Hi everyone, big thank you to all those readers and reviewers out there…guess what? I have been nominated over at the Indies Twific awards for Most Original story line WIP…WOW...little old me…am thrilled and shocked that someone must like me enough to nominate me…big thank you wherever you are…so if you like what you read head on over and vote for me ( I think it's starts on July 7 ish) and check out all the other stories on there too…. Anyway back to the chappie… italics indicate thought conversations between the wolves .....it may appear a little bit off story but there is a reason which should become clear later on…as always drop me a line even if it is just to say hi and don't forget to vote over at theindietwificawardsdotcom. That's it for now. Love Tink. MWAH. X


I threw on my sweats and sprinted down the stairs, out of the door and into the forest at the back of the house as though my very life depended on it. Phasing took only a split second now I was used to it and my wolf claimed me quickly, almost without my permission.

Anger and pain fought inside for dominance inside me as I ran, anger that I couldn't take what we both so desperately needed, pain that I had hurt her again. All I ever did lately was hurt her and though I knew I should leave, go away until I was sure she was out of danger and I could figure out what was going on here, I could not bring myself to be away from her.

After all that I had seen in my mind recently, I never wanted to be away from her again. The images of her rape and subsequent death were forever ingrained in my memory, real or not. We seemed to be caught up in a vicious circle of rejection and pain, and after my session with Edward this morning I swore not to hurt her again yet that's exactly what I did.

I became aware of the pack mind as I drew closer to La Push and it was Seth who sent out his sympathies immediately, his compassion and empathy astounding for one so young. The others found the situation highly amusing at first, they watched as I replayed the scene over and over in my mind. I growled at them, feeling the need to pick a fight, with someone anyone, so I could get my ass kicked the way it needed to be, the way I deserved for hurting my Ness.

"No chance Jake, the mood you're in no one will tangle with you…besides it Emily's homecoming… you really don't want to ruin that do you?" Seth's voice reverberated within my head.

"No, but dammit I need to do something Seth…figure this shit out, I can't keep hurting her like this" even if there was no physical sigh, in my wolf form there was a mental one.

"We're here for you bro," Embry rejoined and this time I felt his sincerity. It couldn't have been much fun for them, picking up on my moods, seeing what I see, feeling what I felt as I fled the Cullen's. The constant lust, the uncertainty the battle against my baser instincts. I was instantly reminded of the quietest Cullen, and how he must feel negotiating my emotional mine field.

As I reached the house I caught site of Seth and Quil, lying supine, under a tree, sheltering from the misty rain. On my approach they got gracefully to their feet and together we loped up the porch steps. I briefly wondered what would happen if someone came by and saw three huge wolves heading indoors and the thought made me smile for a millisecond until Nessie's tear stained face appeared in my mind and I felt a stab of pain.

"Christ Jake, could you give it a rest… this is depressing the shit out of me" Leah said, her own voice angry inside me. I wanted to snarl back at her but then I remembered.

This had to be hard on her, the once love of her life now with her cousin and producing off spring. I glanced about but couldn't see her. I sensed she was nearby but obviously she wasn't ready yet, she wasn't ready to face the future that should have been hers.

The house was a hive of activity, most of the wolves were there in some form or other but I could pick up the scent of the baby easily. Sweet, powdery but with faint undertones of Sam and Emily, it was…nice, comforting and for a little while I could pretend to forget my own troubles.

Emily was seated in huge rocking chair, a tiny pink squirming bundle held in her arms, her smile beatific as she looked down at the child. Behind her Sam stood watching proudly, a big grin splitting his normally stern face. They both just seemed to radiate pride and love, it was almost enough to bring a tear to my eye, I wished I could remember feeling this way about Nessie. Despite my conversations with the Cullens there was still the shadow at the back of my mind that I had felt something improper towards Nessie when she was born.

Looking up at our entry Emily grinned and beckoned us over with a watery smile. On near silent feet I moved in for a closer look, a wolf smile appearing on my own face, my tongue hanging out of the corner of my mouth as I looked down at the tiny baby. There wasn't much to see, as she was all bundled up, only a shock of black hair peeking from under the blanket and a tiny fist waving haphazardly.

Suddenly in my mind's eye I saw another wrapped bundle of pink, in another time, another place, still as small, still as precious, held in the protective of embrace of Barbie vamp. But rather than the affection I expected, I felt a murderous rage, the urge to take the child and kill it, to punish it for what it had done to Bella.

