So here it is folks the one you've all been waiting for…I hope it's not too much of an anti climax for some of you but an anon review I received got me thinking and so I re wrote the entire kiss….as always let me know what you think. Lots of Love to all who review and those who are reading silently. MWAH XXX Tink. X

The first time ever I kissed your mouth
And felt your heart beat close to mine
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command, my love
That was there at my command.

REN POV

I turned around slowly; staring at my feet, more scared than I had ever been in my life, unable to lift my head. My toes had suddenly become the most interesting thing in the world to me, they were tiny and pink and-

- I nearly came out of my skin as Jake cupped my chin gently in his huge, hot hands and tilted my face up to his. The skin of his palm was faintly rough and smelled raw and earthy like him. As I breathed I inhaled a lungful of his delicious scent and my head span. He was staring at me as though I was the most fascinating thing he had ever seen and once I met his probing sable gaze, I couldn't help but stare longingly back.

His fingers where they touched me, shook and I was moved beyond rational thought that he seemed almost as nervous as me. Jake was always so confidant, so capable, so knowing around me, that the knowledge this affected him just as much, unnerved me a little and provoked a fresh rush of tears.

This time they were tears of wonder and love, healing tears and I felt so much emotion inside me, I knew I would burst if he didn't kiss me soon. My heart was racing wildly, fluttering against my rib cage like a butterfly against a window and I wondered for a second if he could hear it. But I knew he could, I could hear his the same way, thundering inside him, furiously pounding, galloping. Did this kiss really mean as much to him as it did to me?

The intensity on his face, the look in his eyes, made me blush and heat scorched my already flushed cheeks. I wanted this, I wanted him, more than I had ever wanted or needed anything in my life. Feeling I would surely die without the touch of his lips against mine, I did the only thing I could think of in that moment. I pleaded, my self-respect disappearing in the face of my own need.

"Please, Jake, Please" I only hoped my voice wasn't shaking as badly as the rest of me.

"Please what?" he asked me, well more rumbled than asked; his voice came from deep inside him. The shimmering coil of need between my thighs grew a little tighter, burnt a little brighter.

I couldn't bring myself to say the words, too afraid that he would reject me again at the last minute. Instead I communicated with him in the best way I knew how and lifted a trembling hand to his cheek. Concentrating on the way he made me feel, I sent him an image of how I wanted us to be. Locked in each other's arms, hands joined, mouths joined, two hearts beating a rapid tattoo as one.

There we stood, staring at each other, our bodies only connected by our fingertips, yet I felt more in tune with him than I ever had. I watched, amazed and moved as Jake's pupils dilated, until his eyes appeared as midnight black as his hair and his head slowly lowered towards mine.

Never had I felt so sweetly terrified as his mouth came closer, so close in fact, I could feel the heat of his breath against my trembling lips and my eyelids fluttered helplessly shut at the first hesitant touch of his mouth on mine. My heart stuttered as he pressed his lips to mine just once before he pulled away a fraction, leaving me feeling bereft.

I ached for the sensation of his lips on mine again, they were warm and firm and so soft that I made a new of protest, unable to stop the slight pout. He hadn't retreated far, I could still feel the heat from his skin, feel the slight trembling of the fingers under my chin. Opening my eyes against the tears burning in them, I stared up at him, my one love, the person I cared about most in this life, the best part of me. The urge to touch him again flooded through me and instead of resisting, as I had previously, I gave in.

Trembling I trailed my hand from his cheek, across the softness of his full bottom lip, onto the skin of his neck before letting my hand drop to dangle at my side. The feel of his skin beneath my fingertips was like the softest satin. I couldn't believe anything on Jake's body could be soft but it was. Needing to feel his kiss once more, I couldn't stop myself from swaying towards him, my mouth yearning for his.

Leaning forward, I tilted my face to meet his, rising on my trembling tiptoes as he bent to me and captured my mouth. My breath hitched as I felt the sweet press of his mouth once more. He kissed me gently, tenderly, his mouth sweeping back and forth over mine as though I were the most precious thing in the world. His hands trailed slowly down from my face, onto my neck, stroking the skin of my shoulders, before continuing down my arms, his touch leaving goose bumps in his wake, to fist against the door once more.

