Most of this chapter is Jake's nightmare, told as though he is going through at it at that moment in time………..kind of like a flashback….this is one of the reasons Jake's mind has been suppressing what happened with the Volturi…Please be warned this contains some swearing and implied dark themes of abuse, though nothing too graphic…if that offends you then please don't read. I'd like to say Welcome aboard to Manyan83 and thanks for the pm, I hope you enjoy this one... Anyway as always let me know what you're thinking, even those silent readers out there, drop me a line, say hi, wave shyly from the back, anything to let me know you're enjoying this….Love to all. Tink. XX
The cell was still as damp and cold as ever but with my extra body heat it had never bothered me before. Now however, as rabid hunger ate away at my insides and thirst burned in my throat, I did not feel as strong as I had once had. The chill affected me, the cold seeping deep into my bones, sapping my energy, my body temperature was lowering and I found myself sleeping even more than usual. I still had no concept of night and day; it was all just blackness, loneliness, and unending pain.
I wondered if they thought about me, my family, my pack, Nessie. Was she missing me? Did she know I hadn't wanted to leave her? Smiling slightly, in the darkness, I pictured her as I'd last seen her, hair flying out behind her as she stomped her way up to the house, my tiny dynamo.
She was so beautiful, all fire and passion and energy. I stared unseeing through the darkness, picturing her face in my mind, her eyes molten like bitter sweet chocolate, her tip tilted nose angled haughtily in the air, the smattering of freckles I adored and used to kiss, her clever mouth when she chewed on her bottom lip, as she thought, usually, before giving me hell.
Then I saw her eyes as I had last, full and shimmering with unshed tears and a familiar pain stabbed me. Pain that was a million times worse than that unleashed on me by those creatures, pain which would burn in me forever because I had caused it. I had hurt her.
I vowed that if I ever got out of this, I would spend the rest of my life making it up to her, I would give her whatever she wanted, whenever and however she wanted it. No questions asked.
A faint glimmer of light caught my attention and I figured it was just another of my hallucinations brought on by lack of food and water. I'd suffered from so many since coming here that I was having a hard time differentiating between the real and the sublime. The light grew slowly closer, flickering and dancing in the darkness, it was candlelight, seemingly hovering in mid air.
I was no longer alone in my cell. Someone was in here with me; I sniffed expecting the smell of decaying fruit, my body shaking as I took in another much more familiar smell. Sunshine, laughter, purity and overwhelming fear.
There was a scuffle and then silence. My eyes used to the darkness, made out a face staring back at me. A face I never thought I would see again, and I couldn't stop the growl, which left my throat nor the rapid increase in my heartbeat, nor the icy cold dread spreading in the pit of my stomach. If she was here with me this could not be good.
"Renesmee?"
"Jake!" she cried, fear echoing around the room but there was joy there too, along with disbelief and uncertainty. I could hear the tremor in her voice as she searched for me, probably unable to see in the dark.
"Nessie!"
There was a malicious chuckle in the darkness as Nessie appeared before me, flung to her knees, her entire body shaking, her curls a bloodied mess, her face unnaturally pale.
"Oh my god! Jake is that really you?" she cried.
"Nessie…oh god Nessie" I tried to reach her but the chain around my neck held me fast.
"Where am I?" she murmured, tears sliding down her cheeks as she shuffled awkwardly towards me.
Fury erupted inside me as I took in the fear and pain in her eyes, and she reached out her hands as though to touch me. I growled when I saw the metal shackles biting in her skin, the raw raised skin that slowly oozed her blood. Breathing in her scent I could smell the underlying scent of leeches in the room, at least three of them, one of them that malicious she bitch Jane.
"You mother fuckers…what have you done to her?" I snarled feeling my own body quake in response to her fear and pain.
"Silly puppy...we haven't done anything yet…why do you think we should?" the girlish giggle came again and Nessie whimpered beside me, trying to get closer.
"I'm scared," she murmured, "What do they want with us?"
"I don't know Nessie… but I won't let them hurt you, I Promise" I said softly, straining to get closer to her, relishing the painful bite of the metal against my skin, reminding me that she was real and she was here.
"Silly, silly puppy…do you really think you can stop me?"
