Okay so I am more than a little nervous about this chapter…I wasn't sure if I have things moving too fast and getting out pace with the rest of the story…and I am still unsure but what the hell in for a penny in for a pound…so if you would please spend a second or two and let me what you think…have I moved too quickly? That said hope you all enjoy and thank you so much to all those who have stopped by and said hi. Oh and a warning I changed the ending of this during editing in document manager, so any mistakes are my fault…hmm maybe I really should look into getting a beta reader…anyway on with the show…. Mwah. Love Tink. XX


I awoke with a start, the jarring crack of thunder that rumbled across the night sky tearing me from my sleep. Lying still I listened for any sound which would tell me if Jake was home or not. It had been three days since he was attacked and even though he was now fully healed, it had taken a lot out of him. Not just physically but mentally too. He would never admit it to me but I know it bothered him, called on memories that he would rather forget.

Around me he was his usual goofy self but when he thought I wasn't looking-and I was always looking- I could see the darkness creeping up on him. I could see it stealing into his eyes day by day. Maybe it was the not knowing what was coming, maybe it was the fact he had to admit he was vulnerable but something was eating at him, something he wouldn't or couldn't share with me at least.

Below me I could detect no noise, no sound of his heart, no rhythm of his breathing and I knew he must be patrolling with the pack. Leah and I had both tried to stop him phasing so quickly, from going back into the forest but with no luck. He wanted this taken care of, wanted it sorted, wanted one less problem to deal with. The feeling of sheer terror, which washed over me the first time he went back out there, was something that would stay with me for eternity.

But after finding only a lingering trace of the rogue's scent he'd returned home. I thought that would be it, thought he would be happy but if anything Jake seemed more worried. It ate at him that he didn't understand what this rogue wanted and why now it had disappeared as quickly as it had come. Embry with this usual confidence thought Jake had ran it off, the pack were as confused as Jake but deep down I knew it'd would be back. Despite Alice's reassurance that it was nothing to do with them, I couldn't help feel it was too coincidental a wolf suddenly appearing and attacking Jake, yet it had stayed away from the others.

Sighing I turned over in bed, breathing deeply taking in the faint trace of Jacob's scent, feeling it comfort me, soothe me. Huffing a little I punched the pillow, thoughts chasing round and round in my head, the noise of the rain on the roof and the thunder in the sky all conspiring to keep me awake. I never slept well when Jake was patrolling.

Gathering the sheets around my shoulders I slipped from the bed and wandered to the window. With my vampire vision looking past the crystal collection of raindrops and into the night was easy. Looking down at the forest I wondered where he was and if he was okay. The rain was heavy and the lightening forked though the sky, it's spiky fingers striking the ground.

My heart began to race as Jake stepped from the forest, my eyes picking out the now very faint marks on the burnished skin of his chest. It never failed to move me just how beautiful his body was. I was breathless as I watched the rain rolling off his skin. He was so perfectly ruggedly beautiful that my fingers itched just to touch him, to trace the line of rain as it ebbed and flowed.

Need welled inside me, pushing aside my worries, my insecurities. My eyes followed him as he stalked towards the house all masculine lines and grace. I heard the door open and close and the kitchen light flick on. Shivering slightly I padded from the room, needing to be close to him, wanting to be with him.

Shaking the excess water from myself, I stepped into the door and made my way into the kitchen. The house was silent and still, Nessie must be sleeping. Nessie. I missed her every second I was apart from her but I needed to find that wolf. Worry gnawed at my insides, my permanent companion. There was still no sign of the rogue but it didn't reassure me. Embry and some of the others were convinced we'd done our job and scared it off but I wasn't so sure. That wolf had been strong, fixed on his attack and very nearly fucking lethal to me.

My own mortality had never bothered me before but now it stared me in the face every time I looked at Ness. Dying I wasn't afraid of, but leaving Nessie…. I couldn't imagine. Hurting her, leaving her behind to have an eternity without me, filled me a dread that invaded every fiber of my being.

I felt tired, more tired than I had in ages. Physically I was strong and well but inside I was tired, worried, on edge. The rogue had fucked with me in more ways than one, he had made me face the fact that in heartbeat my life could be extinguished and she would be alone. I sat heavily on a chair, my head in my hands, thoughts chasing round and round. Spearing my fingers into my hair I concentrated on just taking deep breaths, long, slow deep breaths.

And suddenly she was there; I could smell her before she appeared in the doorway, looking all sleep tousled and hot as hell. Her silken bronze curls had escaped from her braid, and tickled her cheeks, her arms wrapped around herself, holding a blanket close. But it was her eyes, which really got me, they were liquid and full of heat, soft and doe like. Ah hell.

