So this is Jake's take on the whole thing…nothing very different, which is why I am posting them so close together kind of like one update. Oh and by the way the soda Nessie drinks is Surge…I had it once a few years ago in Universal Studios and became addicted...then when I went back again I couldn't find it anywhere ;( So that was my homage to Surge…I miss you…Anyway let me know your thoughts and remember Jake does not know that Ness saw him and Leah together. Love Tink. XX
Having Nessie in my home with me gave back a sense of peace and security. Stepping through the door I felt truly at home for the first time in ages, I could literally feel all my tension and worry drain away. Nessie on the other hand, seemed quiet and strained. I guessed it was to be expected, she had left all her family to be with me. Left everyone she loved and that loved her, to help save me from a certain death at the hands of vampire royalty. Vampire Royalty she knew could very well kill her in a heartbeat.
Part of me wanted to take her into my arms and hold her close, to comfort her, to thank her for being here for me. I longed to kiss her, to stroke her, to hear her sigh my name as I touched her. No longer under the confines of Edwards "gift", I could pursue my relationship with her as I wanted.
But there was still something holding me back, there was still something that didn't feel comfortable with me. There was still so much hanging over us. Was it dangerous to be distracted by her? Was I putting us all at risk if I allowed myself to tell her how much I loved her, to tell her about the imprint, to tell her that she was my mate?
I had to get a grip of my self and my feelings towards Nessie. Now was not the time to complicate matters any more than they already were. I had to control myself around her, not let her see how much having her here would effect me. Keep my distance, keep my hands to myself and act as though her presence here and us being alone was normal. Painful as it was I had to act almost as though she were not around.
Sniffing, I caught the delicious scent of raw steaks frying, the sizzling reaching my ears and my stomach growled. Grinning in anticipation, I set off towards the kitchen, still amazed that despite what was hanging over us I could feel this at peace with myself.
"You cooking Leah?" I crowed excitedly, unable to help the goofy grin that I knew would be gracing my face. I was home and best of all Ness; my Nessie was with me at my side.
"Knew you'd be hungry Jake" Leah called back chuckling to herself "You're alive"
Glancing over my shoulder I noticed Nessie's face was pinched, her mouth pursued in a stubborn line and I knew then and there that this was not going to be good. Going with my earlier instincts I attempted to act as though everything was normal, I stamped down the urge to coddle her and ask what was wrong and continued into the kitchen with her on my heels. The irresistible smell of steak beckoned me across the room and as Leah turned to smile at me over her shoulder I attempted to filch a piece of meat from the pan. Sighing I felt my fingers come into contact with the tender fleshy meat and then jump as Leah, sharp as ever, slapped my hand away.
"Hey that hurt," I couldn't help the whine, or the need to lick my fingers where the juice and scent still lingered. Heat zinged through me as I felt Nessie's eyes on me, watching my every move hungrily, as I sucked the juice from my fingers. She licked her lips and my entire body stiffened, what I wouldn't give to have her lick and sucking at my fingers, or any other available part of my now very erect anatomy.
"It was meant to Black...hey Nessie" Leah smirked and then turned to smile at me again, her eyes dropping to my pants and back again. I shifted, embarrassed and uncomfortable a little as a knowing look appeared in her eyes.
"Hi" Nessie murmured distractedly and it was hard knowing her eyes were still on me as I caught a stray drop of juice, a slight flush appearing across her cheeks. Primitive instincts battled inside me with my common sense that said being with Nessie now was a bad idea for us both. But the erection in my pants wanted to argue, wanted to sate itself inside Nessie, to hear her cry, to hear her call my name as she came. There it was again, my old friend the animalistic lust, which I thought I'd managed to get a handle on at last.
"Ness I put you in Jake's old room, thought you would be more comfortable…Jake you're in Billy's room and I'm gonna take the couch when I'm here" Leah chattered on, interrupting my thoughts as she turned the steak.
"Thanks" her eyes were finally away from me and I felt a could breathe a little easier, that girl really did not know the effect she had on me.
"You want steak Ness?" I rasped my voice somewhat gravellier than I had anticipated. To counter act the effect and so as not to call attention to the fact I had a raging erection I reached out towards the pan again. Leah was too quick for me and she moved her hands as though to slap me again. I chuckled as Nessie shook her head, with that same look on her face. I hid a sigh.
"You should you know, you won't get many chances to hunt on the rez…I know you dislike human food but for now it's all we got"
"Maybe later…I'm a little tired, so I would like to put away my things?" she asked but wouldn't meet my eyes.
So it was going to be like that? Besides there was no way in hell I even trusted myself to be alone with her in my room in my current state, for however short a time. I knew I would not be able to keep my hands to myself and that would land me in a whole heap of trouble.
"Oh sure…you know where my room is" I said casually, feigning nonchalance as I sat down at the table, looking as though I had all the time in the world.
