*WARNING*: Bullying, Depression, Suicidal thoughts, Attempted Suicide...
Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or it's characters.
Falling Down
It's been a little over 2 and a half months since Aunt Kate left Castle. It's been 2 months since Mike left me for Stacey. And it's been a little over a month since the excessive bullying started at school. I've been trying so hard to ignore all the feelings I've been having because of these three different scenarios, but it's much harder than I thought to keep everything bottled up inside. Some might say that what I've been doing is extremely unhealthy, but what am I supposed to do? Everyone's been so busy lately, and I feel like I've been pushed to the back burner, and they'll get back to me when they can.
For a while I was able to handle it, but lately it seems like I'm just trudging along, and putting a fake smile on my face. I don't think anyone knows how I really feel inside. I believe that they still think I'm fine with everything that's been going on. Castle's still trying to win back my aunts affection, my Aunt Kate is still trying to push us away, Alexis has been helping her dad, Mrs. Rodgers has been working on some plays, everyone at the 12th has their own issues to be dealing with, and me, I'm just trying to make it one day at a time.
You're probably wondering where all this is coming from, and to tell you the truth, I'm not a hundred percent sure. I'm sitting here on my uncle's bathroom floor, holding a bottle of prescription drugs that belongs to him, and tears streaming down my face as I contemplate life and death. How did I manage to get into this predicament right here, right now? I guess we should just start from the beginning, which started a whole twenty-four hours ago.
24 hours earlier
It's winter in New York once again, and the leaves have already fallen from the trees, making them look barren and depressing. Plus, the weather has been cold as heck. Things with Uncle Rick and Aunt Kate have been iffy. I mean, you can tell his tactics to win her back have been working slightly, especially when their anniversary came around. So, at least for their anniversary everything seemed to be somewhat normal for those twenty-four hours, but as soon as the next day came around, it was back to the "new norm" for everybody. But there has been one big step in the right direction since everything has been going on, Castle and aunt Kate got stuck on a cruise ship together whilst solving a murder, and Castle believes everything that happened that day brought them closer together, and that his plan was working.
Even though I have yet to see any main progress with this whole thing, I'm hoping that it is working because I miss my aunt Kate and want her back home. I actually miss Castle too, and of course he's around and I get to see him here and there, but he's been so occupied with winning my aunt back, I barely get to see him unless it's in passing. It's just not the same as it was a year ago, and honestly, I miss that, but no one will listen to me, I'm just a thirteen-year-old with no say in anything.
Anyway, besides that whole fiasco, school hasn't been the best either. Classes were getting harder, Stacey and Mike were getting annoying, and somehow, they managed to turn everyone against me. Now I've become the outcast of my whole school. At first it didn't bother me, but now, every time I walk through the halls, I here murmurs and get side eyed by everyone I pass. I don't think anyone at home has noticed my rapid decline of enthusiasm for school, or that I've flunked two of my classes this quarter. I haven't really been telling them what's been going on lately either, but it's not like they're asking since they are so busy with their own drama.
Speaking of the dreaded school, that's where I was heading now, and I had my hands shoved deep in my jacket pockets, my beanie was snug on my head, and my hoodie was over top of it. It wasn't as cold as it has been for the last few days, but the weather still wasn't very pleasant. And since everything in my life has been pretty sucky lately, the weather wasn't helping me cope with this either, especially with it being extremely gloomy with all the fog and cloudy skies. The depression was hitting hard, but I was powering through it, nothing was going to hold me down.
I arrived at school after wandering through the local park for a little bit, and as soon as I stepped through the front door, the looks started heading my way just like they have been for the past month. I kept my head down and continued to my locker without sparing a glance to anyone who was looking my way. When I reached my locker, I started riffling through it quickly, so I could get to class and wait for the bell to ring because staying in the hall has been unbearable as of late.
My locker neighbor made his way over with his friend, and I caught on to part of their conversation as I continued to rummage through my things.
"I can't believe you have to have your locker next to the freak," his friend whispered with a small chuckle.
"Shut up… It's not my fault my last name is Baker and got put next to her," my neighbor whispered back.
I slammed my locker shut when I was done, and gave the two boys a dirty glare, before I went off to class. As I started to walk away from the two buys, I heard the friend say, "What's her problem? She's such a weirdo."
I got to class and put my head down as soon as I sat down at my table. I heard footsteps coming over to me, and then someone tapped a few times on my table.
"Emily?" my teacher, Mr. Gillion, asked.
I pulled myself together, and put on a fake half smile, trying to look tired, and said, "Yep, I'm okay, just a little tired sir."
He smiled softly at me and said, "I remember those days. Try and get some good night sleep over the break, and then you'll be refreshed and ready to go for the last half of the school year. Okay, miss Beckett?"
"Yes, I will… Friday can't come fast enough."
"I know the feeling, but I secretly want it to last a little longer. I'm visiting the in laws and well, lets just leave it at that…"
I chuckled a bit and said, "Good luck, Mr. Gillion."
"Thanks. Anyway, class will be starting soon, hope you're ready for some ancient Mayan history."
"Yeah, so excited…"
He laughed and walked back to the white board, so he could put some more information up, getting ready for all of his classes today. I slummed down in my seat and waited to get this day over with, so I could head home and drown my sorrows while listening to some rock music, sulking in my bed.
Eventually, school was over for the day, and there was only one day left until winter break was a go. I couldn't wait to be off of school for two weeks, so I didn't have to deal with the obsessive staring and harsh words that people think I don't here. As I was making my way to the front door of the school to leave, Stacey shoulder checked me and said, "Watch where you're walking, psychopath."
