Only a couple chapters left to go, my sweet kittens.
January 10, 2002
Castiel watched over Dean the whole night, keeping himself occupied by puzzling over the unfamiliar energy that hummed in the background of the usual things he felt. It felt like Dean, but different at the same time. New. It made no sense. It became a little itch on the inside of his skull that he couldn't quite scratch.
The sun had been up for several hours before Dean finally woke. With a deeper intake of breath, he stretched and blinked blearily. Catching sight of Castiel seemed to trigger a flood of memories from the night before – Dean froze and went pale, hurriedly averting his eyes.
"Cas," he said in a scratchy morning voice as he scooted back to sit up against the headboard. "You stayed."
"I told you I would," Castiel replied.
Dean squirmed. "After everything last night, I thought..."
When Dean didn't finish his statement, Castiel guessed, "You thought I wouldn't?"
He shrugged and kept his eyes on his lap. "I don't know."
Castiel flinched at the reminder of how badly he'd failed Dean these last years. "I owe you an apology," he admitted solemnly. At that, Dean looked up, but Castiel didn't give him a chance to protest. "You've been in pain and in need for so long, and I stayed away. I was trying to keep out of your angel's way, but...I didn't know. I'm so sorry, Dean."
"You don't owe me anything, Cas. But I'm glad you're here now." Dean dropped his eyes again. "Thank you for that."
Castiel studied him for an extra moment. In addition to Dean's embarrassment over yesterday, Castiel could also feel the deep grief that had been cutting away at him for the last few days. From Dean's fragile state last night, Castiel knew to tread carefully. He settled his wings fully flat against his back and asked gently, "Why were you here alone?"
Sure enough, Dean's voice trembled as he answered, "It's just me. Sam is away at school now. And Bobby-" His words choked off, and he took several gasping breaths before he could continue. "Bobby...died two days ago. He had no other blood family, so Joshua died, too."
Castiel reeled from the surge of pain Dean felt and could find no words. Instead he reached out to pull Dean close and simply held him, hoping it might offer a tiny bit of comfort. Dean clung to him like a limpet.
"Sammy's coming, but not until tomorrow. I've been trying to deal with everything – the phone calls and arrangements and the legal bullshit – and last night I just...I just couldn't." His arms tightened around Castiel. "I'm sorry, Cas. I'm sorry I'm so fucked up."
Pulling away, Castiel held Dean firmly by the shoulders and locked their eyes together. "You're no such thing. You're just trying to cope with a difficult situation. But I'm here now, and I'll help you."
Dean nodded but didn't seem truly convinced.
"Do you feel well enough to get up? Your body will need food."
After appearing to take mental stock, Dean nodded. "Yeah, but I want a real shower first."
So Castiel left Dean to get himself out of bed while he cleared the soiled clothing out of the bathroom. It smelled terrible. Not knowing what else to do with it, he tossed it all out the back door downstairs. He could ask about it later. While Dean was in the shower, Castiel cleaned up the kitchen, too, figuring that trying to eat while surrounded by the unpleasant scents would be disagreeable.
He finished just as Dean came into the room, looking much better than he had half an hour ago. Castiel sat at the kitchen table and watched curiously as Dean prepared himself a bowl of cereal. It might be important in the future to know how to do such things. He found the strange misspelling of the word 'fruit' on the cereal box puzzling, but not enough so to ask about it.
Dean sat across the table from him to eat. Between spoonfuls, he said, "Sammy's coming tomorrow night to help get things ready for the memorial service Saturday. I know you can't be there for that part, but...will you stay until he gets here?" He kept his eyes on his bowl as he spoke.
"I'll stay," Castiel reassured him, then asked cautiously, "Is the angel coming with him?"
Dean looked up at that. "Yeah, he's flying Sam here. But, Cas, you should know that after he saw you at the crash, I had to tell him everything."
So the angel knew to look for him now. Castiel felt his feathers ruffling up in his fear.
