October came to Hillwood. Picture day approached, and Rhonda's reign of terror began. It wasn't as though Rhonda was authoritative on the same level as Helga… ordinarily. But for the sake of this year's yearbook, all the cruel teeth came out and Rhonda Lloyd wandered the school halls like a vampire looking for victim, springing up from behind the unwary to hand them hairspray and a hair comb or to point out a stain or an unlaced shoe. She even carried with her a stack of shirts and ties to force upon the slobbily dressed. Rhonda had already forced Harold to wear such a shirt and tie. Quietly furious, Harold lurked at his desk, frowning as his lower bucktooth jutted out. Stinky and Sid likewise wore shirts she had forced upon them but were placidly silent in giving their opinion. Out in the hallways where Rhonda still prowled, students fled from Rhonda at her approach so quickly that the water coming out of the water fountain was still spouting moments after the student drinking from it had disappeared.
The hour of the photo shoot arrived. Students lined up in the hall in a long, slender line. But Rhonda culled Phoebe out of the line like a sheep intended for shearing, Her arm wrapped firmly around Phoebe's, Rhonda dragged the poor girl behind a booth made of cardboard tv boxes and shoved her into a wobbly-wheeled office chair.
"Now then, darling!" Rhonda fussed. She lifted up Phoebe's hand to extend her fingernails for viewing. "Let's give you the works!" Rhonda exclaimed with glee.
"But I..I," floundered Phoebe as Nadine, Katrinka, and an overzealous Rhonda descended on her. Phoebe left the booth with hair upstyled. Rhonda's appraising eye flashed on the line of students.
"Uh-uh-uh!" she said shaking a plastic bottle in front of Arnold as he stood daydreaming in the line of students. His vapid expression barely budged from polite, half-lidded boredom to awareness. "Arnold. You are so glad I came into school today because I am going to save your photo from becoming an abomination. Let's put some mousse on that hair, shall we?"
"But I!" Arnold tried to protest before he, too, was dragged away to their cardboard box salon.
"Hm, Helga," Rhonda tried next, speaking warily to the girl with the angry monobrow. Helga flexed her brow in distrust and distaste at Rhonda's wheedling.
"And what do you want?" Helga huffed, casting her eye at Eugene. Big Patty carried the red-haired boy involuntarily towards their "salon chair". Then Helga's eyes lingered on Arnold. The boy left Rhonda's amateur salon with a frown, his hair now gooped firmly down around his skull instead of being in its usual drift. Despite Arnold's displeasure at being given hair treatment, he actually looked pretty good. Helga's eyes lavished attention on the boy.
"Today is your lucky day, Helga," said Rhonda beginning her sales pitch. "I was just about to offer my services to you to make you look fabulous today. You know, for your photo shoot?"
"No way, Princess," said Helga, her eyes flat as she gazed back towards Rhonda. "There is no way I'm going to let you strap me in that chair and do goodness-knows what to my face."
"But this will be the way everyone will remember you for time immemorial! Everyone who has a copy of the book will be able to see how beautiful you look every time they open it. Including Arnold," said Rhonda with a small bit of cunning.
"Puffah! Why do you mention Arnold?" Helga said for show although Rhonda's comment had succeeded in making her a little bit nervous. She waited impatiently for Rhonda to explain herself.
"Well, it's just that Arnold's already pre-ordered a copy of the yearbook," Rhonda lied. Irregardless of trust or mistrust, the point was made. Helga shook her hands out.
"Woah, woah, woah!" she said shaking her head. "You've made your point, Princess. Okay, let's get a little bit of the frizz out, shall we? But don't you dare go all crazy on me." Helga grinned then walked up to the office chair inside the cardboard box stall. Soon, she was hogging up all the makeup supplies. Helga took a liberal dab of cream out of one of the jars. Then she examined each one of the eyeshadows for her favorite colors. Her other hand she kept extended as Nadine blow dried the nail polish they had put on.
"Peapod Kid's next!" Rhonda sang although the boy hardly needed help.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm goin'." said Helga uncrossing her ankles. She shoved Peapod Kid out of the way and marched away. Yet, she had relinquished the chair to the next customer.