"Why are you doing this to me!? You have Mike, you have your popular friends, and you've turned the whole school against me, so just leave me alone," I said to her with exasperation in my voice.
"Because you don't belong here Emily, you don't belong anywhere," she said with a huff.
Mike made his way over to the two of us and asked, "What's going on?"
"Tell your girlfriend to stop harassing me. I don't care if you all hate me and want to destroy my life, just stop being around me, please," I said to him.
"I can't tell her what to do, I just… I don't know Emily."
"What do you mean, you don't know? I can't believe you're okay with this, I thought you were my friend."
"We were friends, but I think Stacey has a point. Maybe you aren't the best person to be around, and it seems like your family life hasn't been the…" I stopped him mid-sentence, slapping him hard across the face and said, "Don't bring up my family. It has nothing to do with this. You don't even know what's been going on, so leave your assumptions to yourself."
"I see my boyfriend struck a nerve in that cold dark heart of yours. Is family a sore subject for you right now?" Stacey questioned me with a smirk.
"That's none of your business."
"I guess they don't want to deal with you either, huh? Poor Emily, all alone, and no one wants to deal with her shenanigans anymore."
"Come on Stacey," Mike sighed.
I just shook my head, not wanting to hear this any longer, and walked away, heading out the door. I wiped the tears from my face and tried to erase what Stacey said to me, but it was hard to do because some of the things she said, I believe to be somewhat true. I decided there was only one thing to do at a time like this, to go talk to someone, so I decided to head to the precinct and see my aunt, so she can help me through this.
I arrived at the precinct a little while later, and found Aunt Kate rifling through some stuff, getting ready to head out. She noticed my presence in the room and said, "Hi, Em. I'm sorry to say, I'm about to head out. It's been really busy around here lately, and we're swamped with cases, so I can't really talk."
"Oh, I understand," I said with a sigh.
"I'm really sorry. Maybe when things slow down a bit we can spend the day together, how's that?"
"Yeah, sounds good…"
My aunt looked at me curiously, but before she could say anything, Vikram came into the room and said, "Um, sorry… I just need to talk to you, Captain Beckett."
"All right, give me a sec," she said to him.
He gave us a tight nod, before he left the room, leaving us alone once again. Aunt Kate let out a frustrated sigh and said, "I have to go Em, but I promise we'll hang out and talk soon. I love you."
"Love you too, Aunt Kate," I said with a small smile.
She smiled meekly at me, patting my shoulder softly before she left her office. I let my shoulders slump down while letting out a defeated sigh and wondered who to go to next. I figured it wouldn't hurt to go to Castle's PI office, there's bound to be someone there that I could talk to, so that was my next stop on my to do list.
I arrived at Castle's office, and when I walked in, I found Hayley, Alexis and Castle checking something out on his computer. I walked up to the desk and asked, "Whatcha guys doing?"
"We are solving a case," Castle said with a wide grin.
"Yeah, dad got a client today and it turned out to be something big, so Hayley is helping us out," Alexis mentioned.
"I am, and we just got a lead, so we were just about to head out," Hayley said.
"Want to join us mini Beckett?" Castle asked me.
"Uh, no… I think I'll sit this one out, I'm a little tired today," I said with a small chuckle.
Castle cocked his head to the side, studying me, but he shrugged and said, "Well, suit yourself."
"You sure you don't want to go Emily?" Alexis questioned me.
"I'm positive, I'll catch the next one. Plus, winter break is coming up, so I'll have more time on my hands," I said with a shrug.
"Okay, if you say so."
They all waved goodbye to me as they filed out of Castle's office, and once I heard the door close, I ran a hand through my hair with a sad sigh. It seemed like my plan to have a conversation about my feelings are falling through, and everyone's to busy to give me any time. Stacey's right, I am all alone, and it's not like anyone doesn't want to deal with me, they're just so occupied with their own stuff, that I have become their last priority. It wasn't fair, but like they say, sometimes life isn't fair.
I wiped a few stray tears that fell from my face, and decided to head home, and clear my mind of everything that's been bothering me for the past couple of months.
I was currently laying in my bed, listening to some rock music on my computer as I skimmed through social media. As I looked at some recent posts from friends, I received a notification that I was tagged in a post. I decided to check it out, and what I saw was a seemingly harmless picture of myself, but the poster of the image and the statement on the post weren't as harmless. It happened to be Stacey and the post read: "This is the loser who attends, J.P. Shudder Middle School, and has the hots for my boyfriend. He used to be hers, but she was to stupid to see that she could never keep him because A) she's an ugly duckling, B) she has been involved in several murders, and C) she's just an all-around oddball. Don't be fooled by her sweet lies, she's just a no-good freak who should be band from our school, and every other place in this city. She'll only get everyone killed and wont even bat an eyelash after you are gone. So, if I were you, I'd stay away from this disgusting piece of trash because it'll only lead you to a path of pure destruction. Like if you agree ;)!"
Just a few seconds after the post went up, a whole lot of notifications started to pop up on my computer. I was hesitant to read them because nothing good was going to come out of that, but I couldn't help myself, the curiosity was winning out. I reloaded the page and all of the recent messages popped in under the feed, and I started skimming through some of them as tears brimmed my eyes.