I raised my eyes fearfully to Nessie's and in that same second she screamed, writhing on the floor, her body convulsing in helpless spasms. Snarling I felt the shudders through my body and fought to control the wolf inside me, as she twitched agonizingly before me. My heart felt as though it were ripped in two, wishing I could take on her pain as my own, her screams of agony piercing my skin like a thousand needles.
"Stop it you fucking bitch!" I snarled and lunged forward instinctively, almost garroting myself in the process. A sound of tinkling laughter reached me over Nessie's screams and then suddenly there was silence and she was still once more.
"Nessie, Nessie…speak to me baby" I crawled as close as possible, reaching out my hands, my fingers trembling as much as my body as I clawed towards her.
Her eyes opened and the sadness I saw there made my heart clench "Jake?" she whispered, weak, disorientated and confused.
"Yeah Nessie...I'm here" my voice was the only comfort I could offer.
"It hurts Jake, it hurts so bad" she whimpered curling up into the fetal position.
"I know Nessie…I'm so sorry baby" I soothed "Just try and breathe baby"
I could hear the rapid beat of her heart, her breath coming in painful little pants as the after pains lingered. I hated that I could smell her fear, feel it as clearly as if it were my own but could do absofuckingloutley nothing about it.
"Why are they doing this to me?"
"I don't know Ness…but your folks will be here real soon, they won't leave you here...they're coming Nessie, I know they are" I had to believe it was true.
"If they're not already dead" came a singsong voice that sent chills down my spine.
"Shut up you fucking bitch," I snarled, the wolf inside me ready to coil.
She tutted "Naughty, naughty puppy…puppy must be punished"
I braced myself ready for the burning to begin and for a second I was confused until I looked into Nessie's eyes watched her pupils dilate and she began to thrash on the floor once more. I stared, helpless, as her body convulsed violently on the hard cold stones, her limbs flailing wildly, agonizing screams coming from deep inside her.
"Stop it… please!" I was prepared to beg, seeing Nessie hurting was more than I could take and even though every word tasted like bile in my mouth I was willing to do whatever it took to save Nessie the pain.
"Stop it…leave her the fuck alone" I cried desperate as Nessie's beautiful eyes rolled back into her head "Do it to me instead you fucking bitch"
Instead of the pain I expected, Nessie's scream increased and I felt my eyes grow wet in response, the burn of tears and bile cloying at the back of my throat. I briefly toyed with shifting, knowing it would kill me but in the few seconds I would have before I bled out, there would be chance to at least save Nessie from this pain and kill that fucking bitch Jane. I realized though that even if I saved her from Jane, me dying would not set her free and she would be at the mercy of the others, alone and undefended.
As she quieted this time, it took longer for her to come around; I could smell the salty tang of her tears, taste her pain and her fear at the back of my throat.
"Nessie, Nessie, speak to me baby" I demanded knowing she always responded to the alpha in me. Her eyes fluttered weakly and I smiled at her, she grimaced but I knew she was trying to smile back.
"I'm so, so sorry baby," I shuddered.
"Mmm she smells good", suddenly there was another much more masculine voice in the darkness. I had been so preoccupied with Nessie's pain that I hadn't sensed their presence drawing closer.
My hackles rose at his tone, the male animal in me recognizing immediately that he was after much more than her blood.
"Delicious, a very good vintage…think she's been fucked yet?" joined a second. These were not the cultured elegant voices of the Volturi, this were much more base, more vulgar and rough.
" Look at the little bitch, the way she cowers towards him…Maybe she like's it doggy style…that right mutt?"
Fury and icy black rage fumed inside me, I wanted to kill, to bite, to lunge, to tear their throats out for the things they were saying, the things I knew they were thinking about my precious, beautiful, innocent Nessie.
"Look at him, pathetic fucking dog… there's no way he's man enough to give her it" a face appeared beside Nessie's in the darkness. He was pale and blonde, the scarlet of his eyes, a stark contrast to the whiteness of his skin.
Instinctively I strained against the collar, wanting, needing to shift as his hands reached out and stroked down Nessie's shaking body. She whimpered, her eyes shifting to mine, her lips trembling as she stared at me, calling out silently for me to help her, to save her from this further injury, this indignity. Nessie was too young, too innocent to understand what they had planned for her but I wasn't, fear clawed at my insides turning my heart to lead and my stomach to ice.
"Take your hands off her you bastard!" I growled and snarled, tensing, breathing heavily, fighting my shift.