I felt my body stir in response to her scent, and I wanted to curse, loudly and explicitly. This was gonna be hard, if you pardoned the pun. Since the change in our relationship I had struggled to keep things simple, fought my body's natural instincts to mate and claim her for my own. Nessie deserved more than that and in our precarious position I couldn't give her anywhere near what she deserved. Couldn't give her hearts and flowers and meals and dates, necking in the back seat of my rabbit. All the things a teenager should experience. Instead now I had a death sentence hanging over us.

The only thing I could give her was respect, and my love, my never-ending love. But I was hanging on by a thread and she was testing my limits. Every time we kissed or touched I could feel her desire, smell how much her body wanted this even if she did not understand it. I was doing a battle with us both and fuck it was hard. Pun fully intended.

"Jake?" she asked softly from her place in the doorway and I looked to see her move closer to me.

Cursing my own weakness I inhaled deeply, taking her peaches and cream scent inside me, noticing the spicy tang of her desire and feeling an answering throb as blood rushed to my rapidly burgeoning hard on. Dressed in a pale nightgown I could almost make out the line of her body beneath it and I knew she would be bra less. I almost swallowed tongue as I fought to appear normal.

"Yeah honey?"

"Is everything okay?"

No, I'm suddenly morbidly afraid of dying and leaving you, I'm fighting with my wolf to take you to bed and not let you out till we're both howling at the moon. I can smell how much you want me but I know you don't understand it.

"Sure" I lied and we both knew it.

"Patrol go okay?" she asked moving a little closer still, her eyes running over my body as though she could not quite help herself. I wanted to smile but I couldn't, need held me in it's iron grip.

I nodded and sighed, inadvertently getting another whiff of her scent. Fuck she smelled so good and I clenched my fingers against the urge to touch her. God Nessie why do you do this to me?

I knew he heard me coming, I could tell he way he sat up from his hunched posture as I got to the doorway.

His face so sad it pained me more than his words ever could and I felt a corresponding ache inside me. My eyes were drawn to the broad expanse of his chest as it moved slowly in and out with each slow deep breath he took. In. Out. In. Out. I walked slowly, silently, steadily, my only thought to comfort the abject misery I saw on his face, the longing, the sadness. I knew the second he sensed me for he stilled at my approach and lifted his head to look into my eyes.

There was a wary expression on his face. And what I saw there made my heart clench painfully, he looked so utterly wretched, so utterly miserable that I could not stop myself from reaching out to him. I asked him if he was okay and I knew he wasn't. He lied to me, again. This was what I meant by the darkness. My Jake, my fun loving, wicked, Jake was slowly disappearing before my every eyes.

He was so utterly different to the boy I had grown up with. Since his disappearance he was a much more complex man, as dark as he had been light. But then there were things I had yet to learn, horrors he had lived through that I could not comprehend.

Seeking only to comfort him I closed what little distance there was between us and bent down to him. Trailing my hand across his cheekbones, I traced the sensual fullness of his lips and only a heartbeat later his mouth was attacking mine.

My own heart went wild as he kissed me harder than he ever had before, with breathless urgency, his tongue plundering my mouth as he hands reached for me and he suddenly stood towering over me. Wrapping my arms around his neck I held on for dear life as he moved and suddenly I was back against the wall without knowing quite how we got there.

Kissing him back, I couldn't help moaning as I felt his hands slide down my body and grasp my hips lifting me a little. Something long and hard brushed against my thigh and I shivered in reaction. Whatever that was it made me feel good, very good. Unable to help myself I rubbed myself against him again and I was filled with a sudden understanding as my biology lessons with Grandpa came flooding back.

He growled my name into my mouth and my stomach flip-flopped as I pressed into that hardness again, loving the reaction I got, his low rumbling growl coming from deep inside him as his own hips moved slightly against mine. Though I knew it was almost a reflex he couldn't control. He pulled away from me, breathing heavily.

"Shit Nessie, I'm sorry" he panted his magnificent chest moving rapidly.

I blinked up at him unsure why he was apologizing "Huh" was about all I could manage. I swear to god my legs were shaking and my insides were on fire.

"I shouldn't have kissed you like that, it's too much …I don't want to scare you Ness" he sounded tortured and despite the angst look on his face and the funny feelings inside me I laughed for a second before I realized he was deadly serious. Jacob, don't you know that nothing you do could scare me?

