La, Another update? Well that's what happens when all you wonderful ladies (probably?) review…the more you do the faster I type and let me tell you Jake and Nessie have some exciting adventures coming up… This chapter is all in Ness POV and I am hoping to post Jake's version later today… Please don't judge anyone too harshly in this chapter, as all will be revealed later. Share your thoughts with me? Love you all. Tink. XX


Jake pushed open the door and I followed him silently inside, feeling as though I had come to my second home. I had spent a lot of time here as a child and was always so comforted by the beautiful, intricate native decorations. Knowing there were traditions and cultures older than my family and myself gave me comfort and security but since Jake's disappearance I hadn't spent any time here.

If I was leaving home and facing possible death then at least I was pleased to be somewhere familiar. Beside me I heard Jake sniff loudly as the scent of steak wafted through the house and he grinned, already moving towards the kitchen.

"You cooking Leah?" he called sounding delighted, following his nose. He was such a mutt sometimes, I thought with an indulgent smile, always starving.

"Knew you'd be hungry Jake" she called back laughingly "You're alive"

He chuckled as he carried on walking. I followed, immediately feeling a little like a third wheel, as he entered the kitchen, grinning at Leah, who beamed back. Quickly, moving with wolf like grace, he crossed the room to steal a bit of the bloody steak from the pan, wincing as Leah slapped his hand with her own.

"Hey that hurt," he whined, licking the steak juice from his fingers. My eyes followed his fingers, greedily as he put them to his mouth, my stomach clenching as he lightly sucked on them. It wasn't the hardest stretch to imagine his beautifully sculpted lips sucking on me and I trembled a little.

"It was meant to Black...hey Nessie" she added almost as an afterthought, turning to smile at me.

"Hi" I managed to get out, my eyes still fixed on Jake's lips, fascinated as his tongue stole out to catch a droplet of juice that had escaped and was trickling down his thick middle finger. Heat blossomed inside me, turning into that little ache which was becoming more and more familiar the more time I spent around him.

"Ness I put you in Jake's old room, thought you would be more comfortable…Jake you're in Billy's room and I'm gonna take the couch when I'm here" she said as she turned the steak, and adjusted the heat as it sizzled.

"Thanks" I murmured, feeling like a nervous outsider. This was ridiculous. I hated the feeling of insecurity that whirled around inside me, taunting me.

"You want steak Ness?" Jake asked me reaching out towards the pan again, moving his hand rapidly with a smirk as Leah lifted her own to strike.

I shook my head, my appetite deserting me, in the face of their blatant camaraderie. Though I knew they had been friends before, I was still surprised at this bond, the familiarity, the closeness they now seemed to share.

"You should you know, you won't get many chances to hunt on the rez…I know you dislike human food but for now it's all we got"

"Maybe later…I'm a little tired, so I would like to put away my things?" it was both a request and an attempting at reminding him I was here.

"Oh sure…you know where my room is" he stated sitting himself down at the table with a deep sigh. Shocked and hurting, I managed to nod before I turned and fled the room, anger and pain warring inside of me.

Why was he treating me this way? Treating me as though I didn't exist, as though I were an outsider here. Fury simmered inside me and where once I would have found refuge in tears, I was determined to not to let my feelings show. I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction. However this did not prevent me stomping belligerently into the room that was to be mine for the next few weeks.

Jake's room was exactly like I remembered only much, much tidier. His desk still situated under the window, his television and DVD player in tact if very dust free. I smiled as I remembered how the now tidy pile of DVD's would have been scattered haphazardly across the table. The little Mermaid, Snow White, High School Musical, Harry Potter, and my personal favorite Beauty and the Beast, all of them reflecting my influence on his life. But it went both ways. As a little girl, before I'd understood what the feelings were, I'd had a massive crush on the beast; there was just something so wild and untamed about him that I loved. Even then my penchant for dark and hairy had been obvious for all to see.

Unable to stop myself moved my gaze to the bed, which took up most of the room. It was a king size. Obviously Jake was a big guy but I remembered then even then his feet could dangle over the end unless he slept on an angle. The black and red bed linen looked to be freshly pressed and, I stroked my hand across it absentmindedly as I studied the rest of his room. Something about this place seemed different. It was too clean. Too organized. Too….

Leah.

I knew instantly she had been in here cleaning up and it angered me. Jake was mine, she had no business in his room, in his personal space. I glanced about; looking for the old sweats and baggy shirts that usually littered the floor. Instead there were clean surfaces everywhere I looked. Dropping my bag I reached out for the rustic picture frame beside his bed, smiling despite my anger and pain.