"See how she likes it mutt" he stuck out his tongue and licked the side of her face, sniffing as he did it. She cowered away from him, his hand traveling down her body to grope her breast, as he pinched her nipples and she cried out in pain.
Rage suffused me as he ripped away the bloodied and torn dress she wore, leaving her shaking, trying to cover herself. His vile laughter filled the room and his eyes seemed to burn impossibly brighter with her terror and pain.
"Very nice...let's you and me have some fun…I can show what a real man feels like" he said and lunged at her, rolling her to the floor and covering her body with his, his hands everywhere at once, so in only seconds she was naked.
My body was shaking and shuddering as I felt the rage grow and begin to bring on my wolf, the second I did though I would be dead and Nessie would be defenseless, I reminded myself over and over. But I wanted to kill him, needed to rip his throat out and feel his blood pour over my body as he thrashed in death. To shake his body as violently as hers was.
"You better take her somewhere else Lucien…the mutt looks like he's gonna have puppies…bring to my quarters...we can share" said another deep voice, sounding only mildly amused, almost bored.
Nessie scrambled to life, crawling towards me, her bound hands outstretched, tears rolling down her face as he laughed tugging at her leg, pulling her back within his reach. Her nails dug into the stone as she tried to find purchase and stop herself sliding back along the floor.
"Fuck she's feisty…this is gonna be fun" he laughed, picking her up in his arms as though she weighed nothing and throwing her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
"Jake!" she screamed, twisting and writhing, kicking, clawing and pummeling him "No! Jake!"
"Nessie! Get your hands off her…don't fucking touch her…leave her alone!" I screamed back, all pretense gone now, I was terrified, really terrified. My own pain I could deal with but hers was something I couldn't take.
"Jake!" she screamed herself raw, her voice hoarse as it echoed along the room until darkness enveloped me and I was alone once more, still screaming her name into the darkness, my heart beating a wild tattoo, my blood surging, my own tears coming freely now as desperation overtook me.
..................................................................................................
That set the pattern for me, they way they got to me, broke me. I don't know how long it was before I saw her again; it felt like days but was probably only hours. They brought her to me, dragging her across the cell of the floor by her tangled and bloodied hair. Laughing they chained her away from me again, not close enough to see or touch but close enough to smell and hear.
As soon as she came into the room, I could smell the blood, the tears and the scent of something so vile it turned my stomach…her purity was long gone, savagely ripped from her in an instant by those leeches, the scent of their venom, their bodies, all over her.
I fought my own tears as I listened to hers and spoke gently so as not to alarm her,
"Nessie? I'm here baby…are you hurt?"
"N, N, No…" she sobbed, "I want to go home…I want mama"
My heart split again, as I glimpsed the child I had loved as my own for so long "Soon Nessie, I promise...Edward will come for us"
"I hurt so much Jake…they wouldn't stop…they were everywhere…they made me bleed…and they laughed as they took turns…how could anyone do that...how could they be so cruel" she sobbed and I wanted to take the spikes from my collar and stick them through my ears so I didn't have to listen to her pain, to hear her anguished cries in the dark.
I didn't know what to say to make it better; I made soft shushing noises, my own eyes growing damp again as I listened to my world crumble. Guilt ate away at me as I listened to her sobs, I couldn't protect her from them. No matter how much I loved her it would never be enough to make up for what they had done and the fact that I hadn't saved her, all her life I had vowed to protect her and keep her safe and happy. The one time she needed me and I failed her in the worse fucking way possible.
Several times over the next few weeks, this happened, all without explanation, all without telling us what they wanted. Sometimes they would come in with that evil she bitch and torture her, beat her, sometimes it would be worse and I would have to listen to her screams as they defiled her time and again, and she would beg them, plead with them to stop.
She would cry out for me to save her, begging me to help her and I would cry with her, rage filling me up to the point where I felt like I was going to explode. Only the thought of leaving her alone in this hellhole prevented my shift.
For the most part they left me alone, occasionally allowing the evil she bitch to toy with me but it was more sensory and mental torture. We were given no food, only water and soon Nessie was thirsty, calling out for blood, wanting to hunt. Her eyes would flicker to mine and I could see her breathing in my smell, at first for reassurance that I was still around . But as the days passed there was a more primitive instinct that caused her to smell me, my blood and her savage thirst. Reminding her that I was venomous to leeches would make no difference; she was crippled with thirst, the scent of my blood another slow torture for her too.