I trembled from head to foot, not sure what to do, where to put my hands, only knowing that the feeling of him finally kissing me after all this time was heaven. All those scary, amazing feelings erupted inside of me. I found myself sighing against his mouth, the action parting my lips slightly against his, as my mouth clung to his, capturing this source of unending bliss and holding it close to me. Feeling a little dizzy and off center I grasped the hard muscles of his forearms in my hands. I wasn't surprised when I could not fit my small girlish hands around him, I was barely able to hold on, anchoring myself in this storm of sweetness, as my legs shook and my knees weakened.

When the need for oxygen became too great I reluctantly pulled away, ending our practically platonic kiss, resting my forehead against his, as I sucked in air. We hadn't opened our mouths properly, like my family or the couples in the movies did for the entire time we kissed and the human side of me demanded oxygen. I was embarrassed as I panted and gasped for breath but I couldn't help it. I opened my eyes to see Jake watching me, his eyes were dark and brooding, his breathing somewhat calmer than mine.

"Are you okay?" he breathed, his warm moist breath making my lips tingle to be kissed again. I smiled and nodded, feeling ridiculously shy now, as my finger ghosted up to touch my lips in wonder. I felt buzzed, as though I had received a shock and when I licked my lips, I could taste Jake. Pure undiluted Jake. It was the sweetest taste I had ever known. He groaned, a rumble coming from deep inside his chest.

"Are you okay?" I asked concerned that he was making that strange noise, I had heard him groan before, with pain, or exasperation, or in fun but never ever like that before. My stomach twisted and then flip flopped. It was a bizarre sensation but I discovered that I liked it.

The corner of his mouth kicked up in smile, he was so close that I could almost feel it as well as see it and my heart skittered. I was relieved, he'd seemed so brooding, intense, that for a second I worried that he hadn't enjoyed kissing me.

"Only you could ask me that now…Christ Ness… I feel like I've waited years to do that…but I don't know if I have" he finished and there was an air of sadness around him that hadn't been there before.

I was instantly reminded about what my parents had said to me, maybe they were right, maybe I should have given him more time.

"I'm sorry Jake" I murmured and frowned as he did. I hadn't meant to make him unhappy.

"For me kissing you…do you regret it?" he sounded so insecure and vulnerable that my heart melted and I knew what I had to do.

Gathering my courage in both hands I moved my mouth a fraction of an inch and pressed my lips to his, my hands cupping his face as I kissed him the way he had kissed me. My mouth moved slowly against his, learning the contours of his lips, the shape of them, the feel of them against mine, with just the barest hint of pressure and none of the urgent need that was building inside me.

He hesitated for a brief second, his body held still but I pressed on, until I felt him relax, his mouth moving with mine this time in a simple closed mouth, yet never the less beautiful kiss.

"Never" I whispered against his lips, pressing my forehead to his again, knowing he would feel me "I want this…I want you, I don't care where you've been...you're here now...you're safe with me"

Jake froze, going still and then sighed deeply. His eyes grew stormy and troubled, shutting briefly before he opened them to stare at me. Then with great care and tenderness he removed my hands from where they cupped his face and placed them at my side, before stepping very deliberately back from me.

"Nessie" he began and already I could see the regret on his face, hear the anguish in his tone and my head shook of it's own accord.

"Please don't say it," I mumbled, staring at my feet again, unable to take the rejection I knew was coming as surely as I knew I loved him.

"Nessie, it's not you…it's me" he said the gentleness in his tone almost undoing me.

"Fuck, where've I heard that before?" I cringed, laughing humorlessly, because if I didn't I would break down and cry again. I had spent enough time crying like a baby around him. I wanted to be stronger than that, strong like Mama.

" Don't be like this…I'm not ready for this…for you… I don't want this… it's too much" he confessed and he sounded ashamed.

"I get it Jake, you were doing me a favor right? Well save your favors for someone who needs them" I muttered and span on my heel before I completely embarrassed myself for a third time that day.

"Nessie!" he hissed after me but I ignored him and stomped from the bathroom, fighting the burn in my eyes and heart.