"I think things are going well here," said Rhonda. "I'll just pop in and see how the photo shoot is going." Rhoda marched down the hall.
Rhonda watched silently as the photographer worked his way through a half dozen kids. But then a meek one shuffled to the platform with slumped shoulders. Rhonda snapped.
"No, no, no!" exclaimed Rhonda. She rudely shoved the photographer's shoulder to pause him before taking a shot. The photographer stared blankly as Rhonda marched up to a red-head with freckles, glasses, and a round head surrounded by short, red, curly hair. It was the school nurse's niece. "Pose like this!" Rhonda instructed. Twisted sideways, she lay a finger under her chin and blew a kiss towards the camera. Then Rhonda twisted her posture again for two more example poses. From their places in line, Harold, Arnold, and Gerald all watched (the two shorter boys with much distaste).
"Do you think Rhonda is taking all this a little too seriously?" Arnold speculated.
"Gee, you think?" was Gerald's sarcastic reply to Arnold's question.
A few weeks later, the photographs were developed. Copies were delivered to Rhonda in a manilla envelope. Rhonda looked at the collection of photographs in her hand with excitement. Twenty-six full pages of color student pictures was a lot to start with. But it was only a beginning. To complete the yearbook, they needed a cover, an introduction, and quite a few pages for adornment and to celebrate their school.
"Now I expect you to do an exemplary job of showcasing the school spirit of P.S. 118! Wooh!" Principal Wartz cheered as Rhonda stared down at the manilla envelope in her hand. He pulled two green pennant flags from out of nowhere to wave them.
"Yes, Principal Wartz." Rhonda smiled weakly. Their odd Principal walked back into his office and shut the door. With a wide, tranquil smile Rhonda walked down the nearly empty school halls. She held the prized envelope carefully against her chest behind her crossed arms.
Now the real work began. For the next session of the Yearbook Committee, Rhonda had written an elegant motivating speech. She had dressed up for the occasion, too, in high heels and a red and black business suit.
"Now listen," said Rhonda leaning across the table like she owned it. "As a team we create problems, I mean solutions, none of us can cause as individuals. Solve. None of us can SOLVE as individuals. Together, we are a team. Oh sure, I know what you're thinking," Rhonda flaunted. "Pride, commitment, teamwork- these are words we use to get you to work for free. But I want you to look past all that towards the greater picture. I want this year's yearbook to be perfect. I want it to show me looking both wonderful and fabulous. And most importantly, I want you all to make me look good as a team leader. That should be your number one motivation," Rhonda ended her speech to her flabbergasted audience.
"Uh, that's really great, Rhonda," Nadine ventured. "But what is it we actually should do? I can do the cover if everyone likes."
"No, no Nadine!" Rhonda sniffed. "You have no drawing skills. So instead, Katrinka is going to illustrate the cover. You can make the letters for the cover if you like. Surely you can handle that, at least. So, Big Patty and uh… Nate was it? You two can 'collaborate' with them on the project," said Rhonda making air quotes.
"What will you do?" Nadine asked politely.
"Me? I'm going to council with our teacher-advisor on the project. It should only take me a few minutes!" said Rhonda before heading out to find the woman teacher in the lab coat, Mrs. Uberman.
Forty full minutes later, Rhonda was still talking to the teacher as promised, but their conversation was about everything but the yearbook.
"Blah, blah, blah," might have been the sound heard by anyone passing by the faculty's door. "The weather yesterday was just tremendous. Unlike yesterday. It rained buckets! It wouldn't have been so bad if I had my new parka. Very expensive! But I didn't so I had to wait hours for the rain to subside. But I did get to finish that new light novel Phoebe gave me. It was less awful than I thought. I never would have expected that girl to have a refined taste for pop culture. Oh! Look at the time!" said Rhonda ceasing her chatter at last. "I'd better go!" Rhonda gave Mrs. Uberman a smile and a wave.
"What's going on here?" asked Rhonda, her hands on the table as she glared at its occupants, coldly furious. "I thought you all were going to work on the cover!"
