Chapter 8: Strengthen the Hands that are Weak

Warning: angst and fluff in this chapter.

Riley slept for a full 12 hours, before groggily wandering into the kitchen to shovel whatever food she could easily obtain into her system. Sam and Dean were both there, though Dean was engrossed in bowl of cereal – pie flavored apparently. Who knew they made that?

Sam sent her a sympathetic look. "I heard you had some training. Feel more like an angel?"

"Not really."

"You okay?"

"Peachy." She popped out sarcastically.

"There's coffee."

"Thank God."

Sam snorted, "Thank Dean."

"Hm… maybe." Riley sent him a halfhearted smile.

Dean mumbled something vaguely insulting around a mouthful of cereal.

"Castiel said Gabriel's been pushing you. If it's too much, we can trap him in a ring of holy fire, so you can take a break." Sam offered. Dean had a slightly vicious look in his eyes at the offer. Riley was pretty she he'd take any excuse to hate on Gabriel. Dean seemed to still have a slight grudge.

"It's okay. I need to learn." She murmured.

"Yeah, well. You could always ask him to take your grace." Sam suggested.

"What?" Riley whipped her head in his direction.

"He didn't tell you?" Sam asked. At her head shake he sighed, "An angel's grace can be removed which turns them human."

Riley felt a flicker of both hope and disappointment. Her mind started racing. She could go back, be normal. Stay in her own home, go to work every day. Not have to face monsters. But then, she wouldn't be able to help Heaven, be able to hang out with the Winchesters, or fly with Gabriel. She was finally dealing with being an angel….. could it end as simple as that? And why hadn't anyone said anything sooner? Why hadn't Gabriel said anything?

Dean saw multiple emotions flit over Riley's face, "Cas, get your winged behind down here."

Castiel appeared, and the three other people turned their gazes to him, and Dean filled him in quickly. Frowning, Castiel murmured, "You should not misinform Riley."

A thrill of surprise ran though her, "What?"

"Sam said you would turn back into a human if the grace was drained. This is not true. You would be basically human."

"What does basically human mean, Cas?" Sam asked, "Because what we've seen has been a need for food, sleep…..are human."

Castiel said more words than Riley thought she'd ever heard him say before: "Just because an angel loses its grace does not mean they are not an angel. It is why absorbing grace will return them to their powers. Humans cannot absorb grace and become angels." He glanced at Riley, "Certain exceptions excluded."

"Oh." Riley said, surprised. "So, even if the grace is drained…."

"You would still be an angel. Only Father can completely make you human again."

"Okay." Sam said, "That's actually new information. I need to update the lore."

Riley smiled, Sam really liked keeping the lore up to date. She turned to Castiel, "So, I could go back to being as close to human as possible, but I couldn't escape completely?"

"That is accurate."

"She'd still be hunted." Dean added.

"Yes. Demons and others would still likely try to kill you." Castiel responded.

"So not a great option." Riley sighed, "Better to have the powers to defend myself."

Sam put a comforting hand on her shoulder, "Sorry Riley."

"At least I learned how to fly."

"That is important." Castiel nodded solemnly.

Dean snorted, "Sounds fun."

"Not really." She sighed, "I mean probably. But right now I'm tired and sore. And it's only the first thing I've learned. There's a lot more to cover. Things I need to figure out if I can do. And make sure I can do whatever I can well."

Dean smiled, "Sounds about right." He raised a coffee cup in mock salute. "At least with you, we'll have one more non-jerk angel on our side."

"Thanks." She mock glared back.

Sam rolled his eyes, "Castiel, how goes the search?"

"It is unproductive."

"Hm….." Sam sighed. "Do you think Gabriel would help?"

"He is very busy."

"What, being a pint-sized battery is hard work?" Dean smirked.

"He is invaluable to keeping the lights on in Heaven. Naomi and the other angels are assisting, but they cannot measure up power wise to an archangel. In addition, he spends his free time here resting and/or training Riley." Castiel tilted his head, "He is being very helpful."

"You sound surprised." Riley half asked it as a question.

"He doesn't have a record of being very helpful." Sam offered, "You've heard some of the stories."

"Yeah, but in the long run he always came back to help. Not always the help you wanted…." She trailed off and shrugged.

Dean gave her what could only be described as bitch face, "Not. Helpful."

"Anyway." Sam said, "So, maybe we call in the rest of the hunter network?"

"We've already got them looking for signs." Dean replied.

The two began debating new ways they could possibly go about using their friends and colleagues to assist in their hunt for Jack and the prophet.

Riley sighed, and turned to Castiel. "So where is Gabriel now? Please tell me my torturer has made himself scares for the day. I don't think I can take anymore training." She yawned. The caffeine did not seem to be helping.

Castiel tilted his head, "He is in Heaven."

"Oh."

"He returned right after he dropped you off."

"Not before turning all our beer into sparking water." Dean added, having been half listening to them. He glared at the ceiling for a moment.

