Clarke stood staring at the sky. Thoughts running rapid in her brain. The stars seem peaceful so safe, Clarke however feels nothing but. Confusion raced across her mind. What had she done? What was she thinking? The stars reminded her of life on the ark. Of life before the fight. The fight that occurs everyday. She knows if for one moment she stops fighting this never-ending war, she won't be there to continue. The ark seemed so horrible but in retrospect it wasn't. If oxygen wasn't low would she be happy. Would she have met Monte or Raven, Octavia or Bellamy, Jasper or even Murphy? Would her dad be with her? Would she have fallen for Finn? Or married Wells?
Finn and Wells. It seems like an eternity since she has seen their face. Since she heard their voice. They say you never forget them, that they're always with us. Remembering the time when Wells and her sat at the window and watched, brought back feelings. They were 14, and they sat there for six hours. Talking and saying hypotheticals. It was the moment Clarke really opened up to Wells. She remembered dreaming of life on Earth. What she got is without a doubt nothing she had in mind. She dreamed of swimming with dolphins. Feeling the coolness of the water as is stroked her skin. Of taking in air of such purity that it opened her eyes. Of the sun hitting her skin. That so called feeling of warmth she has so long desired. Of building a home with her family, a home of comfort and love. A home were she could personalize every detail, every speck of wood. She dreamed of watching these stars from a different angle.
From this angle she contemplates. Contemplates what if's and what was's.
Finn. His name still makes her tremble with regret. Who knew she could fall for someone so quickly. He was like a storm. He came in and just as fast, vanished into the sky. Finn was true, honest. Clarke loved him as much as she could love any man or so she thought. Finn was different, a bit cocky at times, but different. He was carefree and helpful at the same time. He was both kind and protective. Finn was her everything. Unfortunatly in this world, everything never lasts.
There's been so much loss, so much pain. The 100 that was sent down, is now such a small few. The fight they once had, they once believed in so close to gone. Clarke feels tired, tired of everything. She is so set on staying in this world, she forgets on why she wanted to be here in the first place. To live on what once was. To rebuild a world to it's once former luxury without all the war and bloodshed. To destroy any idea of guns or weapons.
As Clarke lies on the blanket thinking about everything she can't help but picture it. Picture that world, that idea she once believed in with every fiber in her being.
Bellamy, the man who once she tolerated to now who she can't explain. Since the dropship Bellamy and her would do anything for each other. They trusted each other like siblings. However siblings, they are not. Clarke wished she knew what happened this morning. What she was thinking to jump him like that. Bellamy is her FRIEND. Bellamy is hers.
Clarke remebered that day in the bunker where they discovered the guns. They day where she knew Bellamy was her ride or die. Where they fought off and then lied on that tree. Where they admitted their fears, Clarke wished to go back there. Where they fight seemed so over. The fight wasn't.
But she realized that through out everything Bellamy has been there. All the times they rescued one another, meant something.
Is it wrong to feel something?
Clarke watched the stars in their natural habitat. Watched as they remained stagnate. Reminding her fall the hypotheticals, of all the what if's.