in was incredibly bright, it smelled like disinfectant and the air tingled with magic. The events of the day felt blurred, she couldn't recall if she had gone to speak to Harry or not, but her mind seemed to be going in slow motion.
Where am I? Thought Ginny as she opened her eyes, this time she was successful.
Her mother was sitting next to her, her eyes starting blankly at the wall unaware that her daughter was awake. Next to her, Arthur Weasley paced slowly, his eyebrows furrowed in a very out of character manner. On the other side of the room sitting on a stiff sofa, were Harry and Hermione. They were talking in very hushed voices and their heads close together, a telltale f an argument fixing to break out.
"Mum," coughed out Ginny, her throat sore and the pounding in her head making it hard to speak, "what happened?"
"Oh Ginny," sighted the older woman, her eyes closing slowly, "you had a bit of an accident. You hit your head when you went to meet Harry, but we are not here because of that."
"Then why am I here?" asked Ginny knowing exactly why they were in the hospital, but knowing clearly that claiming ignorance on the subject would help her.
"Well, Harry said you were really dizzy when you fell," explained her mother, the hesitation clear in her voice, "Healer Diggory thought it would be better to do further studies on you to determine that you weren't hurt. That your baby wasn't hurt."
"My baby," muttered Ginny, looking up at harry and starting at him straight into his eyes, watching him gulp as he heard the world baby, "I … I don't know what to say."
"Who did this to you Ginny?" asked her father, his eyes full of concern, "if someone forced himself on you, you can tell us. We will make sure that he cannot hurt you anymore. We will make sure he receives time in Azkaban."
She looked down as she heard that, flinching at the idea that her parents thought her so innocent, that their first thing in their mind would be that someone would have raped her.
"No dad, it was my fault," she swallowed and looked up to her parents, the realization of what she was saying downing on them, "No one forced himself on me. This child is not a product of that."
"How could you let this happen Ginny, why were you not responsible?" whispered her mother, her face flushed with anger "I thought you knew better than doing something like this. What are we going to do with your education now? You can't go back to Hogwarts after this, there is no way they will let you take classes this way."
"I understand fully the consequences of my actions," said Ginny, then she turned to look at harry, her eyes cold and emotionless, "I take full responsibility of it all. I don't intend to tell you who the father is, because I know that he will not be a part of my child's life, even if he wants to be."
"That sounds fun and all, but how are you going to study? They won't let you stay at Hogwarts, "started her father, his eyes worried and a permanent frown making a way to his face again, "we cannot afford to hire a tutor Ginny, you know that."
"She could stay with Cho and I at Hogsmead," said harry, his eyes wide as if he hadn't realized that he had just spoken out loud, "I mean, it would be appropriate since we are both going to be working in the school, we could tutor her."
"That is very kind of you harry, but I do not think that's a very good idea," Ginny spoke, openly glaring at harry, "besides, Cho thinks I have a crush on you and she is incredibly petty about it."
"Ginny, this is a great opportunity!" hissed her mother, "if harry is offering it's because he knows that there's no chance of it causing trouble."
"Mum," insisted Ginny, her face begging for mercy, "I don't like this."
"Young lady stop acting like a child and be grateful," said Mrs. Weasley, her voice firm and final, leaving no room for further argument, "you will be living with the potter's for the next school year and that's the end of it. Be grateful of how kind harry is being and appreciate this opportunity."
Her fate had been sealed in just a few more words traded between her parents and the father of her child, even if they didn't know he was the reason why this was necessary. She hated him, but she also hated that she still wanted him to be happy. Wasn't that what love was supposed to be?
And the salt in my wounds isn't burning anymore than it used to
It's not that I don't feel the pain, it's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore
And the blood in these veins isn't pumping any less than it ever has
And that's the hope I have, the only thing I know that's keeping me alive
Last Hope – Paramore