"Oh Jake you don't scare me" I whispered and gathering my courage felt my cheeks heat up as I confessed "I liked it…it made me feel…. good"

His arms caged me in, as his stared down at me, hid golden gaze only flaming the fire which shone brightly inside me.

"Ness" he groaned, "You can't say stuff like that to me"

Instantly I felt as though I had done something wrong and I stiffened, looking for a way out "I'm, I- I'm sorry"

"Christ honey, don't be sorry… Christ, I didn't mean for you to apologize…it's just when you talk like that I have a hard time keeping my hands off you"

I blinked up at him owlishly "You do?"

The knowledge thrilled me and I wondered suddenly what I could do with it. This was my opening, this was my chance. He may have thought I didn't notice but I knew Jake was trying to be noble about us, he was always so sweet and tender and so, so…. frustrating. I was ready for more, I wanted to kiss Jake like I'd seen my parents do when they thought no one was watching. Despite the struggles he may have had with my age, I knew what I wanted…well kinda.

"I do" his voice was more of a rumble as he grinned ruefully.

"How about if I touched you?" I asked suddenly finding my toes interesting, I felt mortified to be saying this out loud but I wanted to explore his body, wanted him to explore mine, just wanted to be close to him.

"You want to touch me?" I barely managed to get out, while strangling on my tongue. My mind was suddenly filled with a million images of just how I wanted Nessie to touch me and in what places. And I wasn't talking, the bathroom, kitchen and diner.

She nodded shyly, her eyes fixed firmly on the floor, looking adorable, and yet still so sexy I felt tight and needy.

Praying for the control I thought I had I reached down slowly and took her tiny hand in mine, placing it against the hot skin of my chest, feeling her tremble. I knew she would be able to feel the rapid thrum of my heart as I dragged her hand slowly over me. My breath hissed out she grazed my nipple with her thumb and everything in me tightened.

Almost as though she had no control over it her other hand came up to rest alongside it. I clenched my jaw against the overwhelming urge to force her hands down my body to where I needed them most. Seeing her tiny pale hands on my skin and feeling them too was probably the single most erotic thing I had felt yet and I could not prevent the low moan which escaped as she stroked over the muscles of my ribs. Her fingertips whisper soft, tickled my skin, causing the muscles to contract and my breath to break. How I held myself still while she tormented me I do not know.

My thumbs skimmed down his hard body, as I lost myself in the exploration of his body, feeling his muscles move and shift beneath my touch. I loved the fact his breath broke when I touched him, loved the sounds he made at the back of his throat, loved that he trembled and shuddered under my hands.

Slowly I moved my hands down, to the rippling eight pack of his stomach muscles and wondered if I should continue to the waistband of his jeans. Feeling achy low in my stomach I wondered if he felt the same, and I wanted to smooth my fingers below his belt line, to soothe his ache. But I was in way over my head, totally unsure how to proceed. Hesitating I felt both relief and regret when Jake slid my hands back up his body and placed a gentle kiss on both my palms, biting me gently.

"That's enough for now Ness," he rasped, letting my fingers link with his.

I shook my head, so I was stubborn "Don't turn away from me again Jake please"

Every time he touched me or kissed me he would pull back, he was always the perfect gentleman and that's not what I wanted. I wanted all his passion, all his heat, everything about him. Though inexperienced, I was not stupid and I knew the logical end to my wants, to my feelings. I knew what would happen eventually and I yearned for it while I feared it. Technical, scientific things I understood, theory I understood but practice, real life left me feeling inadequate and unsure of myself.

"Nessie" he cautioned, "I'm sorry but we have to stop now"

"Why? Did I do something wrong?"

He shook his head vehemently "No baby, no but you don't know what you're asking of me, of yourself"

I lifted my hand to his collar bone and smiled encouragingly "Do you really think I could be the granddaughter of doctor….live where I lived and not know what I am asking of you, of us both"

I would swear he blushed, his cheeks coloring a deep red "I'm not a child Jake" I continued.

He laughed low and husky "Believe me Ness I know that…but you are inexperienced… you don't know what it is you feel"

I tugged on the hand that I still held and yanked him a little closer to me before I looked up at him, batting my eyes and pasting on a seductive smile.

"I know how you make me feel Jacob"

His pupils dilated and I heard his heart rate kick up a notch, feel the incredible heat from his skin. Round one to Nessie.

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them "how do I make you feel?"

She looked at me from beneath her lashes and bit her lip, my erection twitched and I fought the urge to rub against her like the dog in heat I was.

"You make me feel warm and tingly and shaky and I…ache ….I ache so much Jake" she breathed, as she dropped her head to rest against my chest.

