Heroin overdose.

If you keep reading, you'll figure out that was the easy part.

Because there's an antidote.

We saw his yellowing skin, sweaty palms, and seemingly loss of pain. We threw him in the car and sped off, me, Natsuki, and Rivers in mine, and Yuri in Rivers's car.

I googled a hospital in Rosarito.

He was babbling in the back seat. Very few of those words were actually intelligible. Something about knives and moms.

We drive past the tiny freeway, through the streets of Rosarito and we reach the emergency room.

I drag him in and set him down.

I don't know Spanish. Rivers does.

Natsuki googled how to say certain words on the way here, enough to tell the lady at the front the situation: suicide attempt, heroin overdose.

The lady ran inside and got the nurse, who brought a stretcher. She hauled Rivers onto it and sped off.

The half hour I waited was the worst of my life. I didn't know whether my love, one of the only reasons I don't blast myself every day, would be alive. My reason to keep going, keeping shooting the craps that is life.

But then Natsuki popped me out of my bubble.

"Where's Yuri?"

And that's when it struck me. Yuri was alone in Rivers's car. She had control over where to go.

And she was withdrawing from heroin.

It doesn't sound right.

And that's when she walked in. Seemingly normal, for a second. But she was slower. Calmer.

"Hey, Sayori. Question: Where are we in Mexico?" she asked.

"Baja California, why?" I responded.

"No reason. Hey, I'm gonna go to the bathroom..." she commented.

And I felt weird.

Like she was covering something up.

I decided to follow her. Weird, but hey, we're both girls. I walk in and I hear a sound, like a really big inhale.

I saw someone in there and I do something I'm not really proud of. I slowly open the door and I see her. Holding a plate with a pill bottle and a few white powdery lines.

I don't wanna tell you too much, but I threw the pills down the toilet and fought her in the bathroom. It was very close, but I knocked her out just as she knocked my tooth out.

Dammit.

I decided to just throw her on the floor and go back.

"Why the hell are you so bruised?" Natsuki asks.

"Don't ask," I responded.

"Well, I did," she retorts, "so answer—"

Then the doctor came through and walked over to us.

"So, I have good news and bad news..."

"What is it?" I ask impatiently.

"We were able to stop his overdose with an antidote called naloxone. So, he's not close to dying at all."

We both cheer. "Can I see him?" I ask.

"That's the bad news,"

"What do you mean?"

"The heroin brought out underlying mental problems..."

"Like what?" Natsuki asks, very confused.

"Psychosis, trauma, depression..." the doctor responded, "Honestly, from where you guys live, it's amazing he came to Rosarito instead of killing himself in his home."

That brought me back to his note. Clementine. That's why he came to Mexico. So that she and I would never know.

"So what does have to do with anything? He remembers me, right?" I asked, snarkily.

"Yes, but he doesn't want you to come. A big symptom of psychosis, especially when there's trauma, is that the person will corollate their fears to people that didn't hurt them."

"Simple, please?" Natsuki snapped.

"Basically, he thinks either you want to kill him or want him to kill himself." he told me.

"How?" I sadly asked.

"We don't know. He says something about a girl. We think he might be imagining it, or even hallucinating, which would make sense if he has psychosis."

I grabbed him and shook him.

"What does he say?" I ask loudly.

After he straightens up, he told me, "We're not sure. We have made out a few words. And he can still write. Here, he wanted me to give this to you."

Then he walked away.

I sat down and read the paper.

It was a poem.

It read,

Stop Whispering

I can hear you through the door

I can hear you through the window

I can hear a one-tune, half-assed melody being played with a piano and a lone chair violinist.

I tell you to stop whispering, but you start shouting.

I tell you to stop shouting, but you start whispering.

I tell you she loves me, you tell me she wants me dead.

I saw a girl with white bows in her hair, shouting at me.

I'm nothing. I'm the reason the game happened. We're the reason why forty-nine children died in a shooting at a religious camp.

When will it be enough?

When can I just puke my sad thoughts out

Like a bottle of shitty vitamins

When they won't just take you to the damn otherside?

I'm too scared to hang myself.

I'm too sensitive to shoot myself.

I'm too lovestruck to leave her.

I guess love is the only force stronger

Than knives, shotguns, and heroin.

Maybe if Kurt Cobain had been truly loved

He could've survived like me too.

I saw a girl in a black shirt and black pants, crying for her mother.

I'm thinking in rainbows right now.

But I really hope you still love me.

Now the voices are shouting at me. Telling me I'm a lie.

I deserve to die.

Why, what did I ever do to you?

If I do die, I swear I'll be with you.

No one deserves to be with a psychotic depressed shit.

Sad because my family died.

I lied to Clem for three years.

They would be home in two days.

But they haven't been home in three years.

I went with them to a hair salon when a gunman shot my parents and seven others.

When they weren't looking, I tripped them and took both their guns.

I forced them to drive me to their house.

And I walked in.

I told them what happened.

They went to jail.

But their last brother.

A few days later, I was walking to the ice cream shop. He grabbed me and punched me until I was knocked out.

I found myself behind a tree with a knife to my throat. I would have gotten decapitated weren't it for a lone hiker killing this guy and walking me home.

He asked me where my parents were.

I told them I didn't have any.

I hate the world.

I hate myself.

I only loved you.

Monika took that away from me.

That poem. It made clear sense.

He is hallucinating.

And Monika is what he's seeing.

And a little girl.

He saw Libitina.

The girl with the Third Eye.

Crying, because she wanted her mom.

But, they killed her instead.

I couldn't stand it.

I snuck into the back with the doctor rooms when the front desk lady wasn't looking. I looked in some windows.

I finally saw a room with a carving in the window.

IN RAINBOWS.

I opened the door and saw a room with Rivers. He was holding crayons and coloring rainbows on the walls.

It took him a few seconds to notice me in the room.

When he did, he just looked at me.

But I heard him start to breath harder and back into a corner.

"What are you doing? What are you doing?" he repeatedly mumbled to himself.

"Please don't kill me... please don't kill me..." he started mumbling again.

I took his hand in mine. "Rivers, I'm not gonna ki—"

"Yes, you will! You want me dead!" he yelled.

"How do you know?" she asked.

"She told me! Plain and simple."

I just sat down next to him. I grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Look at me. If I didn't love you, I would've killed myself by now. You're practically the only thing that keeps me alive."

He just sat there.

And didn't say anything. I just sat next to him, and he laid his head on my shoulder.

And he fell asleep.

But he asked me before he fell asleep,

"Florida-made honey?"