"Isn't she that weird mystery writers step niece or something? I think that whole family is weird from what I've seen in interviews and what not… Funny pic though XD" – Frank Darsh
"Ew, I never liked her. She used to sit next to me in sixth grade math, and I hated it!" – Darcey Lopez
"I thought she was cute, but after I heard about all her kidnapping stories, I stayed away from her. She seems like danger…"– Benny McMillian
"Who would even be caught dead with her? (No pun intended lol) I mean, do you even see the outfits she wears, such a tomboy, and I didn't even know she liked guys to be honest." – Amelia Zimmerman
I read through about ten more before I slammed my laptop shut, and cried into my hands. Was I really that bad that everyone didn't like me? Did I really dress that strangely that people think I have no style? Was I really a loser? I wonder if this is how my mother felt when she was younger to lead her down that road to do drugs, which eventually killed her. Was I destined to become my mother, and follow in her footsteps? Did she curse me somehow to become the next unloved, unworthy Beckett?
I continued to sit on my bed, replaying everything that my peers were saying on that thread that Stacey had started. I couldn't move from my bed, as I continued to feel hopeless within this new conundrum I have found myself in. I had no one to turn to even though they said they'd always be around for me when I needed their support, but it looks like I'm on my own as I deal with this bullying problem. I could tell my principle, but I heard about a few others who have went to her for bullying, and all the bully's got was a few weeks of detention and a week suspension. Yet when the one being bullied finally stands up for themselves, they wind up getting weeks of suspension, or even worse, expelled.
I weighed out my options on what to do, and decided to wait it out, and see if it gets better. I'm sure once break starts, and people get tired of picking on me, everything will go back to normal. I had a much larger life ahead of me, and I'll be able to push past this small bump in the road, and one day I'll look back on this and remember that I was the bigger person, being able to overcome this bullying problem. I flopped back onto my bed and ran my hands down my face, laughing cynically at the ridiculous statement I just made. How was I supposed to do that? This is sure to follow me for years, even if everyone at my school decides to stop picking on me, it'll still be fresh on my mind, and probably the internet, because everything is forever on the internet.
Hours went bye as I laid in bed, staring at the ceiling of my room, and tried to figure out what to do next. I guess the only thing to do was to finish this half of the school year, and rethink everything during winter break. Maybe by then everything in my personal life will have settled down enough that I could talk to my aunt and/or uncle about my bullying situation. I was hoping that someone would come home, but it seems like it'll be another late night, so I'm alone, just like I have been for weeks. After everything that's happened today, I wasn't even hungry enough to eat anything for dinner, so I skipped it. Not the healthiest of choices, but I just couldn't bring myself to eat anything.
It was slowly rolling on midnight and I figured if I didn't go to sleep now, I'll be in no mood to get up tomorrow for the last day of school. Not that I was really looking forward to it anyway, but skipping school isn't the answer, and if I miss anymore school days, I'll probably get into some other trouble that I don't want to deal with right now.
I took my good old time this morning as I got ready for school because I was definitely not in any hurry to get there. The later I am, the less time I have to be exposed to the stares and hateful murmurs of the students in the halls. Once I was completely ready, I headed down stairs, and was greeted by a note on the kitchen counter. I picked it up and noticed it was in Castle's handwriting, "Good morning mini Beckett, I got home late last night after finishing the case, hope you weren't too lonely. I promise I'll make it up to you soon, maybe we'll get pancakes at that restaurant you like. Anyway, Espo and Ryan called and asked if I'd like to help with a new case that the 12th got, so that's why I'm not home right now. Hope you have a good last day before Winter break, and I'll see you later… Love, Castle."
It was hard not to smile at that little note, and was happy not to be forgotten, but it still didn't fully make up for the past month. I threw the note in the trash and quickly had a bowl of cereal before heading off to school. I took the scenic route through the park like I've been doing for a while now and hoped that everyone would be preoccupied with their thoughts of winter break, and they'll forget all about pestering me. If only I'd be so lucky. The whole way to my locker it seemed like even more eyes were on me than usual, and it felt like they were basically leading me to my locker, like people cheering participants on during a marathon, only not as fun and encouraging.
When I got to my locker, Stacey was standing right next to it with a smirk on her face. Mike was right behind her, and kept his head hung low, trying desperately not to make eye contact with me. I gulped not knowing where this conversation was going to lead, but I tried to be civil, "What do you want Stacey?"
"I just came to apologize about the past few days," she said with a huff.
I raised a brow at her, not believing her one bit, and said, "I don't believe that. Why are you really here?"
"Come on, take the apology because you know you'll never get another one from me."
"Mike, is she telling the truth?"
Mike looked at me slowly, and said, "Yes… She is."
"You're lying, the both of you."
"If you don't believe me then check your locker. I put an apology in there," Stacey said as she crossed her arms.
I stared at her for a few seconds before I hesitantly opened my locker. When I got it opened, a bunch of small index cards started to fall towards the floor and around my feet. As a pile laid on the floor below me, there was still a small pile in my locker. I picked one of the cards up and it had one word written on it, "FREAK"
My face contorted into confusion as I continued to look at the little piece of paper in my hand. I threw it to the floor and grabbed another one out of my locker and read it silently, "SATANS CHILD"
I threw that one towards the ground and continued to pull out the little pieces of paper, reading each and every one of them.
LOSER.
KILLER.
IDIOT.
NUT JOB.
WEIRDO.
CREEP.
EMO KID.
UGLY.
ANNOYING.
PSYCHOPATH.
After reading my fair share of the index cards, I looked up at the main people who started this, with tears in my eyes. I couldn't even pull myself together enough to say anything, I didn't know how I felt inside. I definitely felt betrayed by my best friend because I know Stacey would do something like this, but for him to go along with it and not stop her, that hurt the most.
"Are you going to cry!? Are you going to go run home to your mommy?" Stacey smirked and said, "Oh wait, you don't have a mommy, because she died. And it's just a matter of time before everyone else in your life starts to drop like flies, and it's all because of you Emily, because you are a curse to us all."