Gritting my teeth, I could feel her increased heartbeat, smell her arousal and I knew she was as on edge, as turned on as I was. Knowing how badly she needed me, sent a wave of tenderness and lust rampaging through me and anticipation swelled inside me. Could I do this? Could I take things just one stop further? Did I have the control to give her this?

"Want me to make it go away?" I all but growled at the thought of finally touching her the way I wanted to.

Ness looked up at me her cheeks flying twin flags of need, her bottom lip caught between her teeth, her eyes wide and blazing…and she nodded. She nodded, just like that. It was as though someone had set a red flag to a bull and I wanted to throw her over my shoulder carry her to my bed and never let her out again. Breathing deeply I forced myself to slow down.

"Come with me?" I asked, unsure still giving her chance to back out as I tugged lightly on her hand. I smiled at the confused look she gave me as I lead her across the kitchen and lifted her, setting her down on the edge of the table.

Ignoring the erotic connotations of the action, I spread her legs a little and stepped between them. I clenched my jaw as she wrapped her legs around my waist and locked her ankles. We'd been in this position many times to before but only when she was a child and I had carried her. Now it felt so different and so very erotic.

"Tell me again how I make you feel," I commanded, breathing in her ear, nibbling lightly on the edge of her earlobe, loving the way she squirmed at my touch.

She let out a shaky breath "I feel so tense, achy and all funny…you do something to me"

"Me?"

"Just you Jake" she panted lightly as I sucked her lobe into my mouth, taking her taste inside me. Her words sent yet more blood rushing to my groin in a primal instinct to claim what was mine and I deliberately held myself away from her.

"Jake" she moaned, twisting in the circle of my arms as I kissed my way along her delicate line of her jaw, breathing deeply of her scent, felling her pulse race beneath my tongue.

"What do you need honey?"

"Touch me please Jake," she panted, sounding a little wild.

I couldn't take it anymore, the feeling of his mouth on my skin, on my neck, kissing me, sent me reeling. Heat flooded me and I grew damp and restless to be touched. I wanted him to touch me the way I had him, needed to feel him cupping me, holding me, stroking me.

I jumped a little when I felt his hand slowly close over my breast, cupping me, holding my thundering heartbeat in his capable hand. It was heaven, bliss, his mouth at my throat, his hand holding me so gently, caressing me.

A gasp escaped my lips as his thumb stroked across my nipple that pebbled helpless under his touch, as his mouth continued it's gentle patient biting kisses at my neck. I knew I should be embarrassed as sat there panting and moaning, while Jake stroked me gently. Shifting on the table I tried to rid myself of the ache between my legs that had intensified rather than dissipated with the touch of his hands through my nightclothes.

Unable to help myself my head tilted back to give Jake better access to my throat, which also thrust my breasts into Jake's hands. If him touching one breast was good, a dual assault nearly blew my mind. My hands bit into the table beside me and I felt the wood crumble a little between my fingers as he plucked at both my nipples rolling them between his fingers making me groan softly.

Seeing her like this was something I had dreamed about. A lot. Lately. Every night since she'd first kissed me. Nessie was so beautiful her head flung back, her breath coming rapidly, her breasts quivering in my hands as I cupped and loved her. The scent of her arousal rose, driving my own forward and it was all I could do not to pull her onto my hardness and thrust against her. She arched her back as I nibbled lightly on her collarbone, tasting her unique Ness that was all sunshine and laughter and fairytales. She was red and I was the wolf.

"More, please, more" she gasped, her eyes heavy when she looked at me.

"Do you want this?" I needed her answer more than I needed my next breath.

"Always Jacob…now please touch me" she sounded close to tears and I sympathized with her frustration. I knew how much I needed her and I understood about desire and wanting. My heart ached for her as did my erection but this wasn't about me, it was about my Nessie, doing what I could for her while I could.

With a flick of my wrist I popped open the top buttons of her nightgown and slipped my hand inside, touching the naked skin of her collarbone. Fuck, she was soft and though I wanted to palm her I made myself go slow, give her chance to change her mind. But she didn't and I was moaning when I came into contact with the silken skin of her bare breasts. My eyes dropped, easily able to see the creamy pale perfection of her breasts, such a stark, erotic contrast to my large dark hands. Nessie gasped, her goose bumps breaking out across her skin as she looked down at where I touched her.

"Is this okay?" I asked through gritted teeth, swallowing back the urge to take her berry pink nipples into her mouth and suckle on her.

"More than okay…it feels amazing" she panted, twisting slightly her breath coming in heavy. "Will you kiss me?"