Jake POV

The second my mouth had touched hers I felt as though I had come home, truly home. That here in her arms was where I belonged, that she could me whole again, replace the missing parts I had lost. Hesitantly, briefly I touched my lips to hers. In that scant second I was filled with a love so overwhelming and pure that the animal in me, which always prowled so close to the surface when she was around, receded. Her lips were so silken and soft under mine that it was all I could do to pull away but I was terrified of hurting or scaring her with my need.

My heart kicked up a notch to match the rapid pace of hers, when I heard her soft little sigh of protest as I put space between us. It was the most platonic kiss I had ever given a girl, yet it had shaken me all the way to my core. My body trembled as she lightly trailed her fingers across my skin, tracing the outline of my bottom lip, leaving the taste of her skin on my mouth, her scent marking me out as hers.

Amazingly she leant forward at the same time as I leant down and are lips met again in another gentle, tender, soul shattering kiss. She pressed her mouth to mine, seeking it as I sought hers, our lips moving as one, as we learnt about each other in the only way that mattered. She grasped my arms in her tiny delicate hands and I felt the touch deep inside me, her skin cool against the burning heat of mine, the trembling of her fingers, reflecting the trembling of my heart.

This was everything I had ever hoped for but never thought to have. Kissing my Nessie was the culmination of a dream I didn't even know existed until a few days ago but I was certain that I had always loved her, even if I could not remember it, I had loved her.

When she pulled away we were both breathing heavily, our foreheads connecting as we fought for air. She looked so damn beautiful, her face flushed, her lips swollen from our kisses, her eyes heavy and slumberous with the need I knew she too must feel. The warm, fragrant moist air causing her curls to spiral even more out of control and she looked a little wanton, yet still innocent at the same time. Temptation thy name is Nessie.

"Are you okay?" I asked terrified that I may have hurt or shocked her. I couldn't bare the thought of that happening.

I watched as she ran her finger over her mouth in wonder, and then her little pink tongue snaked out to lick her lips, running over the place where mine had just been. She was tasting me on her skin.

I groaned at the unconsciously provocative action and the animal inside me stirred again. It sat up inside me and watched, growling for release, as she tasted me, the way I wanted to taste her.

She looked a little dazed.

"Are you okay?" she asked me in a breathy shaky voice.

I smiled, unable to believe that she was worried about me, always thinking about others my Nessie and my grin widened despite the situation. I wanted to smirk, proud as punch; as little as I heard her heartbeat hammering against her ribs in reaction.

"Only you could ask me that now…Christ Ness I feel like I've waited years to do that…but I don't know if I have" I only realized how true the words were as I spoke them. It still bothered me, that my feelings before now were unknown to me, that I was still a pervert.

"I'm sorry Jake" she murmured and frowned as I did. She looked unhappy. Oh Christ, maybe she regretted it, maybe it wasn't what she hoped, maybe she had only meant it as a friendly gesture.

"For me kissing you…do you regret it?"

Surprise hit me as she cupped my face and sought my mouth again, my Nessie kissing me. She pressed herself to me with just a little pressure but already I could feel my need building, these kisses were no longer going to be enough for either of us. The tension between us was palpable and mounting. I hesitated wondering if I should pull back before it was too late but I was helpless to resist the lure of her mouth after all this time. Her lips rubbed against mine, so gentle, so loving that my heart threatened to erupt from inside my chest.

"Never" she whispered against my lips, our foreheads brushing once more "I want this…I want you, I don't care where you've been…you're here now…you're safe with me" she soothed.

I froze, going still, as though a bucket of ice water had been poured over me. That was just it, she didn't know where I had been and why. I had vowed that I would protect her and by indulging in kissing lessons, I wasn't protecting her, only opening her up to more danger. Feeling like I was taking a knife to my own heart I reached up and gently pulled her hands from me, before placing some much needed distance between us. She stared up at me aghast, as realization dawned. How many times would I be have to do this to her? How many different ways would I hurt her before I could be with her?

"Nessie" I began and already I could see her face twist in pain as she picked up on the anguish in my tone and her head shook, once, twice.

"Please don't say it," she mumbled, staring at her feet again, the girl who had blindsided me in the bathroom and kissed me so sweetly, disappearing before my very eyes. A little girl stood in her place once more, uncertain, vulnerable and in pain.

"Nessie, it's not you…it's me" I said gently.