Jake smiled at the camera, with me wrapped around his body, grinning cheekily over his shoulder, aged three looking more like a ten year old. He was my best friend but things just seemed so complicated between us, would it ever be simple again?

He was sending me such mixed messages, he wanted me, he didn't want me, I tempted him, he ignored me. Setting the picture aside I curled up on my side on Jakes bed, inhaling deeply, disappointed when only the smell of laundry detergent reached me. I felt lonely, abandoned. Despite the reasons why I was here there was a large part of me which had expected Jake would change his mind about being with me the second we got back on his own territory.

I imagined that he would confess his true feelings to me but instead he didn't seem bothered at all by the fact I was here with him. I lay there for a few minutes trying to gather my thoughts, put together a plan. Decide what I wanted to do. I had already told him I wanted to know how fight. We both had strengths and weaknesses. There was only so much he could teach me, after all he was a wolf and I was a vampire. But then who better to teach me how to defeat my own kind, than those equipped and designed by nature to destroy us.

Sighing I reluctantly got up and began to unpack the holdall, shirts, check, jeans, check, sweats, check, tennis shoes, check, lacy lingerie… lacy lingerie? I stared at the gossamer soft panties and bra's, the delicate lacy under things almost making me blush. A note pinned to a fine lace Cami top read:

"Just in case you need them. Love A. XX"

I smiled at the same time as I flushed, the implications of her note sinking in. Had she seen that I would need them? Would I get what I wanted after all? Grinning in anticipation I hurried to put away the rest of my things, stashed the toiletries in the bathroom and headed back down the stairs at past human speed.

As I got closer to the kitchen I could hear whispered, hushed voices talking and as my heart began to speed up, my steps deliberately slowed down. I felt a knife twist inside my gut when I came to the doorway of the kitchen and saw Leah wrapped in Jake's arms, his chin resting a top of her head, her arms around his waist, she was totally relaxed against him. Horrified I watched as he placed a kiss on her forehead.

"You need to tell her Jake and soon" she said softly looking up at him, her fingers tangling in the long tresses of his hair, as she tugged playfully.

My heart froze inside me as Jake nodded, giving her waist a squeeze "I know Leah but I can't, not just yet…it would kill her to know that I've been lying to her all this time, I can't do that to her, not now, not like this"

I stuffed my hand in my mouth to muffle the cry of pain inside me and dropped back against the wall, so they would not see me. Jake and Leah? I was struck blind and deaf with the agony of his betrayal. All this time I'd thought he'd wanted me, but he was with Leah.

I couldn't hear anything except the sound of my pulse roaring in my ears. It drowned out all noise except the rapid burst of my poor heart as it stuttered back into motion. I felt sick and disgusted, the burn of ready tears prickling my eyes. My first instinct was demand he take me home, run crying to mama and never set eyes on him again. Blinking away the sting Aunt Rosie's words came back to me.

I couldn't run away like a little girl, I wouldn't show him how much he was hurting me. Besides he had instantly looked more at peace since we had arrived. At first I thought it was being back in La Push but maybe it was more to do with Leah's presence than I had first realized. However hurt, betrayed and angry I felt, I couldn't deny this had been a good move for Jake.

Suddenly I understood so many things; this was the reason she had volunteered to come live with us. She was why he had rejected me all those times, why the only kiss he had given me was almost platonic. I felt like such a fool. Sucking in breaths around the pain threatening to buckle my knees, I backtracked quickly, silently to the stairs. Swallowing back the hurt and allowing my anger to surface, I stomped down each step, alerting them to my presence.

Entering the kitchen I found Jake sat at the table, whilst Leah washed the dishes. He lounged back against the chair, his hands folded across his washboard stomach, his large feet bare, an empty plate before him. Well wasn't this the picture of fucking domestic bliss, I thought bitterly and hoped my feelings were not showing on my face.

"So" I began, trying to keep the ice from my voice as I fought not to glare at Leah's back "Did Jake tell you?"

She jumped and turned to look at me. I watched as a guilty look crept over her face and she avoided my eyes "Tell me what Ness?"

She had fucking reason to look guilty, stealing my Jake. " About us"

Take that, bitch, you can read whatever meaning you want into my words, see how you like feeling insecure.

Her eyes darted from me to Jake and she shifted uncomfortably, I glanced at Jake but he seemed as puzzled as she did.

"N, no"

"Oh… must have slipped his mind, since you were both so busy and all…but I've decided I want to be able to take care of myself…no more Miss Nice Nessie… I need to be able to take care of myself…I want to be able to kick Jake's ass if he's a jerk to me…I want to learn how to fight…he said you would help me"

I stared right into her eyes as I said it, wanting her to know that I wasn't scared of her. That I was more than ready to kick her scrawny ass. A fierce possessive instinct I didn't know I had was rearing its ugly head and making itself known.