She grew weaker and weaker before my very eyes and I had to accept that maybe we were not going to be rescued and get out of this alive. That maybe this was it for us, our punishment for standing up to the Volturi those years ago, that I, her greatest protector would now have to watch her slow and painful death. It occurred to me that maybe what the evil she bitch had said those weeks ago was true, maybe the Cullen's were all dead. Just the thought alone sent a chill down my spine.
The last time they took her from me, she didn't scream and cry out for me to help her as she usually did, by now she realized that I couldn't help her, that I had failed to do the one thing I had been put on this earth for. Her resignation and acceptance of the situation wounded me; nearly as badly as her screams of pain and fear.
It was maybe days before I saw her again and for a while I thought the worst, that they had killed her and that she was gone from me. But just as grief began to overwhelm me, strip me of the will to stay alive and fight, she was back in the cell. Surprised I watched as she walked towards me, strong, tough and as beautiful as ever before.
As I inhaled deeply, there was something different about her scent; the pain and fear had gone but so had the purity, she smelt like them. She no longer wore her restraints, she moved freely about the room, light from the candle she held dancing in her hands.
My heart thudded with dread as she stepped closer still and I could see she wore a long red cloak, her shiny bronze curls cascading down her back, a small cruel smile curving her lips which were painted a deep scarlet. I couldn't help it when my eyes followed the motion of her tongue as she licked her lips and I tensed in response. Something wasn't right here. She had left me battered, broken and weak. The Nessie who stood before me now, was a million miles away from that girl.
"Oh Jake…I've missed you so much" she breathed, her scent drifting over me, sending my pulse soaring and my body weak. Had it really been that long since she'd been taken that I had forgotten the impact she could have on me?
"What are you doing? Are you okay? What did they do to you?" I hissed, desperately wanting to reach out and touch her, to reassure myself she would not disappear in a puff of smoke. To be able to feel that she was real after all this time, she was here beside me and not chained across a chasm.
"I'm wonderful…never felt better but baby…I missed you" she murmured seductively, her voice a little husky, her fingers toying with the golden clasp of the cloak she wore. I stared at her, wanting to believe it was her and that she was all right.
She looked like Nessie and smelled kinda like Nessie but she wasn't acting like my Nessie, confusion swamped me and I didn't know what was real anymore. My weakened body throbbed and my mind swirled.
Eyes wide I watched as she tugged at the cloak and in one move, allowed it to drift to the floor. I sucked in a breath as I became aware of two things simultaneously, one she was naked, and two she was aroused. My body responded instantly and she giggled, her eyes devouring me and she bent forward, tracing a long scarlet nail down my chest. What the fuck was going on here?
"Take me Jake…I want you…I've waited so long for you to see me like this" she gasped, sliding her hands further south to my stomach.
I shook my head fighting for control, as the animal in me demanded I take what she was offering but my mind, my heart, continued to ask questions. Why was she here? How was she here? Where were my captors? How did she get away from them?
"Nessie, no…they might come back" I managed to get out as her pert breasts brushed my chest as she bent closer still. Her body was chilled against mine and I couldn't help the shudder of reaction.
"Fuck me Jake…I'm a real woman now" she smiled kissing her way across my body, up the side of my neck.
I shuddered and quivered beneath her lips, her touch making me weak as her tongue snaked out and licked the pounding pulse point in my neck. She groaned against me, writhing, rubbing, against me, driving me crazy, distracting me, as the smell of decay slowly started to permeate my senses.
I sniffed deeply, lost in a haze of sensation at the feel of her mouth against me but instead of the sunshine and purity I expected, she smelt strange now, sickly sweet, cloying. Glancing up, wanting to see the beautiful brown eyes I was expecting, I met a shocking scarlet and fear crystallized inside me.
I felt the scrape of her fangs against my jugular vein and everything in me went on high alert. Fangs? She didn't have fangs and as she opened her mouth wide to bite me, I pushed her roughly away. She landed in a heap and with a hiss, leapt back at me, her fangs on show, her hands clawing at me. Remembering the fights I'd had with newborn vampires, I felt a surge of dread, for that was my sweet Nessie had succumbed to, she was now a full vampire. There was no trace of her humanity left, she was a full vampire. My hands almost of their own violation wrapped themselves around her tiny fragile pale neck as she struggle against me, trying to bite and claw me. She was going to kill me.