"Shut up," I mumbled.
"Aww, you poor baby. You can't even come up with a good comeback. I know you want to hit me right now, but you can't, can you?"
"I said shut up…"
"Hit me Emily… Get expelled from another school, I dare you!"
I looked over at Mike who was standing behind Stacey, and all he did was look down at his shoes, as he desperately tried not to get involved. I was disappointed in him, and thought he'd be kind enough to help me out in a situation like this, but it looks like I was wrong. I looked around at my other peers, and some of them were snickering quietly, as others mumbled things to their friends. At least some looked on worriedly, but didn't dare intervene, because they probably didn't know what to do.
"So, what are you going to do Emily… You know we don't want you here, you're just a menace to us all, isn't that right everybody?" Stacey said as she looked around.
"Yeah," the majority of the kids around us said loudly, while others just mumbled it.
Tears started to roll down my face, and I didn't want to give them the satisfaction to see that they broke me, so I ran for the exit of the building. As I ran as fast as I could to get out of that school, I heard everyone laughing behind me, Stacey's laugh being the most wicked one of all. I finally reached the front of the building and stood on the top step, trying to catch my breath while tears ran freely down my cheeks. I couldn't think straight, and I didn't know what to do. Part of me told me to go see Aunt Kate, Castle, or anyone who could help me, but another half of me just wanted to run home, curl into a ball, and di… I tried to push the terrible thoughts from my mind as I frantically paced the top step, trying to think of what to do.
All I could hear in the back of my mind was everything that those index cards said, what Stacey said, and how they all laughed at me. I didn't even know how disliked I was until recently, and it's mostly because of Stacey having everyone wrapped around her little finger, but they must have had some of these kind of feeling towards me already. They wouldn't have been coerced into those feelings so easily by Stacey if they didn't already have those kinds of feelings for me.
I decided to run home, and figure all this out on my own. I just needed to be alone right now. It's not like Castle and Aunt Kate have been willing to listen to what I had to say lately anyway. They've been to busy with their "grown up" stuff, and it was getting to be extremely annoying. I just wanted them to fix whatever they were going through right now, so they could help me through what I was going through.
I returned home, and threw my backpack against the side table by the couch, and started pacing around the room. I took my beanie off and threw it on top of my backpack as I ran my hand threw my messy brown hair. I stared at Castle's bedroom and contemplated something that I shouldn't even think about. But I couldn't stop, my mind was racing and everything within me was doing things involuntarily. My legs started walking on its own as they carried me to the destination I was thinking of, Castle's bathroom. I stood inside of his bathroom, looking at my tired, broken, and depressed face in the mirror. I looked terrible, but I didn't have time to reflect on it, my body pushed on without me being able to stop it. I opened the medicine cabinet and stared at the different pill bottles that were in there, from over the counter drugs to prescription ones.
My arms weakly reached out for the first bottle it felt like grabbing, and I pulled it from the cabinet. I closed the door, and looked down at the bottle in my hand, as I continued to fight with myself on what I should do. I looked back at my reflection in the mirror, and got angry at myself for everything that was wrong in my life. Maybe I am to blame for everything that's happened for the last 5 years. It seems like nothing has been going right for me, and now Castle and Aunt Kate were at odds with each other, and everyone seems so distant lately, maybe if I wasn't around everything would be fine. Of course, I don't know that for sure, but I bet they would have been better off without me.
I kept getting angrier and angrier as I stared down my stupid face in the mirror. I couldn't take any of this anymore, I was done being a nuisance to the society and getting myself into dozens of situations that I could have avoided if I was smarter, and better, like everyone else around me. I was a disgrace and no body cared for me anymore, they were done with me. I punched the mirror with the adrenalin that was building up in my body, and barely shattered it with the small strength that I had in my thirteen-year-old body. It did crack slightly, and I did wind up cutting my hand, blood slowly trickling down my knuckles. I didn't even care at this point as it dripped onto the tiled floor of Castle's bathroom. I continued to stare at my now distorted face in the mirror and gripped the pill bottle tighter in my left hand. I walked backwards until I hit the backwall, and slid down it as I let out a large sob that I've been holding in since I ran from school.
I sat there for several minutes looking over the bottle, contemplating what my next actions would be. I thought about my aunt, uncle, grandfather, Alexis, Mrs. Rodgers, Lanie, Ryan, Esposito, and everyone else who was in my life. They would be devastated if I did this, but I can't pull myself away from this thought. I'll miss them, and I'm sure they'll miss me, but maybe I'll be able to see my mom again. Aunt Kate said along time ago that I'll probably end up like her, so here I am, living up to those words. I guess I'm not much better than her, and I never will be. Doesn't the saying go, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
I popped the top off of the bottle and poured the little pills into the palm of my hands. There were about 8 or 9 there, and I didn't know if it'd be enough to do the job, but honestly, I still wasn't a hundred percent sure if I wanted to do this. That little voice in the back of my head was telling me not to, but the rest of me was ready for it. I tried to pop the pills two at a time, but it was getting harder and harder, so I wound up taking the last four one by one. I leaned my head back on the wall, staring up at the ceiling as tears continued to stream down my face, and wondered if what I was doing was right. It probably wasn't, but I couldn't think clearly, everything just so messed up in my head right now, I don't even know what to do.
I closed my eyes and waited for the inevitable to come, but part of me hoped someone would find me here before it's to late, so I could get a second chance. Miracles do happen sometimes, right?