"Fuck where've I heard that before" she snapped laughing humorlessly, bitterly. Okay, so a little girl with a potty mouth. Strangely or maybe not so strangely, hearing the word fuck from her pouty, slightly kiss swollen lips made my body swell and harden.

" Don't be like this…I'm not ready for this…for you… it's too much" I lied, not knowing what else I could say that would put enough distance between us.

"I get it Jake, you were doing me a favor right? Well save your favors for someone who needs them" she muttered and span away, marching from the bathroom.

"Nessie!" I hissed after her but she ignored me and I stood alone fighting the burn in my eyes at the thought that once again I had hurt Nessie, despite my vow to protect her. Fuck. Hoping I would not regret it, I started after her.

REN POV

Through my tears I heard Jake in the hallway and pause outside my door, obviously listening for me. He tapped lightly but made no move to enter.

"Go away Jake…I don't want to speak to you right now" I snuffled, knowing I sounded like a petulant child but he had hurt me...again. There was only so many times a girl could be rejected by the love of her life and not feel like a complete idiot.

"Ah Ness, I'm sorry… don't cry over my please, I hate it when you cry" he said quietly, remorse creeping into his voice. That was just it, remorse. He regretted everything we had done.

"I know that now! Just leave me alone…I can't believe I made such a fool of my self again…you think I'd have learnt my lesson the first time," I wailed, burying my face in my pillow that still retained the scent of his hair. I breathed deeply; taking his scent deep into my lungs and that provoked a fresh round of tears.

"Nessie, please, I can't stand to hear you crying… Especially over me…I'm sorry I never meant it," he sounded almost as upset as I felt but I was too hurt to care, to angry that I had given him the chance to reject me again. It was so embarrassing.

"I'll take it from here Jake" I heard my mom say, "You've done enough for now"

"I'm so sorry Bella…I never meant this to happen," he murmured." It's just so complicated"

"I know that Jacob…just give her a little time...why don't you head on over to Sam's without us… I know you must be dying to see the newest member of your pack"

"I can't leave her when she's like this…if she could just understand" he was saying, his own voice sounding thick and I wondered if I imagined the pain in it.

"Not yet Jake, please…Edward says to tell you thank you…he knows what happened and what it has cost you," I heard my Mom whisper and I sucked in a shuddering breath, trying to stem the flow whilst inside my room, I cringed.

My parents knew I'd thrown myself at him and he'd kissed me? This just couldn't get any worse…could it? They knew he had only kissed me because he felt sorry for me, they knew he had to reject me and now they knew things were weird. They knew I was crying over him again? That I was acting like a baby? This was all I needed. I buried my head in the pillow and stifled a scream of frustration.

"I wish…" he said and sounded so wistful, that my heart even ached a little for him. Part of me longed to go to him and comfort him.

"I know Jake, now go on…go and say hello to the baby...I think you two would benefit from a little breathing space right now"

"Maybe you're right Bells, thanks" he muttered.

"Give Sam and Emily our love and tell them we'll visit with them soon"

"I will…tell her I'm sorry…okay?"

I listened, holding my breath as his footsteps disappeared down the hallway and his door slammed.

In the same second my bedroom door swung open and my mom came in, holding out her arms to me.

"Oh mama" I cried and flung myself at her, tears rolling down my cheeks as she wrapped me in her embrace and rocked me gently, as though I were really her six year old child.

"I know baby, it's okay Nessie, it's gonna be okay sweetheart I promise" she soothed but I didn't believe her. Nothing would ever be okay again, I felt as though I had ruined everything between us.

I had thrown myself at my best friend and he didn't want me, I had offered myself to him and he felt sorry for me, pitied me. It was so embarrassing, I wanted to die, to curl up in a little ball and never come out again.

"I feel like such a fool mom...I thought he liked me, I thought he felt the same way as I did" I sobbed against her shoulder.

"Oh Baby…Jake loves you, he just wants what's best for you…he wouldn't hurt you for the world"

"He's best for me mama… but he doesn't want me…it hurts so bad mama" I wailed, a fresh wave of pain pouring over me as I said the words aloud.

"I know baby, I know" she soothed, kissing my brow, stroking my hair, holding me until my sobs abated but the pain was still there, choking me in a grip as icy as my mothers.