I froze, only the sound of out thundering heartbeats roaring in my ears for a second before I captured her mouth with my own. Nessie kissed me for a second, her tongue stroking mine but then pulled back.

"Not there" she whispered, heat flooding into her cheeks.

Fuck, she really was trying to kill me.

"You want my mouth on you Nessie?" I growled. The idea turned me on so much I felt each heartbeat as a separate drum of blood.

"I need you," she whimpered.

"I need you," I panted, not really sure what I was saying but so overcome with desire that I didn't care. I would say or do anything so long as Jake didn't stop touching me this way. I felt lost in a whirling storm of emotion, my body tense and close to breaking. My thighs tightened when Jake began to place kisses along the line of my collarbone, kissing my shoulder, the swells of my breasts. I could feel the tension in the lines of his body and I knew what this must be costing him.

My back arched violently when I felt the first tentative stroke of his tongue against my nipple. Everything inside me pulled in tight and I felt out of control as he took me deeper into his mouth. I gasped again and shifted frantic as I tried to get closer to Jake while at the same time discovering I felt boneless and would have collapsed in heap on the table if it wasn't for Jake's hands curved under my shoulders supporting me as I moved restlessly. With every hungry taste, every slow lick, he teased me more and more.

"God Nessie, you taste so good" he growled, the vibration of his tongue against my nipple sending shivers shouting through me.

I couldn't stop myself from tangling my hands into his hair, holding him against me where I needed him. I knew my nails bit into his skin but I didn't care, all I could think about was how amazing he was making me feel. Wild. Out of control. Like I wasn't in charge of my own body anymore, and more than that I needed something, wanted something more. I could feel something starting to build inside me and I knew that this must be why all my family spent so much time in their rooms. This was addicting and so dangerous but I felt like I couldn't stop.

Beneath me Nessie was writhing and panting, her nails biting into my skin. I moaned against her, I loved the bite of her nails on me. Her skin tasted so much better than I could have ever imagined yet I knew it was time to stop, to slow things down. Reluctantly I moved my mouth back across her body, up to the delicate skin of her neck, along her jaw line and came to her ear.

"Ness…I'm sorry but we have to stop this now…I'm sorry baby but we can't do this…especially not here" I murmured in her ear trying not to look at her breasts as they rose and fell in time with her gasps.

Slowly I made myself pull back from her, gathering the edges of her nightgown and pulling them closed. My hand trembled and she would never know just how close I had come to tearing that fucking thing in half and bearing her body to me. But I couldn't do that to her…one-day maybe, I thought and I knew I grinned like a pervert. Closing my eyes to block out the image of Ness panting and flushed, her eyes heavy with need I slid my hands away from her body to the edge of the table.

I could see her reluctance as she unwrapped her legs from around my waist and hung her head a little, seeming to find her feet fascinating once more.

"You okay Nessie?" I asked gently, looking down at her tiny toes too.

She nodded but wouldn't look at me.

"Hey" I cupped her chin in my hand and tilted her face to met mine.

She was avoiding my eyes and I knew it.

"What's wrong, I didn't… hurt you did I?"

The very idea horrified me and I jerked standing over her, my eyes falling to her chest as though I could see what damage I had caused there.

" No! You didn't hurt me…I'm fine Jake honestly…I just didn't know how hard it would be to stop…I like the way you make me feel" she confessed in a rush, more color rushing to her cheeks.

She was embarrassed. I kept forgetting how new this was to her, how alien it must seem. But then I wasn't the most experienced guy either. Feeling a rush of tenderness, I stroked my finger over her cheek and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I like the way you make me feel too"

"Is it always like that?"

I drew her close as dared and looped my arms around her neck, as hers came around my waist, her legs still dangling free. Shrugging lightly I decided to be honest

"I'm not too sure honey"

She looked surprised by my admission "But I thought…"

I sighed and pressed another kiss to the top of her head "I've waited on you a long time Nessie"

I could read the confusion in her gaze but I didn't elaborate any further, this wasn't a conversation I wanted to have now. There was a lot to tell her, just not now, not tonight.

I could see him withdrawing from me, despite the fact I held him close, it was there in his eyes. He didn't want to talk about this, he was already retreating, the darkness was gathering.

"Thank you" I said simply. The thought that he had waited for me, humbled me. I was happy just to have him in my life, he was the most amazing guy I had ever known and the fact he wanted me in the same way I wanted him was just a bonus. I pressed a shaky kiss to the hard muscled warm of chest and then was still.

We were silent and though I couldn't ignore the warm shaky feelings inside me, I was with Jake and we were together. For now it was enough.