Hurt flickered across her face and I expected to see tears but she simply nodded and squared her shoulders before fleeing the room.
"Well this is going to be fucking fun isn't it?" Leah commented turning away from the stove to look at me, her eyes narrowed.
"Don't Leah, please I don't need this now" I expected my alpha command, surprised when it came out more like a whine.
Leah laughed again "She really has you by the balls doesn't she…fucking imprints"
"I'm glad you find this so amusing Leah thanks"
"Shit Jake, this is the funniest thing I've seen in a while, Nessie stood there eye fucking you and you pretending not to notice…I though she was gonna spontaneously combust"
"I didn't notice" I lied, hoping she would buy it.
"Well I have a dollar that says that beast in your pants did" she looked pointedly to where my hardness now seemed to wither away under her mocking gaze. Great. I had just discovered the solution to all my problems with my lustful instincts. Leah Clearwater. Erection eradicator extraordinaire.
"Funny"
"I know…seriously though Jake, I think you need to tell her"
I shook my head "Things are to complicated at the moment…It's not the right time"
"That's bullshit, it's the perfect time…tell her how you feel Jake…before it's too late…you don't know what you have till it's gone…there were so many things I wish I'd said to Sam before he imprinted…maybe things would have been different, maybe I could have stopped it" there was a sadness in her tone and unable to help myself I got to my feet.
I pulled her towards me and tucked her head beneath my chin, as she wrapped her arms around me. It felt strange holding someone else the way I did Nessie, but I knew she needed comfort and Leah was doing me a great service being here.
"She doesn't know any of it… imprint, nothing…I told her I didn't see her like that"
"So tell her now" she argued glaring up at me. "You are so pig headed"
"Leah I already said it's not the right time, there is too much at risk now"
"I think you're just scared to admit how you feel incase she rejects you" Leah taunted, her outer bitch returning.
"What, what if she does?" I blurted and then winced "What if I tell her about the imprint and she can't handle it…that she wont want to be tied to me forever" I gave voice to some of my darkest fears, fears that I had never really acknowledge before, even to myself.
"Jacob Black…that girl is mad about you, she was practically drooling when you licked that juice from your fingers…she loves you, though Christ knows why you're one of the biggest ass holes I know"
"Thanks for that…. But really thanks, for being here and everything…and sticking your nose where it isn't wanted"
"You need to tell her Jake and soon" she said softly and I winced again as I realized that she was tugging non-to gently on the ends of my hair to make a point.
"I know Leah but I can't, not just yet…it would kill her to know that I've been lying to her all this time, I can't do that to her, not now, not like this" I gave her waist a squeeze, not hard but enough to know that she had to leave my hair alone.
There was a stomping noise from the hallway, alerting me to Nessie's presence and I almost flung myself back to the table, not wanting Nessie to see me with Leah. God knows I didn't want her to get the wrong idea. Seconds later Nessie appeared at the door, her face a carefully composed mask. I was in trouble. More trouble than I had initially realized when she seemed to be glaring at me and my skin prickled as tension began to build inside me. I'd fucked up. Again.
"So" she said, turning to stare at Leah with a look of intense dislike on her face "Did Jake tell you?"
Leah jumped then looked at Nessie. Even I could see the guilty look on her face as she spoke softly, almost cautiously. I knew she could sense the mood in the air. "Tell me what Ness?"
" About us" she said it venomously.
I saw Leah shoot me a worried look as she realized just what was happening here and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I wasn't sure but I thought maybe Nessie was jealous of Leah. I felt closer to her since our conversation at Sam's and obviously it showed in our new relationship. Ah Nessie. You silly, silly, girl.
"N, no"
"Oh… must have slipped his mind, since you were both so busy and all…but I've decided I want to be able to take care of myself…no more Miss Nice Nessie… I need to be able to stand on my own two feet…I want to be able to kick Jake's ass if he's a jerk to me…I want to learn how to fight…he said you would help me" Nessie said defiantly, her eyes flashing a warning to both Leah and I.
She had gotten hold of the wrong end of the stick, but I was on the short end of my fuse and sick of Nessie having these tantrums. Being my imprint I was designed to make her happy, it was like a reflex thing. But at times it wore a little thin, like now when she was acting like a complete bitch.
I loved Nessie more than I loved anyone but I was not blind to the fact, she was half human and as such had human moments of weakness. Mood swings, crying and acting like a bitch. From the way she was glaring at Leah I knew she was severely pissed. It was odd to see such a different side to her, the sweet and kind Nessie in contrast to this much moodier, bitchier one. Gotta admit it was kind of a turn on but then everything about Nessie was.
Yet for all that, I thought she looked magnificent, beautiful, her eyes practically shooting sparks. Yep. If looks could kill. Kill… The thought caused me to remember why she was here and I frowned.
