One more after this.
March 20, 2002
If Cas didn't take a damn chill pill soon, Dean was going to kick his ass.
He'd been acting weird for weeks now, strangely anxious about something he couldn't seem to explain and, lately anyway, utterly unable to be still. He popped in and out at all hours, muttering to himself and staring at Dean like he'd grown an extra head. Today had been the worst yet. Cas had shown up at work. Sure, it was in Dean's office, and he'd been the only one there at the time, but still... And now he was flapping around the kitchen like a hysterical chicken and Dean was going to murder him if he didn't knock it off.
"Will you quit? You're driving me crazy, Cas. Either settle down and shut up or go somewhere else and let me do this in peace. You're like a freaking toddler on speed," Dean griped as he fished up another plate to wash.
Feathers fluffed practically to the ceiling, Cas snapped back, "This is important!"
Dean rolled his eyes. "Except you can't even tell me what it is."
"I don't know what it is! I've told you! I can't find it, but there's something. It's...I don't know, bigger...more. Other. And it's now – I can feel it." Cas paced the linoleum maniacally, wings bumping Dean every time he turned.
"Dude! When you start making sense, let me know, but until then, will you please go away?"
Indignant, Cas huffed and vanished with a snap of feathers. Dean sighed in the blissful quiet. Up to his elbows in bubbles, he scratched his chin on his shoulder before picking up a saucepan to scrub. He really needed to get better about not letting the dishes pile up. Living more or less alone had turned him into a slacker.
After finishing the dishes and tidying the rest of the kitchen, he grabbed a Barq's and parked himself on the couch in front of the TV, hoping to do nothing but veg out for a few hours. It was a re-run this week, but he always watched Dr. Sexy, M.D., even if he'd seen it before. Sammy would laugh his ass off, but Sammy never had to know. It was the one with the blowout cat fight between Dr. Piccolo and Dr. Wang over the sexy but aloof new obstetrician who'd just been hired after the recent tragic, unexplained death of his twin sister. Definitely a good one.
Not even five minutes into it, his phone rang. With an annoyed grunt, he put down his root beer, muted the TV, and dug his cell out of his pocket.
"Hello?"
"Is this Dean Winchester?" an unfamiliar female voice asked.
"Yeah, who's this?"
"I'm Dr. Fisher down at New Hope General Hospital, and I need to speak with you regarding Lisa Braeden."
Dean frowned. He knew that name. Rifling through his mental rolodex, he came up with an image of a tall, dark haired woman. Pretty. Very bendy. "Okaaay. Are you sure I'm the one you need to talk to? I only really met her once and that was, like, months ago."
An uncomfortable pause stretched until the moment grew painful. "Mr. Winchester, this might be...difficult. But Lisa Braeden was admitted here early today. She listed you as her emergency contact."
"What? Why?"
"Ms. Braeden was admitted to the maternity ward."
Dean blinked. The words coming out of the phone weren't making any sense at all. "Sorry?"
"Ms. Braeden was well into her labor when she arrived at the hospital. But I'm afraid there were complications with the birth, and I'm very sorry to tell you that she passed away. Fortunately, even though the birth was quite stressful, the baby will be fine."
Again with the nonsense words. But Dean's stomach contracted into a hot, tight ball nevertheless. "Wait, Doctorrr..."
"Fisher."
"Dr. Fisher, why are you telling me this?" Some part of Dean's brain chose to notice that his voice was a full octave higher than it usually was. The rest of his brain was busy screaming in sheer panic.
"I'm sorry – you obviously didn't know anything about this, but Ms. Braeden named you as the father of her baby."
The world stopped.
Thank goodness he was already sitting on the couch, because his whole body went totally numb in shock. He definitely would have fallen on his ass if it weren't for that couch. Good couch. Best couch ever.
The screaming in his head became all-consuming as he struggled to make enough brain cells function to come up with a reply.
"What?" was the genius response he came up with.
Right then, in a flurry of feathers, Castiel appeared directly in front of Dean. His eyes were enormous as he loomed over him, his wings shivering in his efforts to remain still. "Dean! I know what it is!"
Dean stared up into those vibrant blue eyes and actually felt the blood drain out of his face. "Oh, fuck..."
The phone was buzzing as the voice on the other end tried to get his attention again, but he couldn't find the strength to lift it to his ear. His arms and legs felt floaty, and his head spun.
Cas's brows drew together in concern. "Dean? Are you well?"
"Uhhhh..."
Hands cupped his cheeks, and some of the fuzzy panic muffling all his thoughts ebbed. Dean closed his eyes for a second, drawing strength from the touch. When he opened them again, he gripped Cas's elbow and gave him a nod to let him know he was all right.
He picked up the phone again. "Um, Doc? So, what happens now?"
Hours later, Dean stood sentry at the window overlooking the NICU, his eyes glued to the tiny creature behind the glass. They told him the baby was going to be fine, but they were keeping him here for a little while just to be sure after such a difficult birth.
Ben.
A boy.
Dean had been wracking his brain, trying to pull up everything he could remember about that night with Lisa Braeden. A lot of the details were lost to time and tequila. The only specific thing he could recall was that her eyes had been brown – so dark that the pupils were almost indistinguishable from the irises.
He could barely remember the woman who'd just died bearing his child.
Fuck.
Cas had confirmed it, too. After Dean got off the phone with the doctor, Cas had practically buzzed around the room screeching about how the thing – the 'more' thing he'd been driving Dean crazy trying to figure out – was another Winchester. A new Winchester.