Inside me the memory unraveled and I watched almost as a by stander in my own head, as Blondie shifted the tiny killer to her shoulder, nuzzling her cheek against it's own. Drawn by a force stronger than I had ever known I started forward ready to spring, to rip the thing from her arms with my bare fangs, to sink my claws into it's skin and rip it to shreds. I felt the familiar tremble that marked a shift, start and as though ordered to by my alpha I stepped closer still, my lips drawn back over my teeth.

The thing looked up and its gaze focused on me, so intense that for I second I stared back into its eyes, warm brown eyes, the color of melted chocolate. Everything went silent and still, my attention utterly focused on the child, held by Barbie vamp and I jerked in my own skin as heat blossomed inside me. Pain choked me back as I realized the baby I was looking at was Nessie; I had wanted to kill Nessie?

But then just as quickly my vision changed, blurred and shifted and I was back to reality. As I looked at this tiny child, I felt the familiar floating feeling, as though gravity was shifting and I was no longer tied to the earth. I no longer had an identity, my name, my family, my fear, my joy, my hope, my pain, my future, all gone and there place, a reality, a peace I had never felt before.

Everything in my life now seemed to suddenly make sense. I knew why I had been created, why I was alive. I was here for one reason and one reason only. I was now tied to the small child held gently in Emily's arms. My heart was filled with a love so pure that had I been in my human form I would have shed tears of joy at being this close to this perfect person. It was overwhelming and so very, very pure.

With this thought a second came another just as quickly, I knew this feeling, I knew what I was feeling…Imprinting. Had I just imprinted on Emily's baby?

Panic filled me as I realized what this meant; Nessie was no longer my imprint. Was this even possible? Why had nobody warned me? I was going to hurt her again. I wanted to throw back my head and howl. Pain filled me at the thought that I could no longer love her and would have to leave, leave my pack, my home, my family. It was my only option.

I would not do this to her, I would not do what Sam had done. I could not stand by and allow this to happen. I would make myself do what Sam could not; what he didn't have the strength to do, I would leave. I wanted to reject the imprint, I didn't want to love Emily's child.

It nearly crippled me, nearly brought me to my knees, yet the love I felt would not dissipate, just growing stronger with each furious beat of my heart. Nothing else mattered, I could see no one else only the child who I loved with every fiber of my being.

My heart began to race and my mind span in circles, I was so caught up in my own feelings, I didn't hear the laughter at first, the amused yips, and the low whine of protest.

I turned to my left to see Embry with a very amused glint in his wolfish eyes and then to my right, where Seth stood staring at the child Emily held close to her. He whined and butted against Emily's arm just once, then sat back on his hind legs and waited. For a split second I waited for the jealously I knew would come and the anger, at Seth being so close to my imprint. It had happened before. Nothing. There was nothing there but love. What the fuck did this mean?

"Don't you get it Jake?" Embry laughed in my head, mentally peeing himself.

"This isn't funny Embry…how can I feel like this…I love Nessie…don't I?" I growled, my claws sliding across the floor, as I was about to lunge for his throat. Fuck but this was the thing furthest away from funny.

"Of course you do…which is why Seth isn't trying to rip out your throat for being too close to his imprint"

"His imprint?" I repeated, sounding like an idiot.

"Yep…Seth imprinted on Sams little girl" he chortled some more "This is too funny"

I breathed a sigh of relief and felt as though a massive, crushing weight had lifted from my own shoulders. I wanted to sing and dance, wolf form or not. I could still love Ness.

"Did you feel that too?"

"Every damn thing" he confirmed with a laugh "Christ Jake, I thought you were about to throw yourself over a cliff"

"This isn't funny, I thought I was going to have to leave"

"You're not doing anything about it anyway, so why beat yourself up…she'll come around man"

I hoped he was right but with Ness, I never could be sure.

Suddenly curious how this imprinting was different from my own on seeing Nessie as an adult, I tuned in to Seth's thoughts.

"ho-lee crow… would you look at her, she is the most perfect little girl I've ever seen…her tiny nose, her hair… she's amazing…she's so perfect and cute…isn't she the most beautiful baby you've ever seen Jake, isn't she?" he crowed, sounding paternal and proud and though I couldn't see it, I could sense the soppy grin which accompanied it.

"Yeah Seth, she is a cutie" I replied as her lids fluttered, revealing dark eyes, locking onto Seth in an instant.