"He said he'd pop by a couple times a week to work on whatever you two need to work on." Sam added, before dragging Dean's attention back to their discussion.

She groaned in response. "Fabulous." She took a sip of a second cup of strong coffee she'd poured for herself.

"You shouldn't really joke about torture." At her blank look, Castiel sighed. "Gabriel has not said anything?" At her head shake, Castiel frowned. "I believe you were informed of how Gabriel had not died and was instead being held by a demon prince?"

Riley nodded, "Yes. The short version."

"I will tell you the longer version." Castiel then proceeded to explain how Ketch had found Gabriel was alive, and exactly where he'd been and what had been happening to him. About the state he'd been in when he'd been returned to them. How it had taken months for his power to return to normal.

Riley grew paler and paler, and at the end made a small sound. "I, I need to go." She bolted out of the kitchen, down the hall, and into her little room. Sam glanced up, but for his part, didn't try to follow her. Dean almost tried, but Castiel gripped his arm.

"She needs to understand the dangers of this. You have been shielding her."

Dean and Sam exchanged sad looks but couldn't disagree with Cas. Sure they'd told her stories, but she had yet to see anything that would make them real.

They all had sympathy for the girl, this was a hard life to get used to and they had been shielding her. Even when every other story involved death, torture, or at least some form of pain…. they'd only hit the cliff notes, sparing many of the worst details. Plus, there was still a lot of stories she hadn't heard.

Riley stopped once on the way to her room, opening the door next to her own and staring at the symbols on the walls. She couldn't make herself go any further into the room, hovering in the doorway.

She'd been training, hearing stories. She knew the boys went out hunting. But it wasn't real. Not really real. Not to her.

Every time the boys told her a story they had spared details. Given the short version. Glossed over the pain. So in the retelling, they evoked sympathy, but not fear. The stories never sunk in. The good guys won. The day was saved. The Winchesters always survived in the end. But the stories were not happy ones. And now, staring at the room which hadn't been touched since Gabriel had been recovering after hundreds of years' worth of torture, drained of his grace, and unable to fight back…

Castiel didn't gloss over any detail.

Apparently, she needed to ask him to retell all the stories. They'd probably make her never want to leave her room, but at least she'd know….

Turning away, Riley had closed the door with a soft sound and walked to her room. The false air of calm had stayed until her own door had closed behind her.

In her room Riley flung herself on her bed, face planting in her pillow. She felt lost.

The bunker had been a shelter, it kept the real world out. And the boys had been keeping her away from everything. Protecting her. Keeping her in the dark, intentionally or otherwise.

Especially since the only supernatural creates she'd seen with her own eyes were angels. And none of the ones she'd met had been the least bit threatening. Sure, Gabriel had been slightly terrifying when he'd gone all supernova, and yes he was a freaking tyrant when he was teaching, but she actually cared about the man…. Er…. Angel. And she knew he wouldn't hurt her.

Knowing that such powerful being was on their side was enough to banish most of her fears.

Yet, to think he had been hurt, been turned into a demon's punching bag. His sweet voice silenced. His humor taken. Riley wanted to hug him. Wanted to bake him all the cookies.

And she wanted to run. Wanted to hide. Wanted to put the blindfold back over her eyes.

If there were things out there capable of hurting an archangel, what would they do to her? Death would be simple compared to the torture Castiel had described.

Riley rolled over and flung her arms out to her sides, eyes on the ceiling.

One of her hands came in contact with a material different from her bedding, and she found herself holding Gabriel's jacket. She'd half forgotten about the thing, having been so busy training in the last few days. Though, now thinking about it, Gabriel had been without it when she'd last seen him. But here it was, in her room.

Sighing, Riley dragged herself to a sitting position, back against the wall. She clutched the angel's jacket to her chest and did something she hadn't done in a long time.

She started to pray to God.

It had seemed like a fool's errand. But sometimes it's the only thing you can do. Not that Chuck was listening, but at this point, the act of praying was at least something she could do.

So, she put her hands together, bowed her head, and she prayed. That she be forgiven for the joke. That he please protect Gabriel. Protect the boys.

These people were fighting for every human on the planet to live normal lives. She'd taken hers for granted. Her eyes were open now, and instead of joining Team Free Will to help protect everyone she'd been running. Even when she'd been training with Gabriel…. The whole time she had been feeling sorry for herself, and still hoping she could go back to being human.

These wonderful people were so much stronger than her. Yet here she was, and she vowed to get stronger. If these people could suffer how they had, and still smile, then she needed to do more. Train harder. Work faster.

She hadn't wanted to be a hunter. She hadn't wanted to deal with being an angel. She wanted to hide from this new reality. But she really really couldn't. She couldn't go back to being human. She couldn't run. She needed to do something.

It was terrifying.

Especially because she couldn't do much…. Yet.

So, she prayed.