"You sure that's wise Ness…I mean I am stronger than I look...I wouldn't want you to get hurt" Leah said softly, glaring at me as if to say sort this shit out Black.
I wanted to laugh as I watched Nessie bristle and stand a little taller even though Leah already towered over her. She had guts my Ness.
"I'm sure…It's taken me a while to get the message but I know there is no one out there to do this for me…anyway I'm stronger than I look too…right Jake? Besides this is what I was designed for…to take down wolves like you"
"You okay Ness…you seem a little…odd?" I asked her, wanting to stop this before it got any further.
Leah was being extremely tolerant of her cattiness but I didn't know how long it would last. The last thing I wanted was to get between them two if they came to blows, I knew I would have to protect Nessie the imprint would over ride me and I hated the thought of having to hurt Leah.
"I'm fine…I'm just eager to get on with this…as soon as this is over I'll be able to return home and leave you two to your own lives"
The instant I thought about her leaving me, going back to the Cullens an ache blossomed inside, an almost physical pain, reminding me of that I experienced during my separation from her.
"Leah? Is tomorrow good for you?" she continued in the same awful tone.
"Sure, sure…if it's what you want…if you think it will help…but if I kick your ass Ness, you have to promise not to let Jake hurt me" she said lightly but I could hear a warning in her words.
She was telling Ness to back off and I had to agree. I didn't want to think about what would happen if they really came to blows, my imprint and my second.
"Oh I think he stopped doing what I wanted a long time ago," she said waspishly and I just stared at her, who was this person. She was like Jekyll and Hyde. She wasn't happy, she was hurting but if I babied her now, then she would never learn. I hated the fact she was hurting but if I backed down now, she would think it was acceptable to treat me and Leah like this.
I felt Leah's eyes on me and knew she was reaching the end of her rope with this confrontation. She put down the cloth she held and I noticed it was now ragged and torn.
"I think I am gonna patrol for a little while, give you guys some time to settle in…. maybe to talk" she told us glancing from me to Ness and then back again.
Leah strode out of the room and I could practically see the anger simmering around her like an aura. Nessie in the meantime darted to the fridge and began to rummage around, finally emerging with a can of Surge.
"Ness" I began, trying not to let my eyes wander over the shapely curves of her hips nor the peachy shape of her butt.
"Uh huh" she murmured but would not turn to talk to me. As much as I loved to sneak looks at her I wanted to talk to her face not her back.
"What the hell is going on with you?" I let just enough of my anger show through for her to know I was serious.
"What do you mean?"
" This…The whole bitch routine" I said and pushed back my chair, making as much noise as I could so she could hear me coming. I hated to use the word in connection with my Nessie, but there was no other way to describe how she was acting.
"Why Jake, I thought you liked bitches…you are a wolf after all" she said sweetly. I stared aghast and couldn't stop the words from coming out.
"What the fuck? Where in the hell has this come from?"
"This?"
"The attitude, the snarky comments, refusing to look at me" I was behind her in a second and I could easily pick up the rapid hammering of her heartbeat as she reacted to my nearness or maybe it was my anger, I couldn't be sure.
"I'm having a soda Jake, I wasn't aware that looking at you was mandatory" she bit out.
Soda. She was drinking a fucking soda?
"Soda? Bull shit Nessie, you don't even like soda"
"Well, like you maybe my tastes have changed," she tried to sound mean but I could hear the pain in her voice. Underneath all this bravado she was hurting and uncertain.
"Jesus Ness, what does that mean?"
She shrugged negligently as though she didn't care enough to answer me. Frustrated I tangled a hand in my hair and huffed out a breath.
"Dammit Ness look at me when I'm talking to you" I couldn't help my alpha's snarl from coming out. She turned reluctantly but would not meet my enquiring gaze, she just stared at my shoulder her eyes cold and dead.
"What the hell is this all about Nessie? Why are you being like this?" I asked, trying a different tack this time. I was shocked and a bit worried about this abrupt personality transplant that had taken place with Nessie. I was pissed off but I was also worried.
"I'm not being like anything Jake…I've just grown up…had my eyes opened and I think I've acted like a spoiled little girl for too long now"
"Well you're sure as shit acting like a spoiled big girl now…Christ Ness you were barely civil to poor Leah-"
"Poor Leah?" Nessie looked like she was gonna have a fit as she screeched, "Poor Leah can just kiss my ass"
"Renesmee Cullen!" Fury erupted within me, and I couldn't help her full name slipping out. I had only ever called her that when she was a little girl and had done things wrong. She wasn't being fair to Leah, she was here to stop me throwing myself at Ness, to save us both a lot of hurt.
But it was also obvious that Ness was jealous, if not of Leah herself then our new relationship. Didn't she know there was no one else for me but her? Could she not see the love in my eyes whenever I looked at her? This had gone far enough. I couldn't carry on, everything was getting so fucked up and
I had to man up.
