I wake up at the sound of the water faucets turning off. I heave my heavy body up, swinging my legs off the bed so I am sitting on the edge, I hold the flowers in both my hands adjusting them into the nicest arrangement I can manage.
The bathroom door clicks open and I watch Rey step out, closing the door behind her. Her hair is almost black and some droplets of water drip into the fabric of her nightgown, she turns around and she immediately halts when she notices me. Her face twists in hurt. Rey can't look at me for very long before she averts her gaze towards the floor.
I stand up and take one step closer to her, holding out the purple flowers, she doesn't seem to notice.
"Get out!" I don't move, "Get out!" She demands bitterly! I try to stand my ground but I cannot stop my shoulders from slumping down.
"Rey," I take a step towards her and she tries to step away but her back knocks into the door, "Did you think I wasn't coming back?" I query. She continues to look down.
"You told me you were, and then you left as soon as you got the chance. What else was I supposed to think?" She states matter-of-factly, crossing her arms across her chest. I realise how foolish I had been, she is used to being abandoned; why would she think otherwise from me.
"I thought after I kissed you, I thought it was pretty clear I wasn't going to leave…" I try to explain it to her. When she looks up at me her face contorts in uncertainty and disgust.
"That doesn't make any sense," She sniffs, and I notice just how bloodshot her eyes are and how the skin under them seems swollen. I endeavour to convince myself she got soap in them, because the reality would be too much guilt for me to handle.
"I'm sorry. I should have told you I was getting these," I offer the flowers further into the void between us. She focuses down on them, her brow knitting into a deep confusion.
"Why did you get them?" She sniffs, rubbing her hands along her bare upper-arms.
"They're for you," after a moment longer she slowly uncrosses her arms and hesitantly takes them from my grasp.
She stays silent as she stares indifferently down at them. "They grow right by the Falcon," I inform her, "I noticed them when you left, they were the only beautiful thing left that reminded me of you," although her face remains neutral I notice the way her chest quivers.
When she glances back up at me her face has lost its vacancy. I have seen this look before, it is the same expression she had when she left me: angry, yet I can tell she is hurting. "Are these some sort of apology for walking out on me?" Rey's tone is flat.
"Did you listen to what I said?" She hangs her head down low, looking at her hands that twist the flowers slowly around in a circle, "Rey, I was going to come back - I came back - I don't know why I thought I could stay away from you…" I take another few steps towards her. I take hold of her face in my hands and tilt her head up to look at me.
"No one has given me flowers before," She ignores what I said and I wonder if she was even listening.
"I didn't know if I should have given them too you," I admit.
She continues to look down, "Why?" She mumbles, trying to remain indifferent.
"I wouldn't know if you liked them?" I watch as Rey's lip twitches a little.
"They are pretty," She places them on the table near us, "I mustn't have noticed them before," she says in a bleak tone.
I feel a strange adrenaline pulse through me. I cannot bear her detached demeanour towards me any longer; all I want is to make her smile again.
"Rey, look at me," I watch her sigh before she meets my eye. Hers are still glossy with tears; she brings her hands up and against my chest about to push me away. She has barely touched me when I have an extremely uncontrollable urge to hold her, and so I do. I squeezing her arms against our chests as I wrap my arms tightly around her body, resting my head on top of hers. She squirms trying to free herself from my embrace, but all she can manage is to form her hands into fists.
"Stop it, let me go," she's furious at my audacity to embrace her. She pounds against my chest, which causes her to hit herself as well. Regardless of her strong punches, I run my hands up and down her back in a soothing motion. She continues to hit me with incredible force, "Get off me," She groans loudly, her fists continuously colliding into my ribcage.
Abruptly, as Rey shouts for me to let her go her voice breaks and she sucks in a sharp breath. I feel her abdomen concave and her ribs protrude as she fails to prevent herself from violently sobbing. She begins to tremble in my arms and her punches become less vigorous. I hear the way she takes shallow, sporadic breaths in and barely exhales. Her legs begin to wobble so I lower us onto the carpeted floor, pulling her into my lap. Rey no longer hits me; instead she rests her open palms on my chest and buries her head into my shoulder. Weeping relentlessly into me, I continue to rub her back. I breathe calmly, silently hoping she will do the same. Her tears soak into my shirt, the sound of her crying is heart wrenching and she grasps at my shirt twisting it in her hands and creating small fists. It is almost as if she is clenching onto it fearing I'll let her go. We stay silent for a long time.
"From the moment we met I needed you-" I whisper, "-And you have needed me," I kiss her wet hair. "And as much as we try and convince ourselves otherwise, we both know that hasn't changed…" Rey has stopped shaking, but occasionally sobs, snuggling her head into the crook of my neck. We stay on the floor for longer than I care to remember, my hand constantly running up and down the length of Rey's spine while the other one is buried in her slowly drying hair.
Finally she speaks, "Let me get up," She demands in a hoarse voice, I take my arms off of her and she awkwardly stands up. I can tell she is embarrassed by the way she broke down, but I'm not sure if she is unstable enough to think I would judge her for it.
I suppose some would say she looks terrible: her eyes are bloodshot and rimmed with dark purple circles, and tears stain her blotchy red cheeks. Her lips are pale and chapped and her nose is as red as the resistance logo painted on the wall above the desk. She looks as if she has been drained of life - but none of that matters to me.
"Rey," I whisper sitting up slightly.
"Finn, don't say anything." She sounds as exhausted as she looks. I sit back as she walks into the restroom, locking herself in.
The carpeted floor becomes hard the longer I sit on it, but I dare not move, so I wait for her to come out.
I don't know how long it is until I fall asleep again, curled awkwardly by the bathroom door.