"We were," said Patty. "But then Nadine here decided to go to vending machine to buy and soda and we all wanted one."
"That was forty-five minutes ago," said Rhonda glancing down at her watch. "That means there are only five minutes left till the end of this meeting."
"It's okay, Rhonda," said Nadine in a friendly, helpful manner. "I brought you an instant cappa mochachino from the teacher's lounge. It'd still be hot, except you're forty minutes late."
"That's it!" shouted Rhonda. She waved her hands around. "Just… out! Out! This meeting is adjourned right now! Vamoosh!"
Everyone else stood up from their seat to wander out the classroom door, murmuring. Rhonda took up a pair of scissors from the table and sat.
"If you want to do a job right, you've got to do it yourself," she lamented. Slowly but carefully, she made an art collage for the yearbook cover.
When the next meeting convened, Rhonda was in for a big surprise. Instead of the strange new kid, Nate, she found Helga Pataki sitting at the end of the table with her shoes propped up on the tale's surface as she lounged in her chair.
"What happened to Nate?" she asked, startled.
"Oh, Nate? The guy who eats the paste in art class? He quit," Helga explained jerking her thumb in a wayward direction. "So they hired me instead."
"Well," said Rhoda thinking it over. "Good! I'm glad things will finally get done around here! Welcome aboard, teammate!"
"Don't mention it," said Helga, completely disinterested in her gushiness.
"Well, today we start on the index and the interior pages! Nadine, YOU write the index. You're good at those things."
"Will do," said Nadine taking out a clipboard and pencil.
"As for the rest of you, we have a lot of club and event photos to choose from."
"I didn't know we have a chess club," said Helga bringing one of the photographs up to eye level.
"It's a secret organization. By invitation only," Rhonda explained.
"But if you put them in the yearbook, they'll hardly be secret anymore, will they?" Helga scoffed.
"Whatever!" snapped Rhonda, lifting her eyes to the heavens as if in horrible torment. "Just pick a different photo, then. Like junior league softball or something. Well, why aren't you all working?" Rhonda scolded. Patty pointed calmly to the cardboard box in Rhonda's hand.
"Ah, you're kinda holding all the supplies."
"Ah, oops!" said Rhonda before sliding the box of supplies across the countertop.
Despite the rough beginning, this yearbook meeting seemed to be going very well. Everyone quietly looked through Patty's interviews with the students for things to write beside the pictures. Helga found a bunch of neat star stickers and slapped them on a page for track and field. Maintaining a bored look on her face. At length, Rhonda looked up at the clock. She pushed back her chair and stood up.
"I'm just going to the bathroom. Be back soon!" the girl said. Rhonda swiftly returned to the classroom. But fifteen minutes later, there was a knock on the door. A badly shaved teenager with a little blue cap and a pizza delivery apron leaned in the door, an oversized paper box in hand.
"Pizza delivery!" the boy said. Patty handed the boy some money.
"What's this?" asked Rhonda.
"Helga's idea. We were are all hungry so we ordered some pizza while you were gone."
"Well, that's generous of you, Patty!" said Rhonda. Smiling she took up a slice from the box.
"Not really. We all took it out of the supply cash box as a business expense," Patty explained mildly in her usual monotone.
"What?!" yelped Rhonda dropping her piece of pizza on her lap.
"Yeah, sure we all agreed," said Nadine holding up her clipboard. There it was written down on her clipboard in a column titled, "business expenses."
"That.. that's misuse of funds!" Rhonda blurted out with rage, waving her arms around in circles on either side. "How are we supposed to afford to put out a yearbook now! Helga, this was your idea, wasn't it? What have you got to say for yourself?!" demanded Rhonda narrowing her eyes.
"I dunno. I was thinking I was hungry, I guess," said Helga still chewing, one slice of pizza in either hand. She offered the unchewed slice to Rhonda. "Pepperoni?"
"No, I do not want pepperoni!" Rhonda fumed. "I'm ashamed of you all! You should have been thinking of the welfare of our yearbook project! Not yourselves. Remember, there is no 'I' in team," Rhonda quoted as she posed majestically. Helga picked up a piece of paper and drew the outline for the word team in capital letters which were not yet colored in, the 'A' written unusually narrow at the base.
