I woke up to someone tapping my shoulder. I wake up, and I see Sayori's face, really close.

"Can you make waffles?"

Waffles are the other thing I'm known for. One day when Natsuki got really, incredibly sick, and Sayori was out of cinnamon bun ingredients, they were on me to make some food. So I cooked some waffles with strawberries pressed in them. And I brought it with some lemonade. And that's why I'm the one to find for waffles and fruit drinks of nearly every kind. She looked really hungry and jumpy, so as the doting lover I was I said,

"Okay, fine..."

I washed my hands and went downstairs, the waffle iron sitting in the middle of the kitchen. I mixed the batter and put some strawberries and cherries (Sayori likes cherries, I hate them), and tossed it all on the waffle iron. Then I made some watermelon juice (she hates watermelons) and a lemonade (just so she don't slap me). She comes down and eats the food.

"Mm, that's good!"

But then she tries the juice.

"Excuse me a moment," and she runs to the bathroom and hurls. I quickly switch the watermelon drink for the lemonade. Then I grabbed a waffle and ate it.

The whole club is going to the beach today! Being the surfer of the group, I gave everyone the idea. Everyone's going, even Natsuki's boyfriend! I went and washed up in the bathroom, when I heard a sound from upstairs.

"Die, bitches!" in a sound so obviously Sayori's. I came into the room. She was playing GTA, and she cashed all my money for guns and grenades.

"You made the watermelon juice on purpose!" she says as she cracks up.

I cracked up too. I don't really get mad with the pranks and jokes, cause it's just our little dynamic. And I like it like that.

She left to her house with a smile on her face. We're all meeting at the big beach, with lots of surf and sand. I put on board shorts and a wetsuit top. I grab my small 6 foot board and hit the road. I have a Honda Civic I got from my mom two years ago. I put the board in and left into the city. The beach is in the middle of the city.

I hit the beach around 11, and it took me around 10 minutes to find the squad, sitting in a big set of beach blankets, and a giant cooler. All of the Shady Bunch was there. We were all talking on the beach. I decided to hit the waves with the only other person that can surf, Natsuki. I tried teaching Sayori to surf, but she doesn't really care for it that much. We paddle out, and it's weird, like we have this game, who can reach the break first. She's winning today.

"Keep up!" she taunts as she paddles. The beach is practically deserted. I caught a sick wave and turned and carved a lot on it. Sayori must've saw it, since she shot me a peace sign.

Over the next hour, we each caught waves. Then we headed in.

"Hey, where'd Yuri go?" I asked Sayori.

"I don't know, she's alway disappearing."

I went to the bathroom to go. I don't need to go into detail. After that, I just stood around, for a while. I was thinking, like, Damn, me and Sayori... whoa... that was fun. I was startled by Natsuki. She came by.

"Hey," she greeted half heartedly.

"Hi," I responded.

"Hey..." she hesitates.

"I had fun back there."

Then she leans in and kisses me. Like, on the lips. Then she walks away.

I feel uncomfortable.

Really uncomfortable.

It took me a minute to process. Man, I was having so much fun. Then, bam, one of the worst days of my life.

I walked behind the building, in a ditch between road and bathroom.

Cue even worse feelings.

You know how we didn't find Yuri?

Well, I did.

In the ditch.

Sitting on the ground.

Shooting up pool. And, not the game. I mean the super-powerful-ultra-only-for-medical-use pool.

I stutter for a second, and she notices me.

"What the fu...oh, hey." she says to me at first aggressively, then normal, "I guess now you know, huh?"

I stutter for a second, but I ask, "How?"

"When I was in the hospital, they shot me up with this. But supposably there's a law that says specific actions have to be taken at high and frequent doses."

"So?"

"At the hospital, they didn't follow the specific procedures for safely taking it away. They just slapped me in the back and said, "Yay, you're better.", after literally pulling the needle out my arm. So at night I stole most of their supply."

"Man, that's harsh. Maybe, you know, you can get some hel—"

"No!" she chastises, then cools down, "Look, they never treated my depression. They just stopped me from slashing my wrists every day. Please, This is the best thing I've felt since that. If they took it away, I'd probably kill myself in withdrawal."

She starts crying.

"Please, just go. And don't tell anybody. Please."

I left and walked back to the group.

I grabbed my surfboard and left.

"Rivers, where are you—" Sayori asks.

"I'm going home."

I just walked away.

Into my car.

Into my house.

Into my bed.

I cried.

A lot.

How could've I let myself handle things like that?

I pretty much cheated on Sayori.

The one I love.

The one who made friends with the friendless weirdo in first grade.

The sunshine that keeps me in a warm state of mind.

I dropped that.

She... she doesn't deserve that.

I... don't belong here.

I don't deserve to be with her.

I don't deserve to be here.