Chapter 9: Carry On

If you're lost and alone / Or you're sinking like a stone / Carry on / May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground / Carry on - Fun

Riley woke to pounding on her door.

"Rye, you alive in there?" It was Dean, his voice muffled by the door.

"I'm up." Riley groggily replied. Glancing around her room, Riley realized she was alone. And the sneak had taken his jacket with him. She ran a hand through her wild hair and tried to tame it marginally. She felt like she should feel shame for having a break down. But she didn't. Nor did she feel embarrassed. Though she probably should feel that too, considering she'd cuddled up to the archangel all night and probably said some stupid things.

But she didn't feel bad in any way. She actually felt better, almost relieved. It as a new day. And she was going to be better, do better, train harder. She'd found some determination, and now she just had to put her money where her mouth was.

Smiling, Riley opened the door to see both the Winchesters on the other side.

"Rise and shine, sleeping beauty." Dean was grinning. "You've slept forever."

Sam was more somber, "You okay?"

"Yep, just tired from a lot of flying. My body isn't quite used to it yet. Adjustment period." She smiled at Sam's concerned gaze. "I'm fine."

"Cas did mention you're basically like a fledgling – and will need time to get up to speed." Sam said.

"Fledgling? So I'm like a baby bird?" She snorted.

Dean smirked back, "If by that he meant tiny and fluffy." He reached out and tugged on her wild hair.

Sam couldn't help but smile, "Leave the poor girl alone."

"All right." He sighed dramatically, then bounced back. "I'm thinking breakfast." Dean leaned on the door frame, giving her puppy dog eyes.

"Did you come wake me up just to cook for you?" She scrunched up her nose in mock annoyance. "How rude."

"No." Dean said at the same time Sam said "Yes."

"We're heading out soon. Cas is pretty sure he's gotten a line on Jack."

Riley grinned, "Give me five minutes and I'll meet you guys in the kitchen." The guys wandered away, leaving her to get ready in peace.

She glanced at the bed again. She needed to get a handle on the strange mix of feelings for the archangel. It was weird, she'd been seeing a whole bunch of different sides to him lately. Some of them scary, some of worrying, and some…. Sweet. But none of them scared her off or made her crush any less. In fact, most of them made it worse. Especially considering how nice it had felt to sink against him and sleep cuddled in his arms.

Yeah, the crush was getting worse.

At some point she'd have to deal with it. But not now. 'At least I can run from that.' Shaking her head, Riley grabbed a new set of clothing and headed to the bathroom to shower and change. If she had to deal with the boys and even a single one of the angels, she wanted to be clean and fully awake. So, shower and coffee.

Breakfast had been quick, and it was surprisingly Dean who'd cooked it. When Riley had made it into the kitchen, dressed in jeans and black t-shirt, hair pulled back into a single braid, she'd found Dean dishing out scrambled eggs and sausage onto three plates.

Sam was at the table, laptop open, sipping a cup of coffee. Riley wandered over and poured herself a cup as well.

"Can you do the dishes?" Dean asked, "We're going to head out in a few."

"Yes, but I was thinking I might go with you." Both Sam and Dean turned to stare at her with curious looks.

Sam had paused, coffee cup halfway to his mouth. "You… um…. Sure?" He asked.

"Yeah. I though it would be good to get out. Is that okay?" Riley felt unsure at their responses.

"We'll hold off going for a few." Dean said, "Eat your food. Sam will clean up. You and I are going to the range. Even if this is just a wild goose chase you should be armed."

Ten minutes later, Riley found herself, gun in hand, sighting a target. She missed. It took her twenty more minutes of Dean's patient (and he was patient) teaching before Riley finally connected with the target. Ten more minutes and she'd managed to hit the target twice in a row.

"Well, you're not terrible anymore." Dean had said. High praise, that. Still they needed to the hit the road and Dean signed off on her carrying a weapon, "Just don't use it unless it's last resort." She nodded solemnly, strapping the ankle holster on.

"Ready" Sam asked when the two reappeared in the main room.

"As much as she can be for today."

Riley shrugged in response.

"Let's go." Dean waved his hand toward the door and they headed out.

They were headed to Nashville. Castiel had texted before they'd left with the destination. He had gone on ahead to try and pinpoint a more precise location.

Sitting in the back of the Impala, Riley wondered what had possessed her to jump head first into the deep end. She wanted to be more useful, sure, but her confidence had wavered after the first hour on the road. They were about half way through the drive now.