"Yes there is," Helga disagreed wickedly. "If I fill inside the 'A' with black ink, see there ya go! There's your 'I' in team!" Helga grinned. Rhonda snatched the piece of paper away.
"That's it! Helga you're fired!" The girl in the pink dress shrugged, then calmly walked out the door. Rhonda planted her face in the palm of her hand so that one eye was covered. It looked as if she had a terrible headache. "Team. Together Everyone Annoys Me," Rhonda muttered quietly to herself.
Rhonda was almost afraid to show up to the next Yearbook Committee meeting. So far, everything seemed to go terribly wrong. What horrible things would happen now?
"Agh! My luck!" Rhonda complained to herself as she walked down the school hallway. "I must have the worst luck of anyone in this school!" The girl exaggerated just as Eugene went rolling by in a trash can before bouncing down the stairs. Rhonda calmed down a little as she listened to the noisy clatter of Eugene continuing to roll away to his newest injury. "Well, maybe my luck is not all that bad." The girl ammended as she opened the classroom door to go to the next meeting.
Rhonda peered in. Nadine, Patty, and Katrinka were all there. But so was Gerald Johanssen's little sister Timberly from the second grade. She sat at the end of the table with a manic grin in front of a bowl of candies.
"Why is Gerald's sister here?" Rhonda inquired, one hand posed against her hip as she stared.
"Well, she is a younger classman but she still is part of this school!" Nadine explained. "We hired her to replace Helga. Who replaced Nate."
"Just great," said Rhonda rolling her eyes upward with sarcasm. She seated herself at the table. "This really is going to be the best yearbook ever."
"Ooh, what can I do?' asked Timberly jumping up and down on the chair with her feet, her hands propped against the table edge for support. Rhonda smiled weakly at her.
"Here, you take this page with a photo on it and carefully," said Rhonda trying to emphasize the word carefully (although she doubted how much help a second-grader would be), "decorate it. Draw smiley faces or daisies around it or something!" Rhonda handed the girl a page featuring one of the younger classes. All around the photograph which had been pasted carefully to the page was plain white paper.
"Ooh!" said Timberly. "I like to color!"
"Good," Rhonda snapped. She sat down on her chair and watched the little girl take out a blue marker from a basket on the table. She began to make little spirals on the edge of the paper. Rhonda smiled.
"That actually is not bad!" Timberly beamed a radiant smile before going back to her drawing.
But the quiet calm was not to last. Nadine and Patty and Katrinka had all left the room on some errand. A little while later they poked their heads into the room. "Rhonda, I think something is wrong with the photo copier," Nadine said handing over a page. Rhonda got up and followed the girls into an office where the school's secretary worked. Behind her desk was really dangerous paper cutter that looked like a guillotine as well as an enormous photocopy machine. Nadine pushed one of it's buttons and the machine spit out a page.
"Uck! Really, now!" said Rhonda after examining the machine. "Someone set it on 500% size, maximum darkness! Of course it's not going to work!" Recovering from her astonishment, Rhonda set all the buttons back to 100% so that the page would copy normally.
"See you guys!" said Rhonda resting her fingertips on her chest and smug smile on her lips. "I knew I could do it." Nadine and Patty both shared a look that said one thing. They realized that the proper thing to say would have been, "we could it," but that Rhonda had left both of them unacknowledged.
Nonetheless, the three girls peacefully made their way back into the classroom where they had been meeting. Rhonda cracked open the door and looked inside, expecting to see Timberly still quietly crayoning on her paper. But Rhonda's eyes bulged, because what she saw instead was Timberly jumping up and down on the table. Over her head she shook an enormous, almost empty jar of glitter. Glitter sprayed up over Timberly's head, then showered down into her hair and across the table and onto the carpeted floors all around them. Very little of it seemed to be getting on the paper below Timberly's feet.
"Miss Timberly! Just what are you doing, if I may ask?" said Rhonda beginning angrily but forcing herself to calm. Timberly gave her a wane grin.