" Nessie! Stop this…remember who you are, remember who I am" I groaned, still fighting her as her jaws snapped at my neck, she was hissing and spitting furiously.
Staring into her eyes I tried to find the Nessie I knew and loved and had been made for, but only anger, pain and bloodlust stared back at me. This creature wasn't Nessie, she wasn't the child I had played with, laughed with, loved, adored and nurtured. This was a mindless, soulless killing machine; the girl I had loved with everything in me, was long gone.
"Nessie please don't make me do this," I pleaded, panting as we struggled, my own body weak from lack of nourishment and hours of torture. My eyes burned with hot tears and the scent of death as I tried to hold her away from me without hurting her.
She snapped at me, her teeth catching on the skin of my neck, a trickle of blood escaping. Flying into frenzy she fought against me, nails gouging, fangs bared, hisses unlike any I had heard coming from her scarlet lips as her jaws worked, snapping at my face.
"Please Nessie" I gasped but she was gone, bloodlust had overtaken her.
Tears burning behind my eyes, I squeezed, increasing the pressure of my hands around her neck, using my strength to twist her neck and I wondered briefly why I wasn't getting any images from her touch. I expected her to try and make me stop, to come back to me, to tell me it was her, she was okay and she was sorry for trying to kill me. There was nothing, just the strangled noises she made. And as I fought to turn her head, a flood of my own memories hit me, running through my brain.
The first time I held her in my arms as a baby and she looked at me as though I were her world, the sweet weight of her body as she slumbered against me, the scent of her baby powder, her first smile, so sweet it brought tears to my eyes, her first laugh, the first time she said my name, her first steps, the first picture she drew for me, the first time she cried when I had to leave her.
I could barely see through the tears that poured down my face as I remembered these things. I squeezed the life from her body, twisting her neck sharply until at last with the final memory of her laughter; I heard a sickening crack and a hoarse voice screaming. Long seconds, maybe days, even weeks passed by before I realized and I understood. It was my voice. I fell mind first into a deep black void……………………………………………………
I jerked upright, gasping for air, Nessie's name on my lips, my face damp with tears and a thick film of sweat coating my shuddering, trembling, body. Feeling the wolf inside me howling to be free, I sucked in deep breaths and concentrated on slowing my heart rate, the image of Nessie lying dead at my feet still visible in my minds eye.
"I'm sorry Jake…I truly didn't know" Edward said from across the room, his face and body strained. I knew it had been hard for him too, seeing his child subjected to that kind of torment and then death at my hands, the hands of the man who loved her more than life itself.
I said nothing as I continued to shake and gasp, simply looking at him as I fought for control. These were the nightmares I had fought so hard to forget and suppress, the pain was too great, so I had blocked them out, thinking I had witnessed those things, had murdered her with my own two hands.
"You must know Jake…that wasn't her…those things that happened…Nessie was safe here with us the entire time you were gone" he said his voice gentle, calm reassuring but sounding no less stricken.
I felt sick with myself, I had killed her…I had killed Nessie…I imagined for one awful second that this was reality and that I would never again see her beautiful face and hear her sweet laughter in her voice. Pain, like that from my memories, lanced through me, almost buckling my knees as I attempted to stand.
To feel that Nessie was truly gone from me was more than I could bear right now, I couldn't shake off the image of her dead, her head twisted from her body as I descended into screaming madness, the laughter of the Volturi echoing around me.
"You did nothing wrong Jacob…Nessie is safe…Nessie has always been safe…believe that Jake…these nightmares happened but the person you saw was not Nessie…that was not my daughter" he sounded as shaken as I felt.
I shook my head trying to clear it, a wave of sadness dragging me down.
"I can't deal with this now Edward…I need a shower and to clear my thoughts…I can't talk about this" I mumbled, deeply ashamed at the things which had happened in my nightmares, they still felt all too real for me to cope with.
With a long look at Edward I headed upstairs to shower away the sweat, tears and memories. He nodded just once but I knew he understood. I needed to come to terms with what happened to me before I could move on. Because even though I loved Nessie, I could not love Nessie, until I was certain we were safe and she could never be placed in a situation as nightmarish as my memories.