Eventually her prayer seemed to morph to tears. At first it was only a couple, but she couldn't seem to stop. Riley had always been a crier, tears a cathartic release of emotion.

Though Riley realized she wasn't crying for herself. Riley hurt, for him. For Gabriel. For the writing on the wall in the next room and what it stood for.

Eventually she'd be able to fight for him and with him. Eventually she'd be able to do more than pray and cry.

'Way to sound like a weak ass bitch.' She gave a quiet half laugh half sob.

The archangel in question had arrived in Riley's bedroom at the first mention of his name in her prayer, but he stayed quiet, standing in the corner until she finished. He wasn't sure if he should go before she noticed him or try to offer some comfort. He doubted she'd be happy he had heard her. Especially with how conflicted she seemed to be about the concept of praying at this point. But her resolve was sweet. And he liked her determination to get better.

He was going to leave, he really was. But when tears started to fall from her eyes he froze. Then he'd found himself moving before he could stop himself. Quicker then he meant, he scooped her up in his arms and held her as she started to sob.

For him.

In her head, a mantra, a prayer, she repeated the words 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry' over and over.

"Easy now sweetheart, I'm here and fine. I survived. You don't need to cry for me." He began to whisper soft words in Enochian, and pressed her against his chest until she as cradled in his lap, face buried in his shoulder.

When the tears finally stopped, Riley mumbled into his neck. "How are you, so you, all the time?" Her voice was hoarse.

Gabriel wanted to make a joke, to make light of it, but he couldn't bring himself to. "It's hard sometimes. But I can push it from my mind for the most part. It helps that I don't dream."

"You sleep?"

"More of learned habit than anything else. I don't need to. Most angels don't. Unless they're super low on grace."

"I do."

"Habit. Same with food. You don't technically need them anymore, but your body is so used to having them that it craves them."

"Oh."

"But to answer your question, I've faced a lot of things. I'm an immortal archangel. I've been around since this world began. It wasn't the first time I've been hurt, won't be the last. Despite what it looks like, I'm a warrior. I've fought wars. The trick is to make sure that those who have hurt you, well, you make sure they hurt more than they ever hurt you."

"The demon died?"

"You bet your sweet cheeks he did." His smile was vicious.

"Good." She frowned, "I don't like being the girl that runs away and cries. I don't want to be that girl. I don't like that girl. I've never been that girl. I worked my way through law school. I built my career from the ground up. I want to be the girl who helps save the day. That's who I am."

"And you didn't know how to be a lawyer from day one either. Like now, we're working on getting you to a place where you can help save the world. Don't worry, hunnybun." She let out a small half laugh at the more and more ridiculous nicknames, "You should sleep more, sugar."

"Okay." A yawn. "Why am I so tired if I don't need sleep? This isn't habit. I just had coffee. I want to be awake."

"You burned out a lot of your power practicing. Your grace needs to recharge."

"Ah."

"Get some more sleep, we'll work more later. We'll put it into your routine. You need to continue your little sessions with Samsquatch and Deano."

He started to disentangle himself from her, but Riley wrapped her arms around him tighter. "Stay."

Gabriel froze, not sure how to react. "You sure, Riley?" He only used her actual name when he was being serious. Like when he'd dragged her to the hilltop. Riley met his eyes and nodded. And slowly, slowly he relaxed and pulled them down on the bed more. Cuddling them both into her pillow.

Riley nestled into him, closing her eyes. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For finding me."

He raised a brow, "You called me."

"You didn't need to come."

"Of course I did. It was you."

Riley blushed, face hidden by her hair. So she didn't see the slight look of stupor that Gabriel had, surprised at his own words.

Instead, she had let the happy feeling his words induced to relax her, and she started to drift off. "Night Whiskey." She murmured.

He laughed, started out of his momentary panic. "Whiskey?"

"Your eyes." She murmured, now half asleep. "I told Jody your eyes were like whiskey. Your own special, ridicules food themed name."

"I believe you mean it's because I'm delicious and addicting."

She snorted. "No, it's cause you have pretty eyes. Like they'll burn you if you drink them in too long."

Gabriel raised a brow at her half-asleep confession. "Uh huh…. Wait, is that why Deano was calling you Rye?"

"From the song. American Pie. He was drunk. I was probably drunk. It stuck." She mumbled. "I like it."

"So we're Whiskey and Rye?"

"Uh huh." She smiled into his shoulder.

Gabriel felt an odd warmth, some growing attachment. The more time he spent around Riley, the more he wanted to spend with her. It might become a problem how much she was getting to him. Sighing, he ran his rand his hand through her hair. "Do I ever get my jacket back by the way."

"No. S'mine now." She was drifting off.

Gabriel pulled a blanket from thin air and used his grace to settle it over them. "You're driving me crazy pretty girl." He pressed his lips to her head. "Good thing I like crazy." Riley smiled in her sleep.