"I just thought the pictures could use more colors so I went to my classroom and got some glitter. See?" said Timberly showing Rhonda the now almost empty jar.
"Give me that!" the girl snapped, reaching out to grasp the jar as the door reopened. The school's janitor, Varkas looked in.
"Who's responsible for this mess?!" the portly, elderly man complained. All around Rhonda, Nadine, Patty, and Timberly all pointed toward Rhonda. Varkas looked down at the empty glitter container in Rhonda's hand and narrowed his eyes.
"Heh, heh. Oops?" Rhonda suggested. But everyone hightailed it outta there. Content to let Rhonda take the fall, none hung around to watch Rhonda vacuum the classroom floor again and again to try to get the glitter out of the carpet. Which anyone who has tried it knows is next to impossible.
"Rotten, miserable, argh!" Rhonda vented to herself as she vacuumed.
The next meeting was one of the final ones scheduled by their teacher advisor, Mrs. Uberman. Rhonda peeked in the door with trepidation. She was surprised this time to see the original Yearbook Committee member, Nate, seated at the table beside Patty, wearing a wide grin although he also looked almost comatose beyond those intellegenceless eyes.
"Nate? I thought he quit. What is he doing here?" asked Rhonda, her arms still at either side as she stared.
"Oh, we hired him again to replace Timberly. She quit. She said we didn't pay her enough candy."
"Okay," said Rhonda raising one eyebrow. "Well, this is our next to last meeting, so we have a lot to. Nate? You hand everyone the paste. And try not to eat it." The boy nodded.
"Here," said Nadine handing a decorated photocopied page to Rhonda a bit later. "My design for page four."
"But I just did page four!" Nadine complained.
"No, you were supposed to do page six!"
"But I did page four, also!" Katrinka spoke up handing Rhonda a third version of the same page.
"Well, I think we should use my page," said Nadine.
"No, mine!" Katrinka spoke up. Rhonda leaned on her arm to sigh.
"Uh. Glue?" asked Nate holding up a bottle of paste.
"Shut it Nate. Just shut it," said Rhonda pouting as she watched the other members of the Yearbook Committee continued to argue.
"So, how's the Yearbook Committee going?" asked Helga tossing a textbook in her locker one day. Rhonda grimaced.
"Helga, I am so sorry I threw you off the Yearbook Committee. If you want to come back…"
"Nah, I have too much stuff to do," Helga cut her off. "Movies, Wrestlemania, eight episodes of Yo Arnest to watch, a fifteen dollar gift certificate to the Donut Cafe to use, lots of stuff! But I'm sure you've got it all under control. The yearbook must be nearly finished by now."
"No it's not," Rhonda admitted, slightly ashamed. "It's only about half done."
"Oh!" said Helga amiably. "Well, if it's getting old you can just resign and come watch People Melters versus Onion Man with the rest of us. Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether!"
"No, I can't do that!" Rhonda lamented. "I'll have to pass."
"Suit yourself!" Helga said. She shrugged then strode off down the hall.
"Okay, last meeting before publication deadline! This time, we have to succeed!" Rhonda spoke out loud to herself outside the door to the classroom. She whipped open the door. This time she saw little signs made of construction paper folded so they sat upright on the surface of the table. Words had been written on them in bold marker.
"What's going on?" Rhonda asked squinting at one of the signs. "Communication manager and internal supervisor. PR manager, marketing manager, product development manager?"
"Yeah!" said Nadine. "Mrs. Uberman suggested we split the work evenly between us. I was going to have only two tasks, but Patty said she didn't feel like she'd make a good public relations manager, so she quit."
"And what am I supposed to do?" Rhonda asked horrified. Nadine and Katrinka shared a look then handed Rhonda a thick stack of paperwork and a large box of supplies.
"Well, someone has got to illustrate all the pages."
"Tsch. Unbelievable," Rhonda cursed from behind the stack of things which obstructed her view. "And where is Nate?"
"Sick leave," said Nadine. "He ate too much glue."
"Well, you know what?" Rhonda declared loud enough for everyone to hear. "I'm glad this is the last meeting of the Yearbook Committee! Believe me! I am going to finish this yearbook myself and it is going to be incredible!"
