I shower; again. Even though I know I don't need another one, it just gives me something to do to fill the time. Once I dry off and put on some underwear I do some stretches and exercises in the warm bathroom, then put on some pants. I open the metal container and delve my fingers into the gooey, clear ointment. I smear it on my shoulder, and then awkwardly twist in strange directions in an attempt to rub it into my back.
I grab my shirt and leave the bathroom to sit on the edge of my bed, chucking the shirt down beside me as I let the ointment absorb into my skin.
I look down at my shoulder and stare at the shining skin, pink and deep red where Kylo's saber had burnt into my muscles, white lines and blackened patches all around. I run my fingers over it, it is smooth with the ointment, and the skin is a lot more tender in compassion to the rest of my chest. My shoulder abruptly spasms as my subconscious reminds me of the when Rey pressed her lips so gently against my scar, that night in her room when we stayed together for the first time.
There is a knock at my door. My heart flutters as my first thought is it might be Rey. Who has come to ask me to stay, to be with her, and then my heart sinks, because I don't know how I would tell her I can't. I grab my shirt slipping it on and opening the large metal door, Poe stands there parts of his uniform have melted and have burn marks in them, his hair is matted and I don't know if the dark circles under his eyes are from a lack of sleep or if they are bruises.
"Poe, are you alright?" I pull my lips together in a concerned way.
"Yeah, it was just a rough mission. Mind if I steal some clothes and have a shower?" shake my head quickly and shrug.
"Go for it," I won't need the clothes anyway I have enough packed in my rucksack from my old room.
I sit back on my bed, spreading out flat on the mattress, hoping to stretch my scar to loosen it. I close my eyes, smiling to myself as I listen to Poe's smooth voice sing a beautiful tune, the lyrics are muffled or meld in with the drone of the water gushing from the nozzle. Even after he finishes and turns the shower off he continues to hum the melody, his voice echoing off the tilted walls and floor. I still have a large smile on my lips when he falls silent and opens the door.
He doesn't seem fazed that he knows I heard him, and I wonder how he found his self-confidence.
He grunts as he collapses on the bed, his head falling onto the pillow beside mine. He sighs heavily, and rolls his head to face me, and I do the same.
"What did you do on the mission? You look exhausted," I snuggle my face into the pillow.
"I was on a peace mission…" He pauses for a moment, and I think I see the way his mind thinks about what he is going to say next. "To strengthen trade negotiations with a planet in the outer rim. They weren't too happy to see me, and I had some run ins with a group of thugs, some of them dismantled an acid geyser. I've looked a lot worse after some missions, don't you worry about that," He laughs, referring to what happened on Starkiller Base I assume.
"Did it all work out?" I ask curiously.
"Yep, there is nothing to worry about anymore. So, are you still planning on leaving?" I nod once.
"If you are able to," Poe snorts, shaking his head in a disappointed, 'have you even met me' type of way; I suppress a grin.
"Well the planet I'll take you to is safe and you'll be able to trade work for accommodation in the cities hotels."
"Really, won't they lose their profits?" I ask disbelievingly.
"Not with how popular they are, they could use another set of hands, I'm sure they'll need you," He states, continuing before I can respond, "Come on, we better go." He is already off the bed.
I pick up my bag and we leave the room.
The tarmac is warm under the heat of the afternoon sun, and Poe leads me to a small ship that has been collecting dusk in one of the hangars.
"There is something I need to do, it won't take long…" I look at him for permission and he smiles.
I quickly rush out of the hangar and along the tarmac. I reach the Falcon, dunk under it and snatch the most vibrant wildflower I can find. I do not find the time to admire it in its entirety before I unzip my bag and carefully lay it on top.
BB-8 beeps in surprise when I hurry back in and stand in front of Poe who now wears an old, but intact uniform from inside the hangar's storage cabinet. "Say goodbye?" He questions, smiling.
I lean back slightly, and my expression makes Poe's smile fade, "You didn't go and see Rey, did you?" He asks quietly. A lump in my throat forms which I try to swallow away as I shake my head. "Oh, Finn…" He sighs in exasperation; grasping the top of his nose he pinches his eyes shut, as if he is trying to press away a headache. He then spreads his hand to cover his eyes before moving it down his face, heavily tugging at his skin. I stay silent, biting my lip slightly.
The tense silence is broken by a loud rumble and a sizzling sound, BB-8 beeps apologetically, and runs the engines a few more times, adjusting some power connections.
"We can leave, are you sure?" He asks, he is not trying to talk me out of it, more so just making sure this is what I want. I push away the nagging voice in my head which shouts that I am running away again, and that is specifically what I said I would no longer do. It doesn't matter now, that was before…
"I'm sure."
Poe pilots us into Lightspeed and we stay quiet for most of the trip. I focus on attempting to breathe over my heartache. The string that seems to bind my heart to Rey tugs on every fibre of my being, but I don't fully realise that is the reason why I feel as though I may pass out.
We land on the airfield in a distant planet after an hour or so, large buildings stretch as far as the eye can see, some taller than others. I almost believe that the city never ends because it extends so far into the horizon.
"You just have to take the elevator down to the ground, and ask around for directions to the Hotel Complex,"
"Alright," I don't meet his eye, "I guess this is goodbye…" I offer and BB-8 drones sadly, Poe shrugs.
"We'll see each other again, Finn, you can always come back to the resistance," Everyone says that, so why is it I never felt like a belonged there? I smile, knowing I don't want to return, I still don't know where I belong.
"Thank you, for everything you've done for me," I really will miss him, he is the closest person thing I have to family.
"You're welcome, buddy, I'll see you around," he lightly punches my upper arm. I grab hold of my bag, securing my foot in the step I heave myself out of the cockpit, then I poke my head around to see BB-8 sitting at the rear of the ship.
"Look after Rey for me," I say quietly.
He beeps sadly. I have grown fond of the cute little droid, but I won't miss his mischievous antics.
As I jump from the edge of the ship I contemplate what would have happened if BB-8 hadn't taken those flowers to Rey. Would she still be alive? General Organa's words ring in my ears… Or would Kylo Ren have come looking for me?
I wave to Poe, and he gives me a firm salute before lowering the glass covering of the cockpit and hovering in ship in mid-air. I hear the hum of the engines build in intensity and turn my back as the two companions fly back to D'Qar.