3rd Person POV
Kate was looking through some notes that Vikram had given her earlier, and was still trying to figure out who this Loksat was, and how everything was connected. She felt like she was getting no where in this case, but now that she had enlisted Castle's help with this, and is starting to patch things up in her marriage, she doesn't feel as stressed as she did a few weeks ago. She was still worried that Castle could get hurt being linked to this, but he weaseled his way into her heart like he did all those years ago, and she honestly could use his help. They always did work best together and this Loksat case would be no different.
The only thing is, they still had to keep a small distance between each other, and not let anyone find out about them getting back together. If anyone finds out, and it happens to get back to Loksat somehow, then Castle, and possibly everyone else in her life could be in grave danger. Of course, Kate didn't want that, but distancing herself hasn't been helping either, so she has to mange to balance everything out somehow. Hopefully, without getting everyone killed.
Her cellphone started ringing, bringing her out of her wondering thoughts. She thought it'd be Castle or the boys, but it turned out to be Emily's school. Kate let out a sigh before she picked up the phone, "Katherine Beckett speaking."
"Hello, Ms. Beckett. Are you aware that Emily isn't at school today?" the principle asked.
"Um… No, I wasn't. I actually have been going through some things lately, so I figured my husband, her uncle, would be on top of it."
"Well, she didn't show up today. It's fine since it's the last day before winter break, but I just found it odd that she didn't show up."
"Yeah, it is. Thank you for giving me a call."
"No problem, but before you go, I have a couple of other things to mention about Emily."
"Yeah, go ahead."
"She has been skipping some of her classes lately and has been flunking some of them as well. She's usually a pretty decent student, but for the past few months it's gone downhill."
"Really?"
"You didn't know?"
"I… I guess I haven't been really paying attention since... since Castle and I broke up. I should have seen the warning signs."
"I'm sorry Ms. Beckett. I understand things are tough at home, but it seems like Emily might be taking things hard. From what I know, she has been through a lot, and middle school doesn't help with those facts. I hope you can get through to her over the break, because I don't want to see her repeating the eighth grade. I want to see Emily move on with the rest of her grade to high school. She is truly a smart girl."
"Thank you, I hope so too. I'll get to the bottom of it, and hopefully there will be a new and improved Emily when school starts back up in January."
"Great to hear. Hope you guys have a good holiday, and work things out."
"Thanks, you too."
"Thank you. Goodbye, Ms. Beckett."
"Goodbye."
Kate hung up her phone and let out a huff of annoyance geared more towards herself than at Emily. She was still angry that Emily would skip school today, and that she didn't tell her that she's been struggling with her classes, but she wasn't around much either. Kate sighed and dialed Castle's number to ask him if he has seen Emily today.
"Hello Beckett, miss me?" Castle asked chipperly.
"No, well yes, but that's not why I'm calling," Kate said.
"Okay, so what's up?"
"Have you seen Emily? I just got a call from her school, and they said she didn't come in today."
"Huh, that's unlike Emily to skip school."
"That's what I said, but apparently she's been skipping and flunking some of her classes lately."
"Wow, I didn't know that."
"Me either. So, have you seen her Castle?"
"Actually no… Not since yesterday when she came into my office."
"She came here as well."
"Do you think she was trying to tell us something?"
"I don't know, Castle… Do you think you can look for her for me? I don't want her getting into any trouble."
"Sure thing, I was just on my way home, so I'll see if she's there."
"Thanks Castle, let me know if you find her."
"Will do, Kate. I'll talk to you later."
"Okay, bye."
"Bye."
Castle made his way home, and wondered why Emily would skip school today. She always seemed to like school and has been getting decent grades over the last few years. Why is she all of a sudden flunking and skipping her classes? He wasn't quite sure what the answer was, but he did know that he'd like to get to the bottom of this, and he's certain that Kate would too.
When he got home, he walked into the loft and called out for his niece. He spotted her backpack and beanie by the side table, next to the couch, and figured she might be home. He called out for her again, "Emily, are you here!?"
There was still no response, so he went upstairs and checked her room to see if she was in there. When he got there, there was nothing but an empty room, and he was starting to get worried. He decided that the next best thing would be trying to call her cellphone, so that he could find out where she is. He took out his cellphone and dialed her number, hoping that she'd pick up. It started ringing and he heard a faint sound coming from downstairs. He decided to follow the sound, and went back downstairs to see where it was coming from.
As he reached the living room, the sound of another phone was getting louder. He listened hard and followed the sound to his bedroom, where he could really hear the ringtone of Emily's cellphone. He saw that his bathroom light was on, and cautiously made his way over towards it. By now the phones had stopped ringing, and his was going to Emily's voicemail. He walked into the bathroom, and found a scene that he never expected to find in his own home. He dropped to the floor next to his niece, and pushed her hair away from her face, as he looked at her paling skin.
He placed his two fingers on her neck, trying desperately to find some kind of pulse. It was faint, but he was relieved that he found one, and knew he had to act quickly, or Emily could die. He quickly picked up the phone that he dropped when he went to tend to Emily, and dialed 911 immediately. As the phone rang, he looked around the room and found an empty pill bottle laying closely to Emily's lifeless body. He also found some traces of vomit, around his toilet and sink, figuring out what Emily had done.
"911 what's your emergency?" a woman said as she answered the emergency hotline.
"Hi, I need an ambulance sent over, my niece just overdosed on some prescription pills that I had in my medicine cabinet," Castle said with panic.
"Okay, sir. How old is your niece?'
"She's thirteen… Thirteen."
"May I have your address sir?'
Castle told her his address, and continued to hold Emily's hand throughout the whole phone call. He heard the woman on the other end typing away in her computer before she spoke again, "Is she breathing sir?"
"Barely, her pulse is very faint."