"See, see how clever she is already, she knows me, she knows I'm here" he chuckled, totally smitten with this little girl. Searching his mind I attempted to find some part of the imprint I recognized but apart from the never-ending love and urge to protect there was nothing. Nothing like the all consuming lust and need I often felt, just love, lots and lots of love and pride.

His feelings were as pure for this baby, as mine were lusty for Nessie. A warm glow filled me and I felt a wave of bitter sweetness. This must have been what I felt the first time I imprinted on Nessie, how I must have felt .It was a beautiful primal, paternal feeling, yet I could not remember ever experiencing it on my own. Feeling it through Seth would be the best I could hope for until my memories returned. It pained me that I couldn't remember.

"You don't need to, you looked at Nessie exactly the same way, with that stupid grin and big dopey eyes…" Embry snickered, sensing my conflict "You grew a vagina over night"

A strange sense of calm filled me. I had loved her; taken pride in her but never once had felt anything else.

"I can't wait to see what Sam is going to think of this" Embry chuckled and I allowed myself a laugh, I felt much better on so many levels.

Seeing Seth imprint and feeling what he felt had finally silenced the voice inside me, the demon on my shoulder which made me worry that I had been attracted to Nessie since the day she was born, it made me see that all I felt was the same overwhelming love and need to protect.

"I think it's time we shifted…put Seth out of his misery, think he's gonna bust a gut if he doesn't get a cuddle with her soon" I said watching the look of blind adoration in his eyes as he stared at the baby.

Embry agreed and when we turned to leave, Seth followed reluctantly, his eyes lingering on the baby, a whine escaping from him.

We shifted quickly and headed back inside. Seth was anxious, he didn't like the feeling of being away from his imprint and I wanted to say how d'ya think I feel but couldn't spoil this for him. Beside I was more than curious to see the look on his human face as he saw the baby again.

If it hadn't been so serious I would have laughed at the stupid, goofy grin that spread across his face as he approached Emily and Sam. His eyes were fixed on the child and full of wonder. He doted on her already and I allowed myself a fully-fledged grin. He was a good kid and would make an even better imprinter; well nobody could make as bad a job of it as me.

"Three, two, one" Embry murmured behind me and I watched as Sam's face changed and become twisted.

"No," he barked out, his body tensing, outrage making him stiff "Tell me you didn't"

Seth looked up apologetically at Sam and offered a sheepish smile, to which Sam reacted with a loud " hell no!"

Emily shifted in her seat, holding the baby closer to her shoulder, who picking up on the tension began to fuss. Seth's face took on a pained look, the baby was out of his line of sight and clearly not happy and I knew first hand the pain he would be experiencing. That familiar gut wrenching, heart aching, nausea, that tore up your insides, a constant niggle like a toothache that would not go away.

"Sam, what is it?" Emily asked gently as she rocked the baby who continued to fret and fuss.

"Seth…he imprinted on Anai" he growled, staring daggers at Seth, trembling slightly. The room went silent, tension growing between us

"Oh…but that's wonderful" Emily murmured and this time smile encompassed Seth too, "I can't think of anyone finer for our little Anasazi".

Seth smiled gratefully at Emily but his eyes were anxiously on the baby whose cries were escalating audibly.

"Could I?" he asked nervously, looking at the baby, anxious, edgy. I knew her cries would feel to him as though they were carving themselves onto his heart.

"Sure" Emily smiled gently and without a second thought held out the baby.

There was not a single person or wolf in that room, who was not aware of the importance of that gesture, of the symbolism. She was placing her trust in Seth, showing that she was willing to share her child with another who loved her just as much. Emily, in accepting the power of the imprint, was granting Seth permission to be in her life, knowing that one-day, he would be the most important person to her, not her parents or any siblings she would have, just him. Even at this tender age, she was giving her daughter up, sharing her love.

Something inside me moved and broke loose, as I took in the look of love on Seth's face as he held the child in his arms, his future mate, the girl he would love in whatever capacity she needed him for the rest of his life. Was this how I had looked the first time I held Nessie? With such pure love and adoration?

Pain, my ever-present reminder of all the fuck ups I had made, coiled though me again at the thought that I was still hurting her. I was trying and failing to protect her from pain, pain that I had caused because I wasn't a strong enough mate for her. I couldn't protect myself and there was uncertainty surrounding whether I could protect her from whatever danger stalked me.