As quickly as the Impala could get him there, Dean had made it to the hospital where he'd been bombarded with awkward questions and paperwork and demands for I.D. Apparently, Lisa had no family and no angel, and she'd listed Dean as both the father and her emergency contact on her intake forms.
And then she'd died.
Of course it was more complicated than that, but Dean couldn't absorb the details. He was still trying to take in the most important part.
Holy freaking shit, he was a dad.
Fear gripped him again, as it'd been doing in waves ever since he'd gotten that call. He was not equipped for this. No warning, no months of planning and shopping and knitting cute little booties. No easing in to the idea at all. Just wham! He was suddenly responsible for a whole new human life.
The hand he'd been resting against the glass clenched into a fist. He couldn't do this.
He turned and bolted down the hallway, his breath coming hard and fast. More than one person asked him if he was all right as he ran by, but he ignored them. Of course he wasn't all right. Everything was all wrong!
Moving blindly through the corridors, he eventually found a bathroom and locked himself inside. He fell back against the door and slid down it to land on his ass. This was completely insane. They couldn't possibly expect him to be a parent. Sure, the nuts and bolts of it were probably covered, since he'd spent his own childhood feeding Sammy and changing his diapers almost from day one.
But the actual parenting part? No freakin' way. He was only a little over two months out from nearly killing himself with booze. Burying his face in his hands, he tried to keep from hyperventilating.
He had no idea what he was doing.
A familiar rustle drew his attention, and he jerked his head up. Cas had slipped past the hospital's industrial strength demon traps as easily as he'd passed through angel warding. "Cas? What the hell? You can't be here! Someone will see you!"
Cas crouched in front of him and peered intently into his eyes. "Your level of distress is alarming." He put a hand on Dean's forehead as if checking for a fever. "I apologize if my concern for you is inconvenient."
Pushing aside the hand, Dean grumbled, "Smart ass."
"What's wrong? Why are you so upset?"
Dean threw a hand in the air. "Shit, Cas, what isn't wrong? How the hell did I end up with a baby?"
Cas raised an eyebrow. "I assume that's a rhetorical question."
"Ha ha hilarious," Dean retorted. "Seriously, man, I can't be a dad! I have no clue what I'm doing!"
"Of course you do, Dean." Cas tipped his head and looked at him like it were the most obvious thing in the world. "You effectively raised Sam on your own, and you've both grown to be good men."
"Dude, it's not the same. That was just me keeping us alive. This is...different."
Cas put a hand on Dean's knee and waited until he met his eyes. "You will be a wonderful father. I have no doubt it will be a difficult and perhaps frightening experience, but you won't have to do it alone."
All the tension in Dean's body slowly trickled away, taking the last of the panic with it. As always, Cas knew just what he needed to hear. Dean was so damn lucky to have him. "Thanks, Cas."
Cas gave him a small smile. "I'll be waiting at home. Pray if you need anything."
After Cas disappeared, Dean climbed to his feet and left the bathroom to find his way back to the NICU.
The next day was chaos as Dean bought out the baby aisles at practically every store in town and spent hours trying to put it all together at the house. Back at the hospital, Dr. Fisher made sure he had a massive list of books to read and people to call when questions inevitably arose.
Each time he held Ben, a fresh panic clutched at his guts, but never seemed to last long. Just looking at the tiny boy with his tiny fingers on his tiny, perfect hands was distraction enough to settle his fear.
Finally, Ben was given the all clear, and Dean was free to take him home. He still hadn't found a car seat he trusted, so after bundling Ben out the hospital door, Dean went down to the emptiest corner of the parking garage and prayed for Cas.
"Hello, Dean," came the customary greeting. Then he added in softer tones, "Hello, Ben."
It was Cas's first time seeing Ben, and he appeared totally transfixed. He reached up to touch the baby's round cheek, and Ben wiggled, working his little mouth in his sleep.
"He's so small," Cas breathed in wonder. He smiled, looking sappier than Dean had ever seen.
"I know. I keep thinking I'm gonna break him. I definitely don't remember Sammy being this little," Dean said. "Would you be willing to take him home for me? I still have a few things to get – shouldn't take me too long."
"Of course," Cas agreed. Dean passed Ben over to him. Cas took the bundle carefully, cradling him with more grace than Dean had his first time.
Dean blew out a nervous breath. "This is it, I guess. Whole new life for us, huh?"
"Yes." Cas gave Dean a smile. "See you at home?"
"See you at home."
Less than an hour later, the Impala rumbled to a stop outside the house. Dean wrangled a couple of bags out of the trunk. He'd finally made a choice on the car seat front, but he left that in the car to install later tonight.
When he pushed open the front door, he could hear Cas humming softly in the front room – something he'd never heard before. As Dean stepped around the corner from the entryway, he couldn't stop the smile that burst across his face.
Cas stood in the middle of the room with Ben held close in his arms. His eyes were closed, and his nose was pressed to the thatch of dark hair on top of the baby's head. Wings slightly spread for balance, he swayed and rocked gently as he hummed tunelessly to the sleeping child.
Without opening his eyes or stopping his movements, Cas greeted him, low and quiet. "Hello, Dean. Welcome home."
A thick lump formed in Dean's throat, threatening to cut off his air, as tears blurred his vision. He had the most beautiful family in the whole world.