"All right, an ambulance is on it's way to your location. Would you like to stay on the line?"
"Um, no... Thank you for your help."
"You're welcome."
Castle hung up, and placed his phone down next to him. He cradled Emily's face carefully, and said, "Hang in there mini Beckett. We can't lose you, not like this. Please just hang on. Hang on…."
The paramedics arrived within ten minutes and loaded Emily up on a stretcher faster than Castle could have imagined. Castle was numb the whole way to the hospital and couldn't keep his eyes off the young girl that he's come to love and has practically become a second daughter to him. When they reached the hospital, the medical staff rushed Emily off to the intensive care unit, so they could get the drugs out of her system.
Castle stayed in the waiting area of the ICU, pacing back and forth, hoping that Emily would make it through this. As he continued to worry about mini Beckett, a nurse came up to him with some papers to fill out.
"Sir, are you the parent and/or guardian to the young girl who just came in?" she asked.
"I am her legal guardian, yes," Castle said sadly.
"I need you to fill out these papers, so we can put her into our system."
"All right…" Castle said as he took the clipboard and pen, "Beckett…"
"Beckett?"
"Her Aunt… Kate… I didn't call her, she needs to know…"
The nurse nodded slowly and said, "Do you need me to call her?"
Castle shook his head and said, "No, I can give her a call."
"Okay, well you can give her a call. The paperwork can wait for a bit, fill it out when you are ready, or when her aunt comes in."
"Thank you."
The nurse nodded to Castle before she walked away, leaving him by himself, so he could give Kate a call. He took out his cellphone and dialed her number, hating to be the bearer of bad news, but she needed to know.
Back at the precinct, Kate was in the middle of getting briefed on the case Esposito and Ryan were currently working on. The three of them were gathered around the investigation board, looking over the information they had so far. Kate's phone started to buzz, and she said, "It's Castle…"
"Think he found Emily?" Ryan asked.
"I hope so."
She stepped away from the two men, and anxiously picked up her phone, hoping to hear the good news of Castle tracking down her niece.
"So, did you find her?" Kate asked.
"Beckett…" She heard Castle say with extreme anguish in his voice.
Kate's stomach dropped, knowing that something wasn't right, "What happened?"
"Emily, she… She tried… She took some pills…"
"What do you mean?"
"Kate, she tried to kill herself. She overdosed on some pain medication we had in our bathroom…"
Kate choked on a sob that she tried to keep in as she desperately tried to keep herself together in front of everyone in her precinct. She swallowed hard before she asked, "Is she okay? Where is she?"
"We're at the hospital, in the ICU… She, she was barely breathing when I got home…" Castle said, choking up as he thought about how he found her.
"Please tell me she's going to make it."
"I don't know, Kate… They haven't informed me on her condition, but it didn't look good… I'm so sorry Kate."
"I'll be there in a few."
"Okay, see you soon."
Kate hung up and gripped her phone tightly in her right hand, placing the other hand over her mouth as she tried to comprehend what her husband just told her. It didn't feel real, and she felt numb inside, knowing that her niece felt so much pain that she wanted to end it all. She couldn't understand why she would do something like this. Emily always seemed so happy and lively, that Kate wouldn't even have thought for a second that she'd try to end her life. What did she miss? There weren't any warning signs that she could see, but honestly, she hasn't seen Em a lot lately. Maybe this was partially her fault for not being there for her. Hunting after Loksat was consuming her life slowly, and she happened to drag Emily down along with it. She tried so hard to keep her and Castle out of it to protect them, but wound up hurting the both of them in the process, which wasn't her intention at all.
A hand was placed on Kate's shoulder, pulling her from her racing thoughts, and Esposito asked, "Is Emily okay?"
"She tried…" Kate took in a shaky breath and said, "She tried to kill herself."
Esposito and Ryan let Kate go be with her niece, and told her that they'd let her know if they've gotten anywhere with the case. Kate drove frantically to the hospital, not caring one bit if she broke some rules in the process. She knew it probably wasn't wise to drive in this kind of condition, but she had no time to wait for a cab or on someone else to get her there, her niece was in trouble and she wasn't going to waste a second to be by her side.
When she arrived at the hospital, she raced through the front entrance, and got directions to the ICU. She ran down the halls of the 5th floor, and spotted Castle immediately, as he sat with a clipboard in his hands. She made her way over to him as fast as she could and called out to him, "Castle!"
Castle stood from his seat and opened his arms to the woman he loved and cared deeply for. Kate practically fell into his arms as they held each other tightly, neither one willing to speak as they tried to pull themselves together during this tragic time. After a couple of minutes, Kate pulled away only slightly from Castle's embrace, and asked, "Has there been any word on her condition? Is she okay?"
"Not yet. They haven't told me a thing since we got here. I've been trying to fill out this paperwork, but…" Castle trailed off, this whole thing still weighing heavily on his chest.
Kate nodded and said, "I'm going to go talk to the nurse really quick, and then I can… I can help you finish the paperwork."
"All right."
Castle sat back down, and Kate went over to the nurse, who was around her age, and asked, "Is there any updates on my niece, Emily Beckett?"
"The young girl who was admitted for a drug overdose?" the woman asked.
"Yes… That's her."
"There is not much we can tell you at this point. The doctor is still working on her, and he'll let you know more when he's done."
"Can you just check, please?"
"I'm sorry ma'am, I know this is hard for you, but you're going to have to be patient. We have to let the doctor finish up, and he or I, will let you know when we have more information."