True to her word, Rhonda brought everything she needed to finish the yearbook home with her. For days she clipped and drew and stenciled with manic fervor in her room. She ate and slept and dreamt only about the yearbook. She began to come to school with dark circles under her eyes.
"Uh, Rhonda?" Arnold asked gently as he stood beside Rhonda in lunch line. "How's the yearbook going?"
"Fine! Fine! Just fine! Everything's fine!" Rhonda said way to shrilly. "Why do you ask?"
Well, I'm glad everything is working out for you," Arnold said picking up a tapioca pudding and setting it on his tray. "I just thought you kind of looked tired."
"Me? I'm not tired? Never!" Rhonda exclaimed, nearly shouting. "As long as that yearbook remains unfinished I must not give up! It must be perfect!"
"Okay," said Arnold with a sigh. He picked up is cafeteria food and moved on towards the exit.
Rhonda clipped and pasted some more. She used a ruler on everything three times until she was dizzy. Slouched at her desk, she fell asleep.
"Well, today is the date to turn your work on the yearbook in," Mrs. Uberman said to Rhonda later that week. "I'll need the proof please!" She held out one hand for Rhonda to hand her the parcel in her arms.
"No, no! Can I have an extension?!" Rhonda shook her head and clasped the wrapped parcel tightly against her chest. "It's not perfect yet!"
"There comes a time for every project to come to an end," Mrs. Uberman lectured. "Nothing can ever be perfectly perfect. Besides, sometimes errors can lend a bit of charm or authenticity. Look at that way if it helps." Rhonda trembled. Her teeth grit tightly together, she reluctantly handed the parcel over. Then she stood, slouched over and looking defeated.
"Why don't you go home and get some rest?" the teacher in high heels and lab coat suggested with a sly smile. Rhonda shuffled out the door.
A month later, the printed yearbooks came back from their helpful school secretary. A long table was set up outside the lunchroom and Nadine and Patty sat outside of it selling the yearbooks. Every now and again, someone showed up to pick up a reserved a copy from a behind the table or bought one from a tall stack of unsold books.
Rhonda watched all this activity at a distance. After turning in the proof of the yearbook to Mrs. Uberman, she had stayed out of things. She was tired of the whole thing. But she lifted her head to smile when she walked into Mr. Simmon's classroom to see her fellow classmates looking at several copies of the book she had worked so hard to create.
"Hey, nice work, Rhonda!" said Gerald giving the girl a wink and a thumb's up.
"Yeah, the yearbook this year is great!" Sid remarked as he slouched backwards against one of the desks. He peered over Stinky Peterson's shoulder to the open yearbook on his desk.
"Yeah, this yearbook y'all made is a hoot!"
"Is it... Perfect?" Rhonda asked biting her nails.
"Well," said Arnold swishing his eyes around the room. "It's pretty grammatically correct and all. There aren't a whole lot of mistakes."
"Yeah!" Stinky put bluntly. "But who'd have thought the one mistake you'd make in the whole dang book would be your own name!" Stinky Peterson handed the yearbook over and there beneath a picture with Rhonda and her classmates on a class field trip was her name containing terrible typos. "Rhondo Wellington Smyod."
"Shoot," said Stinky chuckling. "You forgot your own dang name!"
"Well," said Rhonda staring down at the page then shoving the book back towards Stinky, her nose up in the air. What she had to say about it astonished them all. "Maybe I can live with less than perfect after all!"
"Say, Rhonda?" Arnold politely inquired a bit later as they waited for the school bus to arrive to take them home from school. "Are you alright? I'm sure that.. Well, the misspelling in the yearbook must have been a disappointment for you."
"You know what?" Rhonda said holding a duffel bag up under her arm. "It's been a whole month since I've had any fun or even a moment for myself. So this afternoon, I'm going to the skate rink today to celebrate. I've never been better!" Rhonda Lloyd flounced up the bus steps and disappeared from view. Not too long after, Rhonda did exactly that, skimming across the surface of the local ice rink and swinging her arms out extended like a bird free to fly. The end.