Glancing at her reflection in the window, Riley frowned. She had figured this would be some good real-world experience without the possibility of stabbing or shooting things. At least she'd hoped. But then Dean and the gun lessons happened, and now she wasn't so sure there wouldn't be any stabby or shooty happening on this little field trip.

Riley tried not to focus on anything, her gaze drifting over the landscape. The background music Dean was singing along to helped her keep her rising fear at bay.

Then things got interesting when Castiel popped into the back seat, Riley catching his form in the reflection of the window. This caused her to shriek in surprise. Dean slammed on the brakes, more in response to Riley's scream than to Cas's sudden appearance – he was used to that by now.

"So, now that you've given Rye a heartache, what's up Cas?" Dean muttered, getting back on the road.

"The next large population is St. Louis, correct?"

"Yeah, we're about two hours away."

"Jack is there."

"Seriously?" Sam asked.

"Yes. He was gone from Nashville by the time I arrived, but as I was heading back I felt him. He is close."

"Well go. Get to St. Louis. We'll be there asap." Dean said, applying for pressure to the gas.

"Bring Riley." Sam said.

"What?" the other three echoed in surprise.

Sam sighed, "Jack has been running from us, but he might stop if he sees Riley. He won't expect her. Plus she's another set of eyes."

"That's actually not a horrible idea." Dean added.

"Fine." Without another word, Castiel had grabbed Riley's arm and they disappeared from the backseat.

After a moment of disorientation that she associated with someone else flying her somewhere, Riley found herself standing under the Gateway Arch with Castiel. They had appeared in a shadowed spot, and surprisingly, no one noticed them. It helped that there wasn't really a crowd. She sighed, still not completely used to being dragged about from one place to another at the drop of a hat. Not that she had a ton of stamina to drag her self anywhere. She was getting better, but it was still hard to fly somewhere she hadn't been. That part was tricky.

"Come." Castiel said, walking toward the water. He led her down the large steps to where a few groups of people sat, enjoying the day. Off to one side, a single figure sat, looking out at the water. Even if Riley hadn't met him been, it was not hard to pick out that he was the one they were looking for, as he had a wide set of wings spread out from his shoulders in their shadowy state.

"Jack." Castiel said, upon arriving behind the boy.

"Hello Castiel." Jack replied not looking their way.

"We need to talk. Dean and Sam are on their way."

"I won't be staying. I'm dangerous to them. If I stay in one place I hurt people. So I need to keep moving." His shoulders sagged, "I tried to help, make more angels. I didn't succeed."

"People died."

"I didn't know that at first. I stopped when I found out. I didn't mean to hurt them."

Castiel stood awkwardly next to the boy, "I understand."

Riley wanted to bang her head into the nearest wall. 'Hug the poor kid. Hand on shoulder at least. Come on Cas!'

Riley wasn't sure it was her place to step in, but Castiel wasn't doing much comforting. After a few minutes of silence, which seemed neither of the others was going to break…. Riley rolled her eyes. 'So, here goes nothing.' "Hey Jack." His head snapped up and he stared at her.

"I know you."

"Yes, we met in Boston."

"I tried to turn you into an angel."

"Yep." She said. "Mind if I sit?" He nodded slowly in response. She slid down next to him on the steps. Close enough to reach out. "Castiel, can you go get us some coffee?"

"How will coffee help?" Castiel looked baffled.

"Caffeine helps with lots of things. Also, it will give Jack and I moment to talk."

"Oh. You wish me to leave?"

"Just for a few minutes."

He disappeared without a response.

"I could just go." Jack said.

"You could." She replied lightly, "But I think you're probably too curious to leave right away." At his nod she smiled. 'Here goes nothing.' "So, kid, what's up?"

"I don't understand."

"Why are you running? You should be going to school, playing video games, trying to sneak a beer from Dean's fridge. Flirting with pretty girls or boys, or whatever."

"Dean has given me beer."

"That's…. That sounds like Dean."

"He also shot me."

Riley rolled her eyes skyward again. "Also sounds like him."

"I'm not a human teenager." He turned back to the water.

"Last I heard you were half human."

"It doesn't matter." He murmured in reply.

"Your mother was human. Does she not matter?"

Jack whipped his head around and stared, "My mother….." There was anger there.

"Tell me about her." She said before he could say anything more.