Kate bit her lip, trying to figure out what to say next, and decided to go all in, "Listen, I don't know if you have kids, god kids, nieces or nephews, but that little girl in there is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Ever since she came to live with me, I've been worried sick about her, and I don't even think of her as my niece anymore. She's my daughter, and I want to know if she's okay. Do you have a problem with that?"
The woman looked taken aback, but Kate held her ground. With a stutter, the woman replied to Kate's question, "Um… I'll go check on her for you."
"Thank you."
The woman walked off in a hurry, and Kate let out a short sigh, before she returned to Castle, taking a seat next to him. Castle looked over at her with a raised brow, and asked, "What did you say to her?"
"I just told her the truth, which seemed to help her understand that I wasn't messing around," Kate said.
"Hmm… You always seem to have a way with words."
Kate cracked a small smile under the circumstances and said, "When it comes to something or someone that I'm passionate about, I'll tell it like it is."
"I know…" Castle said and sighed before continuing, "She's going to be all right, Kate."
"I hope so… I said that she's like my daughter."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I mean, for these last five and a half years, I've been looking after her. We've become very close, and she's become a daughter to me."
"I understand, I feel the same way. I felt like that since I've met her, actually. We might not have spent these five and a half years together like you two did, but it's been long enough for her to become a second daughter to me."
Kate smiled sadly and said, "I'm glad we adopted her."
"Me too," Castle said with his own sad smile.
"Here, let me finish her paper work, and maybe that nurse will come back with some more information," she said as she took the clipboard from Castle.
"Okay, and I should give my mother and Alexis a call. I haven't had the chance to do that yet, and I bet they're wondering where I am."
"Go ahead Castle."
Castle gave a small nod to his wife before he walked away to call his mother and daughter to let them know about the terrible news.
A little while later, the nurse came back to inform Kate and Castle on Emily's condition. When she reached them, they stood quickly, anxiously awaiting on what she had to say about Emily.
"The doctor is almost finished with your niece. She's still in critical condition, but she is stable. He expects her to pull through and make a full recovery. Thankfully none of her organs were affected because you found her in time. That's all I can tell you as of now, but the doctor should be out shortly to tell you anything else," the nurse said.
"Thanks, I appreciate the update," Kate said.
"No problem. If you need anything else, don't hesitate to come and get me."
They nodded at the nurse before she walked back to the front desk with some of the other hospital staff. Just as they went to sit back down, they spotted Alexis and Martha coming down the hall where the elevators were. Alexis spotted her dad and called out to him, "Dad!"
She ran up to him and gave him a tight hug, which he returned gratefully. She pulled away and proceeded to hug Kate, while Martha gave her son a hug. After they finished their hugs, Alexis said, "I'm so sorry Kate."
"Thank you… I'm just glad your father found her when he did," Kate said.
"Me too, I'm so glad that she's all right," Martha said with a sad sigh.
"But why would she do this?" Alexis asked.
"Honestly, I don't know. I never thought Emily would do something this drastic even after all she's been through," Castle said.
"Me either, but that's a lot to handle in five years. Maybe I shouldn't have taken her out of her therapy sessions, but we all felt she was getting better," Kate said, running a hand through her hair.
"You know, she has been acting a little different lately. She seemed kind of distant," Alexis said as she remembered her last few encounters with Emily.
"Now that you mention it, Emily has been acting a bit strange lately. She didn't seem herself," Castle said.
"Yeah, and when she came to see us yesterday, she didn't even want to come and help us with the case."
"That is unusual, usually Emily jumps all over an opportunity to go on a case with any of you," Martha said with confusion.
"It is, and she didn't say anything to you guys yesterday?" Kate asked.
"No, she stopped by, let us go and find our lead without her, and was gone by the time we got back from it," Castle said.
"Weird… She stopped by to see me too, but I had to go take care of something for the case we were working on at the precinct."
"Do you think she was trying to tell us something?" Alexis asked.
"I ignored her yesterday… I've ignored her for a while now. This is all my fault."
"This is not your fault. We are just as much to blame for all of this as well because we haven't been paying much attention to Emily either," Castle said.
"I'm the one who left though. I've been so busy with… work… and I haven't even been around for her."
Alexis placed a hand on Kate's shoulder and said, "Don't blame yourself Kate, this isn't your fault. I'm sure there is more involved with this then we know."
"Yes, and I'm willing to bet that Mike kid knows something," Martha said.
"Me too mother… Kate do you have his number?" Castle asked.
"I think I do, I'll give him a call," Kate said.
Kate stepped away from the three and searched through her phone hastily until she found Mike's number. When she found it, she dialed it and waited for him to pick up.
"Umm…hello," Mike said awkwardly.
"Mike, this is Kate Beckett, Emily's aunt," she said to the young teen.
"Look, I didn't do anything, I swear."
"I wasn't accusing you of anything Mike, but now you sound suspicious. What happened?"
"Look, I didn't mean to put anything hurtful in her locker. Stacey, Stacey made me, and I didn't want her to break up with me…" Kate cut him off and said, "Stacey? Who's Stacey? I thought you were with Emily?"
"She didn't tell you? We broke up about two and a half months ago."
"You guys broke up?"
"Yes… Stacey started to take an interest in me, and I got to hang out with the popular kids, so… I broke up with Emily."
"What else happened between the three of you?"
"I didn't think it would get so out of hand… Stacey started to bully her and called her names. Then she kind of turned the whole school against Emily, and said some nasty things on Facebook. Earlier today, we put notes in Emily's locker with some cruel words on them, and they said some pretty messed up things. Emily looked so hurt, I honestly didn't mean for it to go down like that. I felt so bad as Emily ran out of the school, but I didn't do anything to stop Stacey."
"I'm very disappointed in you Mike. I thought you were her friend."
