The walk back to my room seems to be over quickly, I push open the door that Poe had left unlocked, knowing I didn't take my room key. Once I am inside I immediately slam it shut in frustration, it is satisfying hearing the loud noise. I stand against the door my chest heaving with indignation and sorrow. I stare towards the bed, the white sheets strewn, half hanging on the floor in my manic attempt to reach Rey. I see my jacket covering the chair where Rey had tossed it last night. I pace over to it and lift it up, remembering the way is hung heavily on her small frame; I let the thick material drop from my fingers.

Absentmindedly I begin to shed my loose clothes leaving a trail as I sulk into the bathroom. I twist the cold faucet, and step into the shower, letting the freezing water cascade down my body. This being the first proper shower in weeks, and not a wet cloth and some antibacterial soap, I had expected it would be soothing, but it feels as if the droplets are small bullets that smash against my body.

My vision starts to blur at the intensity of the low temperature. I close my eyes resting my hand against the cool tiles in front of me for support. I idly twist the hot faucet, and the water gradually develops warmth. I don't know how long I stand under the water for before I slowly rub some cleansing products in my hair, my arms are heavy, but my hands are weak and I do not have the strength to lather it in properly, so I just let the water unevenly distribute it and wash it from my hair. I use a cloth and some body wash to clean myself. Running the cloth over my body feels like I'm shedding something, I just don't know what. As I reach my chest and neck I start to scrub harder, using all my strength to erase the memory of her precious face against my body. I let the soap bubbles wash down the drain before turning the faucets off and stepping out onto the tiled floor. I try to avoid my reflection as I dry myself down with a towel, but I see it. I look at my neck and chest, a deep red rash has appeared, rubbed raw from my harsh assault, small bruises and pools of blood are visible under my skin. I quickly look away, wrap the towel around my waist and walk to the wardrobe. I open it and take out some of the complimentary clothes, all of the shirts a size too big so that they do not rub against my scarred back.
I pace over to the bed and methodically push the sheets back in their place, I glance at the clock on the desk, it the nearly two o'clock in the afternoon; I notice the trays, untouched from where I left them last night. I suddenly feel a hunger gnaw at me, having not eaten since I finished half my soup, I pack the trays together and leave the room.

I place them on the conveyer belt that leads into the kitchen; the hall is almost empty, only a few men sit in a corner talking quietly. I take a small lunch pack with some fruit and a cup of water, and sit at Poe's table alone.

Koden walks in, spotting me he smiles and makes his way to the table, sitting down across from me. "Whoa, Finn!" He such my name with a shocked intensity, "Are you alright? You should get your neck looked at by a nurse, you seem to have a rash,"

"I'm fine, it's nothing." I utter quietly. We sit in an awkward silence for a moment.

"You seemed to be in a rush this morning," his happy tone makes my teeth clench; I shrug, not wanting to discuss it with him.

"Yeah, I guess I was," I don't make eye contact, swirling the small amount of water around in the cup.

"Where was Rey going?" I slump down further, resting my head on my hand. His interest in her gets under my skin.

"Away." I curtly respond, either Koden cannot perceive my chipped tone, or he chooses to ignore it because he continues to talk even when I clearly do not want to partake.

"It must be exciting for her, becoming a Jedi," I glance up towards him for a moment, I see something in his eyes, but I cannot identify what it is.

"Hmm," I mumble, "Anyways, I have to go." I stand up, walking out of the hall before he replies.

As the days go on Poe catches me up on all of the events that transpired while I recovered: the remaining fleet of the First Order has scattered, but it won't take long for them to recuperate and begin a counterattack. All the Intel the resistance has received from Koden indicates that Kylo Ren has disappeared, but no one knows where; nor if he may return. Every few mornings I join Starla for breakfast in the medical ward and she applies the ointment to my scars.

I will join Poe for the rest of the day, helping him out, joining his cadets and learning how to pilot an X-Wing and how to fix one. Poe says he will have to see if there are any permanent jobs that I can apply for and become a true member of the resistance. I say that'd be a great idea, but I truly don't feel like it would be.
Poe helps take my mind off Rey, however, none of it seems to work. I always end up at my door; a small piece of optimism ignites each time I open it as I hope a beautiful girl will be curled up in my sheets. Every time I am disappointed.

Her screams are my alarm clock, waking me from my frequent nightmares. Sometimes I don't understand what happens in them: I cannot see, I'm stuck in an unfathomable darkness where all I hear are her cries and all I feel is her pain.
When the sun starts to shine I have to physically drag myself up and begin my day knowing it will always come full circle.