"Leah has come here to help us, to help me and you are treating her like she isn't welcome here…this is still my home, don't you dare pull this shit here" I continued, reprimanding her, almost feeling like her father. Edward would probably rip my head off for speaking to her like this and I would probably deserve it but fucking hell she was acting way out of line.
"And what is that supposed to mean?" she hissed.
"It means you are acting like a bitch and I want you to stop it, whatever the deal is here Ness, we don't have time for it…the Volturi are coming…the Volturi… you remember them? Kidnapped and tortured me? Coming for me again? Coming to kill me…maybe you too… Ring any bells Ness…I need to keep my shit together and you acting like this is not helping," I spit out, I needed her to understand and quickly, that her actions could lead to life or death situations for us if Leah left. I wanted her to see that this wasn't about her; it was about me and what I needed to do to keep us all alive, her included.
I watched as she wilted almost before my eyes, the anger and hurt disappearing from her gaze. Her face softened from the scowl that had been etched there since she first stepped into the kitchen. The Nessie I knew and loved was there; she had just been hiding under the guise of Superbitch.
"Look I'm tired, I'm away from home…I'm sorry okay…this is hard for me too you know, what with Leah being here" she mumbled softly, contritely.
I knew she was jealous but I wanted her to know that she was still mine, she was still my girl.
"Leah being here isn't going to change anything Ness… we're still friends… you and me always" I replied gently, trying to reassure her, to let her know that nothing would ever take her away from me. Not Leah, not the Volturi.
"I know, I just thought I'd give being a bitch a try," she smiled sheepishly and I couldn't help but notice how adorable she looked doing it.
"How's that working out for you?" I smiled some and I felt the tension between us begin to disappear. My Ness was back.
"Not too well…ask me again tomorrow after she's whooped my butt for being such a bitch to her"
"I wont let her hurt you Ness, I would never let anyone hurt you…I promise," I finished as we locked gazes. Christ she took my breath away, she looked so young and vulnerable and so damn beautiful.
"I know" she breathed, a faint wash of tears glinting in the light.
My heart and anger melted, my breath caught and I knew inside this was the time. It was right. I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her everything, so there were no secrets, no barriers between us, no more misunderstandings. I'd worried that she would be a distraction that a relationship between us would complicate matters. But situations like this were just complicating it more, she had to know, for our survival we had to move forward.
"Ness there is something…something I need to tell you, something I should have told you before" I could hear my voice trembling, I was terrified. What if she did reject me? How would I handle it? What would I do if she rejected the imprint, if she didn't want to spend her eternity with me.
"It's okay Jake, I know," she soothed, her voice sounding so calm as I began to freak out.
Shock bounced inside my head. She knew? How the hell did she know? Her parents? Alice? Who had told her and why had nobody admitted to me that she knew?
"You, you know?" I choked.
"I know" the words seemed forced from her and considering everything she seemed unhappy. I expected her to throw herself into my arms, to laugh, to smile. But there was nothing, no joy, just blank.
"And you, you don't mind? It's okay with you?" I was amazed, relieved at first.
"No I don't mind… you…you can't help how you feel and neither can I… after all it won't change anything between us right?" their was a dull edge to her tone and I wondered if we were having cross conversations.
"It wont'? but I thought this is what you-" Rejection shuddered down my spine. The imprint thing must really have scared her off.
"-No, I understand now and it's okay, really… but it won't change anything for us" she told me and I felt like I wanted to howl.
She didn't want me? Didn't want this? So what had all that been about in her room and the bathroom? Her parents were even convinced of her feelings.
"Don't you think we should discuss it?" I couldn't let it go just like that. I had to fight for her. She was mine, my imprint damn it. This was wrong, she wasn't supposed to do thing.
"What's to discuss, we both know how things stand now, lets just leave it at that" her tone was cool, but her eyes were no longer on mine. She crossed the room and I felt it spin a little around me as I fought to stay in control of the choking pain. Everything I had believed, all her life, was for nothing. She did not want me.
" How long?" I heard her voice as though she were talking across a great distance.
Pain made it impossible to speak for a second and when I managed it I knew it would be hard to hear.
"A while"
"Before you…went away?" She pressed on, oblivious as knives shredded my heart.
I nodded numb, she really didn't want me? Something wasn't right. She was made for me and me her; we were supposed to be together. Even when I couldn't remember who I was or remember her, I knew there was something about us, something special. That was the reason I went against all my animal instincts and did not kill her the first time I saw her again. She was my mate, my imprint, my split apart and I could not comprehend that it had come to this.
"I think I need to sleep…tell Leah I said goodnight" she breathed in a rush and fled from the room at vampire speed. I stared after her tears burning in my own eyes, for once Nessie was the strong one.