"I don't know a lot. She didn't know my father was, my father. But she tried to protect me. She made a video. I wish I'd met her."

"Do you have a picture?"

"At the bunker." He looked sad.

"You could come back and get it."

"I shouldn't go back."

"Why not? Why'd you leave?"

"I hurt people."

"How does running stop that?"

"I don't know." He looked so confused.

"So wouldn't it be better to stay where people care about you and can help. Dean and Sam are worried about you. Castiel has been spending so much time looking for you. Gabriel is worried too."

"I don't know why they care."

"They love you. You're family."

"We're not related"

"Who cares about related, kid. Family is more than blood." Riley sighed, "They're your family. You should come home."

"Why do you care?"

"Because you dragged me into this world kid, and if I can't run, neither can you." She gave him a wide smile, "Plus I care about those two big lugs and the winged boys that follow them around. They need you. You need them." She sighed, head tilting back. "Plus, I understand. I've been running too. Running from whatever I am now. And it's not doing anything but hurting myself and those around me." She had his full attention now, "See, running lets you pretend in the short term, but in the long run it ends up doing more harm then good. I should know…. It's hard, but it's worth it to stop running." This was beginning to feel vaguely familiar, like she had just had this conversation… Riley frowned, recounting her lecture by Gabriel. 'I'm echoing him.' She thought.

"Why are you with them still? What are you? It feels like they didn't drain the grace from you."

"Yeah, about that." She sighed. "You really shouldn't do something like trying to change a person into something else without their permission. It's not nice. As to what I am, well seems your little whammy worked on me…. Do not take that as encouragement to keep trying though. One out of however many you tried is not a success rate."

"So, you're an angel."

"Apparently."

"You're not happy. I'm sorry."

"So'k kid. You thought you were helping. But again, don't do it anymore. Now, you think you could at least try to come home for a while? Stop running?"

"I guess. Do they really want me back?"

Jack looked lost, alone, scared. Riley leaned over and pulled him into a hug. "Of course they do. You're their family. Dean is just a big angry bear, he doesn't show affection easy. But he's worried for you. And you should see Sam. He's a big goofy puppy. Waiting for his family to come home." Riley held her breath, thinking Jack might pull away, but instead he leaned in and hugged her back.

"I'm scared."

"That's okay. Everyone gets scared." She smiled and held him. He seemed touch starved, like he'd received very few hugs in his short life.

Which was how Castiel found them when he returned with two cups of coffee. "I brought the caffeine."

Riley snorted a laugh, "Thanks Cas. You did good."

Now that neither Riley nor Jack was running, mentally or physically, respectively, the bunker was getting full. For such a big space it still felt like everyone was everywhere all at the same time.

Jack settled back into his room, though remained slightly distant. Sam and Dean had sat down with him and they'd had a long heart to heart. Or at least as much of a heart to heart as Sam and Dean were capable of. Riley imaged it involved beer and long silences as they stared off into the distance…. Or Sam talking about emotions. So yeah, Sam talking and Dean staring.

After several days of staying in his room by himself Riley had finally barged in and dragged Jack out. "Dinner." She insisted. Luckily, he didn't protest and allowed himself to be pulled to the table where Dean and Sam were starting to pass around the lasagna. They paused and started for a minute. Riley muttered, "Sit." And Jack did. "Where's Castiel?" She asked Dean.

Castiel stuck around. He wanted to stay near Jack, to make sure he didn't disappear again. And to help with the continued hunt for the prophet now that they could shift their focus to that.

"I am here." He was standing right behind her.

"You need a bell." She growled, holding her hand to her heart.

"Dean has said the same thing."

"Still stand by it." Dean muttered around a mouthful of pasta.

"Manners." Sam said, glaring at his brother.

Riley snorted and took her place at the table. "Pass the salad, Captain America."

"Why is there rabbit food on the table?" Dean grumbled.

"It's good for you. And for growing boys."

"If it is rabbit food why is good for him?" Castiel queried.

Sam grinned, "Expression Cas."

"Ah."

"I have heard many strange expressions." Jack added.

The discussion turned to the strangest ones they'd heard, which in turn allowed everyone to relax and enjoy the meal. Riley smiled to herself, it was the most normal thing that had happened in a long time. If you called diner with two hunters, an angel, a Nephilim, and her human-angel self, normal.

A new routine started after that. Very similar to her old routine, and yet completely different.