Turning my attention back to the latest member of the wolf pack I watched as the baby stilled in Seth's arms after only a few seconds and gazed up at him with solemnity, her eyes wide as he spoke softly to her in the language of our ancestors.

My throat grew tight with emotion and at that moment I would have given anything to have Nessie with me, to hold her against me, to love her, to tell her I loved her. I wanted to share this with her, to see the light in her eyes when she smiled at me, the dimples in her cheeks when she laughed.

Acute longing filled gnawed at my insides as I watched Seth and the baby bonding. I was dimly aware of Sam prowling in the background growling almost inaudibly to himself, yet he made no move to remove the baby, who was now beginning to doze happily in Seth's arms.

He watched her constantly, unable to take his eyes from her, like a blind man seeing a sunrise for the first time. It really was beautiful to see, so poignant a reminder of what I was missing, putting on hold.

Suddenly I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, and stifled by the presence of my pack, I needed to let loose, and run some more. Crossing the room, I bent and kissed Emily, giving her my congratulations and excusing myself. She smiled and murmured her thanks but her attention was also on Seth and the baby, yet unlike Sam who stared at them intensely she watched with indulgent eyes, almost amused.

Like my arrival at La Push I phased quickly, needing the freedom and immediately became aware of Leah's presence in my mind.

"How was the happy family?" she asked me bitterly, I didn't need to hear her thoughts to know the words held a lot of pain.

"Leah, I know this is hard on you-" I began as I sniffed the air trying to track my pack mate, running low to the ground following her scent.

"No Jake you don't know how hard it is…you love Nessie and fuck knows she adores you, always has…but this…I loved him Jake, really loved him and because of a fucking imprint...they were my feelings, my choice" she snarled inside my head, "and now there's a child and everybody expects me to forgive and forget…and I'm not ready to do that yet"

I groaned internally desperately trying not to think about the child, as I knew she would see my thoughts, see what had happened, see Seth and Anasazi.

"How could he?" she cried, only seconds later tormented. Too fucking late. "How could he do this to me… what is it with the men in my life, always loving someone else more than me…I'm his sister, his fucking sister….I should be his priority not that little bitch" she lashed out, had she been human there would have been angry tears rolling down her face. I knew Leah had carried some pain but I had underestimated how much.

"Leah, you know we can't help it, it's involuntary…she's a baby Leah, it isn't her fault" I reprimanded, my alpha tone springing readily to the surface, ready to protect my pack's imprint's even if I couldn't protect my own.

"No it's Sam fucking Ulley's fault!" she screamed in my head "Involuntary…have you noticed that it's only the men in out pack who say that…I loved Sam… he was my world, I loved him just as much as you all love your imprints, more so because it was real love, not something forced on me by the fucking universe"

"Leah you just don't understand-" I tried to placate her as I finally located her, prowling anxiously in circles, her head down, as I approached her.

"Don't tell me I don't fucking understand…I understand well enough to know that you guys use imprinting as a fucking excuse for anything…I don't love Leah anymore so I think I'll screw Emily and say it was the universe not giving me any choice…I can't be with Nessie but I don't want anyone else to have her…it's the imprint…I am so sick of this imprint shit Jake…either be with Nessie or don't but don't fuck around with her anymore…it's unfair…it hurts Jake, you don't know how much it fucking hurts" she finished in my head as she let out a long pained howl.

The sound of her pain echoed inside me and I couldn't help but respond with a low howl of my own, taking on everything she felt, adding it to my own angst. Leah was suffering, everyone had thought she was over the whole Sam and Emily thing, but right there as she broke down in front of my eyes, her body shifting to human form and wracked with sobs, I knew she was a long way from over it.

I shifted, pulling on my sweats and gathered her small naked trembling form against my own, stroking a hand though her short gamine hair, murmuring soft words of comfort as she cried against me, all her pain, her bitterness, flowing with her tears.

"It should have been me," she chanted over and over again, sobbing, almost choking on her own pain.

Seeing Leah in this kind of state instantly made me think of Nessie, was this how she had felt only this morning? Twice she had offered herself to me and twice I had rejected her, both times resulting in her tears. Christ, I was a bastard, she must be so confused, so unsure of herself. I would have given anything in the world to be able to just tell her, just tell her that I loved her and that I was protecting her from whatever danger lurked in my past and that I wanted her as much or more than she wanted me. She was still so young yet to understand the depths of my feelings.