Jake just looked at me, a frown marring his beautiful features, I knew I was confusing him but I didn't care. He'd confused me long enough. I was as my Aunt Rosie and Uncle Emmett had suggested, "growing a pair".

"You sure that's wise Ness…I mean I am stronger than I look...I wouldn't want you to get hurt" she said softly, sharing another meaningful look with Jake.

I pulled myself up to my full height and stuck out my chin a little "I'm sure…It's taken me a while to get the message but I know there is no one out there to do this for me…besides I'm stronger than I look too…right Jake? This is what I was designed for…to take down wolves like you" I bit off and Jake's frown grew wider. I could see the anger sparking in his eyes and I thrilled at the feeling of victory it gave me.

I knew I was acting totally out character, more like Leah than myself, but hey it seemed like Jake liked bitches so maybe this was the way to play it.

"You okay Ness…you seem a little…odd?" he asked me huskily, his gaze measuring my every movement. I felt each sweeping movement of his eyes over me as though it were an actual touch against my skin.

I nodded stiffly "I'm fine…I'm just eager to get on with this…as soon as this is over I'll be able to return home and leave you two to your own lives"

Jake looked wounded for a second but the look was gone before I could even be sure that I had seen it.

"Leah? Is tomorrow good for you?" I asked her but my eyes were on Jake as I continued to stare him down.

"Sure, sure…if it's what you want…if you think it will help…but if I kick your ass Ness, you have to promise not to let Jake hurt me" she said lightly but I knew she wasn't stupid. A blind man could see the tension building in this room.

"Oh I think he stopped doing what I wanted a long time ago" I sniped archly.

Leah put down the cloth she held and looked at Jake again, I watched them share a look and tried to pretend it didn't feel like I was being dragged across broken glass.

"I think I am gonna patrol for a little while, give you guys some time to settle in…. maybe to talk" she said with a pointed look in my direction. Oh Christ this was it, this was where he told me about them. I wasn't ready. I didn't want to know. My bravado was wilting. Nasty Nessie was feeling scared again.

Suddenly I needed something to do, anything to take my mind off what was about to happen. As Leah passed me by without another word, I opened the refrigerator and took out a can of soda, needing to keep myself busy.

"Ness" Jake said from behind me.

"Uh huh" I murmured, flipping the tab and bringing the can to my lips, still giving him my back.

"What the hell is going on with you?"

"What do you mean?"

" This…The whole bitch routine" he grumbled and I heard the chair scrape across the floor as he got to his feet.

"Why Jake, I thought you liked bitches…you are a wolf after all" I said with a sickly sweet smile I was far from feeling.

"What the fuck? Where in the hell has this come from?"

"This?"

"The attitude, the snarky comments, refusing to look at me" I knew he was behind me when the heat from his skin burned against my back. His scent filled my nostrils and I couldn't help it. I inhaled. Deeply. Twice.

I fought the urge to turn around and fling myself into his arms, to plead with him to break up with Leah, to tell him that she didn't love him the way I did. Instead I dredged up all the anger and hurt I felt, the only way I was going to be able to deal with this.

"I'm having a soda Jake, I wasn't aware that looking at you was mandatory" I sniped back, determined I was not going to retreat into the old Nessie who cried when things got too tough.

"Soda? Bull shit Nessie, you don't even like soda"

He was right, damn it but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of admitting to it.

"Well, like you maybe my tastes have changed," I said airily, waving my hands about with a gaiety I was far from feeling.

"Jesus Ness, what does that mean?"

I shrugged and took another mouthful of soda, it was vile, thick and syrupy, tasted like pure sugar and I was sure it would take weeks to scrape the remnants of my teeth.

"Dammit Ness look at me when I'm talking to you" he snarled, his alpha commanding me. Almost against my will but unable to help myself I turned around but refused to meet his gaze, staring somewhere in the vicinity of his shoulder.

"What the hell is this all about Nessie? Why are you being like this?" he asked, his tone softer this time, almost…no I couldn't allow myself to think that…but he sounded almost like he cared.

"I'm not being like anything Jake…I've just grown up…had my eyes opened and I think I've acted like a spoiled little girl for too long now"

"Well you're sure as shit acting like a spoiled big girl now…Christ Ness you were barely civil to poor Leah-"

"Poor Leah?" I almost screeched, "Poor Leah can just kiss my ass"

"Renesmee Cullen!" he growled my full name and I knew then he was angry with me, more angry than he had been in a long time. He never, ever used my given name. "Leah has come here to help us, to help me and you are treating her like she isn't welcome here…this is still my home, don't you dare pull this shit here"

"And what is that supposed to mean?" I snarled furious that he was calling me out on my behavior. He was the one that had started this by having a relationship with her in first place.