She did her work and cooked. Though Dean tended to lend a hand more often. And Jack was actually interested in how to cook, so he hung around in the kitchen helping where he could.

Dean continued her hand to hand training. She was getting better. He was making her do laps too. Which super sucked. Riley was not a fan of running.

Riley felt herself getting stronger. And each day she woke with a little more stamina. Castiel said her angel abilities were increasing. When she asked him he explained that although Jacks' initial stunt had turned her to an angel and given her grace, it would take time to mesh completely with her human soul and for her to grow into everything. So the powers would be slow. But the more she used them, the more she'd be able to use them.

Dean also added shooting training. For which he'd presented her with her very own firearm. She still wasn't a very good shot, but Dean assured her she'd improve. It just took time.

Sam worked with her on the lore. Showed her runes. How to recognize different spells. He also started hanging around as she worked on her actual job things, engaging with her on legal issues. Riley was surprised to learn he had a background in it. "In another life." He had murmured sadly.

When Jack wasn't hiding in his room, he split his time between following Sam, following Castiel, and/or following her. He was like a puppy, tagging at their heels. So Riley started giving him assignments. Books to read, movies to watch, things to try. It was like human training for the kid.

He was in love with the x-box and wii she'd convinced Castiel to obtain from her apartment. Actually, so was Dean. So occasionally they all found themselves around a tv, taking turns at some multi player games. Castiel actually had a fondness for Mario Cart.

They also did dinner every night that everyone was in the bunker. Sometimes the boys were on a hunt, or Castiel was in Heaven. Still though, they all made an effort to eat together around the table. It was a new thing for all of them. But it was…. Nice.

Occasionally Gabriel would pop in to work on angel training. He tried to show up once a week, but Heaven was getting worse and so he ended up spending most of his time there. Riley wondered if she would see Heaven at some point. The thought kind of terrified her.

The first time Gabriel had shown up, Riley felt slightly awkward. Especially given the last time she'd seen him he'd been snuggled up with her on a bed. And the time before that he'd been torturing her with his flying lessons. And the time before that he'd been yelling at her for ignoring her new state of being.

So she'd gotten one of her awkward questions out of the way, "Do you hear my thoughts?"

He'd looked baffled back at her, "Nope, not a mind reader."

"Then how'd you know I was thinking about you the other day?" Her voice was quiet.

He gave her a shit eater grin, "You aren't always thinking of me?"

She glared at his antics.

"Spoil sport." He sighed, "Prayer. Prayer is different than thought. It's well…. let's make that our first lesson." He grinned. "You can think about me all day long and I wouldn't know unless you reach out. Which is a really vague line, and really easy to cross."

"How do I reach out?"

"Thinking of it like having a conversation. Normally your internal voice is pretty passive. But sometimes you push it outward, like you're having an internal debate or a conversation with someone – like God. When you do that, it becomes a prayer."

"Do you hear every prayer?" That was an uneasy thought.

"Only those that mention me specifically or those that aren't directed at anyone specifically. Though normal angels only hear those directed at them. The general ones are an archangel thing."

"So if I prayed to, say Castiel, you wouldn't hear it?"

"Nope."

"Could I hear it if people prayed to me?"

"Hm…" Gabriel considered this, "Probably. But won't know until we try. We'll save that for a different day though. Today, I want you to switch back and forth between prayer and internal monologue."

"Okay."

"And then, next time we can tackle the hearing and responding to prayers thing. Or maybe angel radio."

"What's angel radio?"

"Dean's word for it. It's like group messenger for all the angels in the area. Or person to person occasionally."

"That's….. complicated."

"You haven't heard anything with Castiel and Jack around?"

"Oh! I thought I heard someone talking the other day, but no one was anywhere nearby."

"Could be you heard one of them. We'll need to work the difference between that and prayer. But, we'll get to that. Today, just pray to me." He waggled his brow suggestively, "Whatever you want, lollipop. Trust me, I can take it. And it totally helps if you're on your knees."

"Seriously?" Riley groaned, 'I want you to go jump out a window.'

"Ha." Gabriel grinned, "Starburst, you wound me." He pulled his hands to his chest and gave her a goofy grin. "But yeah, exactly like that, but maybe a bit more fun. And no, the knees are necessary. Just more fun."

And the lessons continued, becoming as much part of Riley's routine as the rest of her training.

And so life went on.