As Leah sobs quieted into shuddering breaths she pulled herself away from me looking ashamed and I knew she would see this as weakness. I turned my back as she dressed quickly before she drew her knees up to her chest, and rested her cheek on them.

"I'm sorry…you have enough problems of your own to deal with" she said softly, the voice thick from crying as I turned back to her.

"It's okay…it's nice not to have to think about my own for a little while...though everything does tend to make me think of her " I confessed and she smirked a little at me.

"Pathetic" but there was no malice in her voice.

"You know Seth can't help how he feels Leah…none of us can"

She looked pained and she hit her fist against the floor "I know that really…but I feel as though I have lost everything…first Sam, then Emily- we were always close until this and now Seth too…there is no one just for me"

"I wish I could tell you there would be…but none of us really know what will happen"

"Not even your pixie Cullen? I'm so tired Jake…so tired of being known as a bitch, as the one who hates everyone and everyone hates…how many people could live through what I have and still carry on as normal…I'm thinking about leaving La Push"

"What? No, you can't Leah…it would kill your mom and Seth"

She looked at me with one eyebrow raised "I think you and I both know that Seth has other priorities now …maybe it will be for the best, give me chance to clear my head…get to know someone who isn't a supernatural being…give me someone for me, I'm sick of watching everyone else get what I can't"

"Christ Leah…" I stared at her, the pain she felt etched clearly into her features and once more I was reminded of my Nessie.

"Jake, you're beating yourself up again," she chastised. Was I that obvious? "Just be with her Jake put you both out of your misery"

"Are you really leaving?" I enquired ignoring the eye roll at my rapid change of subject. She shrugged lazily, some of her tension gone with her tears.

"Perhaps… I don't know…it's just a little raw at the minute"

"Are you planning on going inside?" I didn't want to event think about how much that would hurt her,

She shook her head, "I don't think so, maybe in a few days…what about you? You going back to Casa Cullen when you're through here?"

I sighed, nodding "Have to, she may hate me right now but I can't stay away from her…besides if she's close by then I know she's protected"

Leah tilted her head studying me, a frown crinkling her face

"Your memories still taking their sweet time coming back? Don't the Cullens know where you've been?"

I flopped back against the grass and stared up at the dark and angry clouds rolling across the sky "Oh they know alright…what they don't know is why" I confessed in a muted whisper.

"Do you?" Leah prodded, when I stared for longer than I intended.

"I don't know…part of me still feels like attacking them all you know…I have this urge-"

"Yeah I've seen all your urges thanks Jake" she chuckled, obviously trying to lighten the tension that had suddenly sprung up around us.

I grinned at her but then the smile fell from my lips "sometimes I don't feel quite in control of myself, like this very…animalistic reaction I have to Ness…it almost doesn't feel like me…it's as though my wolf has taken possession of me…and it worries me Leah…I could hurt her" I confessed in a strained voice.

"Hurt her how?"

I sighed "I want her so bad, that I think I'll go mad if I don't take her…like I'm going to come out of my skin"

Leah snorted "Bet that goes down well with Edward"

I ignored her but she had a valid point, I didn't dare think about what he had seen in my head, I just couldn't face it.

"He saw one of my nightmares…it wasn't pretty…I know he wants to discuss it, he thinks it holds the key to reclaiming my memories"

"And?" she prodded.

Another sigh, Christ I was turning morose "I don't know if I am ready to face all that yet…I don't know if I can deal with what happened to me and where I have been"

"Are you scared?" she taunted but her words were almost gentle.

I paused for long seconds and just listened to the noise of the world around me "Not scared exactly, more... concerned" I chose my words carefully.

Her face twisted "Jake you need to do this, you owe it to yourself, to the pack and to Nessie, to get your memories back, to get you back…if there is something chasing you, we have your back…but we all need to know…we need to be ready"

I knew she was right, I couldn't put this off any longer, whatever was coming for me, the best chance I had to defend myself was to know what I was dealing with and why.

"Promise me Jake, promise you'll talk to Edward…it's not just for you, it's for all of us…we need to be prepared for what's coming"

I gave her a sideways look "Thought you weren't sticking around?"

Her face broke into a grin "If there's a fight coming, then there's nowhere else I'd rather be"

I laughed for the first time in a long time and my mind was made up, this evening when I returned to the Cullen's I would speak to Edward and see what he had discovered. Then and only then would I be able to give myself to my Nessie.