"It's okay, Cas. He knows you've only ever looked out for me and Sammy. He's cool with you, I swear," Dean said, his eyes pleading with him.
Fighting back the instinct to flee, Castiel forced himself to consider Dean's words. The angel already knew of him, so there was no keeping hidden anymore. If it knew who he was and expected him here, then perhaps it wouldn't attack him on sight.
When Castiel didn't respond, Dean added, "He said he already considers you family after everything you've done for us."
Castiel paused, both surprised and uncertain how to feel about that.
"I know he'd like to meet you." Dean cringed slightly, as if expecting to be berated for even suggesting such a thing.
Meeting an angel. A shiver of dread ran through Castiel's wings, but he trusted Dean's judgment. He nodded slowly.
Dean brightened. "Really?"
"If you believe it to be safe, I'll try," Castiel agreed, though he couldn't shake the tension that was causing his feathers to stand up.
So after Dean finished his breakfast and rinsed his bowl, he called Sam. Castiel listened, but wasn't able to hear Sam's side of the conversation other than knowing he got quite loud after Dean told him Castiel was with him in Sioux Falls.
Dean's eyebrows shot upward at something Sam said, and he looked to Castiel, holding the phone to his shoulder to muffle it. "Would it be okay if Gabriel came right now?"
Another tingling shudder rolled through Castiel and his breath quickened. But he nodded to Dean anyway – the sooner he got this over with the better.
As soon as Dean hung up, the angel Gabriel appeared.
Hot fear shot through Castiel's belly at the angel's arrival. He tensed, hand hovering near his knife and wings primed for flight. But when the angel's eye landed on him, his fear began to recede. There was no hatred, no malice in the look directed his way.
After a moment of stunned silence with its mouth gaping, the angel put out a cautious hand. "Castiel? I'm Gabriel. It's nice to finally meet you."
Castiel's gaze flicked from the angel's face to its hand and back again. A glance at Dean showed him to be watching with wide eyes, apparently not even breathing as he waited to see what would happen.
Warily, Castiel stepped toward the angel and reached out, taking its hand for the briefest of moments before snatching his own back.
Keeping Castiel in the corner of its eye, the angel turned to address Dean in an exaggeratedly calm manner. "So Sam's off to class right now, but he's still planning to be here by tomorrow afternoon to help with everything. How you holding up, kiddo?"
Dean's expression fell at that, and his face flushed. "Oh. Um. Not so great, actually. But I'm okay now."
Gabriel's attention turned fully to Dean. "You're sure?" he asked, worry creasing his forehead.
"Cas is here," Dean replied, as if that answered everything.
The angel gave a sad smile and stepped in to embrace Dean who hugged him back tightly. Castiel rustled his wings subtly, trying to smooth his feathers back down. Despite knowing that Gabriel used to be Dean's angel and would obviously never hurt him, or any other human for that matter, his mistrust of angels made it upsetting to see one so close to Dean when he was so vulnerable.
The angel released Dean, holding him out at arms' length by the shoulders and peering up into his face. "What can I do to help?" he asked.
But Dean shook his head. "Don't worry about it. Just bring Sammy home tomorrow, and we can go from there."
After a long look, the angel sighed. "Okay, but call Sam if you change your mind. I'll be here in a flash."
"I will," Dean promised.
The angel turned to Castiel again with a serious expression. "Losing my bond with Dean broke my heart. I'm so grateful to you, Castiel, for taking care of him. I'm glad he has you."
Stunned, Castiel could only nod.
"Well," the angel chirped, clapping his hands together and backing a few steps away, "Time for me to blow this taco stand. See you tomorrow with the Samsquatch."
"Bye, Gabriel," Dean said.
Castiel gave another nod, this time of farewell, and Gabriel vanished in a blink.
Dean turned his way and smiled softly, holding up a tiny candy between his fingers. "See? Not so bad, really."
"No," Castiel agreed tentatively. "Maybe not so bad."