"It means you are acting like a bitch and I want you to stop it, whatever the deal is here Ness, we don't have time for it…the Volturi are coming…the Volturi… you remember them? Kidnapped and tortured me? Coming for me again? Coming to kill me…maybe you too… Ring any bells Ness…I need to keep my shit together and you acting like this is not helping," he snarled but beneath his words I heard something I had never expected. I heard his fear; his vulnerability and that shocked me like nothing else could have.

My anger drained as shame flowed over me, mixing with the seething rage and pain of his betrayal. I was a jumbled, confused mess and though I was hurting, this wasn't just about me, this was about him. He was right; this was not the time to do this. His life, our lives could be at stake and having a tantrum was not going to help anyone. But I would not forget, would not forget how he had lied to me and betrayed me.

"Look I'm tired, I'm away from home…I'm sorry okay…this is hard for me too you know, what with Leah being here" I mumbled, staring down at me for.

"Leah being here isn't going to change anything Ness… we're still friends… you and me always" he said softly and there was that look again, the one where I thought maybe he did care about me. Friends. Right.

"I know, I just thought I'd give being a bitch a try," I confessed with a small yet very sheepish smile.

"How's that working out for you?" he smiled some and I felt the tension between us begin to disappear.

I wanted to laugh. Jake had always had a gift for making me smile, even we had had fought or argued. But now I almost hated myself for allowing myself to fall for his charm so quickly, knowing how much he was hurting me.

"Not to well…ask me again tomorrow after she's whooped my butt for being such a bitch to her"

"I wont let her hurt you Ness, I would never let anyone hurt you…I promise," he murmured and our eyes caught. Heat sizzled through me and I felt powerless to move, not that I wanted to; he was looking at me as though I were the most precious thing in the world.

His eyes were so dark they looked almost black, little flecks of gold shimmering and moving in their depths. They were so beautiful that I wanted to sigh, to swoon like the women in those black and white movies my grandma Esme loved so much. I was held captive, prisoner and found that I didn't mind one bit.

"I know" my eyes filled up at the sentiment in his words. The painful thing was I knew he meant it, he would never let anyone hurt me…except himself.

"Ness there is something…something I need to tell you, something I should have told you before" he said, his voice nervous, shaking. This was the first time I had ever seen Jake scared and it unnerved me.

In fact I would go so far as to say he looked petrified, his hands shaking a little as though he was going to shift. He couldn't meet my gaze, his eyes fixed on the floor I wanted to put him out of his misery, wanted to stop his worrying.

"It's okay Jake, I know," I said in what hoped would be a soothing tone. As much as I hated the thought of him with Leah, I couldn't put him through the big confession thing. And I knew deep down I would not be able to cope hearing it.

"You, you know?" now he looked truly petrified, his face a little pale below the russet of his skin. His eyes were wide, seeming to change from brown to pitch as his heart beat sped up.

I nodded and forced out the words, surprised with the calmness I pulled off "I know"

"And you, you don't mind? It's okay with you?" he sounded amazed, like a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He was almost smiling, beaming while inside I was dying.

Fighting the painful tearing in my heart, the ripping, the pulling, I answered "No I don't mind… you…you can't help how you feel and neither can I… after all it won't change anything between us right?"

A shadow passed over his eyes, his mouth pulling down in the corners "It wont'? But I thought this was what you-"

"No, I understand now and it's okay, really… but it won't, it can't change anything for us"

I wasn't exactly going to give him and Leah my blessing but at the same time I didn't want him to think he could lose our friendship, after all I was the one who wanted something more, he was the one who constantly pushed me away. Now I knew why. Leah.

"Don't you think we should discuss it?"

"What's to discuss, we both know how things stand now, lets just leave it at that" I could not discuss his relationship with Leah Clearwater, being civil was one thing but getting the details was quite another. As I crossed the room to the doorway my own morbid curiosity got the better of me. Looking over my shoulder at him, I asked the question that I needed the answer to; despite the pain I knew it would bring me.

"How long?" I murmured and he took such a long time answering that I wasn't sure he had heard at first.

When he spoke he sounded almost… sad "A while"

"Before you…went away?" I didn't want to bring up more bed memories of his disappearance by mentioning it directly.

He nodded once sharply and that was all I needed to know. I wrapped my arms around my chest, holding in the sobs that were so close to the surface.

"I think I need to sleep…tell Leah I said goodnight" I mumbled and like the coward I was, I fled upstairs, fighting the old Nessie and her bitter tears along the way.