"I know, and I'm sorry. Is she okay?"
"She's in the hospital."
"WHAT!? Why?"
"She tried to kill herself Mike."
She heard Mike trying to hold back tears as he said, "I… I didn't think… I didn't mean for her to… to do this. This is all my fault."
"No Mike, it's not your fault. It's everyone in that school's fault, including that girl, Stacey. I hope you've learned that bullying is not something you do to someone. It can cause some serious issues, and could lead to something like this. She could have died today."
"I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean for this to happen. Will you tell her that I'm sorry?"
"Sure… Thanks for telling me what happened, Mike."
"Ms. Beckett?"
"Yes."
"Am I going to be in some serious trouble?"
"I don't know. We could tell your principal, and get you and others who participated in this expelled, but it's up to Emily."
"I understand… goodbye."
"Goodbye, Mike."
Kate hung up the phone, and tried to hold in her emotions. She did not expect to hear that Emily has been getting bullied at school, and now she knew why Emily hasn't been acting like herself lately. The worst part is, she tried to tell her multiple times, but she kept putting off having a sit down with her niece. Emily was a teenager now, not a little girl anymore, and she was going through something that would be hard on anyone. Kate felt terrible for not seeing the signs, and not having a conversation with her, making her have to go through this alone.
Kate walked over to Martha, Castle, and Alexis, and Castle asked, "Did Mike know anything?"
Kate nodded her head and said, "Yeah, he did…"
"What is it Kate?"
"Emily was being bullied in school, practically shunned by all of her peers."
"I can't believe she was being bullied," Alexis said with shock.
"Me either, but apparently it's been going on for two and a half months, after Mike broke up with her."
"Oh, poor Emily." Martha said.
"I can't believe Mike did that to her. How could he do that to his best friend?" Castle questioned with a hint of anger.
"Apparently, he became the boyfriend to this popular girl named Stacey, and she was the real culprit in all of this."
"I wish I would have talked to Emily."
"We all do dad. We ignored her, and probably made things even worse," Alexis said.
"Yeah, and apparently, they posted something terrible on Facebook yesterday, and then today they put some nasty notes in her locker," Kate told them.
"Now wonder she was home and skipped school."
"Yes, and I feel horrible."
Castle pulled his wife into a hug and said, "I know you do. We all do. But she'll be okay, and we'll fix this."
"I hope so."
"Oh my god…" Alexis said as she looked at her phone.
"What is it Alexis?" Martha asked her granddaughter.
"I found the Facebook post Kate mentioned, and it's… It's horrible."
Martha looked at the post and said, "Oh my… I knew kids were cruel, but that has to take the cake."
Alexis handed the phone over to her dad, and he looked at the post with Kate. They were silent for a few seconds as they read through the post and some of the comments. After reading through several, Castle spoke up and said, "250 comments on this one post, and not one has something nice to say about Emily."
"I knew I should have monitored her social media more, but I've been so busy, and… I never thought Emily would be bullied like this," Kate said through tears.
"Oh, Katherine. Don't be so hard on yourself, it's very difficult to know everything that's happening in your child's life, especially in this day and age," Martha said trying to comfort her daughter-in-law.
"I know, but if I would have picked up on something, maybe I could have helped her before… before it came to this."
"Darling, don't worry. Like Richard said, she'll be fine, and you can start over with her, and help her in the future."
Kate nodded and said, "Yeah, I guess you're right. I just hope she doesn't hate me."
"I'm sure she doesn't. Emily loves you dearly, Kate. I think she's going to need you more than ever now."
"I think she will need me, I just hope I can give that to her."
"Well, you have us Kate. And if you ever need any help, we're here," Alexis said with a small smile.
"Alexis is right, you do have us, and we love Emily just as much as you do, and we don't want to see her hurt like this again," Castle said reassuringly.
"Thank you, guys. I appreciate it. I couldn't do this without you," Kate said with a smile.
"Excuse me, are you Emily Beckett's legal guardians?" the doctor asked when he walked up to the four of them.
"Yes, I'm her aunt. This is my husband and his family," Kate said to the doctor.
"We were able to get Emily in stable condition. So, the first thing I did was administered a few doses of activated charcoal which we gave her through nasogastric tube. Once that pumped through her gastrointestinal tract, we monitored her closely to make sure it absorbed the drug that she ingested. I also gave her a small dose of Intravenous sodium bicarbonate, also known as sodium hydrogen carbonate, just in case her kidneys are not removing enough acid from the body, or if she suffers any cardiovascular complications," the doctor said to them.
"Thank you so much."
"It's no problem at all. It's my job and I love being able to save people, especially when they are young like this."
"When can we see her?" Castle asked the doctor.
"Not just Yet. She's still knocked out as of now, and we'll be monitoring for at least 12 hours, to make sure she is all clear, with no further complications from the overdose. I'll let you guys know when you'll be able to see her, and I'm sure it won't be long. You can hang out around here, or go home, it's up to you."
"I'm not going anywhere, not until Emily is in the clear."
"I figured you guys would. If you guys are hungry or anything our cafeteria is on the 2nd floor, you might be here for a while."
"Thank you, again," Kate said.
"Not at all. If you need anything just ask one of the nurses on staff, and they'll be sure to help you out," his beeper beeped, and he looked at it with a sigh, "I have to go. I'll check up on Emily in a few hours to make sure she's doing okay."
"Okay."
The doctor walked away, and Castle let out a sigh of relief, "I'm glad Emily is doing all right."
"Yeah, hopefully we get to see her soon," Kate said.
"Yeah, but until then, I guess we just wait."
"Yep."